The Fire of the Sun
by audreyii-fic
Summary: Sequel to The Movement of the Earth. Bella finds the cost of joining the supernatural world may be higher than she can pay. Jacob/Bella, Sam/Emily.
1. Introduction

_**A/N**:_ This is the sequel to The Movement of the Earth that I swore I wouldn't write, which goes to show you how good I am at keeping promises to (the husband) myself. I maintain it isn't really my fault. Thanks to Sam Uley's control of story karma I'm missing part of my finger, eating crow, and beginning another foray into WIP World. Don't worry, I've already refilled my meds.

Some housekeeping before we get started (because I learned my lesson from last time)...

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_Note for FFn Readers_

I know lots of people prefer FFn for reading fic; the search engine is wicked and the mobile site rocks. That being said, I recommend popping into LJ from time to time; the postings there have art and links to stuff. My LJ is listed as my homepage on my profile.

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_Disclaimer_

While it will be nothing as (horrifying) extensive as Movement of the Earth, this fic will still involve a great deal of borrowing from the books (sometimes in the form of plot points, sometimes in the form of revamped scenes, sometimes - God help us - in the form of direct line lifts). What matters is this: the books, movies, and Twilight Saga universe all belong to Stephenie Meyer. I am only taking the (lead-filled) toys out for a spin. I make no claims to her work, and please smack me if I ever do.

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_Warnings _

First, there's the standards: Language, violence, references to adult behavior. I'd give this one a heavy PG-13 or a light R rating.

Next: How much information to provide about the content of a fanfic is a controversial subject. Some readers prefer a heads-up for disturbing and/or intense material; some readers prefer not to be spoiled. In the interest of providing for both camps, I've decided to toe the line.**_ If you want the additional (lightly spoiling) warnings, please PM me. I'll respond as fast as I can._**

Regardless of whether you wish to read the more detailed warnings, allow me to emphasize something:_ this story will get very dark._ Just so you know.

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_Research_

At various times I will be touching on the bureaucratic mechanics of Native reservations. Let me be clear: I know very little about this subject. **sleepy_sheep683** has been kind enough to share her extensive Human Nature notes with me, but I'm still mostly winging it. The mistakes I will make are entirely my own and I apologize in advance for any offense that I may cause with my clumsiness.

Likewise, I will be making generalized cultural references (generalized because the Twilight Saga pretty much invented its own tribe and then used the Quileute name), and while I will be as careful with such things as possible, nothing can change the fact that I grew up a suburban white chick and have no life experience with these matters. More advanced apologies.

On the other hand, I'm pretty sure I've already put in more time and effort towards cultural sensitivity than Meyer ever did. Do you know she didn't once thank the Quileute nation in her acknowledgments? I checked. _Muse_ she bows to in every single book, but nothing for the people whose name she (bastardized) borrowed. Who does that? I'm just saying, people.

Okay, I guess it's a little early in the game for my unhealthy Meyer-issues to take over. Moving on.

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_Writing_

So. Yeah. The Movement of the Earth was 70% intellectual experiment, 30% story. I went on a (genuinely interesting, at least to me) mission to comprehend the writing styles and approaches of Stephenie Meyer and then see if they could be integrated into a functional plotline. In the process I lost my fucking mind.

The approach will be a wee bit different this time.

_Going:_

-Meyer-grammar. Punctuation abuse shall be henceforth at a minimum - though I'm sure Reasoning With Vampires would still chew me up and spit me out.

-Meyer-pacing. _I'll_ be making the flow decisions now, thank you very much.

-50% of Meyer-voice. See below.

-Most canon events. I kinda murdered the original plot in the last fic.

-Scheduled bi-weekly updates. If I tried to do that for three straight months I'd drop dead. My rough plan - my very, _very_ rough plan - is to update every Wednesday, but if I can't do it, I can't do it.

_Staying:_

-Canon continuity. Just 'cause we're in new territory doesn't mean we'll be bucking what was already there.

-50% of Meyer-voice. Bella's still Bella (and also there's plot devices to think of), but if a sentence just flat-out makes my eyes bleed then I'm changing it. In addition, not everything will be Bella POV...

-Cliffhangers. They please me.

-Twi-cheese. This is intended to be an alternative resolution to the Twilight Saga, so expect a bit of genre-appropriate melodrama. You know you secretly love it.

-Sanity updates. Because it's possible that later, after my brain has blocked out this experience, they will be my only reference to what I was thinking as I wrote.

It should also be noted that there may be possible hiatuses for personal maintenance. Last time I let my pride get in the way and didn't take the breaks I desperately needed, and the result, well... let's just say that if I start yelling at phantom Meyers again I'm gonna go stare at a lake for awhile.

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_Thanks_

I've got to kneel to **gypseian** . First, she expanded my music library by about 150 songs and therefore pretty much found half the soundtrack for this fic. Then she voluntarily began podfic'ing The Movement of the Earth (after explaining to me what the hell a podfic was), which will be available for download as soon as it's finished. And now she'll be podfic'ing The Fire of the Sun as we go. I am overwhelmed.

Many, many thanks to **sleepy_sheep683** for letting me shamelessly steal her Human Nature research. Any accuracies on Native culture are entirely her doing, because without her I'd be making shit up as I went. She is all British and awesome and stuff.

**untilwebleed** took pity on me when I threw myself at her online doorstep and pled for art. Her lovely banner is exactly what I wanted. You are made of win, darling.

Also, lots of kudos to the Twitter crowd, for being cheerleaders when I needed it and being pestering when I needed that too. Y'all know who you are, and I send snorgles.

I suppose I should also thank Sam Uley for instigating this whole thing, but I can't quite bring myself to do so. We'll see how much of my finger grows back first.

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Eighteen to twenty-three (long) chapters. Goal: wrap up themes and threads from Twilight, the first half of New Moon, and The Movement of the Earth into a clean and satisfying alternative ending to the Twilight Saga. Angst Threat Level Blood Red.

Here we go.


	2. Book One: Preface

_****__The Fire of the Sun___

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___The Sun's ever-changing magnetism produces unrest on an awesome scale. The sudden, brief, intense outbursts called solar flares can rip through the Sun's atmosphere with tremendous violence. Solar flares are probably triggered when oppositely directed magnetic fields come together in the corona, releasing their stored magnetic energy in a manner similar to that of a tightly twisted rubber band that suddenly snaps._

___**-Encyclopedia Encarta, "Earth's Sun"**_

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___As I watched him go, I realized I had some serious problems._

___My father thought my best friends were members of a dangerous gang and was determined to keep them away from me at all costs._

___Said best friends were werewolves suffering from major upheavals; their current leader was injured, their prospective leader didn't want the job, and their ranks were growing steadily with no end in sight._

___The local coven of vampires had returned, potentially sparking a severe and dangerous turf struggle._

___I was imprinted to a werewolf and drawn to a vampire, two conditions that had to be adjusted and overcome respectively; it was more important than ever that I understand my own mind, and I was terrifyingly unsure of my ability to do so._

___If I suffered from one more injury, Jacob, Edward, and Charlie would all set out to kill one another - with no certain victor._

___And as all this was happening, I still needed to graduate from high school, go to work, heal my broken and burned hands, and fake a normal life - the normal life that I'd voluntarily relinquished when I made the decision to join the supernatural world. It was a choice I didn't regret... but it was clear to me now that the cost would be high._

___**-The Movement of the Earth, Epilogue: "Treaty (Redux)"**_

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__******Book One: Bella**

_If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love._  
Thich Nhat Hanh

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**Preface**

My body trembled.

I'd faced a lot my life so far. I'd seen childish nightmares come to life before my eyes. I'd come close to violent death more than once. I'd been scarred and broken and burned, both inside and out. I'd survived when no one else believed I could... so by comparison this should only have been a minor battle.

My heart pounded.

But all of the previous threats had been external. I'd always fought for my life against actual antagonists, enemies that could be _defined._ What was I supposed to do when my body turned against me? How are you supposed to keep struggling when all of your senses tell you to give in?

My breath stopped.

_Don't do this_, some tiny, still aware part of my mind pleaded. _Don't._

I was beyond hearing.

My hands came up to caress the face of the man I loved... before his marble lips met mine and I began to drown in his kiss.

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**_Chapter One_**_: Return_

_**Sanity Report**: I know, I know, lots of set up for a couple of paragraphs. My anal-retentiveness about canon-compliant formatting continues unabated. (At least I'm posting Chapter One at the same time, yes?) For the record, I've got Breaking Dawn sitting next to me for the express purpose of checking structure as I go. I'm thinking I better surround it with salt. Just in case._


	3. Return

_and all it takes to find your feet / is just to stand your ground  
The Audreys, "Small Things"_

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**1. Return**

The most perfect being in creation stood before my eyes.

He was the very definition of beauty, an angel very nearly beyond human imagining. Everything about him dazzled my senses; his chiseled features, his diamond skin, even his long, graceful fingers. My body yearned to go to him, to feel his cold embrace just one more time.

But something inside me cringed at the worried, pitying look on his flawless face.

"It seems you can't be safe, no matter how many miles I put between us," he murmured, his dulcet tones gentle. "I was a fool to think you could survive on your own."

His words sliced into my heart, reminding me of my unworthiness, my utter _inadequacy. _I shook my head slowly, shrinking away from the person who had been my whole world. I tripped over my own feet as I pulled back and fell to the ground with an awkward thud. "Don't," I tried to say, but the word stuck in my throat.

"Bella," the angel whispered. I felt myself drawn into the liquid gold of his irises-

-and then the liquid gold turned to bottomless black. Now it was another who stood before me, a video camera in his hand. His expression was considerate, civil, and his smile exposed gleaming white teeth.

He took a step and I heard a sharp crack; pain exploded through my leg as my bones snapped beneath his foot.

"Would you like to rethink your last request?" his friendly voice prompted. He focused the camera on my face. "Wouldn't you rather have him try to find me?"

"No," I croaked. My heart beat wildly in my chest; fear and agony flooded through my veins. "No, don't..."

The vampire crouched in front of me, his onyx eyes burning into mine-

-before the onyxes turned to rubies. The friendly face became female and feline. Fiery curls fell over her ivory cheeks.

"Call him," the lovely creature said, her girlish voice just as kind as her mate's had been. "If you don't, I'll kill you and then rip your wolf into pieces."

My leg still throbbed, but now it was matched by a spasm in my right arm. "Don't, please," I begged, my eyes filling with tears. The horrible pain in my limbs was making it hard to think; the panic welled higher and higher, stealing my breath.

The girl turned from me, prepared to make good on her promise-

-but suddenly there were flames everywhere, and a new injury, worse than all the others, unbearable heat shooting through my left hand-

"Bella..."

-someone was screaming-

"Wake up, Bells, it's okay."

I jerked back into consciousness with a snap, and I hit out with my right hand to ward off my attacker.

There was a dull thud as my cast smacked against something soft.

"_Ow!_ Damn it, Bella!"

_Huh?_

I blinked as my vision slowly came into focus. My father was sitting on the edge of my bed and holding his cheek. Oh, no. "Sorry, Dad, are you all right?"

Charlie moved his jaw experimentally, wincing. "Think so. Ouch. You never used to hit when you had nightmares."

I worked myself into an upright position. Not the easiest maneuver when you can't use your hands, but I was getting pretty good at it. "I guess that's what I do now," I said evasively. I glanced quickly at the alarm clock; six-twenty-three AM. At least it wasn't the middle of the night. "Sorry if I woke you up."

Charlie was silent for a long moment. His pale skin practically glowed in the darkness. He'd apologized to me once for passing on his near-albino coloring, but it didn't bother me so much these days. I had bigger things to worry about than my complexion. "You were saying 'don't', Bella," he said quietly.

My heart sank. "I was dreaming about my hand," I lied, holding up my left arm. It was still covered in gauze from fingertips to forearm. "Sometimes I bump it when I'm sleeping, and it hurts, and... I have bad dreams. No big deal."

Charlie looked like he didn't believe me. That wasn't surprising; despite how often I'd needed to fake or fudge or flat out hide the truth, I'd never gotten good at it. He started to say, "Bells..."

...but then he trailed off. Apparently he didn't know how to finish the sentence.

I couldn't meet his eyes, so I studied the needlework on my comforter instead.

Finally Charlie let out an frustrated exhale and shook his head. "Okay." He stood up. "No point in going back to bed. I'm going to make some coffee. What do you want for breakfast?"

"Tortilla chips." That wasn't exactly breakfast food, but they were something I could manage on my own. Only having use of your right thumb and index finger didn't leave you with a lot of culinary options, and I refused to be spoonfed.

"Do you need any help getting ready for school?"

"No, I'll be fine. Thanks, though."

My dad nodded curtly, not looking at me as he left my bedroom and quietly closed the door behind him.

I swallowed past the lump in my throat.

Charlie had heard me saying _Don't_ in my dreams... and I knew what he thought that meant.

The official story of my burned hand was that I'd fallen into a bonfire at a party. But I was a terrible liar, and Charlie was a cop; he could tell there was more to the story. And there was. Much, much more.

The truth was that I'd burned my hand setting fire to a vampire. And I'd done it in order to protect a werewolf.

Unfortunately, that was a secret - a big one. So all Charlie had been left with was the knowledge that I'd been severely injured while hanging out on the Quileute reservation with a group of people he believed to be members of a dangerous gang. That, combined with how strangely I'd been acting recently, how withdrawn I'd been, how _distraught_... he could only come to the conclusion that the "gang" had done terrible things to me. But he couldn't do anything about it because I wouldn't give him any details.

Charlie was heartbroken that I wouldn't confide in him. I was heartbroken that he was heartbroken. A bad situation all around.

It didn't make a difference how strained my relationship with my father was, though; the secrets I was keeping weren't mine to share. I hated hurting Charlie, but I had people who trusted me to keep silent, people I needed to protect.

People like Jacob Black. Aforementioned Quileute gang member-slash-werewolf... and apparent contortionist.

I leaned over the side of my bed. "I can't believe you fit under there," I whispered.

"I _don't_," came an answering hiss. "Your box spring is scraping the hell out of my back."

"Well, the coast is clear."

The mattress shuddered and shook as two-hundred-and-sixty pounds of teenage boy wiggled out from under the bed. "At least _your_ dad knocks," he grumbled quietly as he stood, stretching his ridiculously tall frame with a series of sickening cracks. "Billy just bursts in whenever he feels like it."

"I think it's a father-daughter thing." When Jacob had his arms over his head his wrists brushed the ceiling. I glanced down at the crack between the box spring and the floor. It couldn't be more than eighteen inches high. "Seriously, how did you do that?"

"My legs were sticking out the other side. Charlie almost stepped on my feet." Jake grinned at me. "Good thing it's dark in here, 'cause getting shot would be a lousy start to the day."

I flinched at the mental image. "Not funny," I muttered.

Jacob was teasing, but not nearly as much as one would hope. If Chief of Police Swan found out that someone had been coming through his daughter's window almost every night for the last three weeks, he might very well go for his shotgun. Jake's rapid healing would keep such an injury from being fatal, but it would still be unpleasant. And it would sort of give away the whole 'the Quileute gang is actually a pack of werewolves' thing.

Not to mention... while Jacob would never do anything on _purpose_, something like that could trigger him to phase - that is, transform into a wolf the size of a grizzly. Then he might lash out instinctively, without thinking of who he was about to strike down with his enormous claws.

The idea of Charlie shooting Jacob, or Jacob tearing Charlie apart...

I started to shake.

"Hey, hey." Hot hands pulled me into an embrace, being careful to avoid my injuries; hundred-plus degree lips pressed softly against my forehead. "S'all right, honey," Jacob whispered as he sat down next to me. "Bad joke. Sorry."

"Yeah, it was." I took a few deep breaths, and my momentary anxiety faded - along with the last vestiges of unease from my nightmare. In Jacob's arms I was never afraid. Instead I felt calmer, safer; not because Jacob would protect me - though I knew he would - but because I felt more... _solid_, like I could protect _myself_. Myself, _and_ anyone else I wished to. My insecurities faded under his touch.

I pressed myself closer to his warm, muscled chest, and his hold tightened.

Within a minute I felt better enough to lighten the mood. "No gun shot wounds, all right? All that blood would destroy my bedspread."

"Oh, well, I wouldn't want to wreck your girly stuff." Jake gave me another squeeze, then pulled back a little. His hands moved to feel the lines of my cheeks; he always needed to go for that last caress. "Sorry about the nightmare," he said, a shadow of guilt in his tone. "I didn't wake up in time and then I heard your dad's door open-"

"It's fine," I assured him. "You can't stop them all."

Jacob scowled at that.

While my bad dreams weren't constant, they _were _relatively commonplace. If Jacob was there, though, it only took a few strokes of his hand along my stomach and a whispered word or two of comfort before my nightmare was banished. Often I didn't even wake up.

His ability to stop my subconscious in its tracks might've been natural. But I knew - we _both_ knew - that it was almost certainly a gift of the imprint.

The imprint, which was always in the middle of everything.

"I've got to go, honey," Jake said regretfully, glancing at the clock. "The guys'll be wondering where I am."

I couldn't hold back the tiniest smile. "Come on. The guys know _exactly_ where you are."

He snickered. "True."

"And they're not just 'the guys' anymore," I added. "That's unfair. Think of Leah." Leah Clearwater - one of the newest members of the werewolf pack and the only female - was having a hard enough time without being referred to as 'one of the guys.' That wasn't something _any_ girl liked to hear.

Jacob scowled again. "Believe me, Bells, I think of Leah. We _all_ think of Leah."

"Oh. Right." The soap opera going down in the pack right now was reportedly epic. "But either way... don't worry about it. If you have to leave, you have to leave."

"Yeah." Jacob sighed as he removed his hands from my face. "Don't want to, though."

I didn't want him to either, but I didn't say it out loud. It was hard enough for him to leave me at all. The fact that I had been upset moments earlier made it worse, so if I told him not to go, then that would be it - he'd stay. He'd stay even though we both knew he had responsibilities elsewhere and that, in the grand scheme of things, I really could take care of myself. He didn't want to leave my side and I had to make sure I didn't make it more difficult for him to do so.

I had to be careful - _very_ careful - not to accidentally use the enormous, unfair, entirely imbalanced power I held over him. Another gift of the imprint.

"I'll be fine," I said. "Aside from my chemistry test." An entirely different shiver of fear ran up my spine; I was _definitely_ going to flunk. Luckily I'd probably still pull a D in the course...

"Can't do much about that one unless your teacher is allergic to dogs."

I rolled my eyes. "Funny."

"_I_ thought so."

"Mm-hmm." I gave his shoulder a gentle shove with my cast. "Go on, before Sam sends someone to collect you again." _That_ had been awful. Sam, as the Pack's Alpha, could order the other wolves to do almost anything... except stay away from their imprints. But Sam _did_ have the power to send Quil and Embry over to my house at three in the morning and make pests of themselves until Jacob came back. Thank God Charlie thought it was prankster kids who'd been out in the woods singing 'That's Amore' at the top of their lungs.

"Yeah, all right." Jacob stood unwillingly, and I resisted the urge to lean forward and lay my cheek against the russet skin of his bare abdomen. He _definitely_ wouldn't leave then... and things would get awkward in a hurry. "I'll be back tonight. Don't know when, though."

"Okay." That was standard operating procedure for Jake. The time and duration of his visits were always in flux. "I'll see you then."

Jacob hesitated again, an open, longing, intense look in his eyes. Then he leaned down - it was a long way - and kissed the curve of my jaw, just next to my ear. "Love you, Bells," he murmured against my skin.

A warming blush spread over my face, and a little thrill ran through my body. "Be careful," I whispered.

I felt him smile. He never seemed to mind that I couldn't say it back... not yet, anyway. I'd been loose and free with those words before, and it had come back to haunt me in the worst ways. I couldn't bring myself to speak them again until I had no doubt in my mind of what they meant.

Because I _did_ love Jacob, but that love was so, so complicated. It still frightened me.

Another kiss to my cheek, then one to my forehead, and Jacob disappeared out my second-story window without a sound.

As always, his absence left a shiver of cold across my skin - though the cold was nothing like what it used to be. The cold had been nearly unbearable only weeks ago. Back when Jake and I were still fighting the imprint... and nearly shook ourselves into pieces doing so.

With a sigh, I rolled out of bed and started the difficult process of dressing with the use of only two fingers.

When Jacob - sweet, sunny Jacob - had turned into a werewolf, he'd gotten all the burdens that came with it: the temper, the Alpha control, the responsibility of protecting his tribal lands against vampires. But by far the worst burden of the lot was the imprint.

Imprinting was the way that werewolves found their soul mates. No one was entirely sure how it worked, but once a wolf laid eyes on the girl he was supposed to be with - _supposed_ to, for some unknown greater purpose - he was bound to her eternally. The bind was stronger than chains, fiercer than any conventional love. She became _everything_. She was the first thing on his mind when he woke up and the last thought in his head as he went to sleep. He had to cede to her demands as surely as if she was his Alpha. With her he was at his strongest, able to protect and defend the way he was meant to. Without her... he couldn't even think straight.

The girl felt effects, too. If she - or he - resisted the imprint, her body temperature would begin to drop, her biology demanding that she seek out the unique hundred-and-eight degree warmth of her wolf. She became anxious in her abandonment. She needed him as much as he needed her.

And neither imprint nor imprinted had any choice in the matter. It was absolute. Unbreakable. Written in stone.

I was Jacob's imprint.

We both hated it.

I managed to wriggle into my pants - elastic, which was horrifying, but I couldn't button jeans one-handed - and hung my shirt on a closet hook, preparing to slip into it from underneath.

The idea that I was Jacob's soul mate didn't faze me at all, mind. We were best friends before any of this had happened... best friends and, after awhile, would probably have become something _more_. Jake had devoted himself to being annoyingly persistent, and eventually I would surely have recovered from the emotional trauma I'd suffered. I'd already felt things for Jacob and he'd felt _plenty_ for me. It would only have been a matter of time. Life would have been normal. The progression would have been natural.

But the imprint had forced the issue, leaving us tied together before we were anywhere near ready for that step. And now our relationship - which had once been as easy as breathing - was full of uncertainty. We were both slowly finding our way through it - no longer fighting the imprint flat out, but rather trying to work _with_ it - but what we felt for each other was turbulent and multi-layered and impossible to define, except to say that it was incredibly strong.

Socks. Socks were difficult. Socks required pointed toes and a lot of flexibility.

Sometimes it _was_ easy. Jacob's touch was still the most natural thing in the world to me, the same as it had been before. The soothed, healed feeling that overcame me whenever we hugged or he stroked my skin - _that_ was one hundred percent _us_, I was sure of it. Then there were the _other_ touches, ones that burned more than warmed. Those felt natural too.

And the single kiss we'd shared was on an entirely different level... I'd felt myself catching fire...

...but it hadn't been repeated. We'd never even spoken of it. So things between us still stood in a strange, line-blurred sort of limbo, somewhere between best friends and something _more_ and the imprint, always the imprint.

Embarrassingly enough, I was going to have to ask my father for help with my hair.

* * *

The ride to school was quiet. Charlie had completely rearranged his schedule so that he could drive me in every morning and pick me up every afternoon. Part of this was practical; with one hand burnt and the other in a cast I certainly couldn't drive myself, even if my beloved truck _hadn't_ been nearly totaled in a car crash. The bigger reason for the special treatment, though, was that Charlie wanted to keep an eye on me.

I tried to remember that my father was only worried about my safety - and given the last several weeks, his worry was pretty justified - but getting dropped off on the front steps of Forks High in a police cruiser in front of _everyone_... well, sometimes it felt more like punishment than protection.

"I'll be here at three, Bells," Charlie said as I awkwardly shifted my backpack onto my shoulder. He had the faintest shadow of a bruise across his cheekbone from my half-conscious assault. "I have to go back to work after that, though, and I'll be late. Do you want me to pick up some dinner for you?"

"Sure. Something healthy," I added quickly. "For both of us."

Charlie snorted; he wasn't happy that I was still on a health food kick after Harry Clearwater's premature death of a heart attack. But I'd stood just as firm as he had. Neither Jacob Black nor pork chops were allowed in the house.

Hopefully Charlie wasn't hiding pork chops under _his _bed.

I opened the passenger's door with my thumb, prepared to step out into the ever-present mist of Forks. My father cleared his throat, and I paused. "Uh, Bells... has _he_ come back yet?"

_He._

I bit my lip, making a hard effort to hold down the nervous fluttering in my stomach. "No," I said. "Maybe he isn't going to. Maybe he's finishing up the year home-schooling or something."

"Right." I suspected Charlie would like to pretend as though _he_ didn't exist, but I knew he was in even more fear of _his_ reappearance than I was. "Well, have a good day," he said gruffly.

"You too. Thanks for the ride."

As I walked into the science building, prepared to face my chemistry fate, I forced myself not to look at the parking lot. Not because I didn't want to know; because I was afraid of how I would feel if I knew.

I was scared that if I saw a silver Volvo, my heart would leap for joy instead of cringe in terror.

* * *

The element abbreviations swam in front of my tired eyes. _Which solution will change red litmus to blue?_

I tapped my index finger against NaCl - sodium chloride.

Mike Newton, my friend and volunteer pencil-handler for chemistry class, nodded as he scribbled... except he circled NaOH instead of NaCl. Sodium hydroxide. "I know what you meant to point at," he said under his breath.

I sighed.

Only a few months ago, I would've indignantly demanded that Mike change the answer back to the incorrect one and let me take the rightful markdown. It was cheating, after all. Now, though... I was feeling a lot more flexible in my standards, and I accepted Mike's 'help' without protest. I needed to pass this class if I wanted to graduate on time. And it wasn't like I was planning to become a chemist anyway.

I didn't know _what_ I was planning to become.

_Given the equation: H+ + OH- - H2O, which type of reaction does the equation represent?_

I pointed at _exterification._

Mike circled _neutralization._

Damn.

* * *

"You guys _aren't going to believe this_," Jessica Stanley said without introduction as she plopped down at the cafeteria table. Her grin was so huge her face almost couldn't contain it; for a moment I thought she might vibrate out of her chair with excitement. "Cornell's giving me a scholarship!"

Angela Weber - the closest thing I had to a best friend at Forks High - nearly choked on her soda. Her boyfriend, Ben Cheney, whacked her back as her eyes watered. "Seriously? That's great!"

Jessica nodded, eyes bright. "Not a full ride, but it's still huge. Can you _imagine_? God, it's going to be _so_ good not to be in debt 'til I'm, like, _eighty._"

Mike reached across the table and gave Jessica a high-five. "No shock," he said warmly. "You're a lock for valedictorian. Of course they'd bend over backwards to get you." Even though Jessica and Mike's on-again off-again relationship was in 'off' mode right now, it was a friendly off period. That made life easier on everyone. "Congrats, you earned it."

"Thanks," she said. Her answering smile was a little coy. Oh. Maybe we were closer to 'on' mode than I'd realized.

I swallowed a bite of carrot stick and piped up, "That's really wonderful, Jessica. Congratulations."

Jessica blinked in surprise; face was wary as she nodded. "Thanks, Bella."

A twinge of envy settled into my stomach. My nearly comatose depression last fall - and accompanying indifference to school - had cost me any chance at challenging her for valedictorian. Combined with the thoroughly distracting spring I'd had - one did not do much homework when one was caught up in the supernatural world - and, well... no one would be offering _me_ any scholarships.

But it certainly wasn't Jessica's fault that my grades had fallen apart. This was a huge deal for her, and it would be mean to wreck it with jealousy. I needed to be pleasant.

"So," I continued, trying not to sound too awkward, "what are you planning to study at Cornell? Most of their programs are supposed to be really great, I hear."

My effort to be friendly seemed to make Jessica suspicious. "Pre-law," she answered after a pause. "I think maybe a double major in criminology, if there's room in the courses. It's really competitive, but if I'm going to be a defense attorney-"

"You'll make it," I assured her. Okay, I was flattering a _little_, but not much. For all her apparent ditziness, Jessica was crazy smart. Her SAT scores had become something of a legend. "And you'll be a great lawyer. When you talk, everyone listens."

"No one can help it," Angela added good-naturedly. I smiled at her, grateful; I suspected she was trying to help me out.

Jessica grinned again. "It's my commanding presence," she said with false haughtiness. "And the breasts."

We laughed - even though I blushed as I did. And Mike took a quick, appreciative glance down at her shirt. No question, we were clearly closer to 'on' mode. Hopefully it would stay 'on' through graduation, otherwise the ceremony would get really uncomfortable-

_Wait._

In an instant I felt a prickle crawl along the back of my neck. Like I was full of static electricity and only needed the smallest touch to be painfully shocked.

Angela glanced over my shoulder, her eyebrows rising abruptly. Jessica looked too and her mouth dropped open in shock.

Oh, no.

I wasn't ready for this. Weeks of expectation and preparation and steeling myself before walking into school each morning had done nothing. I_ wasn't ready._

"Well," Jessica said, clearly stunned, "_look_ who's back."

_Don't look. Don't look. Don't look._

I looked.

Behind me - only thirty feet away - were three very familiar figures. Members of a family who'd abandoned me out of concern for my safety, vanishing overnight and leaving me a shell of my former self for months. All three were staring with warm, topaz eyes, exquisitely graceful even in something as simple as taking a seat at a cafeteria table.

The tall, honey-blond Jasper. He nodded politely.

The tiny, pixie-featured Alice, who beamed and gave me an excited little wave.

And _him_.

It was the perfect features that had haunted my dreams for so long; the angel face that I'd seen mere weeks ago. He'd shimmered in the moonlight and called to me in a hypnotic voice.

The vampire who'd held every piece of my heart and mind, broken them for my own good, then returned claiming to never have forsaken me.

His lips curled into a slightly sad version of his dazzling crooked smile, and my heart stuttered in my chest.

_Edward Cullen._

"Whoa, you okay?" Mike's concerned voice snapped me back into reality, and I realized my cast was rattling against the table as my body shook. "You're breathing, right?"

No, I wasn't. I'd forgotten. At his reminder I took a few deep lungfuls of air... and caught the tiniest scent of that intoxicating, alluring aroma that only belonged to-

"Ladies' room," Angela said quickly. She stood up and grabbed me by the elbow, lifting me to my feet. "Come on, Bella."

Ben gave her an odd look. "Why are you-"

"Female stuff," Jessica interrupted him, leaping from her seat just as fast. "The estrogen needs to consult _pronto_. No boys allowed."

Mike and Ben's eyes met, and as one they shrugged, clearly conveying one universal message - _Girls are weird._

In less time than it took to blink - or at least it felt that way - I was standing in the grungy hall bathroom, trying not to hyperventilate as Jessica checked under each stall to make sure no one was eavesdropping. "We're clear," she said briskly. "I guess you didn't know they were coming back, huh."

I shook my head, swallowing. My chest was going to collapse in on itself. _Too much too much too much._ "No. I mean, yes. Kind of."

Angela had started rubbing my back; her touch wasn't the one I was suddenly craving, but it felt soothing nonetheless. "Kind of?"

One breath in, one breath out. Two breaths. Three. "I knew they were in town. I... I saw Edward for a few minutes about two weeks ago. And Alice before that. I thought they might come back to school but then they didn't so I was thinking that maybe they wouldn't and-"

Jessica dug in her handbag, then pulled out a little tin of mints. "Here," she said. "Take one." At my confused look, she rattled the tin slightly. "Take it. They work."

I pinched a tiny white mint between my free fingers and popped it into my mouth. The sudden peppery explosion burned my nostrils and made my eyes water. "Wow, that's strong," I managed to say, my tongue partially numb.

Jessica looked smug. "I know, right? Shocks you free of panic, like, _instantly_. They're _perfect_ for guy-related freakouts." All awkwardness between us had been set aside for the moment; boy issues apparently trumped petty personal concerns. "What happened when you talked to him? What did he say _exactly_? Every little detail counts. I mean, if he said _I missed you_, did he put the emphasis on 'I' instead of 'you'-"

"He said he still loves me." The words were hard to form, but against all odds Jessica's mint had done the trick. The panic had receded and my mind felt clearer. I _definitely_ needed a tin of my own. "He said he still loves me and he wants me back."

He'd said lots of other stuff too, like how he was going to 'protect' me from my friends whether I liked it or not, but that wasn't something I could share. Besides, threats between the vampire coven and werewolf tribe weren't exactly relevant to the conversation.

Angela and Jessica blinked. "_Whoa_," Jessica said. "That's... unusually direct."

"Do you _want_ him back?" Angela asked.

I could barely get my voice above a whisper. "I... I'm not sure."

"You definitely _shouldn't_," Jessica said flatly. "I mean, the guy dumps you and wanders off to Whereeversville, then just shows up expecting you to be, like, waiting with open arms? The hell with that. When Mike tried it I slashed his tires." At Angela's look, Jessica admitted, "Okay, I only let the air out. But it's the _principle _of the thing. And anyhow-" she turned back to me "-aren't you with that Quileute kid or something? Mike said-"

"That's complicated," I interrupted quickly. "Really, _really_ complicated. Jacob and I are in kind of a strange place right now." Though strange place or not, Jacob definitely had... _opinions_... on whether or not I should resume my relationship with Edward Cullen. Very loud opinions. "Look, I don't... I don't _want_ to take Edward back." It felt impossible that I was saying that, but it was the truth. "Except when I see him, it's just..."

_Edward._ For so many months he'd been a shadow in my mind, but now he was here again in the flesh - so to speak. He was out there _right now_. I knew that if I chose to I could walk right back into the cafeteria, open my arms to him, and it would be as though we had never been apart for a single minute. Everything would be like it had been before-

Angela and Jessica were wearing identical sympathetic looks. "I know just what you mean," Angela said.

The problem was, they _didn't_.

I shivered.

The power that Edward held over me was more than just simple sadness for a lost love. Part of it was supernatural in nature. Vampires were hunters first and foremost, designed to placate their victims - even though the Cullens only fed on animals. His beauty, his voice, his scent... though I'd denied it to myself for so long, I realized now that much of what I'd felt for Edward was a result of his mystic draw. How much, I didn't know.

_He's like a drug for you, isn't he,_ Jacob had whispered as he'd kissed away my tears. _He does something to your head._

If I let Edward back in, I'd be more than just a girl who'd fallen for the charms of her ex. I'd be a junkie looking for her next fix.

And I longed for his marble embrace anyway.

My heart - my _soul_ - burned with humiliation at my weakness. I choked back a sob.

The pressure of Angela's hand on my back increased. Jessica ducked into one of the lime-green stalls and grabbed a handful of toilet paper. "Here," she said. She frowned at my incapacitated hands, then shrugged and patted the scratchy tissue against my cheeks. "Don't make your face puffy. Sure, he's gorgeous, but he's totally not worth all this. No guy is."

The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch period. In a few moments the bathroom would be filled with girls refreshing their eyeliner and reapplying their lipstick. I wanted to be out of here before that happened.

But what if Edward - or Jasper, or Alice - was waiting for me in one of my classes?

I swallowed hard. "Please," I begged Angela and Jessica, "_please_ don't let me do anything stupid, all right? I don't want to-"

"Don't worry," Angela said reassuringly. "We won't."

"Throwing yourself at the feet of the ex is the _worst_." Jessica shivered in a theatric fashion. "Ugh. _So_ embarrassing. Won't let it happen."

I wasn't surprised to hear that Angela was willing to help me... but I found myself looking at Jessica incredulously. "Thanks," I said, stunned at her kindness.

When I'd first arrived in Forks over a year ago, Jessica and I had been friends... or something close to it. Her bubbly, outgoing personality really didn't mesh that well with my more introverted one, but we'd been on good terms, especially once she and Mike began dating and his crush on me had lessened. But she hadn't been as willing to forgive the neglect I'd shown her during my months of self-imposed seclusion as everyone else had been.

Jessica wavered, frowning. "I'm still mad at you," she said finally. "You ignored me for _months_ and then just called me up out of nowhere to hang out and then ditched me _again_. I _know_ when I'm being used, Bella Swan, and that was _not cool_."

There was no way to deny it. That was exactly what I'd done.

"_But_," she added as the first few chattering girls came in, "the sisterhood's gotta stick together in times of crisis, you know? That's just the way it works. Chicks before dicks." She glanced at Angela for confirmation. Angela nodded firmly.

I blushed.

* * *

Jessica and Angela took their duties very seriously. For the next three hours one or the other was always at my side. Jessica took over from Eric as my pencil-handler during Algebra, gossiping lightly to keep me distracted from the fact that Jasper was sitting in the back row. Angela slid into the empty desk next to me in English Lit, which stopped Alice from claiming the seat. The injured expression on Alice's ethereal face haunted me through the discussion of Great Expectations, but whenever I tried to look in her direction Angela poked me in the arm with a pencil. The sisterhood apparently _was_ binding.

There was no sign of Edward.

At last the final bell rang, signaling the end of the school day. After a quick thank you to the girls, I practically flew to the parking lot. For the first time I was ecstatic to see Charlie's police cruiser waiting for me. I could go home, I could collect myself, I'd have time to better prepare for tomorrow-

Alice darted in front of me.

I stopped breathing. Maybe it was self-defense.

"Bella!" she said fretfully, her voice ringing like wind chimes the way it always did. "Bella, what's wrong?"

Should I take a breath to calm myself? Or would that pull her sweet, drugging scent into my lungs? "Hi, Alice," I said.

"You're avoiding me." She sounded hurt. "Are we not friends anymore?"

Guilt flooded my body in a heavy rush. I was _terrible_. What right did I have to cause her pain? What kind of a person _was _I?

_No. Stop it._

"I... I don't see how we can be, Alice," I said with difficulty. Her face fell, and I fought to keep my eyes from filling with tears. "I just... things are too hard. You can't just come back and-"

"I didn't _want_ to leave," she said miserably. "I _told_ Edward it was a bad idea to go, I _told_ him this would happen, but he didn't listen-"

"But you _did_ go." I squeezed my eyes shut, cutting off at least one of my senses. Hearing and smell was bad enough. And, frighteningly enough, Alice was so much easier to resist than _him_... "A lot of stuff has happened since then, and... I know now, okay? I know about the... _effect _you all have."

There was a long silence before Alice spoke again. "Edward never hid that from you." Her tone was disapproving, and that wave of shame hit me again. "None of us lied about it. We never pretended otherwise."

_But I forgot. I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't understand when he was so close and amazing and dazzling and **mine** and I was so in love..._ My excuses seemed feeble, even in my own head. "It doesn't matter," I said instead. "Things can't be the way they were before."

I wasn't sure if I was trying to convince her or myself.

"Alice," a new voice said, tinged with a purring Southern accent. I opened my eyes; Jasper stood further down the sidewalk, his impassive expression unreadable. "It's time to leave." His golden eyes flicked quickly towards the cruiser.

Charlie had gotten out. His face was red.

"I have to go," I said quickly.

"But-"

"I'll see you tomorrow." The words came out of my mouth automatically as Jasper took Alice's hand and pulled her away. I knew I _would_ see her. There was no question at all.

Further down the parking lot, inside the painfully familiar silver Volvo, I could see a shadow behind the wheel. A shadow with bronze hair.

I'd see _him_, too.

It took a few moments before I was collected enough to walk forward and get into the cruiser. If I hadn't waited I would probably have tripped over my own feet and damaged my hands in the fall. Charlie opened the passenger door for me, then got in wordlessly.

"So," he said as I gingerly buckled my seat belt. His voice was strained. "They're back."

I nodded. "Yeah. They're back."

And I still had four weeks to go until graduation.

* * *

_**Coming Soon**: Message_

_**Sanity Update**: How does one distinguish Bella-voice from Meyer-voice? How does an author keep the former (for character continuity) but reject the latter? I have no idea what the answer to that question is. All I can do is write the way I wrote Bella FPOV before - except with better grammar and less ridiculous word choice - and pray to God that character development makes it at least a little less mind-numbing than the original saga. I have no idea if I'm succeeding. I fucking hope so. I can't help the fact that Bella likes the word murmur. (And yes, I'm mixing in a bit of Anna Kendrick's Jessica. Because she's awesome and surrounding myself with awesomeness will be better for my sanity. Why do you think I write so much Charlie?)_


	4. Message

_the northwest mist is rising strong i__n the valley where i wait / i had sworn to keep you safe  
Olivia Chrestomanci, "Red"_

* * *

**2. Message**

* * *

"Okay." The doctor, an old man with jowls that hung past his chin, moved the lamp closer to my arm. "Now make a fist."

I curled the fingers of my left hand into my palm. The healing skin burned as it pulled against my knuckles, and the joints were stiff and creaky. There was also a deep, persistent itch that felt like it was coming from my muscles.

"Do you feel anything?"

"Kind of." I touched the pad of my left index finger with my right. "The sensation's all sort of... _fuzzy_. But I can feel it."

"Does it hurt?"

"Not really."

"Does it itch?"

"_Yes._"

The doctor had the nerve to smile at me. "Well, don't scratch it."

My glare was probably as blazing as the flames that had burned me in the first place. "I'll do my best," I said sarcastically.

"Glad to hear it." The doctor rolled his stool away from the examining table and pulled a prescription pad out of his desk. "I have good news: it's time to give up the gauze."

I blinked. "Are you sure?" It wasn't like I wasn't anxious to get some basic manual dexterity back - and I still had two weeks before the cast on my right wrist was scheduled to come off - but... "It still doesn't feel right."

"I'm refilling your pain medication and your antibiotic cream," the doctor said, scribbling. "But if you don't stretch the scar tissue as it heals, you may not regain full mobility."

I looked suspiciously at my hand, then flexed it again. I could see what he meant - everything felt tight. "It's not going to... _tear_ or anything, will it?"

"You'll need to be careful. Keep drinking lots of water; rub cocoa butter in twice daily. If the skin splits at any point, re-bandage for a few days and use the antibiotic cream. If you begin to run a fever, or if there's any sign of pus or drainage, come back to see me right away."

_Any sign of pus or drainage._ My stomach turned.

"And during the day," the doctor added, "I recommend wearing a leather glove to minimize accidental rough contact." He tore off the prescription and handed it to me. "Go to Port Angeles and get a pretty one; you'll be wearing it for the next two months. And _no scratching._"

Wonderful.

* * *

Papers were spread out all over the kitchen table. "This one is asking for your transcripts, where are they?"

"The school has to send them directly." I leafed through the pages of the Penninsula Tuition and Fees information. If I took a full course load I'd be paying over a thousand dollars a semester. My savings account barely held enough for my first year, and it wasn't getting any better any time soon since I'd had to take leave from Newton's Outfitters; you can't really stock shelves when you can't use your hands. "There's a request form in there somewhere."

Charlie narrowed his eyes at the admission application. "Why can't you get the transcript yourself?"

"They don't want me to forge it."

"Ah." He scanned further down the page, making a couple of marks here and there. I _still_ wouldn't be able to write until the cast came off - and even then I'd been warned me that I might have trouble handling a pencil for awhile, given the way I'd broken my finger when I 'fell out of bed'.

The fact that my hand had been broken punching a werewolf was another tidbit of information I was keeping to myself.

"Okay. What about your GPA?"

I winced and told him.

"_Really?_" Charlie looked appalled. "Bells, I thought you were near the top of your class-"

"I _was_," I said bitterly. "I... didn't do well last fall." _That_ was an understatement. In my numb state I'd thought I'd been keeping up with my schoolwork; when the new class rankings had been posted a few weeks ago I'd nearly fainted on the spot. Turns out you can undo three years of consistently above-average work in a single semester of zombiehood. And while my grades would be better this spring - being that I was awake now and had Mike's chemistry 'help' - they would only be enough to scrape through my required courses. I stood no chance of repairing my academic record before graduation.

Hence the community college application.

Charlie looked at the paper without seeing it, his eyebrows coming together. "I didn't know," he said roughly. "I didn't know you were failing."

"I didn't know either."

"I didn't ask-"

"I wouldn't have answered."

The pencil snapped in my father's hand as he brought his fist down on the table.

We were silent for a long moment.

"Look," I said finally, making an effort to keep my tone light, "it's better this way. Community college is cheaper, so I'll have fewer student loans. I'll just take all my 101 courses at Penninsula and keep my grades up, then in a couple of years I can transfer to U-Dub and finish out there. No big deal."

"U-Dub," Charlie said contemptuously.

I frowned. "Yeah, U-Dub. What's wrong with that? You went there. Mom went there. Lots of people go there. It's a good school."

"Yeah, but... Bells, you've always been so smart." He kept glaring at the admission application, like it was at fault for all of this. "I mean, you were reading these big, thick books by the time you were six. Your mom would call and tell me how you'd won first place in the science fair and got a ribbon in the spelling bee and... You should be going to Yale or Princeton or something, not the University of Washington."

Yale. Or Princeton.

I couldn't believe how much Charlie's words hurt. My heart felt like it was being squeezed into pulp. "You're disappointed in me," I breathed, my eyes filling with tears.

He looked up sharply. "_No_, Bella- I'm not- It's just that if I'd taken you to a doctor last fall you'd have a medical note to go with all this stuff and it could've, I don't know, made a difference with the admissions boards or something-"

"Not _that_ much of a difference," I said. I tried to smile. "Besides, I didn't want to go to Yale or Princeton anyhow. All those Ivy Leagues are a really long way from Forks."

When I said that, Charlie's expression warmed; his lips twitched before he looked back down at the paper, reaching for a new pencil. A very tiny blush started on his cheeks. Charlie was even worse with emotions than me, and that was saying something. "So, what about this 'household income' stuff?" he continued brusquely.

"Oh, that." I glanced over at the list of information. "It's for financial aid, I think."

"Is it supposed to be my income or yours?"

"Both, I guess, since I'm living here. I'm making about four thousand a year at Newton's, so just add that onto your salary and that should be right."

The little blush spread from his cheeks to his nose. "So you're going to keep living here with me?"

Oh. This was about to get awkward. "Well..." I bit my lip. "That, um, kind of depends. On some things."

There was a long silence - then Charlie's expression turned thunderous. "No."

"Dad, listen, I know what it looks like-"

"_No._"

"They didn't really do anything wrong-"

"_No!_"

Whether or not I would be living with Charlie this fall hinged on a deal I'd made with Jacob. If Jake had had his way I would've left Forks the night the Cullens returned; he wanted me safe behind the treaty line established a century ago between Carlisle, Edward's adoptive father, and Ephraim Black, Jacob's great-grandfather. Vampires were not permitted on the tribal lands, and all of Jacob's instincts told him to get his imprint as far away from the 'bloodsuckers' as possible.

But I'd refused. I'd refused for Charlie. I couldn't bear to hurt my father that badly, to just disappear in the middle of the night and go running off to live with a group of people he considered to be a gang at best, a cult at worst, and dangerous either way.

So we'd struck a compromise. I had until graduation for things to get better. Ideally that would mean the Cullens had picked up and left, but Jacob would probably settle for Charlie allowing me free and frequent access to La Push, where I'd be away from potential vampiric influence. If things _didn't_ get better I would move to the reservation as soon as school was over. I'd given Jacob my word.

Given Charlie's current intractability about the 'gang' and anyone he believed was protecting them, it didn't look like I'd be living in Forks for much longer.

"_Please_, Dad," I tried again. I hadn't pushed this hard before, but being patient hadn't gotten me anywhere in the last few weeks. "It's not as bad as you think it is-"

"The hell it's not."

"Just call Billy, let him explain-"

"I don't want to hear _anything _Billy Black has to say."

"I know you miss him-"

"I _don't_."

"Harry would have _hated _that you two were fighting!" I said desperately.

Charlie flinched. He, Harry, and Billy had been best friends. The three of them had known each other since they were little; their first children were all born in the same eighteen months; they'd gotten together for fishing or football or _someth__ing_ almost every weekend that I could remember. Now Harry was dead and Charlie didn't trust Billy enough to pick up the phone.

"If Harry's kids had been in danger," Charlie said, his voice carefully controlled, "he'd do the exact same thing I'm doing."

I wasn't so certain about that, given that both of Harry's kids were now werewolves. "Dad, if you two just talked, I think maybe you would see that things-"

"We'll finish the application later, Bella." Charlie's heavy boots thudded against the floor as he walked from the kitchen.

I sighed.

* * *

I laid in bed examining my newly-exposed hand in the lamplight.

It didn't look good. There was no way to sugarcoat that fact. The skin was a wrinkled pink on the parts that were the least healed; the more recovered areas, mostly on the palm, were dark and mottled. My fingers looked almost as if they were wrapped in cellophane. The greyish fingernails hadn't grown at all in the month since the injury. And over everything there were white blotches of scar tissue that looked almost... melted.

Ugly. Very, very ugly.

But, somehow, I didn't feel ashamed of the ugliness. Looking at my hand - my deformed, but not ruined hand - reminded me of how it had become this way. I'd killed a vampire. I'd set Victoria on fire and in the process I'd saved Jacob's life, as well as my own. I wasn't so useless after all and I had the battle scars to prove it.

If only it didn't _itch_ so much.

I heard a familiar soft tap of knuckles against the windowpane. "Hey, Jake," I whispered, knowing he could hear me with his keen senses.

Jake hopped in and closed the window without a sound. I envied his gracefulness, considering that once we'd bonded over how we were _both_ clumsy. "Hey, Bells," he said. He was shirtless and shoeless as always, and his eyes widened as he came forward. We were well past polite small talk starters like _How are you_ and _What's going on_; Jake always jumped right into the middle of conversations. Like commenting on my hand. "Whoa! You're free!"

"Halfway, anyhow." I flushed and tried to hide my arm under the blanket, the pride I'd felt just moments ago vanishing in a hurry and leaving insecurity in its wake. Looking at the scars by myself was one thing; it was different now that someone _else_ would see. And not just _anyone _else. Jacob.

I didn't want to be ugly in Jacob's eyes... even though I knew I _couldn't_ be. It wasn't possible.

Somehow that made things worse.

Jake sat down on the edge of my bed; his insane body heat warmed me even from a few feet away. His black eyebrows came together as I pulled the blanket higher with my thumb and forefinger. "I can't look?" he asked, confused.

I hesitated, instinctively wanting to stay hidden. But it wasn't like I could just keep my hand wrapped in the comforter forever. "I'm really gross," I warned.

"You're beautiful, Bella." His words were sincere - and automatic.

"Like Emily's beautiful?" I shot back. Emily Young was Sam's imprint... and Sam thought she was beautiful when she was anything but. He wasn't even looking _past_ her terrible scars to see the beauty within. Sam literally couldn't see the hard truth: Emily was a wonderful person, but her mangled face had rendered her difficult to look at.

Judging by Jacob's expression, he didn't like being reminded that his opinion of me might be influenced by the imprint.

A deep frown on his face, Jake reached forward and tugged firmly at the covers. I let him pull the blanket off my body, let him grasp my forearm and draw me towards him. I raised myself to my knees, my pajama pants riding a little lower than I liked, a deep blush creeping over my face.

Jacob took in the same mottled brown splotches and melted pink skin and puckered white scar tissue I'd been examining a few minutes earlier. He opened his mouth, then shut it and swallowed hard, seeming to concentrate.

I waited.

Finally he looked up at me. "Yeah, it's pretty messed up," he said casually - though the words obviously took some effort for him to form. A tiny smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. "But it's also kinda cool."

Somehow he'd hit on exactly the right response. "Really?" I said, feeling a little less self-conscious.

"Oh, yeah." His tone was completely serious. "Just wait; once it's healed you can add some tattoos. Then it'll officially be awesome."

"_Tattoos?_ Like what?"

"I dunno. A lighter maybe. Or a stake. Or maybe just Victoria's name, all crossed out like she was your ex-lover or something-"

I whacked him with my cast so he wouldn't hear the giggle about to escape my chest. "That's terrible. What about my reputation?"

"Eh, your reputation could use a little spicing up," Jake said with a grin. "More people should know how badass you are."

I ducked my head, trying and probably failing to hide my embarrassed pleasure. "Bella Swan, badass. Right."

"Hey, a few more motorbike lessons and I think you can officially join Hells Angels."

"You are so full of it, Jacob Black."

"Yeah, I know." His eyes were back on my hand; his thumb rubbed circles where he held onto my arm. "Is it okay to touch?"

I nodded my head. "It's kind of numb, but it's safe. I'm just not allowed to scratch."

He turned my wrist over gently. I held my breath for a long moment as he hesitated, then drew the callused pads of his fingers along the flesh of my palm. I shivered, and he pulled back quickly. "Did I hurt you?" he asked, anxious.

"No." If there was an opposite of hurting, it was Jacob's touch. "I felt that, though."

"You did?"

"Yeah."

"Good." He narrowed his eyes and studied my hand again. It was very similar to the look he used to get when he was working on some particularly tricky part of the Rabbit's engine. Suddenly his face lit up. "Hey!" he exclaimed. I shushed him, and he gave me a sheepish look. "Sorry, Bells. But look." He traced a semi-circle along my palm. "Your lifeline is still there."

I blinked in surprise, then leaned down so I could see, since Jacob didn't seem willing to release my arm any time soon. Most of the creases and swirls of my hand had disappeared under the repairing flesh, but Jake was right - my lifeline was still in evidence. "I think it's gotten shorter," I remarked.

Jacob shot me a dirty look. "Has not. Don't say that."

"Since when are you superstitious?"

"Since I became a werewolf and discovered there's a whole lot of mystical crap I didn't know existed," he said seriously. "So no joking about shortened lifelines."

"Okay, okay, fine." I shook my head, then did what I hadn't been able to do since a night at a movie theater what seemed like years ago - I threaded my fingers through Jake's and squeezed. The skin pulled uncomfortably, but the warmth that seemed to settle deep into my bones more than made up for it.

I was holding Jacob Black's hand again.

Jacob released a long breath. "God, I've missed this, Bells." His voice was thick.

"Same here." It felt like something disjointed inside me had clicked back into place. I was supposed to be holding Jacob's hand. This was as it should be. It even seemed to ease the itching a little. Plus... "Well, now we're _definitely_ a go for prom night."

Jake looked up in surprise. "I didn't realize we hadn't been," he said suspiciously.

"No, we were," I assured him. "I was definitely coming over for movies and stuff and... yeah. But, now..." My face had to be neon red. I probably glowed in the darkness. "I mean, it would've been really unfair if you had _two_ hands and I didn't have _any_..."

_Prom night_ had more or less become code between us. Before anything had happened - back when our relationship had been progressing on a natural, non-supernatural course - Jacob had planned to ask me to prom, knowing I would refuse based on my distaste for all things involving dresses or dancing, which would lead into his _real_ plan of us spending the evening at his house watching movies as he worked up the nerve to kiss me for the first time.

Obviously, circumstances had changed. Things were no longer progressing on a natural course. We'd _already_ kissed - thoroughly. But prom night was still in the works, and... given the givens... depending on where we stood... it was entirely possible that while it wouldn't be our first _kiss_, there might be a few _other_ firsts. Maybe.

Those firsts would _absolutely_ require functional hands.

Jacob was gaping at me. We'd sort of talked about this before, but the discussion had been shelved until an indeterminate 'later'. "Okay," he said after a long moment. "I'm going to crush up, like, ten Xanax and put them in Billy's water glass that night."

"You have Xanax?"

"I can get some."

_Billy_. That reminded me. "Jake, can I ask you a favor?"

To my surprise, a bitter expression crossed Jacob's face, his mood suddenly turning sour. He looked down at our joined hands. "Yeah, but I've got to ask you one first," he said through gritted teeth.

A little flare of temper shot through my veins - only orders from Sam made Jacob act like this. "Sure. What is it?"

Jake grimaced. He clearly had no choice about the next words that came out of his mouth. "Will you give a message to the bloodsuckers from the Pack?"

I blinked... then shuddered involuntarily.

I hadn't spoken to the Cullens since they'd come back to school a week earlier. Angela and Jessica had been incredibly helpful, keeping me distracted and occasionally steering me away in the hallway as I'd tried to go towards Alice, who wore a consistently morose expression on her lovely face. The guilt that overcame me whenever I saw her was almost crippling, and it was only with help that I'd resisted the desire to comfort her and beg her forgiveness for my cold behavior.

And I'd only seen Edward from a distance. He didn't have any classes with me now and I'd started spending my lunch period studying in the library. I'd catch a glimpse of tousled hair and icy perfection every now and then, but we hadn't spoken or even come face to face.

I knew he was watching me, though. I could feel him.

"You can say no," Jacob added. "All Sam could do was order me to ask. You don't have to do it. You don't have to talk to them."

"No, I..." I forced myself to swallow. "I can do it."

"Bella, really-"

"I can do it, Jacob," I said again, my voice steadier. "What's the message?"

His grip tightened around my hand as he made an unhappy noise low in his throat. "Sam wants you to ask when they're leaving," he said reluctantly. "He says make sure to say _when_, not _if_. And he wants the information from the head of the coven, not from anyone else."

I frowned. "I'm not sure I'll be able to talk to Carlisle. I'd have to go to the hospital, and Charlie would want to know why. Can I just pass it along?"

Jake shook his head. "Sam wants the response from the source. So we can hold him to it without any misunderstandings." The last word was sarcastic; _misunderstandings_ clearly meant reneged agreements or outright lies.

"Oh." I tried to think of something else that would work. "Um... what if they wrote it down? Could Carlisle send back a note or something?"

"Yeah, I guess that would make Sam happy."

"Okay." I frowned again. "Is there a reason I'm passing along notes like a second-grader? Can't they talk to each other directly?"

"Sam's still not sure he can phase on the fly if he needs to." Jake shrugged. "He's healed up and everything, but he's a little slow. And no one else can really speak for the Pack." His tone grew even more bitter. "Well, he said _I_ could do it, but I'm not getting tricked into being Alpha _that_ easily."

"Well, can't Sam just use a telephone like a normal person?"

A smirk crossed Jacob's face. "He tried that when they first came back. Had someone get the number from the hospital and everything. It didn't go well."

"How come?"

Jacob's smirk widened. "Ever heard a vampire on the telephone?"

"Yeah..." Now I was definitely confused. "They sounded normal."

"Well, not to us. Something about their voices through the wires... it's like nails on a chalkboard. Sam actually threw the receiver across the room." He grinned at the memory. "It was pretty funny. Emily was mad, though. But, yeah, phones don't work too great."

"Huh." I guessed you learned something new every day. Especially when surrounded by living myths.

Jacob's face turned dark again. "I don't..." He looked down, clearly trying to find the right words. His thumb rubbed lightly against a rough spot on the back of my hand. "I don't want you to talk to them," he said finally. "I don't like it. At all."

I didn't like it much either, but this wasn't the time to say that. "I'll be fine. It's just a little courier work. I'm pretty pathetic if I can't handle something that simple."

"You're not pathetic," Jacob snapped, his temper starting to show. He had trouble whenever we had to talk about me having contact with vampires; when I'd told him that the Cullens had finally returned to school he'd nearly phased right next to my dresser. "It has nothing to do with whether you _can_. I know you can. But they're _monsters_, Bella, and they're _already_ trying to mess with you, and... and Sam shouldn't even be asking!"

"Quiet," I whispered, glancing nervously at my door. If Charlie woke up-

"He wouldn't be asking if it were Emily! He'd never let her within ten _miles_ of a bloodsucker!"

"Jake!"

"Just because you're _my_ imprint and not _his_ he thinks he can use you however he wants and put you in _danger _if he decides it's-"

I pulled my hand free and clapped it over Jacob's mouth. "_Shut up_," I hissed.

Jacob stopped trying to speak instantly.

Oh no. I'd given an order.

I jerked away and shook my head. "I didn't mean it," I said quickly. "I didn't mean it. You can talk."

Jacob exhaled loud and long, looking frustrated. "I hate that," he muttered.

Guilt washed over me. "I know. I'm sorry. It was an accident, I swear."

"I know. I just hate that it's even something that can happen. And I hate that I get so ticked off, and I hate that you're around those leeches..." Jacob's mood was getting blacker by the moment. He looked up at me, a feverish expression on his face. "I wish you were coming to the rez," he said fervently. "It's just... hard to..."

I wound my hand back into his. "Yeah. I know." The little visits like this one took the edge off, but Jacob would be in better shape if we were spending more time together. We both would. "And about that... _my_ favor."

"Yeah?"

"Do you think you can get Billy to come over here to talk to Charlie in person?"

Jacob groaned and flopped backward onto the bed. The mattress bounced creakily under his weight.

"I take it that's a 'no'," I said wryly.

"I'll ask again, but it's not going to do any good."

"Look, I know Billy can't tell Charlie the truth," I said. "I'm not asking that." Only a very, _very_ few people knew that the teenagers of La Push were turning into werewolves: the wolves themselves, the Council of Elders - which included Billy - and the imprints. Everyone else was in the dark, even the wolves' family members. "But you said Billy might be able to get around the rules a little, and I think if he could just come here and... I don't know, make something up, just try to smooth things over-"

"He won't," Jacob grumbled. "I tried, but he's being stupid about it. He's not gonna do anything."

Something felt all wrong about the way Jake said that. I tried to look him in the eye, but he refused to meet my gaze, focusing intently on the ceiling instead. "Why not? Why won't he help?"

"Because he's a crazy old man who doesn't know what the hell he's talking about."

Jacob's resentful tone couldn't have been clearer. Billy didn't want to help because he disapproved.

"Oh," I whispered, lowering myself onto the bed, resting my cheek against the comforter. Of course Billy wouldn't approve. His only son, bound to a white girl with a tendency towards catatonic depression and ties to the natural enemies of the tribe-

Suddenly I was surrounded by Jacob's heated arms; he scooped me off the mattress and held me firmly against his chest, still keeping my hand in his. "It's not you, Bells," he said, kissing the top of my head.

"Uh-huh."

"It's _not._ Dad's just being an idiot 'cause he's still pissed at Becca. He'll figure that out sooner or later and pull his head out of his ass."

_Huh?_ I looked up at Jacob's face. "What does Rebecca have to do with anything?" Jacob's twin sisters were about a year older than me. We'd played together when I'd come visit Charlie as a kid, but I hadn't seen either of them since my return to Forks. Rachel was in her second year of college; Rebecca was the wife of a Samoan surfer.

Jake kept staring at the ceiling. "She hasn't been back since she got married. That was almost two years ago."

"Oh." That was a shame, but I was still confused about how it affected the situation. "Well, plane tickets from Hawaii... that's got to be pretty expensive-"

"She hasn't come home 'cause Dad hit the roof when heard about it."

I blinked. "Heard about... you mean she didn't tell she was getting married?"

"Nope," he said bitterly. "She and Rachel saved up and went to Maui as a gift to themselves after graduation. Rebecca met the guy their first day there and they got married at the end of the week. She called Berkley and canceled her acceptance and her scholarship and we didn't find out 'til we picked up Rach at the airport."

My eyes widened. "Seriously?"

"Yeah. Dad totally lost it. He called Becca and shouted about how she'd thrown her whole future away, how ashamed he was, how Mom was rolling in her grave..." I felt Jacob's throat move as he swallowed, and I curled closer to his body. His embrace tightened automatically. "Anyway. So Becca doesn't talk to us and Rach won't come home either. And now this is going on with me and I'm, you know-"

"-sixteen," I finished for him, my stomach dropping. "Really young to be-"

"Yeah. Kinda stupid of him, since _he_ married Mom right after graduation. And they'd been together since they were sixteen too." Jacob suddenly shifted next to me, as though he'd realized what he was implying. "But, I mean, imprinting's totally different," he added hastily. "I mean, it's not like you and I are going to run off and... plus it's not like we can _help_ any of this..."

"Right," I said. I dropped my face back to his chest, needing to hide my expression. "Totally different."

"Exactly. Like I said, Dad's being an idiot. But he'll get over it, Bells, don't worry. Then he'll come talk to Charlie and find some way to calm him down and everything'll be fine."

"Yeah. Good." But my mind wasn't on Charlie anymore.

Sam and Emily's wedding was scheduled for October. There was no doubt in my mind that Jared, the only other wolf to imprint so far, would be engaged to Kim already if she wasn't a freshman in high school.

Now Billy was assuming...

Just when I thought things couldn't get any _more_ complicated.

I didn't hear Jake's sigh, but I certainly felt it - the way his chest rose and fell under my cheek, the way his exhale scorched the top of my head. "Sorry," he murmured. "I'm sorry about Billy. I'm sorry you're involved in all this."

Heat rose in me at the unhappiness in his voice. "_I'm_ not," I said sharply. "I'm not sorry. I'm _glad_. I'm glad I'm in this with you." A familiar fierceness - which turned up whenever I felt Jacob needed protecting - rushed through my blood. This was the fire that made me break my hands on werewolves' faces and made me set vampires ablaze. "I'm glad you're not alone. And when I see your sisters again I'm going to slap them for leaving. Since I'm such a badass and everything."

_No one_ got to put that look on his face.

Jacob took a shaky breath, and then he pulled me even closer - close enough that I was on top of him instead of next to him, my legs tangling with his. "You're going to slap them, huh?" He had a smile in his voice.

I didn't feel like smiling. I was deadly serious. "You're damn right I am," I said, raising my chin and meeting his eyes. "No one's allowed to hurt you. You're _mine._"

The moment changed so fast it felt almost like a physical shift. Jacob's expression transformed; he was suddenly staring at me with his imprint look, deep and intense and open in its craving... and I didn't mind.

I _welcomed_ it.

His free hand shoved roughly into my hair.

At first I thought for sure that he would kiss me, that this would finally be the repeat of what we'd shared on my front steps weeks ago - but Jacob had something else in mind. Instead he tugged hard, tilting my head to the side. I inhaled sharply as he buried his face in my neck, trailing his hot mouth along my throat. It became very difficult to breathe.

He still hadn't let go of my hand, but I wasn't going to allow my newfound ability to touch be restrained. I yanked my fingers free from his, ignoring the pain as I ran them up his arm, something deep inside me purring with appreciation at the shape of his solid muscles. I liked that his shoulders were wide and strong. I liked the way his skin burned. I liked the way his body felt pressed against me, like it was supposed to be there.

_My_ Jacob. _My_ soul mate. _Mine._

He must have been thinking something similar, because he bit firmly at my collarbone.

The sensation of his teeth against my flesh made the purring satisfaction grew louder until it shook me from the inside out. I was his as much as he was mine, he'd marked me and I would show it proudly and everyone would know who I belonged to-

-_wait!_

"Stop," I gasped. "Jake, stop!"

Jacob looked up, his eyes unfocused. "What?" he asked hazily.

I was already pulling away and sliding back onto the mattress. I felt like I'd be doused in ice water. "We shouldn't have done that," I moaned, trying to keep the panic out of my voice as I jumped out of bed. Oh no, what was going to happen _now_-

Jacob sat up, his expression confused for a moment - until it was overcome with embarrassment and regret. "Oh, damn. Bella... crap, was that too much? I shouldn't have just- I let it get away from me-"

"No, not that," I assured him quickly. I stood in front of my mirror, pushing my tangled hair to one side. "It's..."

_Holy crow._

Right there, right at the juncture of my neck and shoulder, a huge bruise marked my pale skin. It had been left barely a minute ago and it was already turning a rich purple; I could even see individual teeth marks.

And I didn't own any turtlenecks.

_Charlie._

I turned back to Jacob, my eyes wide. "I'm not going to be able to hide this," I whispered, horrorstruck.

Jake smirked for a half second... then the reality of the situation dawned on him. "_Shit_," he swore as he leapt up and crossed the room with a single stride. He lifted my chin with one finger, getting a better look at the damage. "Yeah, that's a tough one," he muttered. "I don't suppose you've got any cover-up or powder or something-"

I gave him a look.

"Right." He shook his head. "You. Makeup. Stupid question."

"No kidding." I turned back to the mirror, unable to believe what I was seeing. It was such a simple, normal, stereotypical teenage problem. Boy leaves hickey on girl; girl freaks out about her protective father seeing. Except this protective father had seen the girl before she went to bed and knew she had not had a hickey at that time. Also, this protective father owned guns.

I was completely screwed.

And Jacob was snickering.

I wheeled on him. "This isn't funny," I said sharply.

"Yeah it is."

"No it's _not_."

"C'mon, it's a little funny."

"You won't think so when Charlie boards up my window!"

"Bells, relax. Don't you have a scarf or something?"

"It's _May!_"

"You're a freeze baby, though. You wear sweaters when it's seventy-five degrees. You can get away with a scarf." Jake put an arm around my shoulder and pulled me close, giving me one of his thorough hugs that instantly made the world a better place to be. "It'll be fine," he said, still holding back a laugh. "But I won't do that again. I promise."

Something in me huffed with disappointment.

It wasn't until now, when we were both standing, that I felt the weariness in Jacob's arms as he wrapped them around me, felt the way his head rested a little too heavily on mine. "Jake? Are you not sleeping again?"

He hesitated, then sighed. I'd gotten very good at telling when he was fudging the truth and he knew it. "We're all on double duty," he admitted. "Now that the bloodsuckers are starting to move around the area again instead of just staying home... Some of them have come pretty close to the treaty line. We've got to make sure they stay the hell where they're supposed to."

"So that's a 'no', then."

"Don't worry about me, Bells."

"Yeah, right," I grumbled. I grabbed his hand again - it felt so _good_ to be able to do that, just take Jacob's hand if I wanted to, it was worth every single moment of discomfort - and pulled him back towards the bed. "You can sleep now."

Jacob's shoulders slumped as he looked longingly at the pillows and blankets. "I can't," he said. "I was just supposed to stay long enough to deliver the message, then come back."

Disappointment flooded through me, fast and crippling. "Okay," I made myself say as I released his hand and sat down on the edge of the mattress. "Promise me you'll get some sleep the next time you have a free minute, though?" If Jacob made promises to me he had to keep them. Another imprint thing.

Jacob nodded. "I promise."

I suddenly felt very, very sad.

Tonight when he stepped forward, I didn't resist my urges. I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my cheek against the muscles of his firm stomach, closing my eyes. An hour here and an hour there just wasn't enough; maybe it was greedy or clingy, but I needed _more_.

One hot hand cupped the back of my neck, pressing me closer. The other began to stroke my hair gently. "Bella," he whispered. "Bella, honey, I love you so much."

I nodded against his skin.

After a few more minutes - though it could have been hours or mere seconds, it was hard to tell - Jacob let go, stepping back. I released him and blinked back the tears that had formed unwillingly. "See you tomorrow, Bells." I didn't dare look up; if I saw his face I was going to beg him to stay with every ounce of power I held over him.

I curled on the mattress, holding off the shudder of cold that ran up my spine as Jacob left me.

* * *

Charlie gave me a weird look at breakfast. "Why are you wearing a scarf?"

I focused hard my toast, praying I wasn't turning _too_ red. "It, um, matches," I said, displaying beat up leather glove on my left hand. Then I said the words guaranteed to keep my father from asking any more awkward questions. "It's a fashion thing."

"Oh. Right." Charlie nodded. "I see." And he went back to his cereal.

* * *

I skipped my library sojourn at lunch.

_I can do this,_ I told myself sternly as I took a deep breath in the hallway. _It's just a message. Not so bad. I can do this._

Right.

Angela and Jessica looked up in surprise when they saw me walk into the cafeteria, cutting off conversations with Mike and Ben and Eric - and Lauren, who had apparently taken up residence in my old seat. Their surprise turned to clear consternation as I bypassed them to head towards the table near the far wall.

The Cullens' table.

I'd only gotten a few steps before Angela was standing next to me with a hold on my arm. "Come on, Bella," she said gently, trying to steer me away. "Remember? Utter humiliation?"

I shook my head. "It's fine."

"_Utter humiliation_, Bella."

"No, really. I just need to tell them something." But as I looked back at the three unnaturally exquisite faces, a shiver of fear and guilt and longing ran through me. "Um... if I'm not done in five minutes, one of you come and get me, okay? Drag me away if you have to."

Angela paused, then studied my face. Her brown eyes grew serious and... worried. "Bella... what's going on? Is this more than just a breakup?"

Keeping secrets was miserable, not to mention exhausting, but I didn't have any choice about it. "No," I said. "Nope. Just a breakup." The expression on Angela's face turned hurt, but she released my arm and went back to her table; I really needed to learn to lie better.

Jasper, Alice, and _he_ watched me as I approached them. Every step I took, I felt myself being drawn closer, like I was attached by an invisible cord. _I'm only here to deliver a message,_ I repeated in my head. _I'm only here to deliver a message. I don't need anything else. I'm only here to deliver a message._

I was absolutely, completely terrified of myself.

Alice's pixie face glowed with happiness. "Bella! Hi!" Her windchime tones were even brighter than usual, like I was a prodigal daughter returned to the fold.

"Hi," I replied, gripping the back of a chair for support before I fell over.

"Sit down and have lunch with us," she said enthusiastically. "I missed you, we can-"

"I can't sit, Alice," I said, making an effort to keep my voice firm. It didn't really work - I sounded like I was reading from a script - but it was something. "I just need to pass along a message."

Alice's crestfallen expression was agonizing. I couldn't look at it.

I didn't dare turn to face _him_.

Instead I turned to Jasper, who watched me with studied neutrality. Even though he had tried to kill me last fall, I found him the least intimidating of the three now. At least there was nothing about him that drew me in... at least, no more than any other vampire.

_No more than any other vampire. _Sometimes I still missed Phoenix.

"Sam..." I faltered, and Jasper tilted his head to the side. I focused on him, ignoring the others. "Sam needs..." Should it be more formal than this? It felt like it should be more formal. This was business, after all.

Jasper nodded, silently urging me to continue. I didn't dare take a deep breath to calm my nerves; I was breathing as shallowly as I possibly could to keep the drugging scent out of my system, which was starting to make me lightheaded. Still, my heartbeat began to slow. I could do this. "The _Alpha_," I said more forcefully, "would like to... to hear from your coven leader..."

"You mean Carlisle?" Jasper said.

My face began to burn. "Yeah," I mumbled. "Carlisle. They want to know-" _don't forget to emphasize_ "-_when_ you'll be leaving. Sam would like a direct communication from Carlisle on the... you know, subject." I felt like a total idiot. "Something... um... official. Oh, and not by the phone, phones don't work. So, uh, a letter. Or something. Please."

There.

I heard the tiniest squeak from my right, and I knew Alice was trying not to laugh.

And I could feel _him_ on my left, watching silently.

Jasper, however, seemed completely unaffected by my stumbling performance. "I will relay the communication, and we will have a response for you forthwith." His Southern accent became even more pronounced as he spoke. He nodded courteously. "Please convey our gratitude to the Alpha for making his request in such an appropriate and gentlemanly fashion."

I decided not to mention how Sam had thrown the phone.

"Okay," I said quickly, taking a step backward. "That's all. Thanks."

"You're not going to stay?" Alice asked plaintively. I turned to look; her shoulders slumped elegantly. She was the picture of a dejected sprite, a fairy queen whose heart had been-

_Stop._

"No," I managed, swallowing past the guilt and the longing. "No, I can't."

Then _that_ voice spoke up, and I closed my eyes as his words caused pure liquid pleasure flowed through my body, filling my veins with sweet, cool bliss. "I can step out of the room if you would prefer, Bella." The angel's tone was despondent. "I know you would rather not speak to me. I wouldn't wish to stand between you and my sister."

I couldn't stop myself - I turned to face Edward. The heartbreak I saw there was a thousand times worse than what I'd seen in Alice's expression.

My will began to cave.

"Don't go," I whispered. "You don't have to go. I don't want you to go."

"There's no need to lie to me, Bella." Every word he spoke was like music. "I've seen the minds of your friends. I hope that I've done enough to make your efforts to avoid me successful. I have made every effort to... stay away. The last thing I want is to cause you any more pain."

Why on earth would I ask him to stay away?

Then Edward's topaz gaze dropped from my face to my neck, and he froze, forgetting even to pretend to breathe. I brushed my throat... and felt where my wool scarf had slipped. Alice gasped in shock.

Well, Jacob would be happy that the 'bloodsuckers' had seen what he'd left on me, at least.

A muscle twitched in Edward's chiseled jaw. "You _must_ be more careful, Bella," he growled as he stood up. Cold, tightly leased fury coiled through his words; even in his anger he was dazzling.

"It's not your business, Edward." My voice wavered, and the old wound in my chest began to throb miserably. "You and I... we're not..."

"Do you really think I am concerned about such petty trivialities as _jealousy _at a time like this?" he snarled. I'd forgotten how much taller than me he was. "Your _life_ is at stake. _Nothing_ is more important."

"Jacob would never-"

"They're nearly as strong as we are and have _nothing_ like our self control. If you spoke the wrong word the child could tear you into pieces before he'd even realized what he'd done. And you would let him close enough to you to..." Edward's golden eyes blazed into mine. "How could you be so idiotically careless, Bella?"

Edward's disappointment felt like knives in my chest. "Stop," I whispered. "Don't, I'm sorry-"

"Edward," Alice hissed, glancing nervously around the room. We were gaining an audience. "You need to step outside, or..." She trailed off, but Edward flinched suddenly. He must have seen something in her mind that he didn't like, because he instantly stepped away from the table and stormed out of the side door into the misty air of the courtyard.

I felt the tears spill over and run down my cheeks.

"Bella," Alice said quietly, looking miserable, "please, you have to understand-"

"Hey, Bella!" A warm arm wrapped around my shoulders, quickly and forcibly turning me from the Cullens' table. "We've got this project we _totally_ have to work on before sixth period," Jessica gushed. I noticed she wasn't unaffected either; her eyes were mostly on Alice, and her tone was kinder than I would have expected. But her response was nothing like mine. "Gotta steal her, sorry!"

"Can we go to the library?" I whispered as Jessica steered me away. "I don't want to stay in here."

"Yeah, sure." Jessica gave me a weird look as I wiped my tears away with my finger. "Wow. He really _does_ do a number on you, doesn't he?"

I nodded.

"What a tool," she said breezily. As we walked out the double doors, she reached up and readjusted my scarf, snickering. "Great hickey, by the way. Scarves are _such_ a rookie move. Don't you have any foundation?"

I met Jessica's smirk and somehow, to my utter surprise, I found myself almost smiling.

* * *

_**Coming Soon**: Riposte_

_**Sanity Update**: For burn care information I took a page from the Stephenie Meyer School of Research - by which I mean I asked Google. My apologies for mistakes, but I had to stop looking after I clicked on Image Search for "second degree burns". *shudder* Also, yeah, I know in New Moon Jacob talked to Carlisle on the phone and it worked perfectly fine. I'm making just the merest hint of a canon change on that one... because it amuses me. So there. As a side note, Reasoning With Vampires' "we're entering serious psychological fuckery, kids" tag is extremely useful in Cullen-writing._


	5. Riposte

_who'll be your lazarus / who'll be your lover?  
Karine Polwart, "Resolution Road"_

* * *

**3. Riposte**

* * *

It was three days - three days of wondering and worrying and dreading - before Jasper approached me at the beginning of Algebra. He towered over my desk, holding himself formally like an actor out of an old army movie. "Good afternoon, Bella."

I shrank in my seat and tried to take shallow breaths.

"Ex_cuse_ me," Jessica said from next to me, raising her eyebrows pointedly at Jasper. "I think your seat is over _there_."

He answered her hostility with a warm smile. Jasper's vampiric perfection couldn't hold a candle to Edward's, but he was still beautiful, and his... _aura_ projected nothing but friendliness. "My apologies, miss. I'll only be a moment."

Jessica wasn't immune. She flushed pink and looked down at her homework, redrawing the curve of her sine graph with quick fingers.

I made an effort to look steady as Jasper turned back to me. The yellow of his eyes was so bright it almost looked like fresh butter; he must have been keeping _very_ well fed since the Cullens' return. Given that his loss of control was what had prompted them to leave in the first place, that probably wasn't a bad idea. "I believe that this will satisfy the parties in question," he said, handing me an envelope.

I took it. The paper was heavy and thick; I could feel the nuanced texture of the surface, even with the sense-dulled fingers of my left hand. Written on the front in impeccable cursive were the words For the Eyes of Sam Uley.

This was all very surreal. "Thank you," I said automatically.

"We would like a response as well," Jasper added. "Whenever most suits Mr. Uley, of course. There is no need for undue haste."

_No need for undue haste_. That didn't sound promising at _all_. I tucked the envelope into my backpack. "Thanks, I'll... let him know," I said, my head starting to spin. The shallow breathing was depriving my brain of oxygen; I fought it, but a second later my body overrode my mind and forced me to inhale deeply.

Perfume immediately saturated my lungs. For the briefest moment I felt that pleasure, that joy, and the accompanying thread of terror that ran beneath it all like an underground river-

-then the feelings vanished just as quickly. Both the terror _and_ the joy. The pleasure remained, singing in my nerve endings, but it wasn't nearly as powerful as it had been a single breath earlier.

I blinked.

Jasper raised an eyebrow. "Better?"

"I..." My heart sped up as I realized what had just happened. "Don't do that," I hissed at him. My arms wrapped around my stomach protectively, like flesh and plaster would protect me from his abilities. Jasper Hale could manipulate the emotions of the people around him, and he'd just done it to me. "Don't _ever _do that."

"It was only counteractive." Jasper narrowed his eyes at me in an evaluative way I didn't like, as though I were a piece of some strange puzzle he was slowly putting together. "As much as possible, that is. I thought you'd prefer a mitigating effect."

"She'd _prefer_ you be on your way," Jessica spoke up suddenly. His 'counteractive' measures must have hit her too, because all traces of blushing were gone from her face. Her expression had become dismissive. She made a little shoo-ing motion with her hand. "Begone now."

Jasper smiled - a little wider this time, showing a few razor-sharp teeth - but he nodded politely before turning around and taking his desk at the back of the room.

"He is _so weird_," Jessica muttered. "What was all _that_ about?"

"Oh... um... I'm supposed to pass this note along to a teacher. Jasper... missed a test and needs to make it up."

I _needed_ to become a better liar.

"_Right_," Jessica said, drawing out the word skeptically.

Luckily, any further questions were forestalled by the beginning of the lesson on parabolic equations.

* * *

At the end of the school day I dashed for the old payphone near the front office. I didn't have much time; Charlie would only wait a few minutes out front before he would begin to worry that something had happened to me at the hands of his other arch-enemies. His ban on the Quileute 'gang' was absolute, but his ban on the Cullen family could only extend to our house.

My father was probably the only person in the whole world who hated that I was attending school with Edward as much as Jacob did.

Life would be much easier if I could use my recently-replaced cell to contact people, but Charlie would see the number called when the bill came. In my haste to dig quarters out of my pack I jammed my hand against the metal teeth of the outer pocket. I swore and jerked back as my frayed nerve endings screamed in protest.

_Ow_.

I spared a few moments for a deep breath, then gingerly peeled off my leather glove and looked at the damage. The healing skin had split along my left index finger. Dark, crimson drops welled from the quarter-inch cut. I shoved the finger into my mouth quickly, sucking hard as I glanced around.

No Cullens to smell my blood.

Using the free fingers of my right hand instead, I finally fished out the correct change and dialed the phone number I'd long since memorized, holding the receiver to my ear with my shoulder. After two rings, a low voice answered. "Hello?"

"Hi, Billy."

The silence was deafening. "Bella," Billy responded finally, his tone frigid.

I swallowed, the taste of copper sticking in my throat and turning my stomach. I still hated everything about blood. "I just... could you tell Jake," I mumbled, trying to talk around my finger, "that I've got the response? Charlie's working really late, so he can come pick it up before nine. Whenever works best."

There was such a long pause that I wasn't sure whether my words had been comprehensible, but Billy eventually said, "I'll pass that along."

"Okay. Thanks." I hung up the phone without waiting for acknowledgment and got out of the building as fast as I could without tripping over my own feet.

Charlie looked impatient as I slid into the cruiser. "That took awhile, Bells, was there-" Then he frowned as he saw the blood oozing from my fingertip. "What happened?" he demanded, already reaching for the little first aid kit in the glove compartment.

"It's nothing," I said. I winced a little as he efficiently covered my finger in gauze and wrapped it in place with white tape. He'd gotten very good at bandaging in the last month. "Just scraped it, that's all."

"It might need antibiotics. I can call out of work-"

"_No!_" At Charlie's strange look, I faked a smile and tried to recover. "No, I can do it myself. I'm not an invalid, Dad. And you've already taken off about a million hours to take care of me."

"You're my daughter," he said, as though that explained everything.

"Yeah, I know. But I'll be all right." I looked down at my hand, wishing that I didn't have to lie _all the time_. "Thanks, though."

Charlie made a noncommittal noise in response as he put the cruiser into drive and pulled out of the parking lot.

* * *

After Charlie dropped me off at the house I found myself sitting in the living room, turning the envelope over and over in my hand.

The message was meant for Sam. For the Alpha. For the Pack.

I was _dying_ to know what it said.

It would probably be wrong to hold the envelope up to the light. Or steam it open. I'd never _tried_ steaming open a sealed envelope, but people did it on television all the time. You were supposed to use an iron or something, right?

And maybe it wouldn't be _so_ wrong. Embry had said once that I counted as a member of the Pack now, so... maybe it wouldn't be such a big deal. And I was an imprint. I'd saved the lives of Pack members. Maybe I _deserved _to look.

My fingers toyed with the edges of the paper-

"Are you peeking?" a male voice asked suddenly.

I jumped, whirling around - and promptly fell off the couch in an undignified heap.

"Oh, crap." Quil Ateara dashed over from the doorway, looking apologetic. He reached down to help me up. "Um... sorry."

"No problem. I do that a lot." I glanced at my left hand as I lifted it; the glove was off, thanks to the gauze, but there were no new cuts from my embarrassing fall. That was something. "Um, be careful, okay?"

"Well, yeah, I- oh." Quil's eyes widened as he looked at the burns. He hesitated, then reached past my hand to grip my wrist instead. When he pulled me back to my feet I felt it in my shoulder even though he was clearly trying to be careful. "Uh, you okay?"

"Yeah." I tried to ignore the way Quil stared at my scars. "How did you get in here?"

"The front door," he said, nonplussed.

I winced. "Did anyone see you?"

"No, why?"

Wonderful. Apparently Jacob hadn't thought to inform Quil of the rules of the house. "Right. Where's Jake? Is he outside?"

"Nah, he's on patrol." Quil shrugged. He was even more enormous than the last time I'd seen him, shortly before he'd phased for the first time. He'd added at least another inch of height and maybe fifteen more pounds of solid muscle, all of which were visible in his bare chest and arms. "I got sent to pick you up. Ready to go?"

I blinked in surprise. "Go?"

"Yeah, to La Push." He raised his eyebrows. "To Emily's. Sam told me to bring you. _Everyone's_ gonna be there, no one wants to miss this." He glanced with interest down at the envelope. "_Did_ you open it? 'Cause I really want to-"

"All right, someone must have forgotten to pass along the message," I interrupted, exasperated, "but I'm not allowed to go to La Push. I'm basically under house arrest. Charlie doesn't let me out anywhere."

Quil looked confused. "Billy said your dad was gonna be gone all evening."

"Yeah, but-" I pointed at the telephone sitting on the side table. "He usually calls a couple of times to check in, make sure I'm okay."

"So tell him you fell asleep or something. C'mon, this is Grounding 101. Haven't you ever snuck out before?"

I frowned. "Well... no. But I _promised _my dad."

Quil's derisive snort told me he didn't think much of my teenage morals. "Oh, come on. It's only for an hour or two. Besides-" he glanced down at the envelope again "-don't you want to know what it says?"

I did. _Badly_. But that wasn't the point. "I still can't-"

"Jake'll be waiting for you."

That did it.

"Okay," I sighed. I handed Quil the envelope. "You win."

He grinned widely. "I figured that would do the trick. Embry was right - you imprint people are _weird_."

"So I've heard," I grumbled. A thought occured to me. "And how are we getting there?" I held up my hands - there was no way I'd be able to hang onto his fur. "I mean, I could ride you, but I don't think I... uh..."

...I felt my face heat up.

Quil blinked, then snickered like a twelve-year-old. "Sweet. I'm totally gonna tell Jake that you offered to ride _me_ before you've ridden _him_."

_Holy crow_. "That's none of your business," I muttered, stalking past him to put on my shoes.

"Everything's _everyone's_ business thanks to this stupid mind-meld thing. Trust me, I'd rather not see all Jake's fantasies of you _riding_-"

"_Quil!_"

"-I mean, it was bad enough listening to _Bella this_ and _Bella that_ back when you two were working on those bikes-"

I threw one of Charlie's boots at his head. Unfortunately I was throwing left-handed and he had superhuman reflexes; the boot sailed right by and crashed into the coffee table. "Shut _up_," I said through gritted teeth.

Quil didn't stop smirking, but he _did_ hold up his hands in a gesture of surrender. "Okay, okay. And _no_, you don't have to ride me, I brought my car like a normal person and everything. Besides, the treaty kind of says that we can't phase anywhere except our own lands." He rolled his eyes. "We got the rez and a promise they wouldn't bite humans; the bloodsuckers wound up with _everything_ else."

"I think your ancestors needed better negotiating strategies."

"In more ways than one." Quil glanced again at the envelope in his hand. He sniffed, and a disgusted look came over his face. "It stinks like them."

"Who knows how long they've had it in their house." I couldn't smell anything, but wolf senses were much stronger than mine. "The paper looks pretty old." And expensive.

"Nasty," he remarked. "Let's go, the Pack's waiting on us. And I'm starving."

"You guys are _always_ starving."

"Hey, we're teenage boys-

"Except for Leah."

"-except for Leah, _and_ we're gigantic wolves. That takes a _lot_ of junk food."

"Uh-huh."

Quil's car sat in the driveway, a rusted sedan that seemed to be held together with gum and baling wire. I glanced from side to side, but none of the neighbors were in their yards. "By the way," Quil said, looking down at me seriously, "I'm sorry about the stuff I said at the store."

"Huh? Oh. That." The last time I'd seen Quil he'd still been in the dark about the werewolf situation and... words had been exchanged. "It's fine. I probably would've said the same stuff if I'd been in your shoes." Except with less swearing, probably.

"So, friends again?"

I nodded as I tried to get into the car without needing a tetanus shot. "Yeah, friends again."

Quil looked relieved to be let off the hook. "Cool. Now let's just hope The Beast starts, she sounded a little hiccupy on the way here."

Great.

* * *

The ride to La Push didn't take long, in spite of the hiccuping; ugly as The Beast was, she seemed to function properly. She wasn't nearly as impressive as Jacob's Rabbit, though... which I didn't say out loud. Boys seemed to get really sensitive about their rides.

There weren't any other cars parked front of Emily's tiny one-and-a-half story house. No one else had needed to drive. As Quil cut the engine, a familiar figure swung open the faded blue door and darted out onto the rickety porch. "It's about time!" Embry Call shouted at us. "I'm going to eat your food, man!"

"Do it and I'll break your arm!" Quil shouted back. I suspected he wasn't kidding, but then, Embry probably wasn't either. All of the wolves had ridiculous appetites, but Embry's was especially appalling.

"Uh-huh. I know you, Ateara, you're all bark and no bite." As I got out of the car, Embry's face lit up. "Well, look who's finally sprung!" He ducked his head back into the house, and I heard him shout, "Hey, guys, Buffy's here!"

"Great," I heard someone yell back from inside. "Time to eat, then!"

Emily's first floor had a long couch and an overstuffed armchair tucked in the corner next to a fireplace; other than that it was all kitchen. A warm, home-y place that always smelled like baking bread, it functioned as the base of operations for Pack business. When I'd spent time here several weeks ago there had only been five wolves coming and going; now there were eight. There was barely room to move among the enormous bodies, and the din was deafening as they all talked amongst themselves.

As an introvert who only lived with her less-than-talkative father, I was accustomed to silent days and quiet nights. This was the _exact opposite_ of that. I didn't hate it - it was nice, actually - but I felt a little overwhelmed nonetheless.

I didn't see Jacob anywhere.

Emily spotted me from near the stove and smiled; as always, only one half of her mouth moved as she did. The ruined right side of her face, with its deep scars and destroyed muscles, remained immobile. "Bella!" she called, motioning me over. I waved back, but there was absolutely no way for me to make it past the crush of people. My five-foot-four height didn't even come to the shoulders of anyone in this room.

Embry fixed the problem for me by shoving Jared, the nearest, playfully to the side. Jared crashed into Seth Clearwater, who yelped. "Move it, boys. Out of the way for the slayer chick."

Jared looked down from his ridiculous height. "Oh, hey, Bella!" he said - or rather, mumbled. His mouth was full and he had a half-eaten blueberry muffin in his hand.

"Hi," I replied meekly. "Um, can I get through?"

Jared backed up, knocking into Seth again. I gaped at the fourteen-year-old as he glared and rubbed his shoulder; the last time I'd seen him he was a kid looking worshipfully at Jacob across a dinner table, hanging on his idol's every word. Now Seth was over six feet tall. The transformation was unsettling.

"Kim's been missing you," Jared said as I wiggled past. "Will you be hanging out more now?"

"No, it's a one time thing." I shrugged. "For now, anyway. Tell Kim I said hi, though."

"Will do."

With more of Embry's help I made my way to the kitchen counter. Emily brandished a spatula in his direction pointedly. "Help her up before you all squish her."

"Help me up?" I asked blankly.

"Okay, okay." Embry grinned down at me. "Don't tell Jake I did this," he said, grasping me firmly around the waist.

My eyebrows shot up. "What are you-" Then I gasped as Embry lifted me effortlessly off the floor, as though I weighed ten pounds instead of a hundred and ten. He quickly set me down on the counter; my shoulders bumped against the cabinets.

"There," Emily said, satisfied. "Now you won't get trampled."

"Thanks," I mumbled. Being suddenly grabbed by someone I didn't actually know that well was a little touchy-feely for me, but I'd figured out awhile ago that the wolves didn't have much concept of personal space.

"No problem." Then Embry turned back to Emily. "Are there any muffins left?"

Emily rolled her eyes. "You're all eating me out of house and home," she complained, pointing at the kitchen table. "I think you'll have to fight for the last few." When Embry lunged toward the nearly empty basket, she turned to me, shaking her head. "Do you have any idea how much flour I'm going through?"

"I can only imagine," I said honestly. I tried to only look at the left side of her face; not seeing her for over a month had dulled my memory of just how bad her scars were. I'd probably get used to them again soon.

Emily, meanwhile, was staring at my neck with a slight smile on the mobile half of her lips. "Don't worry," she said wryly. "He'll stop leaving them in a month or so."

"What?" I touched my throat... and scowled. Jessica had loaned me a tube of foundation, but by the end of the day it usually wore off, leaving the greenish cast of my hickey visible. "How obvious is it?" I'd need to reapply the makeup before I went home. How did girls in normal relationships do this?

"Not very unless you're close. I have some solid cover-up for when I go out, we'll put some on later."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome." Emily glanced down at the counter. Her smile fell. "May I see?" she asked, nodding toward my left hand. I blushed as I lifted my arm. She took my wrist in a loose grip, examining my skin; after a moment she looked back up. "Maybe we should start a club," she suggested, light teasing in her voice.

I giggled in response - until I remembered something. "Uh, by the way... your hoodie. It needs some repairs."

"I figured as much. Just have Jacob send it along."

"By the way, where is-"

"_Quiet_," a commanding voice boomed.

Everyone instantly closed their mouths; the abrupt silence was disconcerting, like someone hitting the 'off' switch on a loud radio. Emily quirked her eyebrow and gave me the tiniest smug look. That was _her_ wolf speaking, after all.

Sam Uley stepped through the doorway into the suddenly mute house. Jacob came in behind him, his eyes scanning the room; when he spotted me, he visibly relaxed and shot me a huge grin. A weight instantly lifted off my shoulders as he did, and I beamed back at him.

Unlike me, Sam didn't have any trouble making his way through the room; he was taller than everyone except Jacob, and more muscled even than him. He wasn't wearing a shirt, same as the others - and as he approached the kitchen table I had to swallow a gasp.

Livid scar tissue sliced through Sam's left side. It ran from his shoulder to his hip, a handspan wide, a souvenir of his last encounter with a vampire. Though I'd seen and made an effort to dress the wound myself at the time, I hadn't realized how far it had stretched the limits of his supernatural healing capabilities. At least he'd lived, something that had been in doubt for several terrifying hours.

I glanced around the room and met Paul's eyes. He and I had been the ones who attempted to keep things together during that awful incident. I smiled hesitantly at him, but he snorted and looked away. Paul had never liked or trusted me, the new girl who'd run with vampires; apparently our shared experience hadn't changed that. I doubted he liked that I'd seen him throwing up in Emily's shrubbery.

The thick envelope seemed tiny in Sam's enormous hand. As he took a chair at the table, I noticed him look fleetingly at Emily. Her smirk widened ever-so-slightly, and Sam's answering quirk of his lips wouldn't have been noticeable to anyone who wasn't watching as closely as I was. Then his face was back to its customary hardness, and he ripped the envelope open without ceremony and unfolded a sheet of stiff white paper. I could see more of that elegant, flawless calligraphy flowing across the page.

Everyone leaned in - including me - as Sam read the contents quickly and silently. His only reaction was a slight narrowing of his eyes. After what felt like an hour but was probably a few minutes, he set the paper down on the table. I heard a strange sound; it took me a moment to realize it was grinding teeth.

I'd been right. This wasn't promising.

The silence continued - all the wolves were still under Sam's directive. I looked toward the door and saw Jacob looking back at me, his whole body tense. I longed to go wrap my arms around him, but I felt as frozen in place as everyone else.

Another minute.

And another.

Finally Emily burst out, "For God's sake, Sam, tell them what it says." I was one of the few people in the room who recognized her words for what they were: an order from his imprint.

Sam began to read aloud in a carefully controlled voice.

_To the Alpha of the Quileute Pack and Whomever Else it May Concern:_

_I must begin by offering my most sincere apologies. A series of errors and misunderstandings on my part are entirely accountable for the situation your family and mine now find ourselves in, and for that I take full responsibility._

_I am sorry to say that in spite of being a primary oral signatory of the original treaty that continues to exist between my coven and your tribe, I was tragically ignorant of the full effect of our presence. The radius of our influence has proven far greater than either myself or your original representatives anticipated; as recent events have proven, our merely remaining absent from the ancestral land of the Quileute people has been insufficient to prevent mutations among your youth. The blame falls upon my shoulders and I bear it willingly. It is my genuine hope that the day will come wherein I am able to make amends for the grievous wrongs that have resulted from my carelessness. In the meantime all I am able to offer is assurances of my genuine remorse._

_On the subject in question, it is the intent of my family to vacate this area within the next six weeks, pending the graduation of three members of our coven from the local school. That being said, I must state a contingency for our removal from this location._

_The concern among certain members of my family for the welfare of one Isabella Marie Swan is very great. The internal negotiations of our coven have led to the following suggested compromise: the treaty between your tribe and my family must be amended to stipulate that Miss Swan remain a minimum of three hundred miles away from the Quileute reservation for the duration of her natural life._

_Funds will be provided by myself for the relocation of Miss Swan and her family to any destination she so chooses, as well as any financial aid that may support her future endeavors, whatever those should be. Should Miss Swan opt not to relocate, or should her relocation be hampered in any way, our coven will remain present in the area to ensure her safety and protection from potential harm at the hands of your pack and/or other threats to her well-being. Previous treaty boundaries will be disregarded in this effort should it become necessary._

_It is with a heavy heart that I present this condition to you, but my son has chosen not to live without Bella Swan, and therefore I too am left with no choice._

_I am more than willing to discuss the matter in additional detail should you desire. Please respond at your earliest convienience._

_Respectfully, Dr. Carlisle Cullen, MD_

Another silence - very different from the one before - fell across the room as Sam finished reading and set the letter back down.

It was broken by an inhuman growl. I looked up in alarm just in time to see Jacob run out the front door, so fast I almost couldn't follow him with my naked eye. Through the window I saw a blur of red fur disappear into the forest.

"Jake," I whispered. I felt as though my stomach was full of stones. I wondered if he could feel it too; I certainly sensed his wrath slamming into me like waves. His pain, my pain. I tried to jump off the kitchen counter to go after him, but Emily grabbed my shoulder and held me in place; Jared was pulling off his shoes. A moment later another wolf followed Jacob's path through the trees.

The tension in the house was a tangible thing. At first I thought that was why I was light-headed, but then I realized it was because I'd stopped breathing again.

One breath, in and out. Two. Three.

_...a minimum of three hundred miles away from the Quileute reservation for the duration of her natural life..._

Sam sighed and rubbed his forehead, then said reluctantly, "Go ahead. Talk if you want."

The shouting was instantaneous and deafening.

"Who does the hell does that bloodsucker think he _is_-"

"-are we supposed to get a lawyer or something to look this crap over-"

"-he had better damn well be kidding-"

"-did he say _mutations_-"

"-high and mighty leeches-"

"-total bullshit-"

"-he can shove his 'sincere apologies' right up his-"

_...our coven will remain present in the area to ensure her safety and protection from potential harm at the hands of your pack..._

Four breaths. Five. Six.

"All right! All right!" Sam shouted over the din. "That's enough!" I noticed he'd lowered his hand down to his side, and Emily stepped forward automatically to take it. Their fingers laced together under the table.

Slowly the room quieted down, aside from a general indignant grumbling. Sam reached back into the envelope and pulled out another sheet of heavy, textured paper. This one was blank.

Quil gawked. "Jesus, did they send a self-addressed stamped envelope too? What the hell is _wrong_ with these bastards?"

"Being dead's gotta do weird things to your brain." Embry said it off-handedly, but he too looked furious. "Like thinking you can tell _us_ who we're allowed to have on _our _lands."

"Bella?" Sam didn't turn to look at me when he said my name. He continued to focus on the sheet in front of him, reading Carlisle's message again and again. "Do you have anything to say about this?"

"Oh, come _on_, Sam, you can't be-"

"It's not the girl's fault-"

"I'm only asking her opinion," he said, his voice hard and authoritative. "The letter is about her, after all."

Seven breaths. Eight. Nine.

"Bella?"

_...the radius of our influence has proven far greater than either myself or your original representatives anticipated..._

They were expecting a response.

_"Bella."_

"I don't want to go," I said. My voice shook uncontrollably in spite of my best efforts. "I don't want to leave. But... how many... will there be more phasings? If the Cullens stay?"

"Yes." Sam's tone was flat and matter of fact.

I swallowed hard.

More people like Embry and Quil. More kids like Seth. Their childhoods would be taken away, their sunniness drained out of them as they'd be forced to take part in a war that they hadn't even known existed... and it would be my fault. Because I was too selfish to leave. Because I'd put my own needs above the needs of countless others.

But... _Jacob_...

Paul was standing up from his kitchen chair. He reached forward and pulled the blank sheet of paper across the table, grabbing a pen out of a styrofoam cup.

"Wait a sec," Seth said anxiously, "I'm not sure you're supposed to-"

Too late. Paul had already scribbled out the Quileute Pack's official response to Carlisle Cullen's ultimatum. We all leaned forward to read it.

_Fuck You._

"Subtle," Embry remarked dryly. "You're a real diplomat, Paul."

"No, that's right."

_What?_

I stared in shock at Sam, who had pulled the white paper back across the table and was adding a few lines beneath Paul's message. "It... it is?"

"They don't dictate terms to us," the Alpha said calmly. He was still holding Emily's hand, and she leaned slightly against his shoulder. "The coven will leave in six weeks regardless of where you are, or the Pack will _make_ them leave - one way or another."

Quil grinned widely. "Hell yeah."

"Sounds good to me," growled Paul.

Then a new voice spoke up. "Well, that's just _fabulous_. Let's all go to war and get ourselves killed over Bella Swan's scrawny ass. _Great_ idea, O Wise Leader."

I shrank back against the cabinets.

A muscle in Sam's jaw ticked. "It isn't about Bella. We are _not_ going to be blackmailed by bloodsuckers. Especially when they have no business being here in the first place."

"Besides," Quil said, "We can take 'em."

"Uh-_huh_." Leah Clearwater's six foot frame leaned against the stone fireplace, her well-defined arms crossed over her chest. She'd chopped off her beautiful long hair into a rough pixie cut; her stylish clothes had been replaced by cutoff shorts and a frayed tank top. The only feature that remained familiar to me was her feather duster eyelashes. "And you've killed how many leeches so far, Ateara? Zero. Hell, the whole pack's only gotten _one_; it was Buffy here who flamed the other." Unlike Embry, when Leah called me 'Buffy' it sounded like an epithet. "So forgive me if I doubt your mad epic skills. I want to know why we're about to face down an entire nest of vampires for Jacob Black's paleface girlfriend."

Paul glowered at Leah. "She's not Jacob's _girlfriend_, idiot, she's his _imprint_."

Leah's frigid gaze flicked first to Sam, then to Emily. Her lip curled into a snarl. "_So?_ Jacob can leave too, if his _imprint_ is so damn important to him."

Emily raised her chin and glared right back.

I'd already heard the story: Sam and Leah had been in love. Then, after Sam began phasing into a werewolf, he'd imprinted on Emily - Leah's cousin and best friend. It wasn't his fault. It wasn't _anyone's_ fault. Except there was no way Leah could have known that, and she'd spent more than a year with only the knowledge that Sam had dumped her and immediately gone running to Emily for no apparent reason. But now Leah was part of the werewolf pack and _did_ know what had happened... and apparently that hadn't made things any better.

Embry leaned over to me and muttered, "She's fun, huh?" Leah shot him a dirty look; he rolled his eyes.

"This is what we're doing, Leah." Sam didn't look up from the paper where he was still writing, but his voice was carefully controlled. "Jacob isn't going to be chased off of our lands. And that's the end of it."

"_That's the end of it?_ You're our _Alpha_, Sam Uley, not our _father_._" _Leah's bitter smile widened. "Right, Embry?"

I felt Embry jerk next to me, and an awkward silence fell.

Seth finally spoke up. "Leah... stop, okay?" His voice sounded pained... maybe at the word _father_.

Leah glanced at her little brother, then blew out a breath and looked away. "Fine. But if she's going to stay, can she at least make herself useful?"

"Of course," I said quickly. Maybe even a little eagerly. I _wanted_ to be useful. Anything was better than pacing in Emily's kitchen. "What can I do to help?"

"Tell us about the bloodsuckers. How many are there? What can these bastards do?"

_Wait._

"Good point." Paul's voice was almost as hard as Leah's. "You've got information on them."

"That's right, they told you all that stuff, didn't they."

"Is it true they have powers?"

"If they've got some weird tricks it _would_ be good to know."

I pulled back, feeling attacked from all sides. "I... um... it's not that simple," I said lamely.

"Sure it is," Leah said. Her cold gaze was back on me. "If you're Jacob's _imprint_, then you should be one of us, right? So _prove_ it. Tell us what you know."

I glanced at Emily, looking for help. None was forthcoming. Her face was studied and neutral; she agreed with the rest of them.

_Too much too much too much._

I _did_ know quite a bit about the vampiric world. I knew what the Cullens could do, what they were capable of. But these were things that had been told to me in _confidence_, back when I was going to be a member of their family. Even as upset as I was right now, even as frightened as I'd become, I'd loved them all once. They'd loved me. They'd trusted me with their secrets.

Now I would be handing those secrets to the people designed to destroy them.

And _everyone _was watching me.

But it... it was only fair, right? I tried to reason with myself, to make myself feel better about what I was going to have to do. The Cullens had started it; there wouldn't even _be_ any werewolves in La Push if not for them. And it seemed like they already knew lots about what the Pack could do. Shouldn't the playing field be even? Shouldn't it be a fair fight?

Because there was no point in kidding myself. There was going to be a fight.

"There's seven of them," I whispered. "Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, and Edward are the ones from the original treaty." I thought of Esme's sweet, motherly face as I spoke. Stabbing guilt made my eyes fill with tears. "Emmett, Jasper, and Alice joined later."

"Are there others?" Sam's voice was emotionless.

"None around here. The only others I've ever met were Laurent, James, and Victoria, and they're all dead." They'd all died trying to kill me. "There's a family in Alaska, though, that are like the Cullens. They only drink animal blood too."

Someone snorted derisively.

"That's what I was told, anyway. I don't know for sure. Laurent stayed with them for awhile. And, um..." I wracked my brain, trying to shake loose the details that I'd worked so hard to forget. "There's a group in Italy. The Volturi. They're like royalty, I guess, and you're not supposed to provoke them." The old wound in my chest - the hole covered in scar tissue - throbbed mercilessly against my ribs. "That's all. I don't know of any more."

"And powers?" Leah pressed. She seemed to be enjoying watching me squirm. "Jacob said _your _bloodsucker can read minds. What about the rest of them?"

I squeezed my eyes shut. This was it. The final betrayal. "Alice can see the future sometimes, but it doesn't always work exactly right." I heard murmurs fill the room. "Jasper can change the emotions of the people around him. Make them weaker, at least. I don't know if he can make them stronger. If the others have any special abilities, I've never seen them."

It was so hard to breathe.

After a long, contemplative moment, it was Seth who broke the silence. "Wow. That _sucks_."

I opened my eyes to see Emily mouthing _Thank you_. And the others were watching me with varying levels of gratitude. Even Leah's frosty glare had mellowed into a look of sullen appreciation.

It didn't help. I was a traitor.

I was saved from any further questioning or response by the sound of heavy footfalls; a moment later Jared clomped through the front door, shaking dirt out of his short hair. I glanced out the window and saw slumped shoulders and russet skin sitting on the porch steps. There must have been spare shorts in The Beast. Emily didn't try to stop me this time as I climbed down from the counter.

Sam raised an eyebrow at Jared and Jared nodded slightly in response. I heard him asking, "So, what'd I miss?" before I closed the door behind me with a click.

The afternoon haze had burned off a little; clouds still filled the sky, but the May air was warm. The coffee cans lining the porch railing spilled over with flowers. "Jared talked you down?" I asked.

"Yeah." Jacob's voice was quiet. "He has Kim, so... he kinda gets it."

"Right." He didn't look at me as I sat down next to him on the steps; he was still shaking slightly. I had no idea what to say - there wasn't anything _to_ say, really. So I tucked myself under his arm and buried my face in his heated side. His scent wasn't drugging or delicious; he just smelled like earth and sweat. Jacob smelled _alive_.

I listened to him breathe as his ribs rose and fell against my body. I felt his heart beat in my own veins.

"Don't go," he said simply.

I shook my head. "I won't. I promise."

He pressed his lips against my temple.

* * *

_"Bella!"_

I blinked as I raised my head from the couch. "Dad?" My voice was hoarse; my throat felt like it had been attacked with sandpaper. The living room light flicked on and I winced as my eyes tried to adjust.

Charlie stood over me, still in his uniform, his hands on his hips. His expression was _not_ happy. "I called three times this afternoon."

"Sorry," I said tonelessly. "I took a nap." Which was true. After Jacob had brought me home and left again all-too-quickly I'd laid down and cried myself to sleep, too overwhelmed to remain conscious.

Charlie's stern expression faded as he looked at me; it changed into something that hurt my heart. "Bells, kiddo," he said unhappily, "can't you-"

"Let's watch some sports," I interrupted, staring forward at the blank television screen. "What's on?"

There was a long pause, then finally- "The Mariners are playing New York. King Felix is pitching. We might actually win for once."

"Sounds good."

Charlie flicked on the game. As he sat down next to me I curled into a fetal position; he hesitated, then set his hand on my foot and squeezed it. "Bella... I know you don't want to talk to me, but if you called your mother, maybe she could..."

"Dad," I said, watching player in pinstripes swing a bat, "believe me, you're the one I would tell."

After a moment I heard Charlie swallow, then he squeezed my foot again and we watched the Mariners lose in spectacular fashion.

* * *

The next morning I waited in the school parking lot after my father dropped me off, pulling the envelope with the Pack's response out of my backpack and turning it over in my hand. I didn't have any great career aspirations at this point in time, but at least I was exhibiting some talent as a courier. Maybe I was meant to work for FedEx.

The rest of the students slowly filtered inside, chatting about homework and Friday night plans and whatever else teenagers with normal lives talked about. I waited through the first warning bell, then the second, alone in the misty air.

The silver Volvo finally pulled into the lot, ten minutes after first period had started. Alice was the driver and only passenger. As she climbed out, her delicate pixie face lighting up with delight at the sight of me, I was suddenly hit by a wave of emotion so strong it nearly bowled me over.

Fury.

Absolute, total, consuming fury.

This was my _life_.

Alice's lithe, graceful steps slowed as she approached, her eager expression changing to one of wariness. Everything I was feeling must have been obvious on my face. By the time she stood before me her entire being radiated disappointment. "Bella-"

"I want to talk to him."

"Bella, listen-"

"I want to talk to Edward. Where is he?"

"He's hunting today." Alice's tone was sorrowful, but for once it didn't touch my heart. I was too angry. "Please, Bella, understand... he's trying _so_ hard, I swear. He's been trying to stay away from you, and he's been telling me to stay away too. He doesn't want to manipulate you; this is because you're not safe, that's all. He's not trying to make you unhappy."

"Well he _is!_" I exploded. I was happy that my voice sounded furious instead of petulant, because I was in serious danger of crying with frustration. "I'm not going anywhere and I don't want my friends to suffer because of it!"

Alice's large yellow eyes widened. "You're not going to leave?"

"No." I thrust the white envelope at her and she took it automatically, looking stunned. "I'm not."

"Bella, this is a bad idea-"

"When Edward gets back," I said, ignoring her bell-like words, "tell him I want to speak to him. At his _earliest convenience._"

"_Bella!_"

I stalked into the school, where first period Chemistry was waiting for me.

* * *

_**Coming Soon**: Girls' Night_

_**Sanity Update**: While writing this I realized I'd made my first huge, unbelievable, UNFORGIVABLE canon mistake. In book!canon, Jasper graduated with Emmett and Rosalie. He's still at Forks High in movie!canon, but these fics aren't movie, they're book. There was much screaming when I realized this and then about an hour of swearing that that was it, I was giving up and not writing another word, I'd failed and had no choice but to change my name to Towanda and begin my new life in Uruguay. Eventually I calmed down, but I am SO sorry, guys. One simple goal: a canon-compliant alternative ending to the Twilight saga, and I cocked it up in the first chapter. *sob* (Side note: flow is vastly easier once you're through with all the stupid new-book-recap stuff.) _


	6. Girls' Night

_the curtains flew and then he appeared / saying don't be afraid / and she had no fear  
Alana Davis, "The Reaper"_

* * *

**4. Girls' Night**

* * *

The next morning, I came to a clear and inescapable conclusion: I needed a break. I desperately, _desperately_ needed a break.

"Hey, Dad?"

Charlie looked up from his paper and seven-grain bagel with non-fat veggie cream cheese. I was still winning the heart-healthy food battle. "Yeah?"

"Can I invite Angela and Jessica to sleep over tonight?"

I had figured my father would have one of three potential reactions to my request: suspicion that I was trying to pull one over on him, elation that I was exhibiting interest in human interaction, or terror that his home was about to be invaded by teenage girls.

It was the last one. "Uh... sure, Bells." Charlie scratched the back of his neck, his expression nervous. "Like... with... tents and stuff?"

"No, we'd just hang out in the living room, I guess," I said vaguely. To be honest, I was pretty nervous too. I had never actually _had_ a sleepover before, not even when I was little. But it was what girls did when they were stressed, right? They invited their friends over to eat junk food and paint nails and giggle and...

...that was so not me. But it sounded completely different from anything else I'd been doing recently, and I _needed_ different. Just for one night. I could pretend to be leading a normal life just for one night.

"Would I... uh... have to do anything?"

"No, just... um, when you do grocery shopping today, could you pick up some chocolate? Some of the good kind?"

Charlie looked petrified.

* * *

Okay. I could do this.

I sat down at my desk, grabbed a handful of Hershey's Kisses out of the top drawer - the only unhealthy food I'd kept hidden in the house - and flipped open my cell phone.

I could do this, really.

_Contact: Weber, Angela._

I ate a Kiss for extra chocolate-enhanced girl-strength, then pressed _Send_.

One ring. Two.

_Oh well, guess she's not-_

"Hello?"

I swallowed. _Here goes nothing_. "Hi, Angela, it's Bella."

"Oh, hey, Bella! What's going on?"

"Not much. So... um..." I nervously sorted the Kisses by color, straightening each little white tag. "I was wondering..."

"Yeah?"

"Would you and Jessica like to come over for a girls' night?" The words came tumbling out of my mouth and I thought I might collapse under the force of my own blush. It was like asking someone out on a date - which I'd never done.

"Oh." Angela sounded surprised. "Like, a sleepover?"

"Uh, yeah. We could... um, watch movies, and talk, and... raid the refrigerator..." My voice had become tiny. What were we, ten? What had I been thinking?

Angela started to laugh. I almost burst into tears, but then she said, "Sounds great. I haven't had a sleepover like that in years. What time were you thinking?"

I thought I would pass out in relief. "Seven, maybe?"

"Okay." She paused, and her voice was mild and understanding as she said, "Would you like me to save you some time and call Jessica?"

"_Yes_." One phone call was about all I could handle.

"Okay. I know she's free. She and Mike are 'off-again' again. We should really talk to her about that, this is getting ridiculous."

"Yes," I said eagerly. "We definitely should." I couldn't even begin to describe how much I was looking forward to discussing someone _else's_ relationship problems.

Speaking of which...

I pulled a piece of paper out of the second drawer as Angela continued talking. "Do you want me to bring anything?"

"Um... I don't know." I grabbed a pen awkwardly with my left hand. "Is there anything you'd want?"

"I think I'll make brownies. With chocolate chips. You can never have too much chocolate at a sleepover."

"That's what I thought." My handwriting was blocky and nearly illegible as I scrawled, _Having A Sleepover. No Guys Allowed. Sorry._

"Okay. I'll see you tonight, then!"

"See you tonight," I echoed, then hung up, feeling pretty good overall. This was nice. This was nice and normal. A Girls' Night, with girlfriends who had stood up for me in estrogen solidarity even when I probably didn't deserve it. Angela and I would talk Jessica through her Mike issues, and we'd eat lots of chocolate, and I'd get to just... pretend. Things could be complicated _tomorrow_.

My body gave an annoying shiver of protest as I taped the paper to my window. I ignored it. I hated to send Jacob away... but I'd need to hike to a payphone if I wanted to call and tell him not to bother. And I wanted a boy-free night. Just this once. He'd understand.

All the same, I took the Hershey's Kisses and left them carefully lined up along the window ledge.

* * *

I spent all day getting ready.

I made two kinds of popcorn - Movie Butter and Low-Sodium.

I got twelve extra throw pillows out of the attic.

I vacuumed the living room. Twice.

I cursed myself for not having a copy of Bridget Jones's Diary.

It wasn't as though I'd never had a girls' night before. In Arizona I'd _had_ friends; not many, but a few. I'd attended birthday parties as a kid and eaten pizza with study groups once I was older. And I'd already been out with Jessica and Angela a few times... but those times hadn't gone well. Edward had been so first and foremost on my mind then that I hadn't been able to enjoy myself. Plus, I'd almost always been invited _to_ things; I'd never invited people over to _my _house. I'd never been hostess.

I wanted to get this right.

Charlie got home minutes before I expected Angela and Jessica to arrive, the point at which I was pacing anxiously and hoping I wouldn't _look_ like I'd been pacing anxiously. "What took so long?" I burst out immediately.

He winced at my tone. "Sorry, Bells. Took a little longer than I thought."

I looked down at the bags in his hands. Several of them were gold with fancy rope handles. "Dad... did you go to _Godiva_?"

"Um, yeah. Isn't that the good kind?" he said helplessly.

"_Yes_." I took the gold bags and looked inside, trying to be careful and not let the ropes dig too deeply into my palm through the glove. There had to be a hundred dollars worth of chocolate. "Yes, it's the _really_ good kind. Where did you get this?"

"Well... I asked in town, and the cranky waitress at the diner said there was one in Port Angeles, so..."

I blinked. "You went all the way to Port Angeles for this?"

Charlie shrugged.

I didn't even know what to say. "I... thanks, Dad."

He set down the rest of the groceries awkwardly. "Um... you're welcome. Do you mind if I head out while your friends are here?"

"Sure." That seemed like a really good idea; it would minimize potential embarrassment for both of us. There was only one problem. "You know they're going to be here all night, right?"

"That's okay, I'll stay at Bill-" Charlie broke off and frowned, then corrected himself. "The diner's open twenty-four hours."

Wow. "If that's what you want, but... you don't _have_ to, you know, I don't want to chase you off-"

"No, no, that's okay. I'll grab paper and a couple of crosswords. I'll be fine." Charlie looked genuinely relieved to be escaping, so I decided not to argue any further.

"All right. But eat something more than just cheeseburgers. Have a salad or a wrap or something."

Charlie scowled. "We'll see, Bella."

The doorbell rang, and we both jumped in surprise. "I'll just... get that," I said uncomfortably.

Both Angela and Jessica stood on the front steps; only Jessica's car was out front, so it looked like they'd shared a ride. They both blinked as Charlie mumbled something along the lines of "Hello, goodbye" before jogging to the cruiser. His tires squealed as he pulled out of the driveway at what had to be an illegal speed.

Jessica blinked, then raised an eyebrow. "So... no parental figures for the evening?"

"Guess not."

"Fabulous." She handed her bag to Angela. "I'll get the drinks out of the trunk!"

* * *

"It's _definitely_ over this time." Jessica was sprawled out on the living room rug, carefully painting her nails an unsettling shade of red - _Black Cherry Widow_, according to the bottle. "I am _so_ through with Mike Newton and his stupid boy issues. I think I'm gonna switch teams and find some chick from Seattle with a nose ring or something. _That'll_ show him."

"That seems a bit drastic," Angela said as she slowly braided her hair into an elaborate design. "And I thought you said nose rings were gross."

"They _are_, but that's not the point. Someone give me a hazelnut square." Jessica raised her wet nails.

"We're out." I shuffled through the Godiva wrappers covering the carpet; we'd already eaten enough to bring on diabetic comas. "How about raspberry?"

"Excellent." I snapped off a square of dark chocolate and put it on Jessica's proffered tongue. "I can't believe your Dad got all this stuff," she said appreciatively, her tongue smacking against the roof of her mouth. "He's _awesome._ _And_ he has a great butt."

I almost knocked over my drink in shock. I'd succumbed to peer pressure - from Angela as well as Jessica, to my surprise - and had been slowly nursing a bottle of something that tasted like a green Jolly Rancher. It was causing a pleasant little buzz near the base of my skull. "Holy crap, don't say things like that."

"It's true." Angela raised her eyebrows at me. "Academically speaking, of course."

"He's only, what, forty?" Jessica whistled. "And the mustache is hot. Does he date younger women? I bet he'd make a _great_ sugar-daddy."

This conversation was not happening. "Oh my God, stop. How would you like it if I talked about your father like that?"

Angela shot me a significant look as Jessica glanced down at her nails and grumbled, "_What_ father?"

Oh. Oops.

"My dad's a minister," Angela said lightly, breaking the awkward silence. She tied her braid at the base with a rubber band. "He's got about twenty hairs on his head and he has to drive to Seattle to find pants that fit. So if you're talking about _him_ like that then we really need to get your priorities in order, Bella."

My eyes widened at the mental image, and before I knew it I was snorting Jolly Rancher beer out of my nose. Jessica and Angela howled with laughter and I started to giggle in between sneezes.

Somewhere between the chocolate high and the tiny bit of alcohol I'd started having _tons_ of fun.

"Anyway, this is, like, a _major_ emergency," Jessica said once we'd calmed down. "Mike is a _toad_ and now I don't have a date for prom and it's only a week away. What am I going to _do?_"

"You could always go stag." Angela grabbed a handful of popcorn. "It's the twenty-first century. You don't _have_ to have a date."

"It's _prom_, Ang, and it'll _never_ be the twenty-first century at prom." Jessica eyed me speculatively. "Bella, you be my date."

I almost choked on my drink again. "What?" I sputtered.

"C'_mon_, it'll be fun. Think of how much Mike and Edward will _hate_ it. I won't make you wear a nose ring, just, like, grab my butt a couple times or something. It'll be _perfect_." Jessica appeared to be speaking in all seriousness. She waggled a scarlet fingernail at me. "I'll even buy you dinner. But no limo, I'm low on cash."

"_No!_" I was _not_ going to grab Jessica's butt in public, no matter how much revenge would be involved. "Besides, I already have a date."

Angela looked at me with surprise. "I'm a member of the prom committee and you haven't bought any tickets. I didn't think you were going."

"Well, I'm... um... not." If my face hadn't already been red my blush would've been horrendous. "But I've got a date anyway, so... yeah. Sorry, Jess."

Both girls stopped what they were doing. "All right," Jessica said, sitting up and crossing her legs, looking eager. "Spill."

I shrank back. "There's nothing to spill."

"Yeah, _right_. There's _totally_ a story here."

"Now, Jess, it's really none of our business." Angela smiled at me encouragingly. "Of course... if you _did_ want to talk about it... you know we'd be here for you, right?"

That was downright manipulative. "Well... I..."

"Open another bottle for her," Jessica told Angela. "Strawberry this time."

"Okay, I'll talk, I'll talk." Apparently there were disadvantages to girls' nights. I swallowed the dregs of my drink and flopped face first into a throw pillow. "I'm going over to Jacob's," I said, hoping my voice would be too muffled for them to make out my words.

"Ah-_ha!_" Jessica crowed. "I _knew_ he was your vampire!"

My whole body went cold; I jerked upright in alarm. "_What?_"

"Uh, _somebody_ left that giant hickey. I mean, it's not like you can contort and do it to _yourself_, am I right?"

My hand flew to my neck. "Oh. Right." I forced myself to take a deep breath as my heart rate slowed back to a healthier speed. "Yeah, um... yeah. That was Jake."

Angela's expression remained impassive, but her eyes lit up. "I thought things were 'complicated' between the two of you?"

"They _are_." Somehow my face found its way back into the pillow. "We're just going to watch movies and stuff. It's no big deal."

My complete inability to lie cursed me again. "_Right_," Jessica said sarcastically.

"Make sure you're careful," Angela warned. "Last year I was on the Teen Health Panel and the rates for high school pregnancy are skyrocketing in the Pacific Northwest. I can drive you to the drugstore if you need. I like spermicide, personally."

I heard Jessica squeal. "Oh. My. God. You and Ben are _not_ having sex."

"We've been together for awhile now, Jess."

"_How_ did I not know about this?"

"Because we haven't had a girls' night in a long time! Was I supposed to just bring it up at the cafeteria table?"

"There are these things called _phones_, Angela! I can't _believe_ you didn't tell me! Even _Bella's_ telling me!"

I screamed into the pillow. "I'm not telling you _anything__! _We're just watching movies!"

"Oh, Bella," Jessica said in the tones of someone much wiser, "_no one_ just watches movies. Even _you_ can't believe that, right? I mean, _watching movies_ is officially the _lamest_ line in the book."

The flicker of fire lit in my chest, and I threw my pillow aside angrily. "What are you saying?" I snapped, glaring at Jessica. "That Jake's feeding me a line?"

She snorted and inspected her nails. "All I know is, when _Mike_ said-"

"Well, Jake's not Mike! You don't even know him. Don't you _dare _say stuff like that about him."

"All right, all right! No need to bite my head off!" Jessica narrowed her eyes at me. "Overreact much?"

"Whatever." I looked away, blowing out a breath. She had no right to insinuate things about Jacob, no right at _all_-

-and that was the imprint talking, I realized. I _was_ overreacting. "Sorry," I mumbled, looking down. "I... uh..." I searched for a good excuse. "I've got PMS."

"_Oh._" Angela and Jessica both groaned in sympathy, everything forgiven. Angela tossed me another chocolate bar. "Quick, eat."

I tore open the wrapper and bit off a huge hunk of dark mint. "And... I guess..." The little pleasant buzz in my brain was increasing. "Maybe... I'm thinking about a _little_ more than watching movies." I focused very intently on a tiny piece of lint stuck to the carpet.

"Well, _obviously_," Jessica said.

"I'll take you to the drug store this week," Angela promised.

I hid my face again and tried not to die.

* * *

If this was a hangover, it wasn't so bad. I felt a little bleary, but that could easily be attributed to not falling asleep until three AM. I had a slight headache too, but I'd also spent the night on the floor.

Of course, I'd only had one drink. Angela had had two and Jessica'd had three, so neither of them were looking particularly cheerful as we loaded the empty bottles back into Jessica's car when the sun rose the next morning.

"This was fun," Angela said as Jessica slammed the trunk shut, making them both wince. "We should do it again."

"_Totally_." Jessica rubbed her eyes. "We can use my house next time. Mom's always passed out by eight, so we can, you know, do whatever the hell we want." She grinned. "We'll invite _Jacob_ over to _watch movies_-"

I covered my face with my hands, blushing furiously. "Shut up."

"Just make sure your dad drops you off and that he bends over to get your bags out of the car-"

"Shut _up!_"

Angela shook her head. "Jess, you're acting like you're in middle school."

"So what? Soon we'll be in _college_ and have to act like adults _all the time_. So why not be middle schoolers for a few minutes before we can't anymore?"

It was hard to argue with that.

"Anyway, thanks for coming over." I handed over the end of the chocolate. We hadn't _quite_ been able to eat it all, though we'd tried. "Here, I think I'll be sick if I ever see another truffle."

"Thanks." Jessica grinned as she and Angela got into the car. "This was pretty cool, Bella. See you Monday!"

I waved with my gloved hand while they drove down the street, feeling remarkably pleased with myself even as a cool breeze made me shiver in my knee-length nightshirt. They'd had fun. _I'd_ had fun. Nothing special, just... regular, normal fun.

It was a huge change.

Still smiling, I grabbed yesterday's mail out of the box as I walked back into the house... and blinked in surprise. A large, thick white folder was wedged in between the electric bill and advertisements for discount oil changes.

A large, thick white folder addressed to me.

A large, thick white folder with the seal of Dartmouth College on the back.

Plodding into the kitchen, I dropped the other letters in disbelief and sank down at the table. I knew before I opened the envelope what it would say; I could tell by the thickness. But I hadn't even _applied_, how could I possibly have-

_Dear Miss Swan: We are pleased to inform you..._

"I was wondering when that would arrive."

I gasped and looked up in shock.

Edward stood in the kitchen doorway, his flawless face inscrutable, his light butterscotch eyes - indicating a recent hunt - glancing at my acceptance letter. As always, the sight of him threatened to steal my breath away; his peerless beauty dazzled every one of my senses. A young god, standing in my kitchen, speaking to me with a dulcet, musical voice.

A young god who was hurting Jacob.

The fire lit again.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded. "I didn't hear you knock."

"Alice said you wished to speak to me; I thought it would be best if I waited until your guests departed."

His thoughtfulness didn't move me. I pointed at the acceptance letter. "Did you do this?"

"Yes." Edward looked totally unrepentant. "My family has connections with that school and several others. You'd spoken of Dartmouth, and I thought the programs and atmosphere would suit you best..." He frowned slightly. "But I can make arrangements with Harvard if you would prefer, or-"

"I don't want you to _make arrangements_ with anyone!" I cried, standing up. "If I couldn't get into those colleges on my own-"

"You _could_ have if your academic record hadn't been so damaged." Pale, early morning light made its way through the window curtains, casting a gentle glow on Edward's stone skin. But it was a customarily gray morning, the sunbeams filtered by clouds and haze; the diamond sparkle that gave away his true nature wasn't in evidence. "And I'm to blame for that, Bella. Believe me, I had no idea what harm my absence would cause."

"You had _no idea?_" The absurdity of his statement made my head reel. "How can you... you _left_ me! Did you expect me to dance a jig and whistle a happy tune?"

"No. I expected you to forget." His tone was chagrined. "Maybe not immediately, but within a few weeks, perhaps a month. Human minds are capable of moving on in a way that ours are not. I didn't realize the damage that would result; a college admission is only the barest of reparations I can offer."

When he spoke, that sweet, seductive scent filled the room. My anger started to ebb; I tried to hang onto it, but it began to slip through my fingers like sand. "I'm not going to Dartmouth, Edward." My voice sounded weaker than it had a moment earlier. "I'm going to Peninsula."

"If you're concerned about cost, there's no need. Every cent will be paid."

I thought of the worry I'd felt over the community college tuition, the unimpressive figures Charlie had written down for 'household income'; the implication of Edward's words felt like a slap. "I don't want your money," I said sharply. "And you only want me to go to Dartmouth because it's on the other side of the country."

"I want you to go to Dartmouth because that's where you _deserve_ to go," Edward corrected. He stepped out of the doorway and stroked a single long finger against the back of the chair I'd been sitting in, glancing down at it wistfully. Maybe it was still warm. "But in the interest of honesty, having you on the other side of the country _is_ an additional bonus."

Which brought us to why I'd wanted to talk to him in the first place. "I'm not leaving, Edward," I said. I tried to ignore how good it felt to speak his name, the way my lips formed around the syllables. "And that letter from Carlisle... it doesn't make any difference."

"So the reply said." He quirked an eyebrow in amusement. "It was very... _pointed_."

"Then you understand that it's not going to happen."

"I understand that the dogs don't want it to happen. Unsurprising."

My anger surged momentarily. "Don't call them that," I snapped.

Edward's smile shone even though it was a cynical version of its more genuine one. "I believe they refer to us as 'bloodsuckers'. Why not return the favor?"

"Because they're _wolves_, not _dogs_," I retorted, heat in my veins. "And you _do_ suck blood."

He flinched at my harsh words, and stinging regret made me drop my eyes to the floor. I'd hurt him, I didn't want to hurt him... "So you hate me now," he said, his golden voice sorrowful.

I shook my head. It was _impossible_ to hate Edward; it went against everything in my body and soul. "Of course I don't hate you-"

"It's all right, Bella." His tone was resigned. "You _should_. And I hate myself far more than you ever could. You're not even _capable_ of the kind of loathing I feel towards my own actions. But I'd rather have you protected and hating me than imperiled and loving me."

"I..." I shook my head again, trying to clear my mind. His words _felt_ like they made sense, but... I forced myself to back away, to give myself more space from the voice, the face, the scent. My lower back thudded painfully against the tile counter. "I'm serious, Edward," I managed to say. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying in Forks."

"Then," he said calmly, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world, "so am I."

Sheer helplessness brought tears to my eyes. "_No_, you _can't_," I said desperately. "The Pack- look, there's other kids, they'll turn into wolves too and they shouldn't have to, it's not a good life-"

"I _am_ sorry for that." His perfect melodic voice was filled with nothing but genuine remorse. "But it can't be helped, Bella. I won't leave you defenseless. Not again." His amber gaze fixed on my left hand, still guarded by my glove. "Not ever again."

"I'm _not_ defenseless," I argued. "I have Charlie."

Once again, Edward's smile was only a cynical shadow of its former self. "Don't be foolish, Bella. I have nothing but the utmost respect for Chief Swan, but you and I both know that his shotgun will be useless if Jacob Black transforms in your bedroom."

His words hit me like the lash of a whip.

_In your bedroom._

He knew Jacob had been in my bedroom.

"You've been watching me," I said mechanically, barely able to comprehend what this meant. "You've been watching _us._"

All the things Jacob and I had said to each other... the things we'd _done_...

"Only from a distance." Edward's hand tightened against the back of the chair. I heard the tiniest crack of snapping splinters. "Nothing inappropriate, I assure you. Besides, if the dog had been able to smell me I imagine the situation would have gotten out of hand very quickly."

"_Nothing inappropriate?_" My voice rose, high and shrill. The rage fought to resurface, but my lulled senses kept it in check; my fury beat feebly beneath my skin. "You've been _spying_ on me-"

"Not spying," he corrected again. "Guarding. I swear to you, Bella, I was never near enough to see or hear anything... _private_." His marble lips twisted a bit on the last word. "But I was within earshot if you had screamed in pain. Twice I had to come closer before I realized you were having a nightmare, but those were the only times. I didn't wish to behave invasively." He glanced at my throat. "Though had I known how close you were allowing him..."

My thoughts were becoming confused and foggy. It was _wrong_, but... he only meant to protect me...

Edward still thought I was worth protecting...

"Bella, this has only been for your safety, I give you my word. Alice can't see the werewolves, and she can't see anyone around them. There's no possible way to predict if or when you could be attacked. Keeping vigil is the _only_ way we can know you're unharmed."

I couldn't help but feel amazed by that. Edward, _Edward_ thought _I_ was worth all this.

Except he didn't get it. "Jacob would never hurt me. He..." I took a deep breath to steady myself... and my senses grew even duller. "Jacob loves me, Edward."

Edward's angelic face grew wistful. "Of course he does," he whispered sadly. "How could he not?"

"Then you see, he's not going to-"

"Bella." Edward stepped closer to me; the counter dug further into my back, but I had nowhere left to retreat. "Bella, you must _try_ to understand. Jacob Black..." His eyes narrowed slightly, but he continued, "I've seen Jacob Black's mind. It's confused, disorganized. He lacks true understanding of the immense power he wields." Edward's velvet voice filled with worry. "I know about the Alpha's fiancee, Bella. Surely that must show you the truth: love won't stop a werewolf from killing you if he loses control for a split second."

"Like you?" I tried to shout the words back, but they only came out in a whisper.

"Yes. Like me. Except I've had ninety years to learn discipline and Jacob has had two months." Edward sighed, closing his eyes for the briefest moment. "And believe me, ninety years is only barely enough."

Edward looked so sad, so lost, that I couldn't stop myself from touching his hand with my free fingers. The feel of his smooth, hard skin sent electric shocks up my arm. "Is this really about my protection?" I whispered. My heart thudded against my ribs as I asked the most important question, the one I could hardly believe I was in a position to ask. "Or... are you jealous?"

He hesitated, then reached for my face. His fingertips traced the barest of lines across my cheekbone as my eyes fluttered shut. "Of course I'm jealous," he said quietly. His sweet scent filled the air between us, and I inhaled greedily. "I'd give anything to still be the one coming to your window every night, to be the one to hold you in my arms. I remember every single second of those precious moments. You sleep curled on your left side and you speak aloud during your dreams and you wake with tangled hair and _yes_, I am _insanely_ jealous that now Jacob Black knows those things too. But, Bella, _believe_ me when I tell you that what matters to me more than anything, more than my own envious wishes, is your safety. I could never live in a world where you didn't exist."

My blood turned to ice as I realized what he meant. "Don't," I begged. "Don't ever say that, don't put that on me-"

"I told you once that I would go to the Volturi," Edward continued, his fingertips still stroking. "That I would beg them to end my sorry existence. It's still true. Do you see now, Bella? Your life is _everything_. It was to protect you that I left. It's to protect you that I stay now."

The tears spilled from my eyes and ran down my cheeks, wetting the tips of his fingers.

"Go to New Hampshire," he murmured. "Please. Go to Dartmouth. Meet a kind lawyer or doctor who will give you all the things I cannot. My heart will shatter when you do, but I'll still be happy knowing you've made the right decision. Have children. Grow old. Be _safe_. I want you to live your life... but it can't be with Jacob Black. Anyone else in the world, but not Jacob Black."

_Jacob._ A thrumming, caged, furious part of my mind began to call out desperately. _Jacob._

I felt dizzy. Edward was standing close now, _so_ close, his perfect face only inches from mine. His golden eyes shone down on me with protectiveness and... devotion. "You really do love me," I said in wonder.

How could someone like this desire someone as meaningless as _me?_ It didn't make any sense at all...

_Jacob. Jacob. Jacob._

Edward cupped my face gently between his marble palms. My body shivered in response. "Bella, believe me, there will never come a time when I won't love you. I will love you past your final breath until the day I crumble into dust, and if there is anything left of my being it will spend eternity hunting for whatever is left of yours."

My heart beat a wild, staccato rhythm in my chest.

_Jacob. Jacob. Jacob._

Without even realizing what I was doing, I raised the fingers of my gloved hand to trace the edge of Edward's jaw. His eyes closed before he lamented in that glorious, seraphic voice, "I am _so_ selfish."

Then he lowered his lips to mine.

It was as though no time had passed at all, none. It could easily have been a year ago, the happiest moment I'd ever had. The moment when an angel told me I was his whole life. We'd only shared a few dozen kisses in our six months together, but the feeling of his cold mouth moving against me was simultaneously familiar and shocking; every nerve ending in my body sang at the delicious sensation. I pushed myself closer, responding enthusiastically, my flesh giving against the sculpted statue of his body.

My breath stopped entirely.

_Jacob! Jacob! Jacob!_

Edward's arms encircled my waist, holding me carefully, so much more carefully than I wanted. My lips parted, seeking _more_-

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"

I staggered and nearly lost my balance as Edward released me and stepped away.

Charlie stood in the doorway. The dark circles under his eyes seemed to indicate exhaustion from his night out, but the glaring rage radiating from his frame belied that. His hands shook. "Get out," he spat, his eyes fixed on Edward. "You are not welcome in my home."

Shame and regret showed all over Edward's face. "Chief Swan, let me apologize-"

"Get. Out. Now." Charlie took a menacing step forward and pointed toward the hallway. "And don't you _ever_ lay a hand on my child again."

"Sir, I-"

"GET OUT!"

Edward nodded, took one more mournfully golden glance in my direction, and walked from the kitchen. A moment later I heard the door close in the entryway.

Charlie wheeled on me, no less furious than he'd been a moment before. "A _girls' night_, huh? I _trusted_ you, Isabella Marie Swan!"

He'd trusted me.

I remained on my feet, but everything began to grow dark.

"Bella?" I heard Charlie's voice, turning from furious to frantic. "Bells, can you hear me?"

What had I done?

"Bells, kiddo, calm down, listen to me, breathe-"

I tried to force a lungful of clear, clean air into my body, but I couldn't do it. My breath stayed shallow.

Through the spots dancing in front of my vision I saw Charlie looking into my eyes. His warm hand touched my forehead. "Bella, have you been drinking?"

I nodded slightly. I wanted to form the words _Just one_, but they stuck in my throat. That wasn't it. Charlie had never seen me after one of Edward's kisses. He didn't know how normal this was. He didn't know that I almost always grew light-headed, how I was too pathetic to respond rationally when those cold lips met mine...

"Did _he_ bring it? Did he give you something?"

I was going to faint.

"Bella, I need you to sit down, I'm going to get an ambulance-"

An ambulance wasn't what I wanted. I finally gasped half a true breath into my lungs, and the caged voice broke free. "_Jacob!_"

Charlie froze, phone already in hand. "What?"

I burst into tears and threw myself into my father's arms. "I want Jacob, Dad, I want _Jacob_, please, I want Jacob, let me call Jacob-"

"Bella-"

My sobbing took over and choked my words. I still couldn't inhale properly. "Jacob," I forced out. "_Jacob_-"

Charlie hesitated, then ran a comforting hand over my head, stroking my hair. "All right," he said. "All right, kiddo, I'll call Jacob, but you have to _sit_, do you hear me?" I let him steer me into a chair and gently push my head between my knees, but I didn't let go; I kept hyperventilating as I clung to his waist like a little kid. I could feel the skin splitting inside my glove as I fisted my hand too tightly into his shirt.

The numbers rang musically as Charlie dialed. I heard the sound of ringing once, twice, three times before he said gruffly, "Hey, Billy. It's Charlie."

A long pause.

"_Yes,_ Charlie _Swan_, you cantankerous son of a bitch. I need to talk to your boy, Bella's in a-"

Another pause, shorter this time. Then Charlie erupted, "_What the hell do you mean, 'he already left'?_"

Jacob was coming.

Jacob would _hate_ me for what I'd done.

Charlie slammed the receiver down without another word. "Bella, why in God's name is Jacob Black _already_ on his way here?"

"I..." I gasped for breath. He would _hate_ me, he would never look at me again. "I can't tell you..."

"Isabella, you better damn well-"

His sentence was interrupted by the sound of the front door being knocked off its hinges.

In the blink of an eye the back of my head hit the wood of the kitchen cabinets; I found myself on the counter, crushed in a rough, blazing embrace. My legs parted instinctively to bring him closer until every inch of me was in contact with the heat I craved. "I'm sorry," I sobbed into Jacob's bare chest. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

Sweat dripped off Jacob's body; his sides heaved with exertion. I couldn't even imagine how fast he'd run. "_Bella_," he gasped hoarsely, hot hands diving under my nightshirt to clutch at my back. "Bells, what happened, I felt you but I don't-"

"I kissed Edward."

I felt Jake stiffen. "What?"

"I kissed Edward." The tears flowed even harder. "He was here and I kissed him. Jake, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-"

Jacob stayed frozen for a long moment. Then a tremble ran through his body before he whispered, "Shh, it's fine." His hands started to move again, his thumbs rubbing circles into my skin. "It's fine, Bells, it's okay. Breathe. You've gotta breathe."

I tried to inhale, and this time it worked. My lungs filled with air.

One breath, in and out.

Two.

Three.

But I could only use the breaths to cry. My weeping turned silent, but it didn't stop. It _couldn't_ stop. I'd been weak and pathetic and terrible and I was so _embarrassed_-

"Someone had better tell me what's going on here." Charlie's voice was low and dangerous. "Now."

I couldn't say a word. After a short moment, Jacob spoke in a surprisingly level tone. "Edward Cullen's been messing with her head at school. Trying to weasel his way back in. I talk her through it when she's having trouble."

"What? When?"

"She calls me from the school payphone," he lied smoothly, his hands still rubbing my back. "She calms down after awhile and remembers that he's a total douchebag. I know you don't want me around-"

"I don't want _any_ of you around."

"-but Bella's my best friend and I had to help."

"Uh-huh. Well, she didn't call you right now, so how did you know there was something wrong?"

Jacob paused, then answered, "Just a hunch."

I kept shivering.

"_Right_." I heard Charlie make an annoyed noise, one that clearly said he didn't believe a word of any of this. But apparently he didn't think that Jacob's fishy story was his top priority at the moment. "Let go of her. I'm taking her to the hospital and then I'm going to arrest his ass. He gave her something."

Jacob's embrace tightened; I heard a low growl in his throat. He wasn't going to let anyone take me out of his arms.

"I don't want to go to the hospital." I said, still hiding my face. "Nothing happened."

"Bella, I know what it looks like when-"

"Nothing happened," I repeated. "Edward didn't give me anything. I _wanted_ him to kiss me. I kissed him back. It was my fault. It was all me."

I felt a shudder in Jacob's spine.

Charlie stormed out of the kitchen, his boots pounding against the floor. A moment later there was a crash from the direction of the living room.

The moment my father was out of sight, Jacob began raining kisses all over my face. "Bella, honey, it's okay..."

"I'm sorry, Jake." I couldn't even look at him. "I'm so sorry, it's all my fault, I don't know what I was thinking-"

"_I_ do. I've seen how that bloodsucker works on you."

"No, it wasn't like that, he didn't make me do anything, _I_ started it, _I_ did-"

Jacob pressed his lips against my cheek. "Don't do that, it's not-" Then without warning he broke off and jerked away with an instinctive movement. I stared wide-eyed as he backed up, his face wrinkled with disgust.

Oh. I smelled like vampire.

"I'll go take a shower," I said dully, sliding down off the counter.

His expression changed instantly from revolted to horrified. "No, wait, I'm sorry, it just caught me by surprise-"

"It's fine." I brushed past him toward the staircase, dodging as he reached for me. I kind of wanted to scrub myself clean anyway. Or as clean as I could get.

"Bells, really-"

"I'll just be a few minutes."

I trudged up to my room and closed the door quietly before stripping out of my nightshirt. My eyes went to the window; the line of Hershey's Kisses was gone. Jacob had come by last night, seen my note, and left again.

I pulled a towel out of the basket and wrapped it around myself. It took another moment to pull the glove from my left hand. Pain shot through my fingers as the leather peeled away from the half-dozen tiny splits from where I'd gripped Charlie too tight; drops of blood welled up along each one.

I couldn't bring myself to glance in the mirror.

As I crossed the hallway to the bathroom, I heard my father's furious voice carrying up the stairs. "She's lying. I know she's lying. I'm going to _kill_ that little bastard."

In complete contrast to my father's heated rage, Jacob's voice was cold as winter.

"Not if I kill him first."

* * *

_**Coming Soon**: Vision_

_**Sanity Update**: This one was really tricky to write. I hope it worked. As a side note, the original novel is tickling at my brain, which may lead to hiatus. We'll have to see.__  
_


	7. Vision

_how could i be the last to know / when they told me where the fool had gone?__  
Basia Bulat, "Gold Rush"_

* * *

**5. Vision**

* * *

Charlie let Jacob stay for the rest of the morning. A tightening around his eyes gave away his displeasure at how I sat on the couch and folded myself into Jake's embrace, and he scowled when he saw Jacob's hand nudge up the edge of my shirt to press firmly against my bare hip, but my breathing had become slow and steady so Charlie apparently felt it was worth it to keep his mouth shut. He'd even lent Jacob a shirt - though _lent_ implied something much more generous than the way he'd held out the Forks Diner tee with a dark look.

That being said, Charlie didn't leave the room for a second. He didn't so much as blink even though he'd been up all night. After he and Jacob had wordlessly fixed the front door we all sat in the living room and silently watched a documentary on the history of basketball.

I wanted to pretend that this was normal, that we were all just spending a comfortable day hanging out together, but my imagination was no match for the sick guilt and humiliation and fear that remained in my bloodstream.

Around eleven Jacob flinched. Tension stiffened his entire body, and his hand tightened around my waist. I'd felt him react that way enough times in my bedroom to know what it meant. "Do you have to leave?" I whispered.

Jacob took a deep breath, then shook his head firmly. But his fingers kept digging into my flesh.

We watched another hour of the documentary, which seemed to be determined to cover every single personal foul from the last fifty years. By the end Jake's knee was bouncing constantly, and he kept glancing in the direction of the door. It was clearly only his restless stroking of my skin that kept him in place.

Finally I pulled away, breaking contact. "Go on," I said, releasing him with my words.

Jacob shook his head again. "No."

"She told you to go, son." Charlie's voice was firm, but his tired expression was much less harsh than it had been a few hours earlier.

I glanced at my father. "It's not like that, Dad, Jake's just... got somewhere to be."

"I don't _have_ to leave, Bells." Jacob sounded strangely reserved and collected. "I _don't_. Sam will wait."

Charlie froze. "Sam Uley?"

Oh, no. "It's fine, Jake," I said quickly. "I understand. You can't-"

"Yes, I can. Watch me."

The last thing that needed to happen right now was for Sam to send someone to collect his wayward pack member. I wanted Jacob to stay - maybe he felt that, he _had_ to feel that - but the trouble that would result... I stood up and held out my hand, wrapped in new bandages. "Come on, I'll walk you out."

Jacob appeared mutinous, but the steady look I gave him - combined with my mental repetition of _I'll be okay I'll be okay I'll be okay_ - made him get off the couch and follow my lead to the front door. Charlie turned down the sound on the television, but he didn't follow us.

Once we were out of my father's line of sight, Jake pressed a burning kiss to my forehead. "Tell me to stay, Bella," he whispered. His hands edged under my shirt again and curled around my waist. "_Order_ me to stay."

My eyes widened. "What?"

"If you order me to stay then I will." Jacob still sounded strange, cold in a way that didn't suit him at all. "Sam's call won't mean a damn thing. He can rot for all I care."

"Jake, no-"

"I'm not going to leave you."

"You _have_ to," I said urgently, alarmed both by the iron certainty of his words and the purring approval I felt at hearing them. I wanted him to stay, I wanted him at my side with his teeth bared-

-but that wasn't the way things worked. "Jake, I swear, I'm fine. Charlie is here, and..." I swallowed hard. "I really don't think Edward's coming back."

A growl rumbled from deep in Jacob's chest.

"I'm serious. You've got to go. What if someone needs help?" If one of the wolves got hurt because I'd been keeping _my_ wolf away from where he was needed... I'd never forgive myself.

Jake hesitated for a long moment, but finally his shoulders slumped in defeat. I knew his loyalty to his brothers was one of the few things that could compete with the imprint. "All right. But I'll be back as soon as I can, honey."

"I know." This was definitely one of the nights he'd be with me until the sun came up. "See you soon."

"Right." He paused again, then looked towards the living room and called, "Thanks, Charlie." My father humphed, but it wasn't an excessively hostile response; I figured it was about the best we could hope for.

As Jacob reached for the door handle something occurred to me, something that made my blood turn icy with horror. "Jake?"

He looked back. "Yeah?"

"Don't tell the pack what happened." Panic rose so fast that it choked my breath away. The idea of everyone seeing the images in Jacob's head, how I'd cried, no doubt combined with the memories of Jacob's disgust at my smell, the evidence of my betrayal... "Promise me you won't tell them what I did."

"What _you_ did?" he said slowly.

_"Promise me!"_

I didn't think it was possible, but Jacob's expression turned even more remote. "I promise, Bells. They won't know."

My knees nearly gave out in relief. "Thank you."

"No problem."

After the front door shut, as I was collapsing back onto the couch and praying Charlie was too tired to notice that Jake hadn't brought a car, my father turned to me with a firm expression. "This doesn't change anything," he said seriously.

It took a moment for his words to register... and then my mouth fell open. He'd seemed at least a _little_ less angry! "Dad, come on-"

"No. He's still hanging out with that Uley gang."

"But can't you see-" I couldn't understand his reasoning, not at all "-it's _Jacob_, Dad! It's just Jacob!"

There was a silence as my father rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Yeah," he said finally. "I know. And I'm glad to see that he's doing better than I thought he was."

"So why not-"

"Because you're my _daughter_," he said, cutting me off with a frustrated look. "I've cared about that kid a lot longer than you have, Bella, but you're my child and he's not. And whenever anything bad happens to you, Jacob Black or Edward Cullen are always somehow involved."

My heart sank... because I couldn't formulate a convincing argument against that. Even if Charlie knew the truth it wouldn't change his position. After all, he wasn't entirely wrong.

Charlie sighed. He looked beyond exhausted. "I'm going to take a nap, Bells," he said, standing up and stretching. "Will you be all right?"

I nodded sadly. "Yeah. I'm okay."

"Are you _sure_ you won't go to the hospital-"

"_No._"

He paused for a long moment, then gave me something that almost resembled a wry smile. "_Best friends_, huh?"

I burrowed into the sofa, ignoring his rhetorical question and hoping he couldn't see my blush.

My father threw all the locks on the doors before he went upstairs.

* * *

The halogen bulbs burned my eyes. No sounds touched my ears; no breezes blew across my skin. I didn't see anything except endless white.

And I couldn't move.

"It's okay," Edward's angelic voice said, warm and soothing. "It's all right, Bella."

I scanned the room - was it even a room? - fearfully, trying to find him so that I could argue or plead. I didn't want to be here. But even after a headache-inducing effort to bring my eyes into focus, all I could see were yellow irises against the infinite, blinding blankness. The rest of Edward's frame blended into the snowy backdrop. I looked down at myself; I was white too, white against white tile. I couldn't make out where my body ended and the floor began.

I was in a strait jacket.

"There," Edward's voice said, sounding satisfied. The amber eyes glowed against the padded wall. "_Now_ you're safe."

From a distance, I heard Jacob sobbing my name...

...and I jerked awake with a gasp.

My bedroom was bright with the light of early morning.

One breath, in and out. Two. Three._ I'm at home,_ I told myself, trying to control my shaking. _I'm just at home._

Once my heart rate slowed down, I flopped back down in bed - the sheets were soaked with sweat - and looked at my alarm clock. 7:12 AM. Time to get ready for school.

I blinked in shock. Had Jacob really not come all night? He'd said... I searched my feelings as fast as I could, checking for some pain or anxiety, but I didn't sense anything beyond the remaining terror of my nightmare. If something was seriously wrong, I would know; but what other than an emergency would have kept Jacob away from me?

Where _was_ he?

* * *

"You don't have to go." Charlie kept the cruiser running in the school parking lot, clearly ready to burn rubber at the slightest sign of my consent. "It really is okay if you want to take the day off."

I shook my head for the eightieth time. "Dad, I'm two weeks from the end. I've got five million exams to take and six million papers due."

"You can finish them from home-"

"_No._ It'll be fine." I opened the door gingerly with my broken hand. "I'll see you this afternoon, okay?"

Charlie glanced around the lot darkly, looking for the Cullens. There was no sign of them. "All right. Three on the dot."

"Okay."

I couldn't articulate to Charlie why it was so important to me to be at school. It wasn't like I wasn't scared of Edward, of my own traitorous reaction to him. I was _terrified_ that something would happen again. That my own hopeless fwould come to the surface, that I would start something... even the thought of seeing him face to face made me want to die of shame.

But under that was a stubbornness that seemed to be coming from my bones. I would _not_ be chased away. Not now. Not when I was this close. Almost nothing in my life could be classified as _norma__l_, but I would at _least _ finish high school like other teens. At _least_ that.

Besides, I seriously doubted the Cullens would be returning.

"Hey, Bella!" Angela and Jessica waved me over; they were leaning against Ben's Dodge, reading over some notes. Was there a test today? Oh, no, there _was_, wasn't there...

"Oh my God Bella you _have_ to help," Jessica said in a rush as she flipped through her binder. "You're practically a Shakespeare _specialist_, I can _never_ keep track of which quotes are Taming of the Shrew and which quotes are Much Ado About Nothing."

"That's because there's no difference," Ben grumbled, making marks in his own folder. Angela shook her head as he highlighted something, pointing to another line; Ben groaned and made a huge X in response.

"If it's just plain funny, it's Much Ado." I glanced over Jessica's shoulder. At least the test was on Shakespeare; I stood a chance of passing even though I hadn't studied. "If it's bitter, it's Taming. That's the safe bet, anyway."

"I figured _that_ much," she shot back peevishly. "I'm not an _idiot_. It's that half the time Bianca and Hero have, like, the _same_ lines-"

"They're basically the same person," Ben grumbled again.

"I _know_, right? Shakespeare might've been super-prolific, but I swear he's only working with about six standard plots that he just reshuffles over and over and over. He'd _flunk_ if _he_ was taking Mr. O'Neil's class."

"Hey, Bella?" Angela said quietly. She'd stopped correcting Ben's notes; now she was looking over my shoulder. "You might want to go inside."

I froze.

Jessica turned around, not making the slightest effort to be subtle. "Oh, _honestly_," she said, rolling her eyes. "Some people just _cannot_ take a hint."

Had he really come to school after what happened?

"Bella." I didn't turn at the sound of the golden voice, but I felt all the blood drain out of my face. "Bella, may I please speak to you?"

"I- I don't want to talk, Edward," I managed to say, holding my cast against my chest to stop it from shaking, keeping my focus on the license plate of Ben's car. _Six-seven-three-_ I could see Angela and Jessica watching me out of the corner of my eye, their faces in identical expressions of worried confusion. Was my humiliating weakness was written all over me? It _had_ to be, bright letters all over my skin, they could see it, _everyone_ could see it...

"Just for a few moments, Bella-"

"Hey, she said no." Ben was five-foot-seven, but he glared at the man behind me. He must have been able to see it too. "So you should listen."

I didn't have to look to _feel_ Edward's amusement. Even without his supernatural advantages, Edward wouldn't have had anything to fear from Ben Cheney. "I appreciate your sense of chivalry, but Bella and I-"

He was interrupted by the roar of a motorbike.

My heart leapt - and my stomach dropped.

This was not good.

"Excuse me, Bella." The angelic voice had turned steely. There was a sudden absence against my back. Edward was going to meet the rider of the motorbike.

Maybe if I didn't turn around it wouldn't be happening.

Angela and Jessica had gone back to staring. "Is _that_ Jacob Black?" Angela asked, a little breathlessly. Ben scowled at her.

I nodded. I didn't have to look to know. I could feel him all over me.

"Holy God." Jessica's eyes were almost popping out of her head. "Bella, _how_ do you do it? How do you get these guys? What's your secret?"

"Apparently I smell good," I said weakly.

"What kind of body wash are you using? I'm gonna buy a _case_."

_Jacob!_

Panic finally broke through my desperate desire for avoidance, and I whirled around, running toward the vampire and the werewolf before they killed one another.

For a moment I couldn't put my finger on what looked so _different_ about Jacob, but then I realized he was wearing full jeans and a t-shirt. That strange control was still in evidence; every movement - way he set down the kickstop on the bike, the way he put his keys in his pocket - ooze with an edged, deliberate reserve.

It frightened me.

Edward had been waylaid by Alice, who was holding onto his shoulder by the Volvo and speaking too low and fast for me to hear; I ran straight past them. Jacob's arms opened as I approached. I fell into them without pause. The dread that I hadn't entirely been able to shake since my nightmare faded instantly... but the panic remained. "Jake," I whispered urgently against his throat, "Jake, you have to get out of here."

Jacob's strong embrace held me off the ground without effort. "Hey, Bells," he murmured, ignoring my words. "Sorry I didn't come back yesterday. There was... stuff."

"Fine. Great. 'Stuff.' We can talk about it later. You've got to leave. This is a bad idea, you can't just-"

"Don't worry, Bells, I'm here on Pack business." Jacob moved his hands to my waist, pulling me off him gently and setting me down. I looked up anxiously, but his eyes were on the 'bloodsuckers'. "Message from the Alpha and everything."

I gawked. "Are you serious? Sam sent _you_ to talk to Edward?"

"I might've volunteered."

"Jacob-"

"I won't blow my cover, Bella." He glanced down just long enough to give me a humorless smile. "I have orders."

My eyes widened. "Sam can order you not to phase?"

"I guess we'll see. Keep an eye on my bike, okay?"

"Wait!"

Jake walked right past me, approaching the Cullens slowly. Every inch of him looked tightly leashed, so much more restrained than I'd ever seen him. There was nothing of _my_ Jacob there.

This was the wolf.

I didn't wait by the bike.

Edward and Alice were waiting with polite, disinterested expressions. "Jacob," Edward said courteously as we approached - or rather, as Jacob approached. I didn't so much approach as scamper behind; it took me three steps to keep up with every one of Jacob's strides. "I think we-"

"Shut up," Jacob said, his tone clipped. "Which one of you was it?"

Edward's eyebrows furrowed. "Excuse me?"

"Don't play stupid. Was it the blond?"

"I don't know what you're-"

"Where is she?"

"No one-"

"This is a treaty violation, Cullen."

"Jacob," Edward said, a touch of exasperation in his voice, "if you'll _slow down_-"

"Sorry, I don't have a lot of time. I have to go back and see who else in your family has stepped where they don't belong. And then burn them."

We were gaining an audience. The ringing of the first bell had done nothing to clear the parking lot; the students clearly sensed an epic fight on the horizon. They had no idea how right they were. "Jake," I said quietly, "keep your voice down."

When I spoke, Edward's honeyed eyes flicked back to me - and Jacob growled low in his throat. "Don't even _look_ at her," he snarled. His huge, hot hand spanned across my stomach, and I found myself pushed back and behind his body.

Edward's expression cooled about fifty degrees. "Perhaps Bella ought to step away until you've calmed down," he said, his voice soft and dangerous.

"Oh, I'm calm," Jacob retorted. His hand stayed pressed against me, but it didn't shake. "I'm _just fine._ Now, for the last time: which one of you crossed the boundary line yesterday?"

"None of us. We were all at home, Jacob, and you can carry that back to your Alpha." Edward frowned slightly, then narrowed his eyes. "Though if you stopped focusing on Bella for a moment, perhaps I could concentrate and _see_ what you're talking about-"

"Stay out of my head."

"What's in your head doesn't make _sense_." Edward sounded frustrated. "I can't follow your train of thought. How do you even _function_ like that?"

"_Tell me who it was_."

"If you'll at least _picture_-" Edward broke off, blinking. His expression turned stunned. "You're sure?" he asked blankly. "You're _positive _that's who you saw?"

Jacob grimaced, using his other hand to press a fist to his temple. "Yes," he growled reluctantly. "That's who it was."

I heard a sharp inhale. Alice's gaze had gone unfocused. "_Edward_," she gasped, stepping backward, "_Edward, move, move, I can't see, get away from the wolf, I can't see-_"

"What is she talking about?" Jacob demanded.

Edward ignored his words, retreating a few feet and leaning against the trunk of the Volvo. As he did, Alice clapped her hands over her mouth, her enormous eyes even wider than usual. Edward stiffened at the same moment, and I knew he was witnessing the future Alice had just envisioned.

Whatever it was, it was bad.

Alice's frightened stare turned to me. "Bella..."

Jacob took another step in front of me, the growl in his chest deepening. "I told you not to look at her."

The feel of Alice and Edward's gazes, accompanied by the touch of Jacob's fingers, made me dizzy and confused. Something was very seriously wrong here, and I was getting very scared. "Jake-"

"I'm not sure who your trespasser is," Edward said smoothly, catching Jacob's eye. His sculpted face was dispassionate and stoic, reminding me of how he'd looked in the days before he'd left me in the woods. "But I have a few guesses. Allow me to consult with Carlisle, and we'll contact your Alpha within the next few days. Being as the boundary line was not crossed by any of my family, the treaty remains intact." The topaz-colored eyes narrowed. "And we're willing to overlook the violation yesterday, when you crossed into _our_ territory in the... incorrect fashion."

I shivered.

"Well," Jacob said casually, "I was kind of in a rush."

"Apparently," Edward murmured. "Is that all, Jacob Black?"

"Yep." Jacob's hand pushed me firmly backwards; I had to back up several steps to keep from stumbling onto the asphalt. "That about covers it."

Then Jacob punched Edward in the face.

There was a crack like a baseball bat hitting a brick wall.

"FIGHT!" someone yelled, and the crowd of people immediately erupted into yells and catcalls.

The adrenaline racing through my body seemed to slow down the events, allowed me to take in more details than I would ever have thought my human mind was capable of. I saw Edward reach for his unhinged jaw and push it back into place; I watched Jacob's twisted and bleeding knuckles heal in less time than it took to blink. I had a moment to hope that I was the only one seeing this - then Edward hit Jacob in return, who reeled and spat out a mouthful of blood before throwing another vicious punch, crushing his hand a second time.

My scream was lost among the shouts of the students.

It looked surprisingly like a normal fight between two teenagers who wanted to beat each other to death. But it was all happening just a little too fast to be natural, and no one else was close enough to hear what I was hearing: the constant snap of breaking bones and cracking concrete. They both repaired themselves so fast that there was no evidence seconds later, but Edward clearly had the upper hand - he was made of stone, and Jacob was made of flesh.

Edward was also quicker. His fist closed around Jacob's throat, golden eyes blazing - _no wait no! - _ Alice and I ran forward at the same moment-

-but not before Jacob shoved out powerfully against Edward's shoulders. Edward flew fifteen feet through the air and crashed into the Volvo, shattering the back window. Then Jacob was straightening again; he coughed up more blood, too much blood, but he was able to remain standing nonetheless. Edward jumped off of the car, glass clattering to the ground. There was not a mark on his flawless white skin.

The battle so far had happened in the space of thirty seconds, but Edward should not have been unharmed, and Jacob should not have been on his feet. This fight should not have been continuing. It literally wasn't possible - and yet it was happening all the same.

The crowd had gone completely silent.

I heard myself begging, "Jake, stop, please..." It wasn't fair, without phasing there was a limit to how much damage he could do and _no _limit to how much damage Edward could take, there was only so long this could go on until Edward would overcome the limits of Jacob's werewolf healing and beat him to death with those marble fists-

-then a gentle wave of relaxation washed over me. This wasn't so bad. There wasn't anything to worry about. Things would be okay.

Edward and Jacob stopped in their tracks, Edward blinking, Jacob shaking his head like his ears were full of water. After a moment light chatter started up, and the students began to disperse.

"Thanks, Jazz," Alice murmured.

I looked to my right; Jasper stood next to Alice, watching the proceedings with a look of mild concentration. If the unbelievable amount of power he'd just emitted - calming the charged emotions of over thirty people, including a vampire and a werewolf - had caused him the slightest bit of strain, it didn't show.

It occurred to me with a detached sort of realization that Jasper might be the most terrifying of all of the Cullens.

Edward appeared to be the more affected; the tension ran out of his body effortlessly, his topaz-hued eyes shut. But his words remained pointed. "I don't appreciate this, Jasper."

"I wouldn't expect you to." Jasper placed a hand on Alice's head. Her eyes fluttered shut as well, a serene smile coming to her face.

Jacob wasn't nearly so tranquil; I could feel his caged fury beating against my own ribcage. Jasper's suppression didn't seem to work as well against him. "Knock it off," he spat.

"No," Jasper replied frankly. "You've conveyed your message. You are not in your territory. Turn around and go home, boy."

Jacob raised his chin defiantly. A wide smear of blood was drying on his cheek.

"Jake," I whispered. "Jake, let's go. I'll come with you." There was no chance - none - that Jacob would leave me here alone. Not right now. He wouldn't be able to... and I didn't want him to.

Edward's eyes flew open at my words. "Bella-"

"Get in the car, Edward," Jasper said quietly. "She'll be all right."

"Alice can't see that!"

"No, but _I_ can."

Alice turned her wide, frightened eyes to her brother, clearly communicating something to him without words. Edward flinched, gave me one last longing look - tingles ran up my spine as he did - then allowed Alice to grab his hand and pull him into the Volvo. More glass from the rear window fell to the ground as they slammed the doors.

"He won't come back to school," Jasper said - not to me, to Jacob. "I'll see to it. The girl will be safe."

"_The girl_ has a name," Jacob growled.

"True." Jasper turned to me and inclined his head slightly. "My apologies for this unpleasantness, Bella."

I swallowed and tried to speak with something resembling composure. "Thank you."

"C'mon, Bells," Jacob said, grabbing my hand. It too was covered in blood, though he no longer had any obvious or open wounds. "Let's get out of here."

I squeezed his fingers.

* * *

It took about five minutes - or three miles, depending on whether his ability was based on time or proximity, I wasn't sure - before Jasper's emotion suppression wore off. I was clinging to Jacob's back on the motorbike, one of his hands holding my cast in place, and I felt his body abruptly tense in my arms. With a jerk we pulled over to where the road met with green, mossy forest.

Jacob got off the bike and removed the helmet from my head wordlessly. I glanced around in confusion. "Jake, we're nowhere near the treaty line."

He didn't respond, but I could _feel_ the intensity blazing inside him; it seemed to heat my body like a furnace. He grabbed my forearm and pulled me into the line of trees with a firm tug.

"Jake?" I tried again, barely managing not to trip over a fallen log. His grip steadied me. "Where are we going?"

I didn't get an answer.

After a hundred or so feet, the road was no longer visible. We were surrounded by nothing but ancient evergreens and knee-high ferns and lichen clinging to rocks. Jacob's hand shook where it held my arm; in fact, he beginning to shake all over, his abnormal composure finally starting to crack. Part of my mind told me to pull myself free and get away because he was in danger of phasing, but the instinct-driven part of me, the _imprint_-driven part of me knew that that wasn't the case. This was something different. Jacob needed me.

A moment later my back slammed against a tree and Jake's lips crashed into mine.

The purring thing inside me thrummed with satisfaction.

This was nothing like our first kiss. This was nothing like _any_ kiss I'd ever had. Jacob moved roughly, grabbing my thighs and lifting me clear off the ground, wrapping my legs around his waist and bracing me against the trunk. Hard scales of bark dug unforgivingly into my spine and I felt sap dripping into my hair. After I was held in place his hands moved up, underneath my shirt, where they'd been a hundred times before but never in this way. He felt so hot that he seemed in danger of setting me on fire.

I wanted to burn.

After a moment his mouth broke away; he turned his attention to my neck, groaning as he licked along the sensitive skin. I panted for breath, my hand clinging to his arm painfully, the scars pulling beneath the glove. My eyes closed and I found myself wanting more than anything for him to bite down, to mark me again, the way I _ought_ to be marked. I wanted everyone to see it. I wanted everyone to know that the man who left that brand belonged to _me_ and me alone.

_Mine._

"_Mine_," he growled against my throat. His hands moved higher beneath my clothes. "You're _mine_ and _I'm not giving you back_."

I opened my eyes.

I was wrong.

This was _everything_ like our first kiss.

"Jake," I murmured, making an effort to calm myself. I couldn't figure out how much of the desperation was his and how much of it was mine, but as I focused it seemed to fade a little. I stopped digging my nails into Jake's arm and rubbed the back of his neck, trying to be soft. It was difficult when his face was pressed against my collarbone, his tongue swiping up the beads of sweat that were collecting, stoking the flames already consuming my body. "Jake, c'mon. Stop it."

The words weren't an order. They didn't have to be.

It took Jacob a moment, but his breathing started to slow, and the hands that had been clutching began to stroke instead. His lips brushed across my shoulder; I felt them form my name over and over.

I leaned my head back against the tree and tried to find the sky, but I could only see the brown of branches and the green of pine needles.

"It's worse," Jake finally whispered. He sounded like himself again - himself, but broken. "The imprint. It's getting worse."

"I know." It took so much effort to disobey the instinct that told me to keep going and claim what was rightfully mine, but this wasn't the way it should be. This wasn't us. "I want to, but... we shouldn't do this now. Not because you're scared."

"I _hate _him. I hate that he touched you. I hate that I could smell him on you. I can't stand it. He'd take you away from me if he could."

The humiliated shame squeezed at my lungs again. "I'm so sorry," I managed to say, fighting back tears. It was my fault that he was afraid of losing me, my fault I'd smelled that way, I'd kissed Edward, I'd made it clear that I _could_ be taken by my own pathetic weakness-

Jacob's hands tightened. "I'm going to kill him," he said quietly. "One day I'm going to kill him for making you think it's your fault. I promise."

It sounded like a vow.

This didn't seem like a good time to argue about that, so I wiggled slightly, trying to shift my weight. Jacob got the message and pulled away. It was very hard not to make a dissatisfied noise as he removed his hands from under my shirt, but when he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and hugged me fiercely it made up for the loss of warmth. Jacob's hugs made everything in the world better.

"I love you." I felt his words more than I heard them, and I smiled in response.

Another moment later and Jake released me with a sigh. "We probably shouldn't spend all morning in the woods," he said.

The idea didn't sound to bad to me, actually, but he was right. "I better get back to class, yeah." I'd missed Chemistry, but that wasn't so terrible, nothing was due today. I wasn't looking forward to all the curious questions about the fight in the parking lot...

"Screw class."

I blinked. "Huh?"

A grin broke out over Jake's face; he looked like _my Jacob_ for the first time that day. "C'mon, play hooky. Let's go to Port Angeles and do something fun."

"What?" I'd never skipped school in my life. "I can't do that! And you're covered in blood!"

He laughed outright at my scandalized tone and started pulling me back towards the road. "Sure you can. I'll wash up and we'll get some ice cream or something."

"No, Jake, really." I pulled my hand out of his reluctantly. Ice cream in Port Angeles sounded wonderful, but... "I've got this big test on Shakespeare. I have to take it or I'll flunk. And what about you?"

Jacob shook his head. "Trust me," he said darkly, "it's better if I stay away from the guys. My head is more trouble than it's worth right now."

"No, I mean, shouldn't _you_ be in school?"

Something flickered across his face, and he didn't quite look at me as he helped me over another log. "Don't worry about it."

It took me a second to understand - it had been a long day, and it wasn't even ten o'clock yet - but then realization hit me like a freight train. "You didn't," I breathed.

He was silent.

"You _didn't_," I said again, coming to a stop. "Tell me you didn't drop out."

"I had to."

"You _had to?_"

"Yeah, Bells, I had to."

I couldn't comprehend what I was hearing. Jacob wasn't even through his sophomore year yet. "When did this happen?"

Jake stopped too, brushing a branch away from his face and scowling at the ground. "I didn't go back after spring break."

I paled. "That was almost two months ago! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Maybe because I knew you'd react like this?" he said acidly. "What else was I supposed to do, Bella? I can't exactly run patrol, eat, sleep, see you, _and_ learn about mitochondria. It wasn't going to happen."

My heart stuttered. "See me?" I repeated, my eyes filling with tears.

Jacob froze and finally looked up, his expression dismayed. "That's not what I meant."

I shook my head. "Yeah," I whispered. "It was."

If he'd had more time to himself... if he'd been running more patrols at night instead of coming to my room, he could've had time during the day to go to class, he wouldn't have had to do this...

...another thing that was my fault.

Warm arms wrapped around me gently, pulling me close. "Honey, listen," Jacob murmured. "It's not just me, okay? _Everyone_ dropped out. Well, except for Seth, 'cause Leah threatened to tear Sam's legs off. Embry and Quil and Paul don't have imprints, but they couldn't keep up with school either. So it doesn't have anything to do with you. I was just... listing stuff that's more important. All right?" He kissed the top of my head. "Besides, you'd be the _last_ thing I'd sacrifice to get more time. I'd give up eating first."

I snorted in spite of myself. "Okay. I'll just have to have a hundred bags of Doritos in my room so you can eat dinner and hang out with me at the same time."

"There's an idea." He brushed my hair back, keeping one arm securely locked around my waist. "I mean it, Bella," he said. "I'd've had to quit no matter what. So don't beat yourself up, okay?"

The huge mural of graduation caps in the Cullens' home came to mind. "It's not fair," I muttered bitterly.

"Yeah, well, life sucks and then you die. Didn't anyone ever tell you that?" In spite of his sarcastic words, Jacob sounded relieved. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything. How mad are you?"

"I'm not mad." I sighed. "I'm just depressed."

"Um... is that better or worse than mad?"

"I'm not sure yet. Give me a few minutes."

"Okay."

I leaned into his chest, feeling too many things to properly categorize them. I wanted to fight something, to blame _someone_ - the Cullens for causing the transformations, Sam Uley for keeping the wolves on such breakneck schedules, myself for not finding some way to stop it all from happening in the first place - but regardless of who was at fault, it wouldn't make any difference. Jacob was having to give up _everything_ he'd ever wanted for himself. They _all_ were. And there wasn't anything that could be done about it now.

And I'd eat dirt before I went to Dartmouth.

After a long moment, I kissed Jacob's chest through his shirt. "Will you go back in the fall?"

"Maybe. Or I could always get my GED or something. I'll figure it out."

"_We'll_ figure it out," I corrected him.

Jacob paused for a moment, pulled me just a hair tighter against him. "Right." His voice was husky. "We'll figure it out."

* * *

I checked my watch when Jacob helped me off the bike in the parking lot. It was the middle of second period. Could have been worse. "See you tonight?"

"I doubt it. Probably not for a few days, at least."

A shiver of cold ran through me, and I looked up at him in alarm. "What? Why not?"

"Too busy." He rubbed his face, showing that exhaustion again that meant he hadn't slept in awhile. Dried blood flaked off his cheek. "With that bloodsucker trying to get on our land it's gonna be a mess. But if I have five spare minutes I'll come over."

"Don't you dare. Use those five spare minutes to rest," I countered. "You don't know who it was?"

Jake shook his head. "It was a woman, and she was blond. That's all we've got."

"It sounds like Edward recognized her," I murmured. And something about the image had triggered Alice to have a vision. A vision that upset her a _lot_.

The feeling of dread returned. No good could come of any of this.

"He could be lying." Jacob sighed wearily. "I don't know. We'll get her if she comes back. In the meantime we'll see what we can figure out."

"Let me know if I can help."

"Will do." He kissed my forehead gently. "I've gotta get back, Bells."

"Just make sure Sam gives you Friday night off," I said, nudging him with my cast. "You're not going to stand me up for prom, are you?"

Jacob grinned at the reminder. "Definitely not. Does seven sound good? Where should I pick you up?"

Wow. This was... a real date. The thought made me feel warm. "Seven's great. I'll be at Jessica's. She's eight blocks south of my house, in the blue rambler."

"Cool. I'll have the popcorn ready."

"Good." I shoved him gently. "Go. I'll see you Friday."

"Okay." He kissed my forehead again, then jumped back on the bike and sped away, sans helmet as always.

I waited until he was out of sight before I went inside.

* * *

"You're late," Mrs. Green said severely as I slunk into European History. I nodded meekly, and she rolled her eyes before turning back to the chalkboard and continuing her lecture on the Black Plague. I slid into my seat next to Jessica as unobtrusively as possible.

A few moments later Jessica slid a note over to me, written in her neat, curving handwriting. _Does he have brothers?_

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling. _Several._

_Excellent. You know you have pine needles in your hair, right?_

I suppressed a groan.

* * *

**_Coming Soon_**_: Prom_

_**Sanity Update**: Brain... struggling... ow... must... make... it... to... end... of... book... one... (For the record, less than a day after I typed the word "hiatus" last week, I shit you not, I cut the scar on my finger with a potato peeler. Trust me, the break will be short. God only knows what Sam would do to me otherwise.) This was a late-in-the-day just-under-the-wire correcting job. I expect to break my finger jabbing at the "edit" button in the morning. (**Edited to add**: Oh, yeah. Didn't break my finger, but did break the button.)_

_**UNUSUAL REQUEST**: I don't usually do this, but... a friend of mine (one of the few RL folks who know what I do, mostly because she's my "finish your goddamn book" cheerleader) asked me how many readers I have. The answer is, I don't know. It's hard to tell about these things. So... if you're lurking, would you mind raising your hand just this once and saying "Present"? I swear I'm not review-whoring, you don't have to write a word about the fic if you don't want to. I'd just really like to know how many folks are out there so I can give a reliable report instead of pulling numbers out of my ass. Thanks :) _


	8. Prom

**_A/N_**_: A HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who raised their hands. I don't even know what to say other than it's unbelievably humbling to have you guys as readers._

* * *

_watch my back so i'll make sure / you're right behind me as before / yesterday the night before tomorrow  
Lykke Li, "Tonight"_

* * *

**6. Prom**

* * *

"Okay," Jessica said excitedly, modeling in front of her full-length mirror, "what do you think? Does this work?"

I took in the full effect: the dark red dress, the high black heels, the loose up-do, the smoky eye makeup. "You look great, Jess," I said truthfully. I was sitting on the edge of her bed, trying not to nervously scratch holes into the eyelet lace of her comforter. "Mike's going to be miserable."

"I _know_, right?" Jessica's smug smile interfered with her effort to reapply her lipstick; she had to grab a cotton ball from her vanity and wipe off the smudges before trying again. "I mean, if _he's_ going without a date, there's no reason _I_ can't go without a date. Except I'm going to have _tons_ more fun than him and dance with _everyone_ and he can just stand against the gym wall like the loser he is."

"I bet." I hoped I sounded neutral; it was hard to keep from commenting on the fact that clearly the entire point of the dress and the heels and the hair and the makeup was to get Mike back. I wasn't even sure if _Jessica_ was aware that that was the point. "Well, I'm sure you'll have a great time."

"_Definitely_." She smoothed out an imaginary wrinkle on her skirt, then glanced at me in the mirror, smirking. "What time is the vampire arriving, then?"

I winced. "_Please_ don't call him that. And Jake said he'd be here at seven." I glanced at the clock radio on Jessica's nightstand; six forty-nine. "So... soon."

"Why aren't you getting ready, then?"

"I _am_ ready." Everything was taken care of. I'd told Charlie I was 'spending the night at Jessica's house' instead of going to prom; he wasn't expecting me home until ten tomorrow morning. My backpack was full of supplies after a trip to the local drug store - which had been a thoroughly horrifying and very expensive experience since Angela seemed to think I needed at least one of every form of protection ever invented. I'd already gotten about twenty nervous breakdowns out of the way and still had ten minutes left for a few more. It seemed like I was set...

...but apparently I was missing _something_ important, given the despairing look Jessica wore. "What?" I snapped defensively.

"Bella," she said, "you're wearing _plaid._"

I frowned. "Yeah?"

Jess heaved a dramatic sigh of frustration and turned to face me, hands on her hips. "_Please_ tell me you've got something cute in that backpack that you're about to change into." When I shook my head she groaned. "Ugh. _Crisis_. Open up the closet, let's see if I've got anything that'll fit you."

I pulled open the closet doors; everything inside looked, for lack of a better term, _girly_. "I don't want to dress up," I said, looking on with suspicion as Jessica started rifling through the hangers. "The whole point of going to Jacob's to watch movies was to _not_ dress up."

"Well, yeah, but you can't just wear the same thing you wear every _day_."

"Why not? Jacob likes it." I hoped.

"_Clearly_. I saw the way Jacob Black looks at you. But you've gotta show a boy something _new_ on special occasions." Her smirk widened. "Like when you're _watching movies._"

"We _are_ watching movies," I insisted.

"Uh-huh." Jessica pulled a simple scoop neck shirt off of a hanger. "Here, put that on. It'll match your glove." I glanced down at my hand; the brown leather _did_ look decent with the blue cotton. "I'll grab the eyeshadow."

Wait. "_Eyeshadow_?"

"Um, _yeah._ Now change." I unbuttoned my plaid shirt as she turned away to sort through her pile of cosmetics, muttering to herself.

I had put this on wondering if Jake would be the one to take it off.

This was all so painfully, messily complicated. We were doing everything _backwards_. Jacob and I had only even _kissed_ twice, and now I had a backpack full of condoms and was trying to figure out who would be the next person to remove my clothes: me, him, or possibly Jessica. It was such a _huge_ leap forward...

...and at the same time, it almost felt like a milestone that we'd just run right by without remembering to stop. What might happen was about being, well... _intimate_. But everything we'd already said and done... we'd never seen each other naked, but we'd shared the same bed for part of nearly every night for the last two months. We knew each others' secrets. We'd saved each others' lives. We were soul mates. Imprints.

Jacob had laid his head on my bare stomach and whispered his love into my skin, half-asleep and smiling.

It was difficult to believe there could be more intimacy for us than that.

That being said... if we did this... _would_ it be more? Or would it just be filling a blank, like a missed question on a math test? If this made us _more_... I wasn't sure I could handle what we would be like as _more_. I couldn't even define what we were _now_, so what would _more_ be?

Or maybe we'd just watch movies.

Apparently I _had_ had time for just one more nervous breakdown.

"Here. 'Hawaiian Sunset' should do the trick." Jessica held a palate of colors in her left hand and wielded a brush with her right. "Close your eyes."

I looked the brush warily. "This is ridiculous-"

"No, it's not. Now close your eyes or I'll accidentally stab you in the cornea and you'll swell up and be _gross_ and _then_ what'll Jacob say?"

I shut my eyes quickly.

"That's better." I felt a gentle tickling sensation across my face as Jessica started applying whatever 'Hawaiian Sunset' was. "And don't _worry_, all right? I'm not gonna make you look like a slut or something."

"I'm not saying that," I protested, trying not to move too much.

"Yeah, you are." The brush moved across my forehead - why was she putting makeup on my _forehead_? "Look, I know people think the whole mascara-and-cute-clothes thing plays into the oppression of the patriarchy, but that is _such_ a second-wave mindset. There's nothing oppressive about wanting to look your best for someone you like. It's instinct. We just use The Gap instead of flashing our purple butts like baboons, you know? Okay, open up."

I blinked a few times; Jessica examined me with a scrutinous look. "Take your hair out of that ponytail," she commanded.

"Don't put it up," I warned, pulling out the rubber band. Jessica started running a comb through the strands almost before they hit my shoulders. "It'll just fall out. It always does."

"That's because it's too heavy." The comb strokes ended as quickly as they began, and I felt my hair getting twisted into plaits. "You should really think about cutting it into some layers or something."

"I'm _not_ cutting my hair."

"Suit yourself." Jessica plucked the rubber band from my fingers and tied it into the base of my hair. "All right, I think we're good. Check it out."

I stood up and took a hesitant look in the mirror... and my eyes widened.

Jessica knew her stuff. Almost nothing had changed, but I looked _better_. The scoop neck showed some skin but not enough to make me uncomfortable; the makeup highlighted my features without coloring them. And my hair had been pulled back into a long, thick braid, which looked absolutely common and normal and somehow still a little... _nice_.

It worked.

"Bella, you _own _the 'Girl Next Door' look," Jessica said, looking proud of herself. "From flannel to fabulous in less than ten minutes. I'm _awesome_."

"You are," I said. "You really, really are."

"I know. Now, back to _important_ stuff." Jessica held up a silver bracelet against the red satin of her dress. "Is this good, or is it too Christmas-y? I don't want to look like I'm wearing _tinsel_, you know?"

"No, I think it's good," I said uncertainly, not sure what 'good' really meant in this situation. Luckily I was spared from having to elaborate by the sound of a car horn from the driveway.

Jessica raised an eyebrow. "Did he seriously _honk_? Bella, you need to teach the kid some manners." She pulled back the curtain from the window as I anxiously checked my reflection again. "Hey, wait," she said, sounding confused, "I thought you said that thing was wrecked."

"Huh?"

The car horn sounded again... and I realized it sounded familiar.

_Holy crow_.

I dashed out of Jessica's bedroom and down the hallway so fast that I skidded the last several feet to the front door and almost tripped over an orange cat. The scars in my hand pulled in protest as I turned the knob too eagerly, but then I was outside - where Jacob Black was getting out of my Chevy pickup with a huge, sunny grin on his face.

"You fixed the truck!" I gasped, terrifyingly close to squealing.

"Well, I could've brought you a corsage or something, but I thought you maybe you'd like this more." He looked enormously pleased with himself. "It's running pretty good. Still needs some body work though."

"It's _perfect__!_" I circled the truck - _my truck_ - happily, checking out the repairs. The front grill and windshield had clearly been replaced, but the dents in the hood and bumper had only been roughly beaten out and the side mirrors were both cracked. Flakes of paint were missing all over the front, leaving a dappled gray and red behind. Heavy rust was starting to set in. "I've never seen anything better in my _life__!_"

"Yeah, I know what you mean." I glanced back to see Jacob looking at me, not the pickup.

An annoyed humph carried from the front of the house. "Well, _'bye_." Jessica waved from the doorstep sarcastically and held up my backpack. "Guess I'll just be keeping this, then."

I blushed. "Sorry," I apologized, walking back toward the front door and taking the bag sheepishly. "Jessica, this is Jacob Black; Jake, this is Jessica Stanley."

Jacob grinned at Jessica as he leaned against the truck and crossed his arms; the setting sun made the russet tones of his skin even warmer. "Thanks for being the cover story," he said. "I really appreciate it."

Jess blinked for a moment at the image Jake presented, apparently speechless. But she recovered quickly. "No prob. But you can always repay me by, you know, letting me know the next time you and your brothers are having a party or something. I'll bring a jar of salsa and everything."

"Sure, sure."

I gave Jessica a quick hug as best I could without damaging her dress, makeup, or hair. "Have a good time at prom," I said. "Make Mike jealous."

"Oh, I will. I don't care if I have to let Tyler cop a feel on the dance floor, Mike's gonna be in _agony_." Jessica quirked an eyebrow at me. "You kids have fun _watching movies_." She made quotation marks in the air.

I heard Jacob snicker quietly.

"Um, we will," I stammered. "See you in the morning."

"And I'm going to need, like, _every detail_, you know that, right?"

"Uh-huh." After another quick hug I made a beeline for the truck, unable to keep meeting Jessica's knowing gaze. I could hear her giggling as she shut the front door.

"'Brothers'?" Jacob asked, clearly suppressing a smile.

My blush deepened. "She asked if you had any, and, well... do you think they'll be mad?"

He laughed. It was the fullest, most _Jacob_ sound I'd heard in a _long_ time. "Are you kidding? Embry'll fall in love. Which is good, since I owe him and Quil a _ton_ of favors for helping with the repairs."

"Oh." That made sense; if the truck had been as bad off as I'd been told, there was no way Jake could have managed it on his own, not with the total lack of free time he'd been having. "Well, what about Quil? Do I need to dig up someone else for him?"

Jacob shook his head, a strange look on his face. "Nah, Quil's doing fine for himself." When he caught my confused expression, he glanced away uncomfortably. "I'll tell you about it another time. Let's not talk about any of that stuff tonight, okay?"

"Sure." I was completely on board with that; a vampire- and werewolf-free evening sounded wonderful. Especially given that Jasper had been true to his word; there'd been no sign of the Cullens since the fight. Maybe they'd finally understood. Maybe they'd left.

Maybe this was the start of _lot__s _of vampire- and werewolf-free evenings.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Absolutely." I touched the red metal of the hood with a smile. "By the way, _I'm_ driving."

"That's why I brought it." And he grinned again as he opened the door for me.

* * *

"Okay. So. We have a very, _very_ important decision to make."

"Yeah?"

"Pepperoni or sausage?"

I looked up from the enormous stack of VHS tapes - potentially life-threatening if they ever avalanched - and raised an eyebrow at Jacob. He was staring into the open freezer, contemplating the frozen pizza options. There was no sign of Billy; apparently he was at a Makah meeting up north. "Anything healthy? Or at least with some vegetables?"

"_Healthy_? I think you're missing the point of pizza, Bells."

"Pepperoni, then."

"Done. Which movie do you want to watch first? I pulled all the prom ones out, they're sitting on the TV."

I ran my finger along the spines of the beaten cassettes. "I can't believe you have all these."

"They're my _sisters'_," Jacob corrected quickly. The microwave pinged, and the room filled with the smell of fake butter. "Rach and Becca were really into those high school romantic comedy things and they used to make me watch with them. I didn't have any choice about it."

"No choice, huh?" I managed to keep a straight face, but only barely.

"None."

"So which one's your favorite?"

"Breakfast Club. Judd Nelson kicks ass. But that's not prom."

"Okay, then, we'll start with Pretty in Pink."

"Cool." Jacob grinned and tossed me the steaming bag of popcorn. "Let me do it, the tape player's sticky."

I settled back onto the couch and watched as Jake flicked the television on and did some sort of complicated wiggle-thing to get the cassette into the slot. _He _was joking, relaxed, totally natural... while I felt like I was full of butterflies. Good butterflies, but butterflies nonetheless. But when he sat down next to me the anxiety faded; he propped his feet up on the table as the movie began and I settled against his side, feeling calmer almost instantly, like I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

"Are you gonna hog the popcorn?" Jake asked, reaching for the bag.

"If I don't you'll eat it all." I moved the bag to the other side of my body. It didn't help. Jacob's arms were too long. One handful, and the popcorn was already a third gone. "Hey!"

"Mm'hungry!"

"But what'll we throw at the TV?"

"I'll make more."

"Ugh. Fine." I started to get my own handful, then stopped myself; I still had my glove on.

Without taking his eyes off the television screen, Jacob caught my wrist and tugged gently on each finger until the leather came away to reveal my scars. "Have you seen the remote? I can't hear the crappy eighties music."

I smiled and reached into the bag. "Nope."

* * *

We'd gone through two and a half movies, the pizza, three bags of popcorn, and a bottle of Coke when I remarked, "I think I've figured out the formula."

Jacob was working his way through the unpopped kernels at the bottom of the bag. He looked down - I'd settled deeper and deeper into the couch, and now I was laying flat with my legs propped up on his lap - and raised an eyebrow. "Formula?"

"Yeah." I gestured at the television, where Heath Ledger and Julia Stiles were playing paintball. "All the movies we've watched have been exactly the same, except for names and locations."

"And soundtracks," Jake added. "I haven't heard any Psychedelic Furs since John Hughes."

"Well, yes. But the point is they're all the same thing. Girl is anti-social; boy comes and sweeps her off her feet. Boy and girl got to prom. Boy turns out to be a jerk, but then they make up and everything is roses. Girl becomes beautiful and popular and usually rich. The end. It's the Cinderella story over and over. Romantic, but there's not a lot of originality or creativity there."

Jacob turned back to the paintball fight; the leads had started making out on a hay bale. "Gotta tell you, I wasn't really paying attention." He stroked my shin, but his voice sounded strangely distant.

I frowned. What just happened? "Did I say something wrong?"

"Of course not," he said automatically.

"Jake-"

My sentence was interrupted by the ringing of the kitchen phone. Jacob jumped off the couch like it was on fire and sprinted to answer, leaving me in a tangled, confused heap on the cushions. I'd _definitely_ just done something wrong, but I wasn't sure what.

"Hello?" Jacob paused for a moment, listening - then his expression darkened. "I thought you were staying up there tonight."

Uh-oh.

"I know, Dad, but that's not what you said-"

I checked the clock: almost one AM. I didn't feel sleepy at all, though. Just... fidgety. Maybe it was all the Coke I'd had to drink. I glanced down; my right leg was jiggling. Jacob had been right about that.

A long sigh. "No, don't worry about it, I already ate." He glanced over at me. "I've gotta run patrol in a few minutes, though. You'll be fine by yourself?"

Patrol?

"Good. All right. See you in the morning." Jacob hung up, looking irritated. "Billy's on his way," he explained unnecessarily. "I _knew_ I should've gotten some Xanax."

_So, after all that..._ My shoulders slumped and, to my extreme embarrassment, I felt tears start to prick at my eyes. "Okay. I guess I'll go home, tell Charlie that Jessica and I had a fight or something-"

"What? Why?"

I blinked, surprised by the alarm in Jacob's voice. "Well, if you don't want me to stay here and you're going on patrol-"

"I'm not going on patrol."

"But you said-"

Jacob started to laugh, and his demeanor relaxed. "Bells, honey, it's called an _alibi_. You are _way_ too trusting." He walked over and turned off the TV as I blushed. "C'mon, let's get out of here."

"Where do you want to go?" I said, feeling like a moron. Of _course_ it was an alibi. Obviously I was as bad at reading lies as I was at telling them.

He paused, then smiled slightly, studying my face. His expression was almost disconcertingly free of the struggling imprint look. "Wanna take a walk on the beach?" he said, all innocence.

Oh.

I tried to keep my features schooled in a neutral expression as I shrugged off-handedly. "Sure. That sounds like fun."

His smile widened. "Okay. We'll take your truck. Billy would wonder why the Rabbit was gone."

"Yeah, that makes sense," I said. Then I swallowed.

The truck had a lot more room than the Rabbit.

I grabbed my backpack on the way out the door.

* * *

The breeze coming off the ocean felt warm for the first time I could remember; whenever I'd come to First Beach since I'd moved back I had shivered uncomfortably. Now, though, even in the middle of the night and only with Jessica's thin shirt on, I was perfectly comfortable. And even though I hadn't been here since the most awful night of my life, I wasn't frightened or fearful.

It might've had something to do with the person walking next to me.

We didn't have to talk; there was no awkwardness in just being together, wandering aimlessly, thinking our separate thoughts. But that didn't stop the butterflies that still fluttered beneath my skin. The sand kept shifting beneath my feet; the thought of my backpack, waiting on the floor of the cab, loomed large in my mind. I wasn't sure what Jacob was expecting. I wasn't entirely sure what _I_ was expecting.

After several minutes, he broke the companionable silence. "Hey, Bells, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Do you remember playing here when we were kids?"

I paused and turned to look at Jake. He was staring at a spot not far away, near a rocky outcropping; his face was illuminated in the bright moonlight. It seemed to be a fairly serious question to him. "Yeah, some," I said slowly. "Why?"

"I dunno, I was just... what do you remember?"

"Well... I know I mostly sat on the picnic tables and read while our dads fished, and..." I sorted through the vague memories, looking for russet-skinned children. "I remember Rachel and Rebecca laughing at me because I couldn't swim."

"They did that a lot," he muttered. "But I mean... _here._"

"Um..." I frowned. I had hazy recollections of making mudpies with Jacob when we were young, back when Renee had had to accompany me on the trips to see my father, which had always been awkward even to my six-year-old self. But that had been in the Blacks' backyard, not at the beach. There were other times, I _knew_ there were, they were tickling at the edge of my mind... something hot and popping, the smell of smoke... "There was a bonfire, right?"

A grin started to spread slowly across Jacob's face, brighter than the moon. "Yeah, there was."

Okay, apparently this was what he'd been looking for. I made an effort to picture it, to think of the few bonfires I'd been to and remember _this_ one in particular. Charlie and Billy would have been there, and the twins probably... maybe Jacob's mom, too, but I didn't want to bring that up. I'd met Sarah a handful of times, but all I could recall was that she'd always carried cinnamon gum in her purse. That couldn't be what Jacob was asking about.

I tried to focus.

Warm touches, fear of getting dirt on my dress...

The images snapped into place. "We were little," I said. The purring thing inside me thrummed with contentment as the vision became clearer. "_Really_ little. There were a lot of people there after fishing. You got charcoal on your hands and wiped it on my face." Jake nodded encouragingly; I could practically feel the fire, see the intent concentration of the black-haired boy - who wasn't much older than a toddler - as he very carefully made smudges on my skin. Afterward there was shouting... "Someone got angry."

"Old Quil." Jacob looked smug. "I showed him though, huh? The spirits obviously didn't mind."

It clicked together. At the time I hadn't understood, but now- "You drew tribal marks on me."

"Yep," he said, sounding satisfied. He reached up and ran his thumb gently along my cheek, down my nose, across my forehead. I felt myself heat up even further, as I always did under his touches. "I'd seen other people do it at ceremonies. Didn't know it really meant anything or that there were rules about that stuff; you were pretty and I thought you would look good with your face painted. You did. And I think I added a smiley face."

I shook my head in wonder. "How can you remember this? You couldn't have been more than three."

The expression on Jake's face flickered. "All my memories of you got a lot clearer... _after_." He obviously didn't like admitting this was related to the imprint. "There were more of them than I'd realized. I wasn't sure if you could see more, too."

"I don't know. I haven't tried." I certainly would now. "You like _that_ memory most?"

Jacob paused, then nodded again. "Yeah," he said softly. "I do." He leaned forward and brushed his lips where he'd traced the marks a moment earlier; soft brands across my face.

My heart sped up in anticipation, and I tread into unknown and uncertain territory, into areas I knew nothing about but Jacob seemed to be contemplating tonight. "If you wanted," I offered, "maybe... you could do it again sometime?"

"Yeah," he whispered. "I think I'd like that."

And Jacob brought his mouth to mine. The contact was warm, hesitant, fleeting, and achingly tender. By the time he pulled away - all too soon - my eyes had drifted shut and my left hand was resting on his arm.

"That should have been our first kiss," he murmured.

_What?_ I blinked, then looked up at him. "Why?" I asked, confused. "I liked the others too."

"You did?"

"Well, yeah." I held onto his shoulder, raised myself onto my tiptoes, and smiled. "I mean, the circumstances weren't great, but... I wouldn't wish them away, Jake." I wouldn't wish any of my moments with him away. Not even the less-than-good ones.

Jacob looked at me long and deep... and the uncertainty in his face started to give way to that familiar burning fervor. I felt my body waking in response, ready to accept his advances.

Then he closed his eyes with a choked noise and leaned his forehead against mine. "I don't know what to do, Bells," he whispered. His frame shook. "I always thought I'd just feel it out as I went, but my instincts are all messed up... I don't know what I'm supposed to listen to, I'm not sure where one thing starts and the other begins and I'm not sure I care anymore and I hate that, I wanted it to be just us..."

His fingers had curled around the back of my neck and were brushing lightly along the skin.

He might be confused, but I had never, not once in my entire life, been so certain of what I wanted.

I stepped backwards, out of his arms. He watched me distance myself with an agonized expression. I took a steadying breath... and found, to my shock, that I didn't need to be steadied.

I reached over my shoulder and slowly undid my braid, letting plait after plait of hair fall down my back.

Then I pulled the blue shirt over my head.

Jacob's eyes widened.

We stared at each other in silence for a long moment.

Finally, Jake cleared his throat. "Uh, Bells... when I said I didn't know what to do... _this_ wasn't what I was talking about. Just, you know, in case you were wondering."

"Don't worry," I said. "I wasn't."

"Okay then." He swallowed - I could see his throat moving in the shadows - and reached forward to run his palms along my skin, throat to waist. He left fire behind; every one of my nerve endings came alive and called for more. Jacob felt it or maybe just guessed, because he stepped closer and kept touching me, finding new places that made me bite my lip, new areas to claim with increasing confidence. I closed my eyes and kept my hands to myself, knowing my chance would come soon.

His fingers fumbled with the hooks at my back and then there was a cool breeze against my exposed body.

I heard him inhale raggedly. "Bella..."

"I've got a bag in the truck," I said.

* * *

Later, with my backpack emptied onto the floor of the cab and my sweaty hair tangled in the seat belt, as I lay back and focused on committing every single detail of this moment to memory, Jacob rubbed his nose along my jaw. "Bells," he murmured, still catching his breath.

"Yeah?" I couldn't believe how perfectly his body fit against mine.

He paused, hesitating for nearly a full minute, then whispered something into my ear. Something in Quileute. I didn't know the words, but I was pretty sure I knew their meaning.

My arms tightened around his back.

"I love you too."

* * *

The morning light was just tinting the sky pink as we slowly traveled from La Push to Forks. For the first time in my memory Jacob was driving a good ten miles under the speed limit.

"Hey, Jake?"

"Yeah?" He had a silly grin on his face and drove one-handed, scratch marks from my cast visible on the back of his neck; his fingers were still threaded through mine.

I tried to suppress my own smile. "You made another wrong turn."

"Did I."

"Uh-huh."

"Hmm. Guess it'll be a little longer then."

"Mm-hmm." I checked my hair in the rear view mirror; if we took _too_ much longer I wouldn't have enough time to take a shower before leaving Jessica's, and I _had _to take a shower. Going home in this state was a recipe for disaster. I looked like I'd been ravished.

I had been.

I bit my lip to hold back a giggle.

"You all right?" he asked concernedly, looking away from the road as I shifted with a wince. My body only ached a little - nothing that a few aspirin wouldn't fix. It was to be expected... especially given the number of times Jacob had pulled me close and made me gasp his name.

We hadn't gotten _any_ sleep.

"Honey?"

I kissed his knuckles in lieu of a response, and he chuckled.

We drove in silence for another couple of miles - during which Jacob turned left instead of right again - before I thought of something, something I'd wanted to ask about. "Jake? Why were you upset with me?"

"Huh?" He glanced over again. "I wasn't upset with you. When was I upset with you?"

"During the movie. I said something wrong, didn't I?"

"Oh. That." Jake's tone turned distant. "No, you didn't say anything wrong."

"So what annoyed you?"

"Nothing annoyed me."

"C'mon-"

"Do we _have_ to talk about this right now?"

I flinched back from his words; they weren't remotely sharp or cold, but I'd gotten so used to the cheerful warmth of the last several hours that this felt harsh by comparison. "I guess not," I said, my voice tiny. "I was just wondering."

He grimaced at my tone and rubbed his thumb along the back of my hand. "Sorry," he murmured. "It's fine. I just..." He sighed. "I was thinking about how it was great for all those Cinderella girls, getting the guy who could take care of them. Romantic and stuff."

What? After all this, was he... "And why would that bother you?" I asked haltingly, suspecting the answer.

Jacob shrugged. The speedometer on the truck was inching higher. "That stuff matters."

"Not to me," I snapped.

"It matters to _everyone_," he said quietly. "I'm not an idiot, Bells. I know I can't give you the things the bloodsucker could." It was the first time he'd mentioned Edward.

I was struck dumb, my mind in complete overdrive. Before now, it had never occurred to me that Jacob would feel inferior to Edward about something, even if that something was as impersonal as wealth. Not once.

Jacob was _different,_ not _less._ Jacob wasn't inferior in the slightest.

"He kept trying to get me a new car," I said suddenly. "Something faster, or safer, or both. He thought I should drive an Audi."

It took Jacob a long moment to respond. "Must've been nice," he said. "That he could just buy you something like that."

"No, Jake, I _hated_ it. I didn't want him to spend money on me, but he did it anyway." I was saying these things out loud to make Jacob feel better, but I was surprised by the depth of feeling in my voice. It was true. I _had_ hated it. "He'd take me to these fancy restaurants in Seattle and pay for everything and then just watch me eat because he couldn't. He didn't mean anything by it, but... And when I had the broken leg Alice would put me in these really expensive clothes and laughed when I spilled something on them like silk is nothing, and they threw me a birthday party with crystal and roses even though I begged them not to and they would all make jokes about my truck but I didn't _want_ a Audi!"

Jacob had become very still.

"An Audi is a good car," he said finally. "Really fast."

I shook my head. "I never drive fast."

"And it's shiny," he added.

"Flashy, you mean."

"Everyone would look at you and be really jealous."

"I don't want people to look at me."

"It's a lot more impressive than a Chevy pickup." He was focused on the road; I couldn't read his expression.

We'd stopped talking about vehicles. "No, it's not," I said firmly. "And anyone who thinks otherwise is dumb. I don't let anyone talk bad about my truck. I _love_ my truck." A little smile formed on my lips. "Even more so now, I think. Fond memories and all that."

The truck slowed, then pulled over to the side of the highway; the shocks vibrated as we left the pavement. Jacob cut the engine. "Fond memories, huh?" he said, his eyes mischievous, radiating warmth again.

I tugged on his fingers. "I could always use a few more." The soreness wasn't all that bad, really.

He didn't need any more prompting than that.

The dim light in the sky had brightened to true morning by the time Jake turned the key in the ignition again.

* * *

We'd been in front of Jessica's house for almost ten minutes, but I was still having an awfully hard time getting out of the truck. Breaking contact didn't feel like a realistic option.

"You should probably head inside," Jake said lightly, his voice muffled - which made sense, since he was speaking the words against my throat.

"Uh-huh," I responded, distracted; I was too busy feeling under his shirt to focus on much of anything except the soft-and-hard texture of his stomach beneath my fingertips.

When I brushed lower, teasing along the waistline of his shorts, Jacob inhaled sharply and reached for my wrist. "Okay, Bells, we really can't do this."

"Why not?"

"Because we're in the middle of a residential street and someone would call the cops. Then your Dad would get here-"

I jerked away and pulled Jake's shirt down quickly. That didn't even bear _thinking_ about.

He burst out laughing, a soul-deep sound of happiness that made me glow. "I love you so fucking much," he said as he brought his mouth to mine again, the obscenity dropping from his lips and sounding sweet. His kiss was too short, though. "And I'll see you soon."

"Tonight?" I asked hopefully. Uh-oh. Would my bed squeak?

"No, since I got last night off I'll have to run two patrols in a row. Tomorrow night, though. I'll be there." Jacob reached past me and opened my door; his expression took on a conflicted look as he did so. He didn't want me to leave, either. "Maybe earlier, if I can swing it."

"Okay." I frowned, then patted the dashboard lovingly. "I wish I could keep the truck." If I took it home Charlie would obviously wonder how I'd gotten it.

"Well, you only have to wait another week."

I looked up. "Huh?"

Jacob's face brightened further, if that was even possible. "Your graduation's next Saturday, right?"

Oh.

"Right," I said, my voice faint.

If Jacob noticed my hesitation he didn't let on. "I'll see if I can get a few more dents out before then," he said, looking through the windshield at the banged-up hood. "And give it a wash before I take it to Emily's. It'll be in good shape, I promise."

"Uh-huh." I swallowed. "Will you talk to her for me, by the way? You know... get the details... how long I can stay, how much stuff I should bring, money, those kinds of things..."

"Sure, sure," he said happily. "I'll get it all worked out. No problem."

"Okay." As I climbed out of the cab, I tamped down on the little flutter of panic that tried to rise in my stomach. "See you soon."

"_Really_ soon." His smile was so sunny that I could feel its warmth across my skin; it felt good. It felt _right_. "Bye, Bells."

"Bye, Jake." I waved as my truck disappeared around the street corner.

Graduation was coming. Things weren't better. In a week I would be moving to the reservation, just like I'd promised.

And I had to find a way to tell Charlie.

One breath, in and out. Two. Three.

I turned my face up to the cloudy but brightening sky and thought of soothing things. I imagined the sensation of Jacob's fingers stroking my waist, the feel of his rapid exhales against the back of my neck; the smell of his sweat and the sound of his moans. It calmed me almost instantly.

I'd figure something out.

Behind me, a door opened with a creak of hinges; I wheeled around, startled, expecting to see Jessica coming out onto the front stoop to tease me-

-it wasn't Jessica.

My mouth dropped open. "_Mike?_"

Mike Newton looked up as he stepped onto the sidewalk, his eyes widening at the sight of me. His tuxedo jacket was rumpled. "Oh," he squeaked, his voice about an octave higher than usual. "Um... hi, Bella."

"What are you doing here?" The question was only an automatic knee-jerk response, because it was all too obvious _exactly_ what he was doing here.

"I... uh..." And I'd thought _I_ was the only one capable of turning that red. "Just... um..."

"I'll see you Monday, Mike," I said quickly, letting him off the hook.

"Right. Monday. See you." He scooted past me and all but dove into his car, and I let myself into the house. The sound of tires squealing nearly rattled the window panes. A older blond woman in a bathrobe lay snoring on the couch; I tiptoed past, down the hallway, and rapped my knuckles quietly against Jessica's bedroom door. "Jess?"

"Bella? Is that you?"

"Yeah."

Jessica opened up and motioned me in with a rapid wrist movement; I dashed past and she shut the door again quickly. "So." She looked me over, chewing on her lower lip; her eyes were bright and her hair fell in a snarled mess across her shoulders. Her red satin dress lay in a heap in the corner. "How was your night?"

"Pretty good," I said. "Yours?"

"Pretty good."

We both held our breaths for a few more seconds... before collapsing onto her bed in joint fits of blushing hysteria.

* * *

"Then Mike shoved Tyler into the punchbowl," Jessica gushed, pulling into my driveway. Charlie's cruiser was nowhere to be seen; he must still have been out. I was home a whole fifteen minutes before my promised time of ten. "And, you know, I'm really _not_ into that whole masculine-territorial-display thing, but let me tell you, I am _never_ gonna knock the he-man thing again. When Tyler hit the floor I felt my ovaries explode."

Yesterday I would have blushed, but today I was pretty sure I knew what exploding ovaries felt like. "I didn't think Mike had it in him."

"Neither did I, but let me tell you, he does." Jessica flashed a smug, knowing grin at me. "He _so_ does."

Those mental images weren't exactly what I was going for this morning, but I couldn't help giggling anyway. Jessica's good mood was contagious; or maybe it was me. Either way, it felt wonderful.

"Okay. So. I'm gonna go home and call Angela, and then we are _definitely_ having another girls' night tonight. I told you everything, now you've gotta spill your guts."

I looked down at my hands, trying - and failing - to hide a smile. "I already said. We watched movies, took a walk on the beach, went back to my truck, and... yeah."

Jessica rolled her eyes. "Those are _not_ details. I need more than that."

"We'll see." Maybe I'd feel differently in a few hours, but right now I didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to keep all the memories for myself. Besides, I was pretty sure words would fail me if I tried to describe the feel of Jacob's hands holding onto my shoulder blades.

My smile widened.

"_Wow_," Jessica said. She was watching my face with a somewhat amazed expression. "You seriously love him, don't you?"

I bit my lip and nodded, but didn't say anything more. That part was ours, too, and I wasn't ready to share it with anyone else.

"Well, hope it's worth all those 'complications' you keep talking about."

"It is."

_It is._

I got out of the car, and Jessica drove away with a little wave and another knowing grin. I stayed in the yard for a moment, looking up into the oak tree and the hazy sun trying to shine through the leaves.

I smiled.

_It definitely is._

I just had to find a way to make Charlie understand.

"Bella?"

I gasped, the sweet, bell-like tone making me jump - and looked into huge, liquid gold eyes that searched my face beseechingly.

Alice stood next to me; I hadn't heard her approach. She grabbed my hand and her stone touch felt completely _wrong_ to my skin. "Bella, listen," she said quickly, lowly. "You still have those tickets, right?"

"Alice, what are you doing here?"

"The _tickets_, Bella," she repeated as though she hadn't heard me. "The ones you got for your birthday."

I tried to pull away, but my wrist was caught in her marble grip. "Let me go," I hissed through clenched teeth. "I don't want to talk to you."

"You have to use them." The dark, purplish bruise-like shadows under her eyes looked worse than usual. "You _have_ to. Decide to go see your mother in Jacksonville. _Today_. Decide it _right now_."

"Stop it." Anger flared hot and bright in my chest; I didn't want this. I wanted to go inside and lay down and think about my night before I fell asleep and hopefully had good dreams. "Go away. I don't want you here."

"_Bella_." Alice's voice took on a note of command; I felt myself respond dully, more willing now to hear her words. She hadn't released my arm. "I'm serious. It's hard to see you - you're blurry all the time now, sometimes you disappear entirely - but I can see _enough_, do you understand? I've been trying all week and it shifts but I see _enough_ of what's going to happen and it's _bad_, Bella, _every possibility is bad _and you don't want to be here for it. You _can't_ be here for it. You _have_ to leave."

My fury overcame the effects of her sweet, imploring demeanor, and I yanked my hand free of her touch. "No," I spat. "_No._ I'm not going anywhere. You can't make me leave Jacob. Edward will just have to get over it."

"Bella, I'm begging you. Do this. Go to Florida. Just for a few weeks." I'd never heard her sound this desperate; I'd never heard _anyone_ sound this desperate. "You can come back afterward - we'll go, we'll all go, I promise, I'll convince Edward, you'll never see us again - but for _now_ you _have to leave_. Please don't make me do this the hard way, you're not safe and when you're not safe they won't be able to _think_-"

"_I'm never safe!_" My voice broke, but I didn't cry. I was too frustrated to cry. "I'm _never_ safe enough for you! I'll never _be_ safe enough for you! I don't _want_ to be safe! Go away and leave me alone!"

I just wanted to lay in bed and think about my night and remember, I wanted that one little thing, couldn't I-

-there was a pinch.

I looked down.

Alice was pulling a needle out of my arm.

I hadn't even seen her move.

"I'm sorry, Bella," she whispered miserably. "I'm _so_ sorry."

_Jac-_

Then everything went black.

_end of book one_

* * *

**_Coming Soon_**_: Book Two_

_**Sanity Update**: In my next fandom I'm only writing about whores, trollops, and sluts. Minimum of sixty previous sexual partners apiece. I spent almost two weeks banging my head against the wall for this chapter, and Blanche Delirium was once again achieved. It would flat-out never have gotten written without **mera_naam_joker** (who figured out the transitions) and **gypseian** (who let me cannibalize her own version of prom night)._

_Hiatus is now in place. It will probably only last two weeks, three at the most; gotta prep for the next part as well as do some of the side writing that's piling up. I'm sure y'all won't mind, being as I left it in such a resolved spot... *cough* Seriously, though, it's not open ended. If the next chapter's not up by March 30 feel free to hunt me down like an animal._

_In the meantime, go and check out the Jacob Black 'n' Pack Winter Awards (http (:/) jacobblack-n-pack (.) blogspot (.) com ) I found a whole bunch of fics there I'd never heard of and they are fabulous. (Full disclosure: My stories are nominated for a few. That being said they're honestly nowhere *near* the best in several of the categories, so I'm not asking for votes. Read everything before making a decision.)_


	9. Book Two: Preface

**Book Two: Sam**

_He is my most beloved friend and my bitterest rival, my confidant and my betrayer, my sustainer and my dependent, and scariest of all, my equal.  
_Gregg Levoy (On Brothers)

* * *

**Preface**

_In the battle between you and the world, bet on the world__._

For the record, my job didn't come with an instruction manual.

* * *

**_Chapter Seven_**_: Treat People As People_

_**Sanity Report**: Aaaaaaand we're back! *spits on hands* *rubs them together* Let's see if I can make this happen... (For the record, on the hiatus I wrote two one shots, brainstormed another one shot AND a multi-chapter, and edited three chapters of the original novel. And yet it was relaxing. Explain that one to me.)_

_LJ (where I do all my editing) is being a little bitch today, so just in case I can't get Chapter Seven up properly before midnight, here's the Preface. So at least I can say I posted **something**__ on March 30, like I promised._


	10. Treat People As People

_young man, gonna make a stand / you beg, steal, you borrow__  
Ray LaMontagne, "Beg Steal or Borrow"_

* * *

**7. Treat People As People**

* * *

_I'm hungry._

_Shut up._

_(is this patrol over yet so sleepy dad's gonna be pissed)_

_No, really, I'm hungry. When does that stop?_

_It doesn't._

_(kimkimkim wonder what she's doing)_

_You've got to be kidding. It never gets better? There's no food left in my house!_

_[the smell of blood and cool hands]_

_Go hunting. I tried eating a rabbit last night. Not too bad._

_Raw? Ick!_

_Don't knock it 'til you've tried it._

_(tired don't want to listen to this crap tired)_

_Yeah, but what about parasites and stuff? What if you have to be dewormed?_

_I'm not sure there's a vet anywhere that'll treat us._

_Maybe the zoo?_

_There's a conversation I don't want to have._

_[a black empty spot and a lot of rage]_

_Isn't Emily making meatloaf tomorrow?_

_Turkey or beef?_

_Dunno. Hope it's turkey._

_Will you two can it? I'm starving too and you're making it worse!_

People think in layers. Wolves do, anyway. The top layer is words and sentences and deliberate communication. _Hi there!_ Open broadcasting.

The next layer is a more or less constant run of subconscious thoughts and fleeting distractions - kind of like muttering under your breath. _(so tired i want to go home)_ Emotions, too, when they're strong. Some are good at keeping it under wraps, but overheard by the others or not it's on constant stream in _my_ head.

And underneath that is total disorganized confusion. Feelings. Images. Memories. _[a crash to the floor]_ Blunt, messy stuff that sounds more like a heartbeat than anything else. Sometimes I catch it, sometimes I don't. No one else does.

I am Alpha of the Quileute Werewolves and it's my job to know what my Pack is thinking. All. The. Time.

_Sam? Are we done yet?_

_Yeah, come on, none of those bloodsuckers are here tonight._

_I want to go home. I'm dead on my feet._

_[a black empty spot and a lot of rage]_

Note to self: Something was up with Jacob. Again.

I sighed, which is a strange sensation through a muzzle. _We're going to check the river one more time, then yes, we're done._ There was a series of incoherent groans and grumbles, and I drew up on what I had inside. _**River. Now.**_

They obeyed automatically, and we ran west towards the river and the setting sun.

Everything is sharper as a wolf. You can see every individual pine needle, hear the breathing of a squirrel twenty yards away, taste ozone in the air from an approaching storm.

You can also smell vampires.

_Yep. There's the river. (maybe could sneak into store and grab soup would anyone notice)_

_Still looks like a river to me. (kimkimkim is it too late to go see her)_

_Same river it was two hours ago. (it's okay paul you're doing good shutupshutupshutupdon't)_

_[a black empty spot and a lot of rage]_

Thankfully, none of _them_ could hear what _I_ was thinking underneath it all - which, at times like this, was usually something irritated. _All right. Jared, wake up Embry and send him out. Quil, you get Seth and Leah, then stop by Emily's - there's half a chicken in the fridge. Paul, wait for me by my house. Jacob, you direct the next shift._

_No problem. (kimkimkim wonder if she's still awake)_

_Chicken! (leah's gonna bite my head off oh well i'll dodge so hungry)_

_Right. (shit what's this about)_

_[a black empty spot and-] Wait, what?_

A major disadvantage of being a wolf is that you can't pinch the bridge of your nose. _You're running the next shift, Jacob._

_No, I can't- (bellabellabella) -I've got to get back- (bellabellabella) - she needs me to...- (bloocksucker all the time any time bellabellabella) -things are... I...- [a black empty spot and a lot of rage]_

This wasn't a discussion I was about to have in front of the Pack. _**Everyone else phase now and do what I told you to. Jacob, you stay right where you are.**_

No one was in my line of sight - they didn't need to be - but three voices instantly dropped out of my mind. Their feelings stayed, though; Quil's hunger, Paul's nervousness, Jared's longing for Kim. The last one raised a corresponding yearning in my bones.

Emily. I wanted Emily. Now.

No. Not now. But soon.

I found the reddish wolf about a hundred yards downstream, pacing restlessly by the edge of the water, which reflected the pink late evening clouds. Pretty. It would be nice to get to look at it once in awhile without scanning the opposite shore for leeches. _Jacob, what the hell is going on?_

_[a black empty spot and a lot of rage]_

_**Jacob. Tell me what's going on.**_

The wolf shuddered. _(bellabellabella) [a black empty spot and a lot of rage] (bellabellabella)_

Another thing you can't do as a wolf: frown. Even though all the human instincts are there making you try. _What are you-_

Oh.

There was only one thing that could supersede one of my directives so completely. Whatever was wrong, Jacob's imprint had ordered him not to share.

Always that girl.

Well, I hadn't seen Emily in eighteen hours and I wasn't feeling particularly sympathetic. _You spent all morning with her, Jacob._ Ignoring his call to come patrol, at that. _Now you're running double. Live with it._

Jacob glared at me, the fur along his neck bristling. He was about as large as I was - the only one who came close, at least. _You don't understand (bellabellabella) I have to go back (kill him goddamn bloodsucker kill him) she needs me (bellabellabella) I have to go (tears splotchy white skin i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm-) [a black empty spot and a lot of rage] I have to-_

Jacob's mind didn't make much sense these days; even _I_ could barely follow what the hell he was thinking. It wasn't good for the Pack. It made everyone confused and nervous, not to mention how his constant craving for his imprint made Jared antsy for Kim and made me-

_-emilyemilyemily-_

-almost as bad.

And in spite of all that, he _still_ wouldn't stop trying to control the imprint. Fight it. Rein it in. Even though he couldn't win.

Aggravating.

_**You are running patrol**._ The growl came out from between my bared teeth involuntarily. _If you don't like obeying my orders, then you know what you have to do._

That brought the other wolf up short. For a moment his ears flatted against his head furiously, and I felt a powerful _rush_, a _pull_...

...but it faded away. Jacob looked down and snorted. Okay_. When Embry and Seth and Leah get here I'll run. But you'll be back before midnight?_

I shoved aside the disappointment. _Yes._ Midnight meant time to take care of a few things, eat, and get two hours of sleep - three, if I was lucky. That ought to be enough.

_And then I can go?_ Jacob persisted. _(bellabellabella)_

_Yes._

A wave of relief.

I phased before Jacob could argue any further. My shorts fell free of their binding and sharp stabs lanced through my side as the scars from that red-headed leech coalesced back into their proper place and size. _That_, at least, was slowly getting better. The first time I'd phased after the injury my side had ripped open again and bled all over the damn place; now, after a lot of agonizing practice, my two bodies seemed to finally be communicating. There was still discomfort, but everything stayed closed.

Bloodsucking bitch. At least she'd burned.

Okay. Five hours.

I set a light jog towards my house; that is, what _felt_ like a light jog. I'd never tracked it, but I was pretty sure I was going somewhere between twenty and thirty miles an hour. I had no idea at all what speed we traveled at while in wolf-form, aside from _really damn fast_. Faster than the bloodsuckers in open terrain - some of them anyway - but they were more agile, which made them hard to catch. It would be interesting to see how we compared when the time came to fight the Cullens.

When, not if.

The pine needles felt good under my bare feet as I ran; the cool spring breeze against my skin. I'd always loved the forest - the land, _our_ _land _- but it was ten times better now. Now I was _part_ of it. Along with the rest of my brothers... who I now knew more about than anyone should ever have known.

Jared: Simple. Not stupid, but not complicated. Loving Kim. Defending Jacob ("C'mon, Sam, if Kim was around bloodsuckers ever day I'd be losing my mind too"). Doesn't think too far in the future. By far the happiest.

Quil: Worrying about falling short of his family's expectations. Worrying about his future role in the tribe as Old Quil's grandson. Worrying about dropping out of school. Jokes constantly but just worrying in general.

Embry: Enjoying new found confidence in the body and mindset of being a wolf. Getting far more tail than he's admitting. Spends nights studying his face in the mirror and trying to figure out who he most resembles: me, Quil, or Jacob.

Jacob: Pain in the ass. A good kid with a million problems that aren't entirely his fault, but a pain in the ass nonetheless.

Seth: Mentally disorganized because of not getting any guidance during his first phasing. Convinced he killed his father. Way too young for any of this.

Leah: Mentally disorganized because of not getting any guidance during her first phasing. Convinced she killed her father. Thinks Seth is way too young for any of this. Best not to contemplate the rest of it.

Paul: Having problems with control. Getting far less tail than he's admitting. Distracted by thoughts of a girl he by definition can't have. Sitting on my front stoop.

"I need to know if this is going to be a problem, Paul," I said as I walked into the yard. A quick glance to the side confirmed that the Ford was still under a tarp in the carport. My mother hadn't gone anywhere since I'd left. "Because I won't allow-"

"It's not an issue."

"You know that there's no-"

"I said it's not an issue." Paul's face was dark but his voice was calm; to his credit, he was trying to keep a leash on his frustration. It hit me anyway. I could feel how he thought about cool hands on the back of his neck, same as he had been earlier. "I understand. I get it. It's not a problem."

I didn't believe him, but there wasn't much I could do about it right this minute. "Okay then. Don't let Jacob find out."

"Right," he said shortly, standing up. "Was that it?"

I nodded. "Yeah, we're done. Find some dinner. Get some sleep. Be ready to run again at six AM."

Paul nodded, then took off on his own speedy jog towards his home.

Bella fucking Swan.

_Emily. Emily. Emily._

No. Other things first.

I glanced at the carport again.

Right.

"Do you even live here anymore?" The voice came as soon as the screen door closed on squeaky hinges. I could try and fix it again, but I'd never really had the knack for handyman work. Not good when it's just you. "Or have you moved in with that homewrecker completely?"

'That homewrecker.' My mother hadn't even _liked_ Leah.

"Where's the mail?" I asked instead of replying.

Mom looked away from some reality television show with dramatic lighting. "It's in the kitchen. The same place it always is."

"Is it sorted?"

"Am I your secretary now?" Her eyes narrowed. "You're not even wearing any clothes, Samuel Uley. Running around in the woods with those kids, playing games. Building tree forts or something. Not telling your own mother where you are or when you're coming home."

"Is there anything in the fridge?" Quil had probably finished my chicken by now.

"You don't show up for three days and I'm supposed to have dinner sitting on the table for you?"

I guessed that was a no, but I checked anyway. Expired milk, a bag of Yukon potatoes, and a half-empty container of grated parmesan cheese. "What have you been eating?"

"And you're so concerned about me all of the sudden?"

I grabbed the container of parmesan and ate a handful. Not too bad. There weren't any dirty dishes, but the sink had a weird smell anyway. I grabbed the jug of bleach from under the cabinet and poured a little down the drain. Then I picked up the enormous pile of mail and started leafing through it.

Trash. Trash. Trash.

Electric bill. Overdue. I pulled it out and tossed it on the table.

Trash. Trash.

"Are you staying here tonight?"

"No."

Phone bill. Paid last month. Ignore.

Trash. Trash.

Hospital bill of Emily's. Couldn't pay last month. Still can't pay now.

Trash. Trash. Trash.

Credit card number one. Maxed and _way_ overdue. Tossed on the table.

Trash.

Credit card number two. Maxed but only a little overdue. Ignore.

Water bill. Ridiculously astronomical. Ignore.

Trash. Trash.

Credit card number three... credit card number three?

"Mom?" I said slowly, opening the envelope. "When did you get a Visa?"

"Do I have to report all my finances to you?"

_Dear Mrs. Uley, this is our third attempt to contact you..._ I glanced down at the total. Ignore.

"Are you even going to talk to me, or am I just running a bed and breakfast for you now?"

I got the checkbook out of the cookie jar and paid the bills that needed to be paid. Then I balanced the totals and figured out what was left. The loan I'd taken - meant for U-Dub - was completely gone. The savings from three years of working at the general store was still there, but not for much longer. At least there was no mortgage to worry about.

I sighed and called into the living room, "Did you fill out that application I brought you?"

"You _know_ that I can't work because of my back. How about you? Are you planning to pull your weight around here any time soon?"

I stuck stamps on the bills, pitched the rest of the mail, and emptied the trash. The bag rattled with bottles. "I'll see you later, Mom."

"Right. Fine. You just go to that Young girl. No reason to worry about me. Your father didn't either."

I let the screen door slam behind me as I stepped out into the yard. I tossed the trash bag into the metal bin by the road, then closed my eyes and curled my toes into the soil.

Okay.

Now.

I took off through the woods again, this time at a dead run instead of a light jog. Still couldn't be sure, but I was probably clocking somewhere around fifty miles an hour. Before the injury I would have changed and made the earth disappear under my claws, but phasing was still too painful to do any more than strictly necessary.

It got easier to breathe the closer I came. The frustration with Jacob, the worry about Paul, the anger at the dead red-head all faded with each step. The weight I carried seemed manageable. The problems I faced seemed survivable. And most importantly, it felt there was a _purpose_ behind all of this insanity. There was something worth protecting. Something worth fighting for.

Some_one_.

The light was on in the little gray house. The early spring daffodils had faded in the coffee can garden and been replaced by bright marigolds. Something smelled good. Something baking.

The front door opened before I could step onto the porch, and everything that hurt inside me fell away.

_Emily_.

"Quil came by and ate your chicken," she remarked, leaning against the door frame. Her amazing face - even the scars couldn't touch her beauty - was slightly reproachful.

I nodded. "He was hungry."

"I had to come up with something else for dinner."

"I'm sorry about that."

"You should be." She stepped out of the doorway, her bare feet patting against the wooden planks. "And you're filthy."

"Yeah."

"You're going to get dirt all over my kitchen."

"Probably."

Her fingers drummed lightly against the railing. "Come here."

I walked forward on instinct, not even having to think, just ceding to her order naturally. I let myself shut down and the burden of control lifted from my shoulders as I did; for now, for right this minute, while she was the imprint and I was her wolf and that was all we were, I wouldn't have to make any of the decisions. I belonged to Emily and she would make the calls.

I stood in front of the steps. Emily looked down serenely, taller than me by a few inches thanks to the added height of the porch. Her smell, her _warmth_... she was the only thing in the world that felt warm to me anymore. Emily _was_ warmth. Emily was _everything_.

She smiled, the left side of her mouth curving upwards, her full lips parting...

...and she upended a watering can over my head.

"There," she teased as I sputtered, cold water running down my naked back. Her smile widened, showing white, even teeth. "You're a little cleaner, now. Maybe I'll even let you inside."

She squealed as I grabbed her around the waist and lifted her right off the porch, spinning her around and soaking her shirt. "Sam! You're getting me wet!"

"You dumped _water_ on me!" I retorted, grinning as I felt her grab onto my shoulders. Emily was tall and solidly-built but she weighed _nothing_ in my arms. "What's that about, huh?"

"I'm _trying _to clean you off, you mutt!" Her laughter echoed in my ears; her long legs wrapped around my waist and an entirely different kind of pleasure shot through me. "Next time I'll turn on the hose!"

"Then I'll leave puddles all over your kitchen-"

"I'll make you mop!"

"I'll order one of the Pack to do it."

"That's an abuse of power."

"No, it's a perk of management." I hiked her a little higher and buried my face in the crook of her neck, rubbing my nose along the gentle slope of her shoulder. Emily always smelled so damn good. A little different today. "What _are_ you cooking?"

"I found some spaghetti in the back of the pantry. And there's garlic bread in the oven." That would explain the scent. Only _she _could make garlic sexy. She shimmied in my arms and I set her down on the ground reluctantly. "Come on, it's ready." She took my hand and pulled me into the house; gentle, soft comfort flowed through my body as she did.

_Emily._

* * *

By eleven-thirty I knew I should be getting out of bed, but Emily's light breathing and steady heartbeat made it hard to pull myself from her sleeping embrace. I tried - I did - but when I shifted she made a quiet murmuring noise and rubbed her cheek against my chest and my will collapsed. And I was still tired.

Okay. Five more minutes. Five minutes that I shouldn't take, but I wouldn't be getting a lot more opportunities like this in the near future so I needed to relish the time I had left.

Since Bella Swan would be moving in in a matter of days.

Ugh.

I tilted my face up to the thin window that let moonlight into the loft and cast shadows into the corners and tried to remind myself why this was an acceptable arrangement.

First: Jacob's constant anxiety would ebb somewhat with his imprint on the reservation.

Second: Having what the Cullens were after would be tactically advantageous when the time came to kill them.

Third: Emily was ecstatic.

The last was what had won me over in the end. Emily _loved_ having Bella around during the time we'd been hunting the red-headed leech. She'd had someone to talk to and share with - another woman, not a mouthy teenage boy. And an imprint at that. Someone who understood how things were. She'd been more upbeat than I'd seen her in months.

So when Jacob showed up at the door half-way towards a nervous breakdown and shouting that the Cullens were refusing to leave and were trying to brainwash Bella and could she stay here after graduation, Emily had beamed and started cleaning out dresser drawers for her new roommate's clothes.

Bella moving into this house made Emily happy. So I could live with it. For now. At least until I could sit down with Billy Black and shake him until he agreed that the proper place for his son's imprint was in _his_ house, not my fiancee's. The forced empathy I had with the Pack members was bad enough without Jacob getting Bella naked forty feet from where_ I _was getting _Emily_ naked.

Bella fucking Swan.

I had nothing against her personally; I could respect a girl who punched me in the face, and she _had_ killed the leech. But she was also a walking plague of complications. _She _was the one the bloodsuckers all wanted. _She _was the one about to upend the last place in the world that didn't weigh me down. _She _was the one that had stood between Jacob and I from the moment he first phased.

With my other brothers it had been relatively easy - talking them through the process, developing a rapport, sliding into the necessary Pack relationship that would allow us all to function in our roles as Protectors - but Jacob was impossible from the start. He fought me with everything he had: first to see Bella, then once he'd imprinted, to _not_ see Bella. He didn't want to run patrol because of Bella. He didn't want to keep our secrets because of Bella. He didn't want to accept the imprint because of Bella. He didn't want to be Alpha because of Bella. He didn't even want to be a _wolf_ because of Bella.

Everything _always_ came back to her.

Why they couldn't be more like Jared and Kim was beyond me. Jared and Kim were _fine_.

Emily said that being in love before the imprint meant Jacob and Bella had a harder time accepting their roles. Which was ridiculous. Jacob had no excuse for being miserable. He should have been _happy_ to imprint on the girl he already loved. Jacob ought to have been on bended knee to the spirits thanking them hourly for not making him explain to Bella how she _wasn't_ his soul mate.

But that wasn't something I wanted to think about.

Okay, I really had to get going. At least I'd gotten two hours of sleep. That was good for something. Two hours of sleep with Emily was about as restful as four hours of sleep without her. I wasn't bouncing with energy and excitement, but I could do what I needed to do.

I gently slid out from under Emily's weight and sat up on the edge of the mattress. I had twenty minutes to get to the others and relieve Jacob of his run. I could leave him out there a little longer, just because... but I'd promised he could go back to Bella at midnight. And he was genuinely upset about something. Something beyond his usual pain in the ass issues.

Note to self: Find _some _way to circumvent an imprint order with an Alpha order.

"Sam?"

I looked down; Emily blinked sleepily at me. "Hey, sweetheart," I whispered. "Go back to sleep."

"You have to leave already?"

The sadness in her voice caused a blunt pain in my chest. Kind of like someone poking a finger at a bruise. "Yeah. I'm sorry."

"S'okay." As I stretched my arms she squirmed sideways in bed, curling herself into the spot where I'd been laying. "Gonna be back for lunch though, right?"

"Maybe. Why?"

_That_ woke Emily properly. Her eyes opened wide, then narrowed. "Matthew and Abbie are coming. With Claire. Remember?"

"Oh. Right." I managed not to groan. "Sweetheart, I really don't think they're going to want to see me." Emily's brother was still close to Leah. I was not high on his list of favorite people.

"We're getting married." Emily's voice held that soft firmness she could do so well, like a silk glove over an iron gauntlet. "I'm not ashamed of you and Matt will have to get used to it. Besides, Abbie's starting to come around. We're going to look at some flower girl dress patterns for Claire."

I smiled at the thought of the wedding. "Will she be able to walk down the isle and stuff?"

"Sam, she's two. She'll be three by October. Yes, she can walk twenty feet."

"If you say so." I knew absolutely nothing about children.

Emily reached out to rub her hand along my bare back. I leaned into her touch. "It'll be fine, Sam, really. You don't have to be nervous."

"I'm not _nervous_," I protested. "I just don't want things to be awkward." Matthew was a sanctimonious jackass. His wife - who was entirely too nice for him, even if she was a bit of a birdbrain - tempered him somewhat, but his opinions on Emily's 'immoral' ways did not endear him to me in the slightest. If he said something rude to my fiancee over the course of this visit he and I were going to have words. Or I was going to lose another pair of shoes running into the forest to phase.

"It'll be fine," she repeated. "Please. I'd like it if you were there. Just for fifteen minutes. You have to eat anyway."

She wasn't ordering me, just asking. "I'll do my best," I said.

"Okay." Then she smiled. "Just remember to pick up a shirt first, all right?"

"I'll do my best with that, too." Matthew had a beer gut. I wouldn't mind showing up shirtless. Just to make a point.

Emily was quiet for a long moment, then said softly, "Do you think Claire will be afraid?"

"Of what?"

"You know." Emily looked down and turned her head, hiding her right cheek against the pillow. "I haven't seen her in a long time, she was still mostly a baby... what if she's afraid of me?"

The bruise in my chest caved in, collapsing into something raw and rotting-

_-blood everywhere, all over the floor, no screams just gurgles and crunching bone-_

-no. Not now.

I took Emily's hand. The scarred one. "_No one_ could be afraid of you," I told her.

She shook her head, but her lips quirked. "You're biased."

"That doesn't mean I'm wrong." I leaned down to kiss her temple. She had the smoothest skin in the world. "Don't worry. Claire will love you."

"I hope so," she said distantly. "It's... important."

Her sudden discomfort prickled my skin. What was that about? "Why does-"

_[blond hair blurred feet touched earth snarls barks trespassertrespasser **sam!**]_

I clenched my teeth against the growl in my throat.

Jacob.

"Sam?"

I managed to get out "Gotta go" before I literally jumped from the loft and pelted out the door, not bothering with clothes. My body exploded into fur and claws - fire in my side as the scar reformed - almost before I was off the porch.

A cacophony awaited me.

_Where did she go?_

_Ahead. Leah, follow the river. Embry, along the cliff. Seth, stay with me._

_Seth [toddler in a crib] stay behind (not hurt) Jacob (he shouldn't be here)-_

_Leah, shut up!_

_There she is, on the left!_

I closed my eyes as I ran - dodging trees by instinct alone - and felt my brothers' senses. A pale blur in the distance. A disgusting smell. The _wrongness_ of those feet touching the earth.

Vampire.

_I'm here. I'm coming._ I ignored the sensation of their relief and concentrated on the others: Quil, Paul, Jared, all asleep. _**Wake up.**_

Sending orders to unphased Pack members was hard - I braced myself against a flash of headache and nausea - but I could do it. I faintly felt them responding to my command.

_Can you see her?_

_Up ahead, idiot, use your eyes._

_One of that coven?_

_Can't tell._

_(reeking bloodsuckers hate them tear them apart)_

_Sam, what do we do?_

They were maybe four miles west. I dug my claws into the ground and put on an extra burst of speed. _Keep up. Listen to Jacob._

Three wordless acknowledgements and one _(no no don't want it no don't know what to do)-_

_Just until I get there._ I wouldn't make him take charge right now. Not the time.

Then more voices:

_What the hell is going on?_

_Man, I just fell asleep._

_(kimkimkim tired wanna go back to bed)_

In a moment the image of the leech came from Jacob's mind - white clothes, short hair, off the ground, leaping from tree to tree in the moonlight - and words disappeared from the Pack mind as everyone broke into a dead run.

Okay. The bloodsucker was ahead. The effect of watching through several eyes at once - Jacob's, Embry's, Leah's - was dizzying, but I could organize the images, and when I sorted them in _my _head they were sorted for everyone else too, and then I knew where she was, just a little ahead just-

-down the ridge, along the river.

The wind whipped through my fur as I ran. I felt myself pass Embry, leapt off the rock ledge, landed twenty feet below, in cold water past my paws-

-there was the leech. Eighty feet ahead. Pale clothes. Pale hair. Pale skin. Bare feet in the riverside mud. _On our land._

The fur bristled along my spine, and I flattened my ears, growling. Not far beyond her was Jacob, teeth bared.

She was pinned between us.

_**Now.**_

My brother and I sprinted forward, dirt and water flying-

-and the bitch jumped_ right across the river,_ up thirty feet into a spruce.

By the time we'd skidded to a halt, she'd vanished.

My blood filled with fury and frustration, and damned if I knew who it belonged to. A hoarse bark overhead; a slim gray wolf looked down at us from the edge of the ridge. Leah. _Nice job, guys._

_She got away?_

_Damn it!_

_Who was that?_

_One of the Cullens. Gotta be._

_Didn't look like it._

_Don't they have a blond?_

_Maybe?_

_[a black empty spot and a lot of rage] (kill her kill herkillherkillher)_ Jacob crouched to try to jump the river-

-and I bit him on the scruff of the neck and threw him backward before he could. The action loosened my teeth. _**No.**_

Frustration boiling higher and hotter - Jacob's. He snarled at me as he righted himself, covered in mud. _I can get her!_

_She's in their territory now. The treaty-_

_The hell with the treaty! (bellabellabella)_

_**Not yet.**_ Everyone was watching us, looking down from the ledge. Their uncertainty was a tangible thing. _**Not yet, Jacob.**_

We would fight the vampire coven. There was no doubt in my mind about that. We would fight them, and we would kill them. But I'd given them six weeks - I'd given them my word - so six weeks they would have.

And there was something strange about this. I'd smelled that insulting letter their leader had sent. It didn't smell like the thing we'd just seen. Whatever this was, it wasn't the Cullens. They hadn't broken the treaty. So we wouldn't either. Not yet.

Which meant we weren't going to give chase.

_Do you hear me, Jacob?_

The red wolf bristled... then his tail drooped. Wordless, sullen submission rolled from his body.

It was good that he obeyed, but as always, I had to suppress my disappointment with his deference. _Good._

_What now?_

_Yeah, what do we do?_

I snorted, trying to sort the next steps in my mind. Entrance, exit, course... _Jared, Paul, and Leah watch the river in case she returns. Embry, Quil, go east, find out where she came on the land. Jacob and I will track her path and see what we can learn._

_What about me?_

I glanced in the direction of the small, sandy-furred wolf. _Go home, Seth, you've got school in the morning._

_But I-_

_No. **Go home**._

The wolf let out a whine, but turned tail and ran off through the trees.

Silent approval from Leah. Sending Seth away was the only thing I could do that Leah approved of.

_All right. Get going, all of you._

* * *

By sunrise we'd learned a few things.

One: the leech had come onto our land across a valley with a huge gulf. That meant she could jump well.

Two: She'd managed to get deep - nearly to the general store - before Jacob and the others had caught up with her. That meant she was clever.

Three: Her path out of La Push was random and uncertain. That meant she didn't know the area.

None of this pointed to the Cullens, but Jacob wasn't listening. _They've got a blond. The one everything thinks is hot. It could be her.  
__  
It's not._ Jared, Quil, and Paul had gone home, since they'd essentially run two shifts in a row; Leah and Embry were closer to rested and still able to do their jobs. But Jacob wasn't holding up well. His control was together on the surface - but everything underneath was wordless fury and fear and craving and exhaustion. _Jacob, go home and sleep._

_No. (bellabellabella) I'm fine._

Embry tried to help. _Get some rest, man. We're not going to learn anything else right now._

Leah was less helpful. _You're driving me crazy, asshole. Beat it._

_I can handle it-_

I was drained from issuing orders all night - it had taken most of the little bit of energy I'd gained with Emily - but I didn't have a lot of choice. The Pack mind needed to be clear. _**Jacob, go home and-**_

_No, wait, let me go talk to the leeches._

I paused in my tracks. Ferns tickled at my legs. _Excuse me?_

_Let me go (see bella want to see bella is she okay) to the high school. They'll be there soon. I'll talk to them. See what they have to say about all this._

_If you-_

_It's not like the bloodsuckers [a black empty spot and a lot of rage] are gonna send us another note, right? Let's find out what they know._

_It's not a bad idea._

_If it gets Jake out of our hair, then whatever._

_Fur._

_What?_

_You said "out of our hair." You mean out of our fur._

_Shut up._

_(bellabellabella)-_

I wanted to see Emily, I _wanted_-

-no. Shit. Jacob's emotions were bleeding into everything. I stopped in a clearing. _Leah and Embry, keep going. Jacob, come over here. Now._

I felt Embry and Leah continue east; a moment later Jacob appeared through the trees. I phased, refusing to wince at the pain; Jacob did the same. "You want to go to the bloodsuckers."

He nodded.

Advantages: Find out if the Cullens knew anything. Keep Jacob busy and out of everyone's heads.

Disadvantages: I was missing something and I didn't know what; making decisions without all the information leads to trouble. Also Jacob plus Cullens equals potential disaster.

"_Please_, Sam." Jacob's voice cracked. "Please let me go."

He wouldn't be so desperate if he didn't fight the imprint. _Why_ did he have to do this to himself? He needed her, she needed him, it didn't _have_ to be like this, I hadn't go through what I'd gone through just to watch my brother ignore everything I had to teach him-

"I know I'm making things worse, so I'll clear out. I'll bring back information. I promise. Just let me go."

Damn it.

I met Jacob's eyes and pulled deep. "_**You will not phase.**_ See Bella. Find out what the Cullens know. Say whatever you have to say. But _**you will not phase while you are off our lands.**_"

I managed not to stagger under the sharp pain in my head. Barely. That was huge order.

Jacob looked down at the ground and dug his toes into the leaves. "You could just _ask_ me not to, you know," he muttered sullenly. "We could talk like _people_."

"We're _not_ people. And I can't risk you falling apart in the middle of Forks. So no phasing." I pointed south, towards Jacob's house. "Wake up Quil and send him back out. Then go. You have two hours."

He ran.

I waited until he was out of sight before phasing with a wince and rejoining Leah and Embry for the rest of the patrol.

* * *

**_Coming Soon_**_: Build Relationships_

_**Sanity Update**: This chapter came kicking and screaming. Gale Hawthorne is demanding my attention, but he needs to shut up and wait his damn turn. Even if I think he and his totalitarian class-warring dystopia would be less sad than Sam Uley. This is going to be a rough ride. At least he's pithier than Bella. And just for the record, Pack mind is **exhausting** to write._

_As a side note, a year ago this week I came out of fic retirement to start writing Postcards. After three multi-chapters, ten one-shots, and thirty-one drabbles... I still have no idea what the fuck I was thinking. But I have to say - having weighed all the positives and negatives - I'm still glad to be here :-)_


	11. Build Relationships

_and my words may bind you to me much too tightly / you may choke upon them if we fall apart  
David Bedingfield, "Wrap My Words Around You"_

* * *

**8. Build Relationships**

* * *

Our land was beautiful, full of trees and mountains and rivers feeding into the gray ocean that crashed against craggy cliffs. Technically almost none of it belonged to the Quileute people, but when it came to contracts between vampires and werewolves official governmental delineations accounted for _less _than nothing. As far as the treaty was concerned, the line of our territory spanned nearly twenty miles; the full area accounted for about fifty.

It was a lot of ground for eight wolves to cover.

Probably that was why there would be more of us soon.

_Hey, Sam? What's that?_

I paused my scan of the mountainside and felt the world through Quil's eyes; he was further to the south, looking up at the trees. I didn't see anything unusual. _What's what?_

_That tickling. You're tickling._

_He's tickling? _That was Embry. _What do you mean, tickling?_

_Shut up, idiots. Sam's not ticklish._

_Guess you would know, huh, Leah?_

_Guess I would. Guess I know lots more than you do, don't I? How's that daddy hunt turning out?_

_Go to hell._

_Hey, guys, come on-_

_Shove it, Quil. What makes you so sure it wasn't your daddy who cheated, Leah? (couldn't be her blood's through sue who cares) Maybe we're siblings. Better stop checking out my ass._

_Keep your fucking mouth shut about my father. (all my fault killed him all my fault) [a body hitting the floor]_

_Or you'll what?_

_**Quiet**._

At my command, the conversation turned off in my head like a switch - but the emotions all remained. At least Leah and Embry were a mile and a half apart. _Th__e tickling is new phasings._

Questioning from Quil and Leah; recognition from Embry. He'd felt it before.

_No, I don't know who it is. Not ready to phase yet. Don't worry about it. It's not your concern._ That was half true - it wasn't any of their concern, but I _did _know who it was. I'd been feeling the 'tickling' - more like a mental itch - for the last few days.

Two kids. Friends. Collin and Brady. I hadn't spent time with them, but I'd seen them around. Everyone knew everyone in La Push.

They'd just turned thirteen.

The bloodsuckers _needed to leave_.

Six weeks - five and a half, now. I had no doubt the leeches wouldn't listen, but I'd given my word. That being said... if a couple of kids too young to shave phased before then, I would dismember Carlisle Cullen bone by bone.

Two voiceless waves of frustration and one of spiteful disdain. No question who belonged to what. _All right. **You can talk.**_

Leah had the first word, like always. _Why thank you for returning our tongues, O Wise and Merciful Leader._ _(tongue) _A flash of a mental image- _[a musty basement and the click of a belt buckle]_

_My _belt buckle.

Everyone saw it.

_Quit being such a bitch, Leah. (thank god she can't be my sister no wonder he left emily's nicer maybe he didn't even really imprint)_

Embry.

It had been a long night and I had no patience for this. _Drop it. Now._

Note to self: Figure out the identity of Embry's father before he became as bitter as Leah. Knowing would be better than the potential damage of his growing obsession. Probably. And after all, it didn't make much difference now. We were all brothers anyway.

_Wonder when Jacob's coming back._

_Wonder if he'll be less messed up after he sees Bella._

_Hope so. Listening to him gives me a headache._

_Imprint people are weird._ A mental flinch from Quil. _Er, sorry, Sam._

_[a sharp slap and a stinging palm] (sorry leah i know you don't understand) Don't apologize, Quil, the Grand Alpha's certainly not ashamed of anything soul mate-related._

_**Get back to work. All of you.**_

Wordless acquiescence, even from Leah.

Leah.

The list of ways I'd messed up:

One. Fell in love with her cousin, then left without giving her a good reason.

Two. Failed to realize she was about to phase then wasn't there to help through the process, meaning she and her brother couldn't hide their thoughts from the Pack.

Three. Sent Jared to explain about imprinting when too injured to phase, instead of doing it personally.

So now Leah hated me.

Not without justification.

-_emilyemilyemily_-

-no. Not the time to think about this.

I focused on seeing the land through everyone's eyes at once and organized the images into something coherent. Clean smell, brown trunks, mist rising from the forest floor. Potential entrance points through several clearings, though this one could jump... _Always look up. Remember she climbs._

_Right._

_Okay. (at least no one's fighting now hear enough of that at home)_

_Sure thing, your Lordship._

That was probably about the best I could hope for. Giving in without a battle had been rare for Leah even _before_she hated me. I wouldn't be getting far at all without forced Alpha compliance. I didn't mind using my authority with others - I had to think of the greater good - but with her...

A few minutes later prickles crawled over my body. Someone just crossed into our land, someone-

-someone who _should_be here.

_Hey, guys. Uh, and girl._

_Hey, Jake!_

_How'd it go?_

_Call me a 'girl' again and I'll feed you your own tail._

_What else am I supposed to say? If I went with 'chick' Quil would try to put you on a sandwich._

Wordless alarm from Quil.

_Cute. Did the necrophiliac scratch your fleabites?_

_What did you learn, Jacob?_ I interjected before the situation got out of hand. Leah was spoiling for a fight with _someone_, Jacob would happily provide that fight to her if she insulted Bella, and I didn't have a time for any of it.

_I guess it wasn't them after all. _Sullenness_. The bloodsuckers saw what she looked like from my head (it's my mind it's mine get out don't want everyone inside) and they said they'd get back to us once they consulted with the coven leader. Whatever that means._

_How's Buffy?_

A welling of warmth and relaxation. _She's better. (i'm better) What's next?_

I tried not to let my relief be shown to the Pack. Moments like now - Jacob quieter and happier and better suited for the tasks in front of him - made the prospect of Bella living in Emily's house more bearable. Hopefully he'd be like this all the time once she was here.

He wasn't so bad when he had it together. It felt like he might become the Alpha he should be.

_The psychic leech also had one of her visions, by the way. (creepy little thing) Something's up with that._

_Does that even really work? (future seeing sounds like bullshit)_

_I don't see how it can. (wonder if she sees the past too)_

_We'll give them some time to contact us. _I paused to sniff at a reeking sweetness against an oak. Only a few hours old. The trespasser had been through here. Why? _At least everyone's civil. That makes things easier. For now._

A strange feeling.

Smug... guilt?

Why would anyone feel smug and guilty at the same time?

_Jacob?_ _What happened?_

Silence.

If he didn't answer when I _asked_, what was I supposed to do except _order_? _**Jacob. What did you do?**_

An unwilling series of images and sensations- _[dislocated jaw and shooting pain] (broke my hand don't care son of a bitch touch her again and I'll-) [a black empty spot and a lot of rage] (more pain shouting crowd kill him can't kill him hurt him at least) [smothered fury and an uncomfortable calm] (damn bloodsucker creepy hate him too get her out of here) [a black empty spot and a lot of rage] (going to kill him going to kill him not her fault why does she think it's her fault he's the one who-) [pine tree warm legs desperate kisses] (love her bellabellabella feels so good) [a comfortable calm] I need Friday night off, Sam._

There were so many levels on which I did _not_ need this right now that I couldn't even list them properly. _Damn it, Jacob, why did you fight him?_

I couldn't see Embry, but I knew he was grinning. _Man, that's awesome._

_You stupid mutt. Doing that in front of every teenager in Forks._

_Did you win?_

_Of course I did._

_Didn't look like it to me._

_Well, I would have if we hadn't been interrupted._

Thank God they couldn't read my thoughts unless I wanted them to. _Jacob... just go home. Be back in two hours._ At least if he wasn't so stressed out he would need less sleep. _I'll deal with you then._ If I tried to deal with him _now _I'd break his bones.

_What about Friday?_ he persisted. _Seriously, Sam. I'll run however many extra shifts you want to make up for it. Forty-eight hours straight. Seventy-two hours. Whatever. I just need the whole night._

I closed my eyes, focused on the clean feel of moss beneath my paws, and counted to ten. _Why should I? What do you want it for?_

Jacob's feelings escaped quickly and accidentally. Hope. Anticipation. Nervousness. Lust. And something about the Brat Pack...

Ah.

He hadn't even slept with her yet.

Things made more sense now.

_Dude._

_Score!_

_None of your business, douchebags. (my thoughts mine get out get out)_

Positives of giving Jacob Friday night: If he had sex with Bella he'd almost certainly stop fighting the imprint.

Negatives of giving Jacob Friday night: It would set a bad precedent. Also he was pissing me off.

Given the givens there was really only one choice. _Fine. But you're here the rest of the week._

_[popcorn in the microwave and relieved excitement] (bellabellabella) That's fine. That's totally fine. Thanks, Sam._

_Go. Be back by eleven._

Jacob disappeared from the Pack mind. Within seconds Quil and Embry were laughing. _Man, that is just funny as hell._

_Hey, at least he's finally gonna get some. (i'm gonna be the last virgin in the pack oh wait at least there's seth) Maybe if he's not so hard up he'll quit being all angsty._

_Hell, Buffy's hot for such a skinny chick. If she was my girlfriend and holding out I'd be angsty too. (wonder if jenny's busy tonight) [smooth breasts and giggling]_

_So, Master, if Jacob's allowed time off for booty calls, what do the rest of us get?_

I'd seen that one coming a mile away. _It's a special situation, Leah._

_Right. Because he's got the little (imprint imprint imprint) leech lover to think of. What about those of us who aren't in the soul mate club? (sorry leah i know you don't understand) Maybe we should unionize. I want smoke breaks, for starters._

_Since when do you smoke?_

_I have for awhile. [tangled sheets against naked skin two embers and the taste of tobacco]_

I nearly tripped over a log.

Oh.

_(eep wish i was anywhere but here)_

_(are those clouds i like clouds i'll think about clouds now that cloud looks like a bunny)_

_So, whaddaya say? I think fifteen minutes every two hours is fair._

_Can we talk about it later? _Fatigue set into my body. I wanted Emily. _There are better times for this._

Vicious satisfaction.

* * *

_(hungry)_

_(hungry)_

_(hungry)_

By eleven o'clock I was dead on my feet and so were Leah and Quil and Embry. We'd all been going since midnight. At least the others had gotten a solid five hours of rest after patrolling for an entire day, so some good had come of such a long shift.

As soon as I felt Jacob wake up - though he hadn't phased yet - I gave the release. _All right. Leah, go let Jared know it's time to run, then send Seth out once he gets home from school._

_He's got a history paper._

_Write it for him._

_Sam-_

_Embry, _I continued, ignoring Leah's objections, _get Paul._

_(wake up paul sure might as well poke a dragon in the eye)_

_Quil, stop by Emily's on the way home and tell her I'll be late for lunch. _I needed some time to talk to Jacob privately, before the others joined us. _And put on a shirt first, her idiot brother is there._

_Shirt. Right. Is there meatloaf yet?_

_Not until dinner. **Go.**_

Quil and Embry phased and took off. Leah didn't. Note to self: Be more specific with orders.

_Seth's [a toddler in a crib] grades are already dropping. He needs to do his school work._

He _needs to patrol._

_He's a kid._

_He's a wolf._

_Goddamn it, Sam, I know you don't give a shit about me (sorry leah i know you don't understand) but does the Almighty Imprint mean you have to screw over my brother? You don't care about him anymore either? [two boys one short one tall playing basketball a driveway] Tell him he doesn't have to do this stuff. _Leah's mental voice had a tinge of desperation. _I'll run his shifts. I'll do double-duty. Just leave him alone._

Pain hit my chest, but this particular emotion was mine, which meant I could shove it away. I did. _Seth phased, Leah. He's in this now. It can't be changed._

_And if he gets hurt? [funeral harry in a casket turns to seth]_

I flinched at the mental image. I hadn't gone to Harry's funeral. I hadn't been able to stand up yet. _I'm going to keep him as safe as I can. But there's only so much I can do._ I was glad she was a quarter mile away and couldn't see my expression, even as a wolf. _For what it's worth, I do still care about him. And you._

_(never loved me in the first place)_

_Leah-_

_'Scuse me, Sir Alpha, gotta go get the other member of the soul mate club_. And she dropped out of my mind.

For about thirty seconds I was the only wolf; I stepped into the river and let it wash over my paws. All I could hear was the sound of the water, the wind in the trees, and my own thoughts-

-_leah sorry don't hate me emilyemilyemily-_

-no.

Stop.

_Sam? _There was Jacob.

_I'm south. Come here. _I changed back into human form. The scar stung. Same as always.

The river water felt colder without fur.

When the red wolf appeared out of the tree line, he hesitated. "_**Phase,**_" I said sharply.

Jacob hit the forest floor instantly, and the impact made him cough. "Jeez, Sam."

"_Don't._" For a moment I felt my temper boiling up, trying to escape from the cage I'd forced it into for the last year and a half. Part of me wanted to rip the whelp in half. And it wasn't a small part. "What the hell were you thinking?"

It didn't matter that we were both human and I couldn't read his mind; I was still Alpha. Jacob's resentment and anger hit me hard. "He had it coming."

"_I don't care._" That stupid, selfish little- "What did you think was going to happen? Did you think you'd kill Edward Cullen all by yourself in the middle of a parking lot?"

"It was worth a try," he muttered as he got to his feet.

"No, it _wasn't!_ Do you have _any_idea what you almost did? How many people could have gotten hurt? The treaty? Our secrets? You think watching you get torn apart by that bloodsucker is going to make Bella happy?"

Jacob's face darkened and his hands curled into fists. "Leave her out of it," he growled. "You don't know what the hell you're talking about. If this was Emily we wouldn't even be having this conversation."

I ground my teeth together. "Well, it _isn't_ Emily, and we _are _having this conversation. You have responsibilities-"

"You don't know what he did to her-"

"Not _everything _is about Bella Swan!" I exploded.

"_Yes, it is!_"

I paused. Jacob's face blanched as he realized what he'd just said. All his anger washed away, and he sat shakily on a log and put his head in his hands.

After a moment I murmured, "If you just accept that this is the way your mind functions now-"

"_No._" His miserable tone reminded me of something, but I couldn't put my finger on what. "It's messed up. This isn't how it's supposed to work. I don't want this."

"Well, you've got it." I waited for him to snap back at me, or even look up, but he just sat with his face covered. His unhappiness soaked into my body.

Focus. It was his unhappiness, not mine. Keep a distance. Sympathy, not empathy.

I sighed and scanned the line of the forest. Huge trees with moss growing up the sides. Soft and steady and always getting taller. "You're not going to tell me what happened."

A long beat. "I promised Bella I wouldn't."

"Ah." Promises to imprints were more or less unbreakable. "But it was bad."

Jacob's shape rippled, and the misery nearly caved under the weight of renewed fury. "Yes," he said shortly. "It was bad. You've never _seen_ them work, Sam. I mean, you've chased them and fought them and stuff, but you've never seen how people react when they talk and how she just-" His words cut off for a moment with a shudder, but he managed to collect himself. "They're like drugs or something. I don't know how they do it, but they do. And they do it to her _all the time_. Get it?"

If he kept sending off that much anguish and agitation I would get it whether I wanted to or not. And I didn't want to. It wouldn't be useful. "What we want doesn't change the facts."

"But-"

"No." Jacob's shoulders tensed, and I realized that my feet were going slightly numb in the water. "Jacob, you have to understand these things for when you're Alpha."

"That's not going to happen."

"Listen to me. They're not going to leave. You know it, I know it. So we'll fight. But there's seven of them and seven of us-"

"Eight of us."

"I'm not counting Seth." No matter how bad the situation got, Seth wasn't going to be in the front lines. "So it's even numbers, and you're right. None of us have seen them work aside from you. They're not strangers, like the others. They've known this area since the time of our great-grandfathers. They're strong, they're fast, and they've got powers that we don't."

Jacob looked up from his hands, eyes wide. "You think we're going to lose."

I shook my head. "No. We'll win. But it's going to be hard. We're going to need to time things properly and to our maximum advantage. It's going to have to be _planned_ and _careful_, Jacob. It can't start in a school parking lot because one of us lost his temper."

Shame.

"But," I continued, "I promise that when the time comes, Edward Cullen is yours."

Jacob's whole being lit with fire. Fueled by the imprint. "Seriously?"

"Yes." It was only fair. "I'll warn off the others. You'll have whatever revenge you want. I give you my word." Hopefully this would keep him happy. The war couldn't start before we were ready because Jacob didn't know how keep himself in line.

Jacob stood up. He was the same height as me, and he might not be done growing yet. But I was still stronger. "Thanks, Sam. It... it's just... thanks."

I nodded tersely. "Is your hand all right?"

"Huh?"

I pointed at his right arm. "I saw you break it a few times. Did it heal?"

"Oh." He flexed his fingers experimentally. "Yeah. It's fine."

"Any pain?"

"Nope."

"Don't do that again. If it mends wrong I'll have to break your knuckles to fix them."

"I'll be careful."

"Good."

Then, absolutely out of nowhere, it hit me. Two waves. One of fury and desperation; one of elation and surprise. Both _strong_. I nearly buckled under the force of the blow.

_Emily._

I heard Jacob say, "Did you feel that?" just before I phased. I ran like hell, dodging trees and crushing branches underpaw.

-_emilyemilyemily_-

_Sam? Sam, wait!_ Jacob, a wolf again, not far behind me. But he couldn't keep up. _What the hell are you-_

_(claireclaireclaire)_

Another voice in the mix - one thrumming loudly with an imprint vibration.

Quil.

What the-

_Quil, man, what the hell is going on?_

_(claireclaireclaire)_

_Who's Claire?_

Jacob's underlevel beat got louder almost instantly. _(bellabellabella want bella what the fuck)_

-_emilyemilyemily-_

The rush was bleeding into me too, I grit my teeth against it-

_Quil! Seriously, say something!_

_(claireclaireclaire) This is... wow. I don't even. [a twirling girl and suffusing adoration]_

I knew what had just happened.

First things first: Get my brother under control. I kept running, changing my course towards Quil instead of Emily. He had gone from her house, but now he was hovering less than a half a mile away from there, just beyond the road.

Jacob pulled up short behind me. _Dude... was that a little kid?_

_(claireclaireclaire) She's the most amazing thing. (claireclaireclaire) She's everything._

_What did you- Quil, man, did you just imprint? (a kid practically a baby oh my god)_

I put on extra speed.

Then Leah into the mix. _O Fearless Leader, Jared's not at home. Do I have to go drag him out of his one true love's house or can I-_

_(claireclaireclaire) She's just... wow. Jacob, you have to meet her. She's so cute._

_(holy fucking shit) _Jacob wasn't managing much beyond incoherent shock. I couldn't blame him.

_Claire? Matthew's Claire? What about her?_

_(claireclaireclaire)_

_(bellabellabella-) Damn it, Quil, knock it off! I can't think!_

_[a twirling girl and suffusing adoration] Jake, dude, how can you complain about this? It feels incredible-_

_DID YOU JUST IMPRINT ON MY COUSIN'S DAUGHTER?_

_(claireclaireclaire)_

A rush of trees and wind, but not against my body. Leah was going for Quil too. And she was much, much closer.

_You sick son of a bitch! _And then Leah flashed on an imaginary image of what Jacob and I were thinking, deep down:_ [quil claire a big hand under a little skirt]_

Sudden and spectacular rage, high and blazing, and then Quil was running to meet Leah. _Don't you EVER think of her like that (claireclaireclaire) she's just a baby, I'll kill you for even picturing her that way, I'll rip your throat out-_

_Damn it, I was in the middle of lunch._ And there was Paul. _Can't these shifts start at- what the hell is going on?_

If I could get everyone to just shut up-

_(disgusting messed up am i like this bellabellabella don't want to be like this)_

_(imprinting always fucking imprinting baby cousin kill him)_

_(claireclaireclaire picturing her like that kill anyone who pictures her like that she's just a baby rip their hands off)_

_Seriously, what the hell is going on?_

Leah and Quil crashed together before I got there, and the mental waves exploded as they tore at each other. I braced myself against the psychic onslaught. _**Break it up!**_

When I arrived in the clearing - it had taken two minutes but felt like two hours - the fur was still floating in the air; Leah was favoring her right paw and blood was dripping from a long rip in Quil's ear. It knitted itself back together as I watched. _**Calm down, both of you**._

_Oh, wait, I forgot, this is all fine and dandy with you, isn't it? Who cares if she's still in diapers! [quil claire a big hand under a little skirt]-_

Quil flattened his ears and growled.

_**Leah, phase and go get Jared from Kim's. Right now.**_

The gray wolf fell into a female form immediately, and I turned my head as she pulled on her clothes. She noticed. "No reason not to look, Sam." Her voice was acid. "It's nothing you haven't seen."

I kept my eyes averted anyway. But I noticed the long bruise on her forearm as she jogged away.

_(claireclaireclaire) I'll kill anyone who thinks of her like that. Including Leah._

_(leah's right hate imprinting all wrong)_

_Quil, you fell in love with a KID? What the hell, man?_

_I'm not IN love with her! _Darker growls and deepening temper. _She's a baby! You people are sick!_

_**Everyone shut up for a minute.**_ In the abrupt silence the itching from Collin and Brady felt that much worse. My head was throbbing horribly. _Quil, what happened?_

_I went to Emily's [scratchy starched shirt only thing clean] to tell her you'd be late. She introduced me to her family (my brother matthew my sister-in-law abbie my niece claire) and then it was just... [little girl twirling huge smile whole earth shifting] (claireclaireclaire) [quiet house except for fighting no brothers no sisters old quil lecturing all the time history duty responsibilities] I get it now, it all makes sense (claireclaireclaire uncomplicated no drama no expectations cute smile so cute) I know why I'm supposed to do this (claireclaireclaire grow up safe good life no danger from bloodsuckers)-_

Definitely an imprint. Okay.

Positives: Quil would be gaining all the benefits of having found his soul mate - easier rest, more focus, a sense of purpose. And it didn't seem to be sexual. Thank God.

Negatives: I'd never even _heard_ of a pre-pubescent imprint. There were going to be a lot of problems, not the least of which would be that he'd rarely get to see her. Not to mention... _How did Emily react?_

_Uh... (get out get out get out ouch) she kind of hit me with a broom._

Silence.

_Wow._

_Like, with an actual broom?_

_Yeah. Then she chased me out of the yard. I don't think I'm allowed to go back there._

That would explain the turmoil I'd felt from her. _Okay. I'm going to go to Emily's. Paul and Jacob, wait for Jared, then run patrol._

_Okay. (so messed up don't want it like this not with bella don't want it)_

_Right. (it's like noah's ark around here)_

_Can I go see Claire? (claireclaireclaire)_

I glared at the brown wolf. _No._

_I'll wait 'til she leaves Emily's, I just want to-_

_**No. Stay away from that kid.**_

I knew before I'd even finished issuing the injunction that it wasn't going to work. The words were useless. I couldn't order a wolf from his imprint.

_I need to go see her (claireclaireclaire) I haven't even really met her yet (claireclaireclaire) I want to find out what she's like (claireclaireclaire) aside from amazing, of course (claireclaireclaire)-_

I couldn't force him to keep clear of Claire, but I could keep him busy. _**Go to the beach. Swim to the cliffs and back. Two hundred times. In human form.**_

My headache got worse as I gave the command.

Quil's eyes widened and he made a whining noise. _(claireclaireclaire) Are you kidding?_

_No, I'm not. Two hundred laps. **Go**._

He transformed - a bright pink scar cut across his ear - gave me a dirty look, and ran off in the direction of First Beach.

At least it would keep him busy until I could sort this mess out.

_Jesus. _Jacob still sounded shell-shocked._ Is that what I sound like?_

Paul's snarl was no less biting for being internal._ You're worse. Quil might have a thing for a baby, but that's better some white leech-lover. (it's okay paul you're doing good shutupshutup) You sound exactly like him, just extra-emo._

A wave of appalled horror.

_Paul, knock it off. The two of you wait for Jared. I'll be back as soon as I can._

I phased... and had no shorts to pull on. I'd gotten so used to going naked around the Pack that I barely remembered to dress when I went in public. Great. At least I wasn't far from Emily's; I stayed inside the tree line as I traveled. If her family was still there, I'd turn around and swing by my house from clothes.

There were no cars in the yard. I couldn't hear any talking. All I saw was my fiancee, sitting alone on the front steps, still clinging to her broom.

_Emily._

I ran across the road, but slowed down as I approached. Her pain washed over me and made my ribs crack. There were tear tracks all over her face.

What could I say that would make this better?

After a long moment I sighed. "Sweetheart... you know he can't help it."

Emily's laugh was choked; she didn't look up. "Sam, I am _so sick_of things that can't be helped."

I tried to sit down next to her, but she scooted away as soon as I bent my knees, so I remained standing. "Did they leave?"

"Yeah, after I chased a six-and-a-half foot tall teenager out of my house with a broom, they decided they didn't want to stick around for egg salad. Funny, that."

"Right." I swallowed. "Listen, it's not as bad as it looks. Quil doesn't think of Claire _like that_-"

"Uh-huh."

"He _doesn't_. I know what's in his head, Emily. I'm not pretending that this is _good_, but it's not _that_. There will be some way to make it all work, something that will keep everyone-"

"I'm pregnant."

I stopped mid-sentence.

"Ten weeks. There hasn't been a good time to tell you."

In the back of my mind I felt Jared phase. The patrol was ready to go.

"What if it's a girl?"

Embry was asleep. Seth was on his way home from school. Leah was throwing rocks at a tree.

"Should I just hold our daughter up in front of Embry and Paul and Seth and see who wants her?"

Quil's happiness was still there; even swimming laps in the choppy ocean couldn't lessen it.

"Will I have to move away from La Push to keep her safe from all this?"

-_emilyemilyemily_-

"I'm going to take a nap." Emily propped the broom against the railing as she stood; she didn't look at me. "There's sandwiches on the counter if you want them."

After the door closed it took a long moment before I managed to sit down.

* * *

_**Coming Soon**: Develop A Work/Life Balance_

_**Sanity Update**: So... yeah. I went there. It was damn hard to write. This is kind of almost a filler chapter; not much plot, but a lot of stuff that needed to happen. Everyone needs snorgles._

_(Edited in the hopes of increased clarity.)_

_(Edited a second time because MY GOD FFN WHAT THE HELL. It ate half the italics. For anyone who read before I fixed it, I am SO damn sorry, the chapter wouldn't have made any sense. GAH.)_


	12. Develop A WorkLife Balance

_and you will see my shadow on every wall / and you'll see my reflection in your freefall  
Keane, "My Shadow"  
_

* * *

**9. Develop a Work/Life Balance  
**

* * *

_(claireclaireclaire)_

I shifted on the couch, unable to sleep.

_(claireclaireclaire)_

At least it made a change from _(bellabellabella)._

The (_bellabellabella)_s had lessened. Every now and then Jacob's thoughts were overwhelmed by his imprint, but the knowledge that the leeches weren't at school with her anymore and his anticipation of Friday night - which every Pack member was giving him grief about - had kept him happy and focused. That, and the fact that as the only one of us with any experience fighting an imprint, Jacob had gotten an extra job to keep him busy: Quil-sitting. Apparently a lot of work was getting done on Bella's truck.

_(claireclaireclaire)_

It was a temporary solution, at best. We couldn't keep Quil away from Claire forever. His mind was already starting to scramble the way Jacob's had during those weeks he'd stupidly decided to keep Bella at arm's length. But it couldn't be helped. Not until I could figure out a way for Quil to see Claire regularly without getting arrested in the process. In the meantime I'd traded one mental hell for another.

_(claireclaireclaire)_

I gritted my teeth and tried to force the vibrations out of my head.

_(claireclairecl- -emilyemilyemily)_

Emily.

I looked up at the ceiling.

She was sleeping in the loft.

I was not.

We hadn't talked about the... situation.

We'd hardly talked about _anything _for the past three days.

-_emilyemilyemily_-

My footsteps were silent as I got off the couch and crept up the ladder into the loft. I had no trouble seeing her in the darkness. She had rolled onto her side in the empty bed, her whole body curled around a pillow.

-_emilyemilyemily-_

I hesitated. This wasn't Emily. Not _just_ Emily. This was some new version of Emily that was busy _creating_and I didn't have the slightest idea what to do about it.

Negatives to the pregnancy: Lack of money. Lack of time. Lack of safety. Lack of knowledge and knowhow.

Positives to the pregnancy: The only thing I could think of was that maybe it would make Emily happy, but I hadn't seen any sign of that yet. She just seemed depressed.

She made a little whimpering noise in her sleep and clutched her pillow tighter. It felt like an invisible cord was pulling at me, telling me to go comfort her, but I couldn't do it.

Emily could figure all this out. Emily came from a good family; Emily was warm and loving; Emily would be fine. _I _hadn't seen my dad in fifteen years. I remembered he'd always given me a dime at the grocery store to put in the machine and get one of those bouncy ball things. I was pretty sure you weren't supposed to give those to babies. They'd choke. And my mother... was my mother.

In the back of my head I felt the exhaustion of the Pack members patrolling. It was almost five AM and I'd be back out there with them in about an hour. I was tired. Even _I_ knew I was tired. The few hours of sleep I'd managed to grab during my self-imposed couch exile weren't very effective. I could just slide into bed for a few minutes, a half hour, close my eyes-

-then Emily rolled over, and the sheen of the scar tissue gleamed in what little light was in the room. Deep, disfiguring lines down her face, carving the curve of her shoulder, twisting the muscles of her arm, running straight to her fingers and the missing tip of her pinky-

_"You don't love me."_

_"I'm not saying that."_

_"So you **do **love me?"_

_"I'm not saying that either-"_

_"Then I don't understand!"_

_"It doesn't matter! It's too complicated, Sam! It doesn't make any difference whether I love you or not, and it never will!"_

-_exploding from the inside out with frustration at the whole world-_

"Sam?"

_-three paws hitting the ground and one sinking into flesh-_

"Sam, come here."

Her words brought me forward, and the mattress shook uncontrollably when I sat.

_-blood everywhere, all over the floor, no screams just gurgles and crunching bone-_

"Sam, it's all right."

I closed my eyes and relaxed as Emily pulled me down beside her with gentle hands. She was so warm, and her frame fit so perfectly against mine. She was the absolutely only safe place left in the world-

-until she took my hand and tried to move it towards her belly.

I froze.

_Everyone _lost their temper with their kid. At least once.

After a moment of pulling on my wrist Emily gave up with a tiny sigh and pressed her face against my neck. I couldn't see her expression. "Did you think I was just getting fat?" she asked, strained teasing in her voice.

"No. I didn't notice." Emily had the most perfect body in the world: hourglass-shaped, like an old-school pin up girl. Her natural curves had absorbed the changes... but now that I knew to look, I could see.

So I didn't look.

Emily's fingers laced through my own, and then she pulled on my hand again, this time moving it up her chest and placing it against her bare skin. My palm cupped her body I felt myself respond. _This_ wasn't new. _This_ was fine. _This _was still safe.

She made a small, breathy noise as I lowered my lips to her collarbone, touching her in the ways I knew she liked. "Is it okay?" I said anxiously. "Will I hurt you?"

Her nails scraped along my shoulders, and she slid a thigh between my legs. "We've been doing this the whole time, and it hasn't caused any problems so far," she whispered. "I'm still me." Then she ran her hands down my body with possessive familiarity...

...and proceeded to show me.

Emily proved she wasn't breakable, though I was careful as possible - more careful than she wanted, I expected. She felt the same, like warmth and quiet and everything good.

As long as I didn't think about what was different now.

It was time to go. I pulled away reluctantly and made sure not to rest any of my weight against her body. "I'll see you later, sweetheart."

She glanced over at the clock. "So soon?"

"Yeah. The others need to go home."

"The ones heading out can't handle stuff by themselves for a little while?"

I sighed as I sat up. "Better not to risk it."

Emily looked at me for a long moment, then spoke with iron authority. "You're going to stay for breakfast."

"Excuse me?"

"You're going to stay for breakfast." She climbed out the other side of the bed and reached for her robe. "I'll make waffles and eggs and bacon. You're going to sit at the table and eat for the next hour. Then you can leave."

Her order lifted a heavy weight off my shoulders... and I _was _hungry. But I still had to go. "Emily, they need-"

"No," she said firmly, turning to face me and meeting my eyes. They were the deepest shade of brown. "They don't. You've got very capable wolves out there and they'll manage. _You_ need to sit down for an hour and eat. _I_need you to sit down for an hour and eat. Please."

Even without the imprint I wouldn't have been able to say no to that.

Sitting at the table to begin with was the hardest part; one instinct steered me towards the door, the other towards the kitchen. The imprint won, and the enormous glass of orange juice Emily set in front of me was the best thing I'd ever tasted in my life. I'd been eating but forgetting to stay hydrated. Note to self: remember to drink from the river when passing by.

Emily didn't talk much as she mixed the batter and scrambled the eggs, but I caught every third note or so of some tune she was humming. The tension ran out of my body and for a moment I thought I'd just fall asleep on the table. Luckily the hunger outweighed the exhaustion, and by the time I'd finished breakfast I felt a hundred times better. "Okay," I admitted through the last mouthful of waffle, "you were right."

"Yep." She ran a soft hand through my hair. My eyes closed. "You should trust me more. And the others. You don't have to do everything yourself, you know."

Yes, I did.

"I have to go," I said.

I felt her disappointment in the back of my throat, and as she gathered up the plates I took last gulp of orange juice. Before I made it out the front door, though, her words stopped me in my tracks- "_Is _it about babies?"

I blinked. "Is what about babies?"

"Imprinting." Her hands made mechanical movements as she scrubbed the dishes in the sink. "The Council's always thought so. 'Future generations'. We were careful and this happened anyway. Maybe that's the whole reason after all."

The Council didn't know what the hell they were talking about, but that was too disrespectful to say out loud. "No, sweetheart. Don't worry about that." I didn't love her for her fertility. "This stuff happens. Besides, if it was all about creating future generations, why would Quil have imprinted on Claire?"

Emily shuddered.

I sighed and leaned against the door frame. We'd been avoiding the subject, but I had a responsibility to ask. "Have you heard from them?"

"Yes," she said reluctantly. "Abbie called. They think Claire picked up a bug while she was here."

"A bug?"

"She's been crying a lot. Not eating. That sort of thing. I think they're going to take her to the doctor soon."

This wasn't helpful to the situation. The more upset Claire got, the more Quil would feel it and fight to see her. A solution had to be found and soon. "Anything else?"

A long moment of hesitation. "She's cold."

I frowned. "What do you mean, cold?"

"Just what I said." Emily wrung a stream of soapy water out of the dishtowel. "We can talk about it later. You _do_ need to go. They're probably wondering where you are."

That was true, but walking out of the house and leaving Emily unhapy wasn't possible. I had to say something... "It _can't_ be about bloodlines, sweetheart. If it was I would have imprinted on Leah, not you."

Emily and Leah shared a common ancestor in the last pack. But Leah's lineage was all Quileute, and the blood mixed in thoroughly along her mother's line; Emily's family was mostly Makah. If this was all about genealogy then Leah would have been the natural choice. So it couldn't be that.

"You better get going," Emily said quietly. Her sadness rolled over me, and I winced.

Apparently that hadn't helped.

* * *

Details to consider when scheduling patrols:

No less than four wolves had to be protecting the land at any given moment.

Either Jacob or I had to be present to give orders if necessary.

Seth couldn't run during the school day or too far into the night.

Leah wanted to run with Seth.

Embry and Leah couldn't work together.

Leah and Quil couldn't work together.

Quil needed to stay with Jacob whenever possible.

Paul needed to keep his thoughts away from Jacob.

Jared's free time needed to coincide with Kim's.

Embry, Jared, and Paul's families didn't know, so they still had to keep up appearances.

No one could patrol more than eighteen hours straight and still function.

And everyone had to eat and sleep.

Because of these things, it was generally the case that if a person _could _be on patrol, they would be. So it was rare for someone to phase when they didn't have to. A wolf turning up in the Pack mind during time off meant something had gone wrong.

_Hey, Sam!_

I stopped my search of the cliff side. _Jared? What's wrong?_

_You are not gonna believe this, man._

_What? What happened? What's going on? _Seth sounded like a puppy. He also looked and acted like one. He really was much too young to be here.

_What am I not going to believe?_

Paul was only a hundred yards down the sea wall, and I could see him shake his head disgustedly. _His imprint's probably just learned some new trick._

A mental snort from Leah.

_**Be quiet**. Jared-_

_Come over to Kim's, okay?_ Adrenaline and agitation... but no serious alarm. No immediate danger, then. _It won't take long, but it's important._

_Told you. New trick._

Jared, unlike everyone else, rarely asked for things. If he wanted something like this it had to be urgent. _All right. Paul, you're in charge. I'll be back in twenty minutes._

_Right. (good i can do this hope i can do this)_

_(figures)_

_Can I come too?_

_No._ Seth's disappointment was sharp and painful, so I added, _I need you to take over the scanning of the valley. Listen carefully for anything out of the ordinary. You've got the best hearing. I don't trust anyone else to do it right._

Pride from Seth. Very, very faint gratefulness from Leah.

Still the only thing I could do that made her happy.

It only took a few minutes to get to Kim's place. I phased before leaving the forest, pulled on my shorts, and hesitated by the birdbath in the tiny backyard. I couldn't tell if her parents were home. I'd only spoken to them once or twice, and they might expect a visitor to be wearing shoes. And a shirt. And not be covered in mud.

Luckily Jared poked his head out of a second story window and motioned me up. "No one's here," he called. "Back door's open."

The house was nice, and I tried not to leave too many dirty footprints as I climbed the stairs to Kim's open bedroom door. Both she and Jared were staring at an open laptop on her desk; I pretended not to notice the rumpled sheets on the bed or the unmistakable scent in the air. "Sam, man, I don't even know what to say here," Jared said, not taking his eyes off the screen.

If this was a video of kittens or something Jared was running five shifts in a row. "Hello, Kim," I said politely. She was young, but she was due respect as an imprint. Especially as one that didn't cause any problems.

Kim glanced up at me, blushed, and looked down again. "Hi," she whispered, leaning against Jared's arm.

All right then. "So what am I supposed to be looking at?"

Jared angled the screen in my direction. "Here. Look at this email I got."

I leaned over gingerly, not touching the keyboard. I'd never used a laptop and the last thing that needed to happen was for it to break.

_from: Dr. Carlisle Cullen c_cullen (at) forkshospital (dot) com  
to: jaredster3 (at) hotmail (dot) com_

_subject: Discussion_

_To the Alpha of the Quileute Pack and Whomever Else it May Concern:_

_I apologize for the amount of time it has required my family to gather the requested details regarding your intruder. In our pursuit of information we have come across some matters of note critical to our respective situations. It is my opinion that it would be prudent for us to further discuss this matter in person. Please contact us at your earliest convenience as to a preferred date and location for such a meeting._

_Respectfully,_  
_Doctor Carlisle Cullen, MD_

_PS. I sincerely hope that this method of communication, for all its informality, is more agreeable to you than the last._

Forget the ancient struggle of Quileute wolves versus the Cold Ones. I hated this bastard _personally_. Did the condescending, pretentious son of a bitch think he would look better than us by using such bullshit language? Did he think I wouldn't _understand _what he was saying? Did he think he was too good to talk to me like an equal?

Jacob could have the brat. The coven leader was _mine_.

"You don't have an email, right?" Jared said, glancing at me. "I guess they figured they'd try me instead. I wonder how they got my address."

"I don't know, but I don't like it at all." Kim narrowed her eyes as she scrolled down the screen. "They're tracking my IP, too. I'm going to run a scan after we're done."

A few deep breaths calmed the tremors in my hands. "When did this arrive?"

"A few hours ago. I got you as soon as I read it. What do you want to do?"

I thought fast.

Advantages to a meeting: Gets information and the chance to evaluate our enemies.

Disadvantages to a meeting: Gives our enemies a chance to evaluate _us_. Also a potential trap.

"Sam?"

"We'll talk with them. At the treaty line, in the large clearing a half-mile south of the main road." Kim's fingers flew across the keyboard as I spoke. "Their leader comes and no more than two others. Not the mind reader, the psychic, or the one that screws with feelings. They don't step on our lands. In return we'll be there with only three as well, and I won't be phased. And the information had better be worth my time."

"When?"

I paused. "Tomorrow night. At nine."

Jared glanced at me again.

"Right, okay." Kim finished typing, then turned the screen for me to look over. She'd cleaned up the language a little, but it wasn't total crap like theirs was. When I nodded, she clicked _Send_.

That was that. "Is there anything else?" Jared shook his head. "Good. I have to get back. Jared, you're on in three hours. Make sure you eat." I nodded my thanks to Kim and stalked down the stairs. I'd left a dirt smudge on the banister on my way up.

Email. Of all the ridiculous...

Jared caught up to me in the backyard just before I phased. "Hey, Sam?"

"Yes?"

"Tomorrow night's Friday."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and managed not to say anything sarcastic. "Yes, it is."

"But what about Jake? Shouldn't he be there?"

The force of my glare made Jared shrink back slightly. "Your patrol is in three hours," I said shortly. "And tomorrow night is not to be discussed." I ignored his confused expression as I walked back into the woods.

Jacob _should _be there, but I couldn't tolerate any distractions from a pup who might not be able to look past his imprint to see the bigger picture. It wasn't worth the risk.

And if either Jared _or _Jacob thought otherwise, one of them was more than welcome to be Alpha instead.

* * *

Friday evening's patrol was annoying on every level.

_Sam? I think it's six-thirty._

_No, it's not._

_Are you sure? Look at the sun._

_The sun is behind the clouds._

_Sure, sure, but the position of the haze-_

_It's not six-thirty, Jacob._

_I should probably go check a clock just in case._

For once, Leah helped me out. _Jacob, if you don't shut up I'll shut you up. No one wants to hear you mewl about cherry-popping._

_That's not what's... I'm not... [a soft body and a purple mark on a white neck] It's none of your business._

Paul was conspicuously silent.

_If you don't want it to be my business then keep it in your own damn head._ Leah's disgust was acidic. _I'd just as soon not listen to you (love her) get a hard-on for some pasty white leech lover._

Anger from Jacob. _Don't talk about her like that._

_What? So she isn't white, or isn't a leech lover?_

_She's not the second and the first doesn't matter. Go to hell._

_Doesn't matter, huh? Tell that to Old Quil. I bet he's just thrilled about all this._

_[an old man lecturing in the firelight] (bellabellabella) [a little girl with eyes squeezed shut against dirty fingers] Old Quil can argue about it until he drops dead for all I care. And so can you. I imprinted on her so it must not matter._

_(imprinting always imprinting) Whatever, puppy. Just try not to make a mess when she scratches behind your ear._

Steadily growing discomfort from Paul. It was time to put an end to this. _Jacob, you can go._

A ridiculous rush of excitement and nervousness that, in spite of everything, made me smile - or as close to it as I could as a wolf. _Be back by nine tomorrow morning. Try to get at least some sleep._

_(hope not) _Jacob's thoughts were clear just before he transformed disappeared from the Pack mind.

Even as a wolf I could roll my eyes.

I let the run continue for another two hours before pausing and sending out the mental call to everyone except Jacob. _**Come to the woods and phase. **_The effort of issuing such a wide order to so many unphased Pack members made my stomach heave, and a few minutes later the noise was bringing on a vicious migraine.

_Shift's not for another two hours-_

_-(thought i'd get to finish my dinner)-_

_-hey, Leah, when you go home watch out, Mom's kinda pissed-_

_-(claireclaireclaire something doesn't feel right claireclaireclaire needs me)-_

_-[open desk drawers and a picked lock on a metal box]-_

_-Jared, did you ever figure out how to get past the dungeon in-_

_**Shut up. **_I took a deep breath in the sudden silence. None of them were close enough to see my tail lashing. _We're meeting with the bloodsuckers in half an hour._

Five waves of shock. Nothing from Jared aside from trepidation.

_They won't be crossing the treaty line. Paul and Jared will be coming with me. Quil and Embry, I want you out of sight but no more than half a mile away, in case it's a trap. Seth and Leah, you'll be doing a perimeter run to make sure no one's sneaking in while we're busy. I'll be talking to them, but the rest of you will be phased and staying in touch through Paul and Jared. **Keep ****your focus**. Is everyone clear?_

Six wordless acquiescences... with many layers of reservation.

_Okay. Paul, Jared, follow me._ I pictured the clearing I had in mind as I broke into a light run and felt the recognition from the rest of the pack; by now they knew every inch of the fifty miles we patrolled. _And yes, **you can talk if you want.** But try and keep the pointless chatter down._

They made it almost thirty seconds. Then Seth couldn't contain himself anymore. _So, this is like a parlay?_

_Excuse me?_

_The bloodsuckers have invoked the right of parlay, right? And we can do them no harm until the parlay is complete? Those are the rules, aren't they?_

_Seth, what the hell are you talking about?_

_I don't think the Pirate Code applies here, kid. Besides, they're more what you'd call guidelines than actual rules._

_Oh my God. Please tell me you didn't just go there._

_Hey, you quoted Monty Python for three hours straight yesterday-_

_That was in context!_

_-and I had Knights of the Round Table stuck in my head the rest of the patrol!_

_I'm just surprised no one's made an Admiral Ackbar "IT'S A TRAP!" joke yet._

_Well, I was gonna, but thanks for spoiling it!_

I phased before I ordered someone to jump off a cliff and ran the rest of the way as a human.

The light wasn't good - a waning moon and a lot of cloud cover - but that wouldn't make a difference to anyone present. Paul and Jared were already circling and peering between the trees. I walked through the middle of the clearing, nudging aside ferns, feeling out the edges of our territory. _This _footfall was on our land; _that _footfall was not. I didn't know how I knew these things, but I did. I could feel it in my bones.

Suddenly Paul's ears flattened against his head and he let out a growl; a second later I caught it too. A whiff of stinking, perfumed rot.

They were here.

"**_Back up_**," I ordered, and the wolves fell behind me, snarling. I didn't put on my shorts. There was no reason to destroy clothes if I needed to phase. And I didn't care what they thought about my being naked.

When the bloodsuckers walked out of the woods, it took all of my control not to phase instantly.

They were _wrong_. Everything about them was _wrong_. Their movements were too sharp. Their faces were too angular. It was like they were wearing costumes of flesh, and if you caught them out of the corner of your eye you might see them for what they were: rotting corpses pretending to be human beings. Something long dead playing at life.

And the _smell_.

The one in front - a blond man in a sweater - walked forward, right up to the treaty line. "Good evening," he said. He even _sounded _wrong, like someone had spiked all the audio settings on a recording. But it was better than listening to him on the phone. "I'm Doctor Carlisle Cullen. You must be Sam Uley - you look very much like your great-grandfather. It's a pleasure." He held out his hand.

I didn't take it.

After a moment, he pulled back. "These are two of my children, Emmett-" he gestured to the dark-haired leech who had his arms crossed across his chest "-and Rosalie." The girl in heels glanced down at me with a smirk.

Their names made no difference to me, and they had no business knowing Jared and Paul's names, so I didn't offer them in response. The doctor's eyes flicked behind me to glance at my brothers anyway. "Is one of you Jacob Black? I'd like to convey an apology-"

"Do you know something about the trespasser or not?" I interrupted. It was good to know I'd made the right move by not having Jacob here; there was no doubt in my mind that he'd have tried to shove the apology right up the bloodsucker's ass. "That's the only reason we're here."

Carlisle appeared to sigh. Just an appearance, though. "Yes, of course. Let me start, though, by again saying how very sorry I am at what has happened to-"

"We received your _sincere apologies_ for our _mutations. _Don't worry, I remember." I'd remember every word of that letter until the day I died.

"Then you must also remember my desire to make amends."

"Yes, and you can start with that by leaving before your six weeks are up." The mental itches of Collin and Brady's impending phasings were getting stronger each day. "Five weeks, now."

"In five weeks it may not matter if we're here or not," Carlisle said. "So unfortunately, it would help no one for us to depart early."

Paul growled and shifted further into a crouch - and the leech in heels waggled a finger at him. "Down, Fido."

For a moment I saw red at the insult, and both wolves snarled, but the doctor raised a warning hand. "Be polite, Rosalie," he said.

"Sorry," she replied sarcastically. "The dog smell is starting to get to me."

"I think we should get a dog," the big bloodsucker - Emmett - said out of nowhere. Rosalie turned to look at him, and he shrugged. "Just sayin'. I've been thinking about it since this started. A Great Dane would be really cool."

"A Great Dane," Rosalie repeated.

"Yeah. No offense to you guys, though." Emmett gestured in our direction. "It's just the smell that makes me think of it."

"Emmett, you'd _eat _a Great Dane."

"I would _not_!"

"And it would chew up all my shoes-"

"That's why you _train _them-"

"Emmett. Rosalie. Please." Carlisle pinched the bridge of his nose, and for a quarter of a second I actually sympathized with him. Except he'd done this to himself and I hadn't had a choice. After a moment he shook his head. "I apologize for my family."

"They can apologize for themselves if they want," I snapped. Rosalie raised an eyebrow as I did. "Tell me what you know and then get away from our land before _my _family loses patience."

"Very well." Carlisle's bloodless face became all business. "My son Edward received the image of your trespasser from Jacob Black's mind-" he glanced back at Jared and Paul again, and I didn't enlighten him that neither of them were Jacob "-and developed a suspicion of who that trespasser might be. He shared this suspicion with me, and I've spent the last several days attempting to contact friends of ours in Denali. Unfortunately, they are not always reachable... but yesterday I was able to confirm our fears."

I crossed my arms. "And?"

"And the identity of your trespasser is a woman of our kind named Irina. It seems she developed a relationship with a mutual friend by the name of Laurent-"

-that name sounded familiar-

"-who made his way in this direction some months back. He hadn't been heard from since."

Oh, right. "Yeah. We got rid of him."

"So I gathered," Carlisle said dryly. "Unfortunately, it appears Irina gathered that as well."

This information wasn't worth very much. "When she comes back we'll get her too. Is that all?"

The doctor shook his head. "You don't understand. Irina won't be returning. She has made another decision. Alice has seen it."

The expressions on the other leeches grew serious as well, and for the first time I felt a flicker of uncertainty. I was missing some important piece of information and I didn't like that. "So what did your psychic see, then?"

"Irina has gone to the Volturi," Carlisle said. His dead face was sympathetic. "And the Volturi are coming to kill you all."

* * *

**_Coming Soon_**_: Play To Your Strengths_

_**Sanity Update**: The Twilight Illustrated Guide came out. While I have not read it, I have no doubt that the backstories included therein will have completely destroyed everything I've tried to do here with regards to canon-compliance. If I think too hard about that I'll have a nervous breakdown and crawl under the bed and weep uncontrollably until the husband lures me out with pictures of Jensen Ackles in a towel. So... canon-compliance will continue to extend to what we know from the original four saga novels. (With judgement calls made when canon itself lacks compliance. That'll get discussed next chapter.) Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go mourn the death of my backstories._

_This was another super-late night edit that still made it on time according to certain time zones. I have no doubt that after a night of sleep I will see massive mistakes and try to scribble on the screen with red pen in a blinding panic. **Edited to add**: Yep._


	13. Play To Your Strengths

_you ran away ran away it was right on cue  
Foo Fighters, "Dear Rosemary"_

* * *

**10. Play To Your Strengths**

* * *

For a long few beats everything was silent, except for the leaves rustling overhead - until I finally said the only thing I could think of. "Excuse me?"

The doctor shook his head. "The Volturi are coming. This is my fault, and I cannot apologize enough-"

"And the Volturi are _what_ now?" I was sure I knew the name, but I couldn't put it together with any details...

"They're assholes," Emmett supplied.

One of the wolves behind me snorted in amusement. I couldn't _directly _read their thoughts without being phased, but I could almost hear the _They're bloodsuckers, goes without saying._

Or maybe that's just what _I_ was thinking.

"The Volturi are the royalty and sole government of vampires," Carlisle said. He sounded weary, except they didn't know _anything_ about real exhaustion. "They maintain boundaries and order for our kind; a small group, but very old and very powerful. It is... not wise to provoke them, which unfortunately you have."

"How?" I demanded. "We've never even _met _these leeches."

"You've provoked them by existing." He began to pace back and forth. I felt every muscle in my body tense, but the doctor - either by accident or design - didn't step a single foot onto our lands. Maybe he could feel the line the same way I could. Something to consider. "Irina will relate to Aro that there is a large collection of shapeshifters in the Pacific Northwest who have taken it upon themselves to wipe out any of our kind that come within reach. If it were only one or two of you, perhaps the Volturi would not inconvenience themselves-"

"Hold up," I cut him off. Rudely, probably, but I had no interest in wasting politeness on these _things_. "_Will_ relate?"

Carlisle nodded. "Alice has seen it."

"More or less," Rosalie muttered.

This was making my headache worse. "So it hasn't happened yet. It might not happen at all."

"Alice has had some confusion with her visions - _anything _involving your Pack seems to be difficult for her - but some things are quite certain. She's seen nothing that varies in this future. Irina will tell the Volturi of your existence, and the Volturi will come here for the purpose of eradicating you." Carlisle frowned again. "Her insight beyond that is muddied. She can't see past your presence."

Great. "So how many bloodsuckers are we talking about?"

"It's hard to say. They'll surely leave some behind to maintain their concerns in Italy, and the time involved in bringing together their allies would be a deterrent. The longer they wait, the more numerous you will become. But according to Alice those decisions haven't been made yet. Hazarding a guess, I would say... no less than four, no more than eight." He smiled grimly. "Unless their methods have changed since I last saw them, which is unlikely. Very little about them changes."

"And?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"I don't see the issue." I shrugged. "Your _royalty_ arrives to kill us. We kill them first."

Jared and Paul growled their approval; Emmett grinned and said, "_Finally_ someone agrees with me."

The doctor was shaking his head; his face was so pale compared to the darkness of the forest that it hurt my eyes. "It's not that simple-"

"We'll tear them apart and burn them to ash," I said flatly. "That's perfectly simple."

I was, of course, bluffing.

This was bad. Bloodsuckers we didn't know, had no insight into, who were supposedly coming for the express purpose of wiping us out. I remembered now that Bella had mentioned them at one point, and if the doctor was to be believed, they were very _old_ bloodsuckers with a history of effectively dealing with threats. They'd _have _to be if they'd really been keeping a world full of leeches under their dead thumbs. And my Pack had wound up on their radar.

We'd never faced more than one vampire at a time.

The Cullens were going to be difficult enough...

"I'm afraid it's not that easy." Carlisle's voice was a little _too _understanding, like he was following my line of thought. "Even if you _could_ destroy them-" yeah, he knew I had my doubts, no question "-there are... disadvantages to that course of action."

Both Rosalie and Emmett rolled their yellow eyes. Note to self: Dissention in the ranks.

"Regardless of their unsavory methods, the Volturi are very effective rulers," the doctor continued. "I may not agree with their philosophies, but believe me when I tell you that anarchy is not the ideal state for the vampire world. If the population discovered there was no one to stop them from revealing themselves and hunting at will... ruthless government is better than no government at all."

"What would you suggest?" I snapped. "Do you expect us to let them do your dirty work?" At my words I felt a deep-down, rumbling current of hatred. The Pack was listening through Jared and Paul, and they had come to the same conclusion: the local leeches were hoping the foreign leeches would kill us so they wouldn't have to.

Fat chance of that.

"What I would suggest," Carlisle said mildly, "is an alliance. If we face them together in a show of mutual strength, I believe we can negotiate."

"_Negotiate._"

"Yes. The Volturi are reasonable and I have known them for a very long time. With Jasper's aid to keep emotions from running too high, there's a very good chance this could end without any unnecessary violence."

The wolf began to shudder and shake inside me. I tried to swallow back my rage. "You want us to let them _walk away_."

"It's the lesser of two evils-"

"Do they drink blood?" I demanded hotly. "Do they _eat people_?"

Carlisle paused for a long moment, then his shoulders slumped. Not one damned thread of his sweater was out of place. "Yes."

Snarls erupted from the wolves behind me.

"Then we don't _negotiate._" -_kill them kill them kill them-_ "We destroy them or we die trying. That's what we're _made to do._"

More rumblings of approval from the Pack... threaded with undercurrents of fear.

The leech doctor's expression turned slightly exasperated. "I beg you, look at the situation rationally. What good will you be able to do for your people if you're all dead? Who will defend your friends, your families? Your loved ones?"

-_emilyemilyemily-_

"We can protect our own," I managed to say - but I gritted my teeth against the surge of anxiety. The bloodsucker saw it. And he knew he had me.

Damn it.

"Let us help," he went on. His voice got more aggravating as he tried to persuade me, like it was scratching at the inside of my skull. "Let us bring this to a peaceful resolution."

I winced against the pain in my head. "And if you can't?"

"Then we would fight with you." Carlisle's eyes were cold. "I owe you reparations and I must do everything in my power to make amends. What has happened to you and your people is my fault. We... should never have returned."

"We agree on that," I muttered.

He smiled wanly. "I don't want bloodshed, but if it cannot be avoided, we will not leave you alone in combat. You have my word."

Emmett grinned again.

The clearing was pitch black now; the clouds were too thick to let through any moonlight. It made no difference to my senses. The leech looked and sounded genuine.

"Why should we believe any of this?" I asked, crossing my arms. For a moment I wished I was dressed. Maybe it would give me a better air of authority. "Give us one good reason to trust you."

"Your grandfathers did," Carlisle said simply.

True.

Of course, look how that worked out for them.

Advantages: If the doctor was right (a big if), the combination of their coven and our Pack would shift the numbers dramatically in our favor. They had information about the bloodsucker royalty we didn't. We would be presented with the opportunity to take down some of the most dangerous vampires in existence. And there was nothing to say things wouldn't 'accidentally' come to bloodshed.

Disadvantages: It could be a trap.

-_emilyemilyemily-_

"What do you two think?" I asked the other two bloodsuckers, who looked up in surprise. "You've got to have opinions."

Never make a decision without getting as much input as possible. Even if you're probably going to disregard it.

"I think-" The big one glanced at Carlisle, then reluctantly said, "I think we shouldn't fight unless we have to." He looked undeniably in favor of the _have to _approach.

"And you, Blondie?"

Rosalie's face was hard and her voice was cold. "Wipe them out."

Carlisle sighed. Or at least pretended to.

For a moment I regretted arranging this meeting so that Jacob couldn't attend; it would have been nice to consult with someone. As it stood, this was my call to make and no one else's. I was Alpha. And I could feel the weight of six other minds waiting for my decision.

Our grandfathers took them at their word. And _technically_ they'd never violated the treaty.

_-emilyemilyemily-_

"None of it -_ none of it -_ happens in our territory," I said slowly. "They get intercepted on _your_ land."

The doctor nodded. "Of course."

"And," I added, "you tell us everything you know about the bloodsuckers. Every. Single. Thing."

"You'll know all that I know. And if you're willing," Carlisle said, folding his hands, "I would recommend a training session with our battle expert, Jasper. That can be arranged right away. Tomorrow night, perhaps."

I frowned. "Training?"

"He's had some... _experience_... fighting our kind," the doctor said. "More than the rest of us combined. And he's got a brilliant mind for tactics. In the event that the negotiations were to go poorly, his insight would be invaluable."

I bit back a growl. "That's the one who can screw with emotions, right?" I didn't want that leech near any of our heads. I didn't want the mind-reader near us either, but at least that one couldn't _do_ anything. Theoretically.

I really hated these bastards.

"Jasper's a good guy," Emmett threw in. "He won't screw with you unless we ask him to."

"Ask him to," I shot back, "and we'll rip your damn heads off."

Emmett bared sharp white teeth, and Jared snarled in response.

The likelihood of a truce holding together for long didn't seem high.

"So does your little psychic see when these bloodsuckers are supposed to get here?" I asked, directing my question to Carlisle.

"As I said, it's difficult for her whenever your tribe is or could be involved," he said carefully. "But the vision seems to take place during rain-"

"That's helpful," I muttered.

"-and in the not very distant future. The Volturi aren't the sort to let threats develop for longer than they must, but they're limited by the basic physics of travel, same as the rest of us. Less than a week, in all likelihood."

Less than a week.

An unpleasant feeling settled deep into my stomach. Something like nervousness.

I didn't have the luxury of being nervous.

And if this was all true... I didn't have the luxury of being choosy about allies.

"Fine," I bit out between gritted teeth. "We'll take your training, at least. Tomorrow night. I'll decide _after _that if we want the rest of your help."

"That's very reasonable," Carlisle said. His tone was relieved. "We have no objections."

"_And_," I added, "this has _no_ effect on whether we accept your presence. _Four weeks_, leech. If you're not gone by then we will _make_ you leave."

He smiled humorlessly. "If Bella Swan has departed as well, there will be no reason to force us."

Bella fucking Swan.

Paul's growls filled the clearing, and a wave of indignation and outrage washed through my blood - and not just his. I whirled around and met the huge, black eyes of the silver wolf. "_**Hold it**_." The last thing I needed right now was for this to degenerate into a battle.

Paul glared at me, but his bunched shoulders lowered. His rage didn't abate. Neither did Jared's. Neither did mine. I turned back to the leeches with a glare. "If you think for _one damn second_ I'm going to separate Jacob from his imprint _now-_"

"What the hell is an imprint?" Rosalie burst out, her arms crossed. She was tapping her foot against the forest floor. "I'm getting curious."

I blinked, derailed. "What?"

"Edward said Bella's mutt boyfriend keeps thinking about 'imprints'," she said, making air quotes, "so are you going to let us in on the big secret, or what?"

For a brief moment I felt like I was talking to Leah. Thank God neither of them could read my thoughts. "You really don't know?" I said, looking back at Carlisle.

He shook his head.

"Well, it's... it's just..." I found myself strangely tongue-tied. The idea that anyone might not know what imprinting was, when imprinting was _everything_, imprinting was the center of the world... "Bella's Jacob's soul mate. Literally."

Rosalie snorted.

Carlisle's frown deepened. "How do you know?"

_-emilyemilyemily-_

"Because I do," I said bluntly. "She's my brother's and no one else's, so lay a hand on her and you'll have _me _to deal with. Bella Swan stays."

I might not be wild about the girl, but she was one of us now, under my protection same as the rest of the Pack. And I didn't like the way these bloodsuckers were talking about her.

"I understand," Carlisle murmured. "It's a discussion for another day, I think, but I _do_ understand. One must protect one's family."

My feet took me across the boundary line and I felt a strange severing; shudders shook my shoulders as I towered over the sanctimonious marble leech, who held up a hand to forestall his 'children'. "_**Don't ever compare your family to mine.**_" The fact that he wouldn't respond to commands didn't stop the primal voice from forming in my throat. My fists clenched at my sides. "_**Not. Ever.**_"

Kill him kill him _kill him_ _kill him_-

"Sam." I blinked and turned; Paul had transformed and was looking at me with a stony expression. "We're done here, aren't we?"

Jared growled in agreement.

I took a deep lungful of air; the _stink_ of the leeches nearly made me phase, but the breath itself was calming. My temper waned. "Yes. We're done." Embarrassing to have to have _Paul_, of all people, step in. Good that he was learning self-control. Even if I was beginning to lose mine.

I stepped back onto our land. _All_ of this land ought to be ours.

"Tomorrow night, then?" Carlisle said calmly, as though he didn't know I wanted to tear his head from his shoulders.

We'd take what we needed from them and then decide if we wanted anything else. There were more advantages to the agreement than disadvantages. For now. "Yes. Here. After dark. _All_ of you." If the entire Pack would be present, then I wanted every single one of these bloodsuckers in my line of sight. No one sneaking around while we were distracted.

I trusted these assholes about as far as I could reach.

"Thank you." The doctor nodded, then turned to his so-called children. "Emmett, Rosalie?"

"See you tomorrow," Emmett said, weirdly cheerful. He flexed his arms - they were nearly as muscled as mine. "Should be fun."

Rosalie just nodded. She'd been perusing Paul's nakedness with a smirk; he noticed and smirked right back. Under no circumstances would I be examining the advantages and disadvantages of _that_.

The vampires left the clearing, but I waited until I couldn't smell them anymore before I phased.

_Are you kidding me?_

_There's no way they're telling the truth. (liars all of them)_

_What if they are?_

_They're not._

_But what if they are?_

_We can't let them anywhere near (kimkimkim) the rez, who knows what they'll do-_

_(don't like this don't want to die)_

_So it's all because we ripped up that black-haired leech? Is there anyone who doesn't have a pissed-off __girlfriend?_

_(claireclaireclaire) If we have to kill these Italians and the Cullens at the (claireclaireclaire) same time, then bring it._

_What are we going to do, Sam?_

_What's the next move?_

_Are we really going to meet them?_

_Do you trust them?_

_Yes, tell us your big plan, O Wise Leader. (you're so full of shit don't think __i don't know you)_

_**Quiet**__. _In the sudden silence I was able to pad quietly through the forest, feeling the loam crunch under my paws, swallowing back the part of me that wanted to scream that I didn't _know_ what to do, figure it out for yourselves and _leave me alone_-

_-emilyemilyemily-_

No. Later.

_We'll be here tomorrow evening. _My mental voice was calm and authoritative, the way it needed to be. _All of us. We'll take the training they offer. I'll decide beyond that._

Waves of emotion: surprise, uncertainty, nervousness, anticipation. Relief that their Alpha knew what he was doing.

God, I was tired.

_Leah, Paul, Seth, go home. Quil, Embry, Jared, you're on with me until morning._

_Aye aye, Cap'n._

_Paul, dude, the blonde vamp was checking you out._

_Go for it. (almost hot for a dead thing)_

_What do you think would happen?_

_Jeez, it might freeze off._

_[__cool hands__] Shut up, morons._

At least if they were bickering, they hadn't noticed that their Alpha was making it up as he went.

* * *

By the time the sun had risen, after a long night of mulling over every single scenario I could think of with those bloodsuckers, I was dead on my paws. Twenty-four hours of straight patrol was pushing it even for me.

But when Jacob phased and appeared on the mental map, it was worth it.

_(bellabellabella)_ _Hey, guys! Have a good night?_

Nothing but relaxed, happy, blissful _calm_.

It was the most collected I'd ever felt him.

He'd stopped fighting.

_Beautiful morning, isn't it?_

Jared, Embry, and Quil started laughing. _"Beautiful morning"?_

_Wow. Just... wow._

_Any second now he's gonna start singing about raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens-_

_Shut it, guys. _A hint of embarrassment, but not much. Mostly just ridiculous cheerfulness.

I remembered that feeling. But I couldn't remember if I'd felt it after the first time with Leah, or the first time with Emily.

_So how was it?_

_Details, man!_

A half-second of deep, instinctual feelings only I could see- _(bellabellabella) [__the taste of sweat along a pale shoulder blade__] (__loveyouloveyouloveyou) _-before Jacob's mind shut like a steel trap. Everything disappeared, even from me. _None of your business._

Well. Interesting to feel what he could do when he wasn't using all his energy to fight the imprint. The question was whether he _realized _he wasn't fighting anymore. If he didn't, I certainly wasn't going to enlighten him.

_Well, you won't believe what happened to us._ And without preamble - Jared was a good guy, but he _never _thought more than one step ahead - his mind raced through the images of our meeting with the leeches.

Jacob's thoughts came screeching to a halt.

I mentally groaned. _Thank you, Jared._

_Dude, you're an idiot._

_What? What'd I do?_

_What the hell? _Jacob had stopped; I couldn't feel the air moving against his fur anymore. _You talked to the bloodsuckers? Why didn't you wait for me?_

_Because your priorities were elsewhere. _There was more bitterness in my thoughts than I'd intended.

_Yeah, but-_

_Just wait a second. _I swallowed - still a strange feeling in such a large throat, even after all this time - and organized my memories into something coherent that Jacob could follow. And I let him see what had happened.

_Holy crap_. Jacob's shock reverberated through my mind. _Do you believe them?_

_Yes._ Maybe. _Do you?_

More shock, and I realized Jacob hadn't expected to be consulted. I felt him sort through what he'd just seen, much more efficiently than I'd expected. He was finally putting all of his focus where it _should_ be instead of splitting his energy to fight losing battles. _I... I think they're telling the truth._ _But I'd believe it for sure if it came from the one who screws around with emotions. Jasper._

I blinked. _Why him? _Seemed like he'd be the _least_ trustworthy, being the one who could literally change what was in your head.

_I think he's got something of his own going on_. A flash of a conversation in a parking lot- _"I don't appreciate this, Jasper." "I wouldn't expect you to." _ -and a feeling of hatred mixed with grudging respect. _I don't like him, but I don't think he likes the others._

_I don't think the blond and the big one like the others, either_, Embry threw in. _You should've seen it. It was weird._

_Even the leader didn't like some of it_. Quil skirted dangerously close to the shared memories of Carlisle's talk about Bella, but he backed off before going there. Apparently he was more sensible than Jared. _They're not so together as they act._

It was a lot of information to sort through, and I couldn't sort when I was nearly walking into trees. _All right, I'm going to Emily's. Jacob, you're in charge. Jared, Embry, Quil, you can go home when the others phase._

_(claireclaireclaire) Can I go see-_

_**No**__, _I ordered quickly - but there was a strange overlap. Jacob had issued the same order at the same moment.

Surprise from everyone. Including Jacob himself. _Um, sorry, Sam_.

_That's fine_. I tamped down on my emotions. Not difficult, considering I wasn't sure what they were yet.

Rising anxiety. _Please (claireclaireclaire) I just want to make sure she's okay (claireclaireclaire) she doesn't feel right [__a twirling girl and suffusing adoration same girl sick in bed__] I won't be seen, I promise (claireclaireclaire)-_

_**Go run the length of the river**__, _I commanded. It felt like there were frag grenades going off inside my skull. _**One hundred times. Human form. Now.**_

Exhausted dismay before Quil's mind vanished. But the longing for his imprint echoed.

_(kimkimkim)_

_(bellabellabella)_

-_emilyemilyemily-_

Ugh.

Embry was mentally shaking his head. _You imprint people are weird._

_He makes me nervous, Sam_. Jared's plans had changed in the space of a moment - he'd been thinking of going home, now he would be heading straight to Kim's instead. _I feel it all the time. Are you going to do something about this soon?_

I was already padding towards Emily's. _I'm working on it. _There had to be a solution. Something had to be done before Quil drove the rest of us as crazy as Jacob had.

A wash of guilt. Jacob had picked up on my thoughts. One more thing to keep an eye on.

_Call me if you need me_, I thought just before I phased.

When I walked through the front door Emily took one look at me and pushed me in the direction of the bathroom. I barely managed to make it through a shower without passing out, and I didn't even bother to try to climb up to the loft. I was unconscious almost before my head hit the couch.

* * *

In my dreams I was torn in different directions.

An endless thrumming heartbeat. _(claireclaireclaire) _A little girl with static-y black hair that barely touched her shoulders. A wide grin, a gap between front teeth. Spinning spinning spinning, then the girl fell over - a moment of panic, did she get hurt? - but no, she was just dizzy, giggling at her own silliness, the most adorable sound I'd ever heard. The giggles continued even as the girl turned pale and drawn, staying on the floor, curling into a ball and shivering-

-the giggles turned to chuckles, closer to the sound of a woman than a child. _(kimkimkim) _Rumpled sheets on the bed and a crippling joy. The girl-woman smiled a Mona Lisa smile, so shy with others but never shy with me never shy when doing _this_. A soft hand slid into my lap and the smile grew, the girl-woman not noticing that her face was becoming harder to see, that there was smoke blocking my view of her body and a crackling heat-

-the smile stayed but grew sadder, set in a pale face that looked like it had forgotten how to laugh. _(bellabellabella) _The pale girl picked up a socket wrench and I couldn't tell her it was the wrong one because her fingers brushed mine when she handed it to me and there was some _rightness_ in her touch, not just the rightness I'd been feeling for months but something more that was uncurling deep inside, an expectant darkness I didn't understand. The pale girl blushed, and when she blushed she let go of the wrench and she vanished right in front of my eyes-

-and a woman took her place, soft curves in hips and breasts and stomach which was round and smooth beneath her shirt. _(emilyemilyemily) _When she reached for me I stepped back, filled with emotions I couldn't begin to vocalize. She dropped her hand, then looked down and rubbed her swollen belly tenderly, humming lightly. The most beautiful sight in the world even as the blood began to pour, the fabric of her shirt separating in four long gashes that cut down deep into her flesh, splitting the muscles of her abdomen and a baby cried and my hands were red and sticky-

"Sam?"

I jerked awake with a gasp. Emily was leaning over the couch, her hand over the receiver of her cordless phone. "Sorry," she murmured. A worry line was etched into her forehead. "Billy Black's on the phone. He says it's important."

My mouth was dry; my tongue stuck to my lips when I tried to wet them. "What time is it?"

"About six-thirty."

Damn. I'd been out for almost nine hours. I couldn't afford to do things like that. I _hadn't_ done anything like that in months. "Right. Okay. Thanks." I took the phone and resisted the urge to rub my eyes like a child. "Billy?"

"Sam." The voice on the other end of the line had a strange tone. "Is Bella Swan there?"

_Always_ that girl. _Always_. "No," I said curtly.

"You're sure?"

I managed not to roll my eyes, but it was a near thing. Too disrespectful even if the Elder couldn't see me. "Pretty sure." I covered the receiver with my hand and called into the kitchen, "Sweetheart, Bella's not here, right?"

"Not unless she's in the garden weeding."

"She's not here," I relayed to Billy. "Why?"

A long pause from the phone, and then Billy said, "Charlie called. She's not at home. He doesn't know where she is."

Oh.

I sat up quickly, the last fuzziness of sleep vanishing. "What do you mean?"

"I mean Bella's missing. At least according to Charlie. He says she spent the night with a friend and the friend dropped her off, but he got home at two and there was no sign of her. She's not answering her cell."

My stomach dropped and I swore. Creatively. "She didn't leave a note or anything?"

"No. But her backpack was in the front yard." A long pause. "Given what Charlie says was in it, she probably wouldn't have left it out in the open. It's not a good sign."

Shudders and tremors began to run through my body. _Carlisle_. That bloodsucking son of a bitch was _dead_. "And Charlie thinks, what, that we kidnapped her?"

"We're on the list." Billy was pretty good at hiding his emotions - much, much better than his son was - but he couldn't hide everything. The dread was audible. "I had to remind him several times that he doesn't have a right to come here and start busting in doors. He's got no evidence and no jurisdiction, but I don't think that will stop him for long. He wants Jacob."

Jesus Christ. _Jacob_.

I jumped off the couch, hanging up the phone without a _Goodbye_ and tossed it aside.

"What's wrong?" Emily asked as she came out of the kitchen.

"Nothing. Don't worry." I stripped off my pants and tied them quickly to my leg. "Stay by the phone though, okay? If you hear from Bella, call Billy."

Her eyes widened, and her worry stabbed at my chest. "Is she okay?"

Probably not. "Yeah," I lied, kissing her on the cheek. "I just need to talk to her."

"All right..."

I closed the front door and phased as I jumped off the porch, streaking into the woods at top speed. _Jacob, where are you?_

I expected to be crushed by waves of fury; I expected to feel a huge distance between myself and the red wolf, probably twenty miles or more. I expected to look through his eyes and see the bloodsuckers' house burning.

Instead, only bemusement. _I'm down by the river. (bellabellabella) What's up?_

He was still on our land.

What the hell?

_Thank God you're back. _Paul's irritation, laced with a sort of depressed resignation, seeped into my ribcage. _If I have to listen to one more minute of Jacob's good mood I'm gonna rip his throat out._

_You're just jealous_. Nothing but cheerfulness. Still.

_[__cool hands__] (no stop it no point) Jealous? Of you? Please. Keep the skinny little leech-lover. (doesn't matter fucking imprinting)_

_I told you not to call her that._

_(so sick of this crap) Grand Poobah, may I respectfully request that the Beta be quarantined until this disgusting display of optimism wears off? I think I preferred him emo._

_I think it's cool. _Seth's mood was almost as good as Jacob's. _I like it better when Jacob's happy._

_Fine then. The __Fuehrers of the Bloodsucker World are coming to rip us to pieces, but hell, __let's all throw a party 'cause Jacob got laid._

_**Knock it off**__. _The others obeyed the order instantly - Jacob's order, not mine. _Sam, is it time to switch? (bellabellabella) A couple hours of crashing before tonight would be good. Haven't slept in awhile._

_I... no. No, sorry, it's not time. I just..._

_Huh?_

_Nothing. See you in a few hours._ And I phased back, hitting the forest floor on my hands and knees. The scar in my side burned like acid.

How could he not know?

Was it all a mistake? Maybe Bella had just gone off for the day to shop in Port Angeles or party in Seattle or something-

No. The backpack in her front yard.

_How could he not know?_

Was she not upset? I tried to focus on my own imprint-

_-emilyemilyemily-_

-I'd always known if she was upset, but had I ever noticed physical distance? I couldn't know; Emily had never _gone_ anywhere. Emily rarely even left the house. I always knew where she was.

If she wasn't upset...

...maybe Bella had left of her own free will? Maybe the bloodsuckers had told her the same thing they'd told us and _she'd_ taken them up on their offer of protection?

Possible.

But it didn't feel right. There was no reason to doubt Bella's devotion to Jacob. She wouldn't leave without at least saying something. She would have told him, and she didn't. He didn't know. They had to have done something to her.

_Jacob didn't know._

Positives: Jacob doesn't lose his mind. Jacob doesn't lose everyone _else's _minds. The Pack stays focused while we deal with the Italian bloodsuckers. I'd have time to figure out where Bella was and, if necessary, kill Carlisle myself.

Negatives: He'd be better at finding Bella than I would. The longer it took him to find out, the worse it would be when he did. But if it could be kept from him for long enough, just a few days...

I struggled to my feet. My body ached, even after a long day of sleep, but my mind was clear.

There was the big picture to consider. I had to think of the whole Pack. Everyone's safety. The greater good.

I wasn't going to tell Jacob a damn thing.

* * *

_**Coming Soon**__: Cover Your Weaknesses_

_**Sanity Update**__: Yes. I said __loam._

_Have wound up in a bit of an interesting place with this fic: namely, that getting into the heads of these characters is stressing me the fuck out. (It SUCKS to be Sam.) So I had to make a call: either stay on hiatus until I was sure I'd have the __wherewithal to make it through the rest of the fic at a regular clip, or come out of hiatus immediately and give up regular updates. Went with the latter, since the former might never come. FotS will continue, but not with regular Wednesday updates. But the gaps shouldn't be too long between chapters. Just need to take a mental health day in between rougher scenes. (Which is also a good time to go write a drabble or two about AU!JakeandBells.) Sorry about the wait, sorry about the inconsistency, but hopefully inconsistency is better than i__ndefinite hiatus._

_Many thanks to **mera_naam_joker **and **grrlinterrupted**, who talked me down off the ledge for this chapter. The (temporary) new summary is for **mintiflower**, who won Third Place in the TATS Best Worst Summary contest. And for anyone who hasn't been to listen yet, check out **gypseian**'s podfic of this story. The audio of the Packmind is perfect and arguably easier to understand than the written version. http:/ gypseian (dot) tumblr (dot) com (slash) post (slash) 3085261977 (slash) fots  
_


	14. Author's Note: We're Back!

_**A/N**_: Hi there again, my darlings. I am pleased to announce that, in spite of all odds, _The Fire of the Sun_is back and shall be completed.

No, really.

I want to be absolutely, one hundred percent clear, because she's going to try to be all shy and humble: _**This story would never have been finished without ****Mera Naam Joker**_. I was prepared to outright hide under a rock from the entire fandom, but she saved me. (Credit for this also goes to **Naranwien**, who was scheduled to co-author but tragically had to move house and country in the midst of things. Love you too, sweetie.) I made the outline, and I did the editing, but **_Mera wrote the words_**. Everything good about this story is hers. (Everything bad about it is mine. Anyone who hates where the plot goes from here is to hold me, and me alone, accountable.) And you know what else Mera did, because she's crazy smarter than me? _She wrote all the chapters before preparing to post_, unlike how I do it, which is haphazardly writing by the seat of my pants and flouncing.

Catching the theme yet? **_Mera Naam Joker is an angel_**. Please go read her lovely stories, and if you're happy FotS is continuing, please drop her a PM. I myself plan to mail a basket of adorable kittens just as soon as I figure out the postage.

Also, I would be greatly remiss if thanks did not go to beta goddess **Hoochie Mama**, who waded knee-deep into the insanity and found where the words made no damn sense, even going above and beyond the call of duty to learn American idioms. Hats off, my lovely.

Update scheduling shall return to the days of yore: Sundays and Wednesdays. With a little luck, we'll be done by the end of the year.

* * *

_**Recap**_: Remember what was going on? Hell, I barely do. The clearest approach to things would probably be to go back and read both The Movement of the Earth and this fic from the beginning; that, however, is obviously both time consuming and a pain in the ass. Therefore, here's a handy-dandy little summary of what's happened so far:

Jacob imprinted on Bella. There was much angst. The Cullens came back, intending to protect Bella from the various dangerous positions she now found herself in, including being the imprint of a werewolf. There was more angst. Bella and Jacob tried to have a genuine romance within an imprint-fueled werewolf romance, to a moderate if angsty degree of success. Alice kidnapped Bella. Bella passed out too quickly for there to be angst.

Meanwhile, Sam was being driven not-so-slowly crazy by the demands of his Alpha position. There was much angst. Carlisle informed the Pack that the Volturi were on their way to kill the werewolves. This led to anger, not angst. Sam found out Bella had been kidnapped, but decided not to tell Jacob. And there was heaps of angst.

Everyone up to speed? Excellent.


	15. Cover Your Weaknesses

_we open the latch on the gate / of the hole that we call our home  
Placebo, "Protect Me From What I Want"_

**11. Cover Your Weaknesses**

* * *

_(claireclaireclaire there's something wrong i can feel it) Sam, I have to go see her!_

_(kimkimkim no stop that's not me) Sam, can't you get Emily to do something about this?_

_Yeah. Emily should **definitely** do something about this. (so disgusting goddamn imprinting always imprinting) (sorry leah i know you don't understand) Hey, Mighty Alpha, why does Seth have to be here if he's not going to fight?_

_I can fight, Sam! (i think maybe not better than running away)_

_Sam, how long is this going to take? (no sleep so tired so worth it) [smooth breasts and giggling]_

_So, Sam, a bloodsucker's going to teach us how to kill bloodsuckers. No conflict of interest there. I'd take advice from Jacob's leech lover before I'd trust them. [cool hands] (you're doing good paul shutupshutup)_

_Maybe you should considering she's killed as many vampires as you have, Paul. (bellabellabella so fucked up going to work with the leeches so wrong touches her again and i'll) [a black empty spot and a lot of rage] _

At least Jacob wasn't being a pain in my ass. For once._ Quil, you have to wait. Jared, I'll talk to Emily and see what I can do._ Like maybe duck really fast once I asked, because I was pretty sure Emily would chase _me _with a broom when I did. _Leah, he's here because bigger numbers give us the psychological advantage. Seth, I'm sure you'll do fine._ And because if worse came to worst he should at least be able to defend himself. _Paul, let's just see what he has to say before we dismiss it. Embry, I don't know how long it will take. Jacob, don't..._

_Don't what?_

I sighed. _Nothing._

We were on our way to the clearing. It made me nervous to not have any patrols on the perimeter, but I didn't see any choice; the Pack mind couldn't transfer the knowledge of how a body moved in combat. That was something that needed to be experienced, like riding a bike instead of reading about it in a book, and Leah, Quil, and Seth had never actually _fought_ a vampire before. And it wasn't like everyone else had done much more than rip up the black-haired bloodsucker and chase down the red-head. Everyone needed more training before we leapt into this mess.

Even if the training came from leeches.

As we drew close the stench washed over on the breeze, and all our hackles involuntarily rose in response. It grew worse when we emerged into open area and saw the Cullens standing there.

Minus the psychic.

Gee, wonder where _she_ could be.

"Good evening," Carlisle Cullen greeted us, waiting until we all were in his view before speaking. "Edward has volunteered his services as translator tonight so you won't need to transform."

Wonderful. I trusted his 'son' even less than I did the rest of them. I directed a pointed glare at the dead thing and focused on one thought alone: _Was it your idea?_

He caught my expression, and a hint of discomposure - and defensiveness - flickered over his moody face.

I had my answer.

The others didn't. I could feel their general curiosity, but it faded into the background when the leech directed a glower at Jacob. Jacob glared back, a snarl building in his throat and his barely leashed rage filling my mind.

_Jacob, cut it out. _When he ignored me, I sighed and changed my request to an order. _**Jacob, stop staring at Edward.**_

At the same time, Carlisle said quietly, "Edward, we're here to work together."

"All right." With obvious reluctance, Edward looked back at me and asked, "Are you amenable to Carlisle's suggestion?"

What - oh. Him translating. _Sure, whatever._

"Sam? Are you?" Now he looked hopelessly confused.

What was his problem? _I said sure. Okay. Fine. Translate away._

"How can you _function _like that?" the leech demanded, and to my surprise he looked at Jared, Quil, and Jacob in turn. "All of you - your minds are completely circular, they spiral _constantly _- who is 'Claire'?"

Quil snarled. _(leech doesn't get to think of her doesn't get to see) [__gap-toothed smile twirling skirt uncomplicated joy__]_

_**Shut up, Quil. **_Okay. Imprinted thoughts were hard to understand, apparently.

Advantage: The bloodsucker couldn't read my mind.

Disadvantage: The bloodsucker couldn't read my mind.

_Paul?_ I thought.

_Yeah. I'm on it._

Edward's face cleared as he looked at Paul. "That's much better. Thank you."

Paul snorted. _Go fuck yourself_.

Edward frowned disapprovingly, and I rolled my eyes. _Paul, if you're going to be spokeswolf, play nice. Otherwise I'll give the job to Embry._

_But I think he should go fuck himself too._

Great.

"Because I'm most familiar with the Volturi, I'll give you a brief synopsis of their major players and their powers," Carlisle began. I had a vague recollection of taking notes in biology class what felt like a million years ago. "First, there's Aro. He's the overall leader. Like Edward, he's a telepath, but his ability is dependent on touch. And unlike Edward, when he touches you, he can read every thought you've ever had, not just what you're thinking at the moment. Every memory, every impression, whether conscious or unconscious, is available to him."

Quil snorted. _So don't let him hold your hand (claireclaireclaire) if you don't want him to find out the candy bar from the convenience store._

_-what a joke-_

_-I could be with Kim (kimkimkim) now instead of listening to this crap-_

_-rip his head off, see if you can read his mind then-_

_**At least pretend you're paying attention.**_

Silence. Internally, anyway. Carlisle was still talking. "...So Caius will ensure that the elements do whatever is favorable for the Volturi's plans, especially given his hatred for your kind.

"Marcus can sense relationships."

I hadn't been specific enough. Instantly the mental commentary erupted again.

_Relationships? (bellabellabella) Really?_

_(kimkimkim) How does that do anything?_

_So basically he can read your diary and tell everyone who you've been crushing on. Watch out, world. (sorry leah i know you don't understand) Hey, Embry, maybe he can tell you-_

_Leah, you're so pathetic, you think I don't know [face in a mirror same chin or nose?] what you're trying to do?_

_(claireclaireclaire) (old quil lecturing responsibility heritage all the time all the time)_

_**Stop talking to each other and listen.**_

"Next we have the twins, Alec and Jane. Do _not _be fooled by their youthful appearance; they're both very old and very powerful. Alec can cause his opponents to exist in a state of total sensory deprivation."

_Why the hell can't he talk like a normal person? What does that even mean?_

_For God's sake, Jared, it's not so damn hard to understand. I know we had to drop out of school but that doesn't mean that we get to be morons._

_Shut up, Paul._

_**Bickering counts as talking!**_

"It means you can't see, hear, smell, taste, or feel anything," Edward explained directly to Jared, a smug smile on his face.

For once, we were united in one thought: _Fucking prick._

The smile disappeared.

"Jane, on the other hand, can manipulate a person's mind to believe he or she is experiencing terrible pain. No physical damage is sustained, but the experience is excruciating, from what I've witnessed."

I reflected for a moment on what a truly _wonderful_ doctor Carlisle Cullen was. 'Do no harm' apparently meant 'ignore it if someone else is doing the harm.'

"Demetri is a tracker. He can find anyone in the world once he's been in close proximity with his or her mind. Renata is a shield for Aro. She stays close to him at all times so that she can protect him by confusing the attacker with her powers, who ends up redirected and forgets he was attacking in the first place."

Now _that _actually sounded threatening.

I tuned into the others more purposefully and got their impressions: the vampires sounded ridiculous. Whatever; we'd taken out the nomad with no problem, right? Maybe these Volturi seemed scary to their _own _kind, but they were nothing but cold, animated stone, made to be torn apart by us. I sensed the Pack's agreement with that sentiment wash over me, a feeling of certainty and smugness-

-and then the one called Jasper stepped forward. He looked like he'd rather be anywhere but here, but he also looked pretty pissed off. "From what I understand," he said crisply, as though he were giving a speech to troops, "one nomadic vampire with a grudge tied y'all in knots for weeks. So if I were you and I wanted to keep my fur on my bones, I'd listen to what I have to say."

The scar in my side ached suddenly, and the smug feeling in the Pack died down. He had a point.

Jasper took over the presentation, keeping his comments short and to the point, describing the most vulnerable sides and angles of attack ("and by vulnerable, I mean the most assailable, not 'easy'"). Then he motioned Edward forward to demonstrate, and a couple of times I could've sworn their faked combat looked real.

A satisfied noise came from Jacob as Edward hit the ground for the third time. _Hey Sam, can I-_

_No._

After Jasper was done pretending to wipe the floor with Edward, he split everyone up into groups to practice - making an obvious point to pair Jacob with the doctor's wife and Edward with Leah. Satisfied that nothing horrible was about to happen in the next three minutes, I phased back to human form, pulled on my cutoffs, and found the doctor.

"Sam," he said with a welcoming smile.

"Can I speak to you privately?" I asked, trying not to growl. Filthy two-faced leech.

"Of course."

The instant we stepped out of earshot of the others, I had him by the collar of his stupid sweater, slammed up against a tree. "_Where... is... Bella... Swan_?" I snarled, with a shake of his clothes to go with every word.

He held up his too-smooth hands in a gesture of surrender. "I'm sorry. I'm as unhappy about this as you."

"The _hell _you are!"

"I truly apologize, Sam. For what it's worth, I was not part of this plan." He seemed pretty uncomfortable with admitting that, too. "I don't know where Bella is, exactly, but she's with Alice, who loves her like a sister. I have no doubt she'll be perfectly safe."

"Bullshit." I got as close to his face as I could stand. "Give her back, _now_, before Jacob finds out and all hell breaks loose."

"I hope it won't come to that." Carlisle looked intrigued. "I must confess, I'm surprised you're keeping it from him."

I let go of his sweater and backed off a little so I could avoid his eyes. "I have to think of the greater good," I said. I hoped I sounded more confident than I felt. "When one of us is freaked out, it has the same effect on all the rest. If he loses control, everyone else will too. They won't be able to help it."

Bella fucking Swan. Everything that made my life hard started and ended with her.

When I glanced back at the doctor, he looked _pleased_. "See?" he said, nodding. "You understand my position perfectly. Edward is the same way. My son cannot function if Bella Swan is in danger."

"My _brother _can't function if Bella Swan is _missing._"

Carlisle shook his head. I could hear the stone of his vertebrae grinding together. "And who is more important to surviving the next few days?" His tone was reasonable. "Jacob seems to be very talented, but he can't read minds. Edward can. We have to be honest with ourselves - who do we need more in this coming battle?"

I had no intention of listening to what he was saying. Even if there was logic behind it.

He went on, "Bella must be kept far from the Volturi. They do _not_ accept humans knowing about vampires and they would kill her instantly. Had she been in town, Edward would have been too fearful for her safety to focus."

Uh-huh. I was real worried about his fake son and his focus problems. They had _no idea _what being separated from an imprint could do to one of us. "Jacob is going to lose his mind, do you understand?" I managed between gritted teeth. "And I'm not just throwing those words around, you son of a bitch. He is going to _lose his mind, _just because your 'son' has anxiety issues."

Carlisle smiled sadly. "If you had children," he said, "you would understand."

Emily's face flashed in my mind and cold flooded through my body. I didn't know I was going to say it till I heard the words come out of my mouth with total conviction: "When this is all over, I'm going to kill you."

"I can certainly understand your position," he replied graciously.

I walked away before I could phase and take his head off. Somehow I didn't think that would help matters - but it would've felt really good.

Note to self: when killing the doctor, don't bother being in a hurry about it.

* * *

We trained until I knew we would all be repeating the drills in our sleep. By the end of the session, the overall mood had turned grim. Jasper had been able to make clear what Carlisle couldn't: vampires weren't exactly an easy target. We had been designed to take down the occasional nomad as a group, not to enter into an actual battle against several at once. Even with the doctor's coven on our side, this could go really badly.

At least the others waited until we were sure Edward was out of range before they started throwing questions at me.

_Sam, this is going to be way worse than we thought, isn't it? Worse than the redhead. [smell of blood acid in throat cool hands on neck] (you're doing good shut up shutup)_

_(claireclaireclaire keep her safe what's wrong gotta check) We can take them, right? [tiny girl sick listless fever cold]_

_(kimkimkim keep her safe) How long did he say we have again?_

_[a body hitting the floor] (not seth not mom not seth) [a toddler in a crib]_

_(bellabellabella keep her safe) The advantage is to us... probably... except for the twins. (i'm good with weird)_

_(wish i was bigger stronger taller hadn't had this happen) [a body hitting the floor]_

_(i could die not knowing) How bad do you think this is gonna get? [image in the mirror at a new angle]_

_It's going to be all right, _I reassured them all, thankful for the seven thousandth time that none of them could read what was under my words. _We're stronger than they know, and now we've been trained by their own. Advantage is to us, every time. They're just a bunch of dead people. We're here to finish the job._ That seemed to help; a sense of calm, if not confidence, settled through the group. _Jacob, Quil, Jared, Embry, you're on patrol. Seth, do your history paper. The rest of you, get some sleep._

I had to give Leah some credit; at least she waited till the others phased out to do the same and speak to me. "Let me talk to you alone."

I phased back too, pulling up my shorts, though she hadn't gotten dressed and didn't look away. It felt like an insult. I _knew _it was an insult.

She shook her head at me, smirking with disdain. "You're full of shit, Sam Uley. You don't have the slightest idea what you're doing."

"Leah, it's like I said-"

"Please. I _know _you. Don't think I don't know you."

I never thought that.

"Listen. I don't want Seth within a mile of this Volturi thing." She stepped closer. Her expression was serious now. "Put me on the front lines; l can fight enough for both of us. I don't care. Just don't make him go."

The only thing I could do to make Leah happy was to relieve Seth of as much wolf-related responsibility as I could. Still, we might need numbers more than anything. "I'll do what I can, Leah."

"That's not good enough," she snapped. "He's just a kid. He's all my mom has left."

"She has you," I tried, but she gave me a look so heavy with contempt that I shut down that line of conversation. "Leah, it's not my fault he's one of us."

"Right. Nothing's _ever _your fault, is it, Sam?"

I wanted Emily so badly my whole body ached, and it wasn't just Quil who was making me feel that way. "Yeah, Leah. Nothing's ever my fault. We done here?"

"Oh, I'd say we've been done for a while now, wouldn't you?"

I let her have the last word, because it seemed like I had everything else.

-_emilyemilyemily-_-

I got home and crept to the bedroom, avoiding the squeaky boards as I went. Emily was already asleep. When I crawled in next to her she moved closer without waking, but her hand went to her belly instead of to me.

I'd expected to pass out the moment my head hit the pillow, but for once I couldn't. Too many voices wanting too many people they couldn't have.

* * *

In the morning, as I sat down to eat the pot of oatmeal Emily had ready, a knock at the door interrupted me. Emily opened the door and stood aside to let Jacob duck in.

"Hey, Emily. Hey, Sam." He smiled, but it wasn't at all genuine. He sat down for a second, and almost instantly got back up and paced around the kitchen. His fingers drummed restlessly over everything he touched.

Emily murmured some excuse about checking the garden. As soon as the door closed behind her, Jacob begged, "_Please _let him go see her."

No need to specify who he meant. I could hear it as clearly as if Quil stood next to me jabbering "Claire Claire Claire" right in my ear.

Jacob did another turn around the kitchen, then stood next to the counter, picking things up and putting them down again as if he didn't even feel them in his hands. "It's driving me nuts," he said. "It's making me worry about Bella all the time. I can't think about _anything_ else and it's because he wants Claire so bad."

At least he still thought it was because of Quil. "Go back on patrol," I told him, shoveling the last of the oatmeal into my mouth so I wouldn't have to look him in the face.

"Can I go see Bella, then?"

"_No_," I said quickly. Jacob gave me a strange look, and I added, "Someone's got to keep things in line while I go check with the Council about this Volturi stuff. And I'll ask them about Quil, all right?"

"You just want to go to my dad's and see if he's got any coffee," Jake retorted, but he sort of smiled when he said it.

Better than nothing.

* * *

Billy didn't have to hear much before he called Old Quil and Sue Clearwater to come over - and then he actually _did _give me some coffee as he dialed. It was weak and bitter but that was better than nothing, too.

Once he hung up with Sue, Billy wheeled over to the table and gave me one of his looks - the kind that was meant to make you start talking freely and randomly until you ran out of words. I resisted the urge to bite my tongue. "How are things going, Sam? I know you've got a lot on your plate right now."

I wanted to laugh in his face but instead I shrugged. "Nothing I can't handle."

"The new additions to the Pack making shifts easier?"

Now I did laugh. "Not really, no."

"Is Jacob still holding up?"

"Kind of. For now."

There was a beat, then: "How's Embry?"

Lifting my head, I saw that he was examining me with a kind of painful intensity. "Embry? He's okay, I guess." When his mom wasn't screaming her head off at him and Leah wasn't giving him shit about who his real dad might be.

"You're sure?" Billy persisted.

"Yeah, he's..." I frowned, confused, but then the _real dad_ thing and the look on Billy's face converged into one thought and-

-well, great. I filed _that _in the "Shit I Don't Have Time to Deal With Right Now" folder and closed the drawer.

A few seconds later, Old Quil came straight in without bothering to knock. "Billy," he grumbled, settling heavily into the most padded of the mismatched chairs. Everything Old Quil said, from "Pass the salt" to "this is the tale of Dokibatt the Transformer," sounded like grumbling. He was ancient, though, so he had earned the right.

Sue followed hard on his heels, shutting the door after she came in. "Hi," she told us all, giving a general nod before she sat next to Billy. He fixed her coffee without asking how she took it - they'd been friends since they were born - and then gave Old Quil some tea.

Billy broke the silence. "Charlie's tearing Forks apart looking for Bella, and he keeps calling, threatening to come down here and do the same. We're just lucky that he's focused on the vampires - for now, anyway. At the moment they seem to be higher on his list of suspects."

I found myself hoping that the chief would somehow bust into the Cullen basement and find his daughter bound and gagged down there. Hey, a guy could dream.

"Let him come," Old Quil said, scowling. "He can drive around until he turns blue in the face for all I care, but there's not a damn thing he can _do_. He has no jurisdiction here."

"The mood he's in, I can see him hauling Sam here off to jail," Billy warned. "Jurisdiction or not."

"Bella Swan is more trouble than she's worth." Old Quil's scowl grew even more impressive. "This whole thing has been suspicious from the very beginning. She's not one of us. Billy, are you _sure _your boy really imprinted on a white girl?"

Billy sighed, burying his face in his hands. Sue rolled her eyes. Clearly this had come up before, and often.

I decided to take the question. "_I'm _sure. I can see inside his head. It's exactly the same as Jared's and mine." _Exactly the same as your grandson's on a toddler, _I wanted to add, but it seemed petty. Not to mention I agreed with him about Bella ninety percent of the time.

He subsided, muttering about tribal leaders and losing our heritage, but Sue said, "That's a non-issue as far as I'm concerned. What I'm worried about is that Charlie might come here and do something stupid when we need the Pack focused."

"And believe me, we need them focused right now." I saw my opportunity and dived into the explanation of the Volturi. They all looked surprised, then concerned, then grave as I ran through the list of the bloodsuckers' powers. I wrapped up with, "So do any of you have some advice?" Please for the love of God have some advice. I was _so sick _of pretending I knew what to do.

They stared at me. Finally Old Quil spoke, and in a tone that brooked no argument. "_You_ are Alpha, Sam Uley. It is _your _job to lead."

I hoped my frustration wasn't too obvious in my expression, given that it was eating me from the inside out. "Do you have an _opinion_, then," I said, keeping my voice controlled, "on whether I should tell Jacob that Bella's gone?"

"You've got to keep it from him," Billy replied instantly.

Sue nodded, reluctance clear on her face. "I know it's hard, and dishonest, but we can't afford to lose Jake right now."

"It'd be better if the girl never came back," Old Quil said in that supposed-to-be-but-not-really undertone he used when he wanted everyone to know he disapproved of something. "If she had never come here in the first place half our problems would be gone."

"Excuse us." Billy directed a pointed glare at Old Quil and motioned towards the kitchen. Sue and I got out of the way quickly as the two men left the room; I could hear the arguing starting before the door swung closed. We looked at each other awkwardly.

Sue had liked me,once upon a time, before I dumped her daughter for no good reason. But now she was on the Council and knew about imprinting; that had cut down on the hostile glares whenever we crossed paths, but it was still... uncomfortable. "So," she said in the tones of someone searching for a safe topic, "how is Emily these days?"

-_emilyemilyemily-_-

_Pissed off at me. Pregnant. Depressed. _"She's fine. Fine." I wasn't sure if the pregnancy thing was something I should announce, or if we were supposed to send out cards - didn't people send cards? - or something else "special" and complicated, but right now I didn't feel like telling my ex-girlfriend's mom that I had knocked up her niece.

Which reminded me that I was going to have to tell _my _mom. I didn't even want to consider what she'd say, except I was pretty sure I already knew. For that matter, I needed to stop in and make sure her electricity hadn't been cut off yet. And get some groceries for her and Emily, and mow the lawn, and-

"Are you two doing something special next weekend? Any big plans?"

I blinked. "Huh? What's next weekend?"

There was a beat, then pity and dismay warred for control of Sue's expression. "Your _birthday_, Sam. Twenty-one is kind of a milestone. You should do something nice for yourself."

I was so _tired._ "What day is today again?"

Before Sue could answer, loud, insistent thumping started up at the front door. I reached over and swung it open - and looked down. _Way_ down. On the porch stood a short, curly-headed white girl.

The white girl's eyes got big as she stared at me. "Is this Jacob Black's house?" she demanded. "I checked in at the store and they said I wanted the place with the big garage."

"Yes..."

"Are you one of Jacob's brothers?"

"In a manner of speaking," I answered slowly. What was this?

"_Whoa. _Bella wasn't lying. I _so _want to come to one of your parties." She stepped across the threshold without waiting for an invitation and said bluntly: "I'm Jessica. I just stopped by to find out if Bella's here or if she and Jacob, like, ran off to Vegas or something stupid like that."

"Why would you think she was here?" Billy demanded from the kitchen table.

"Oh, _please_," she scoffed. "Look, I know she was with Jacob the other night 'watching movies' and... and, um, I guess _you_ didn't know that, did you," she added as Billy's face darkened. "Oops."

Billy muttered something that made Sue glare at him and say, "Don't come looking to me for sympathy. _I_ had to deal with _Leah_."

I scratched the back of my neck and avoided her eyes.

"Well, _any_way," said Jessica, apparently annoyed to have lost the attention of the room, "Chief Swan's all over the place looking for Bella 'cause no one's seen her. So, seriously, is she hiding out here with Jacob? She was all shmoopy and stuff when I dropped her off, so I was thinking she might have-"

"No," I said. "She hasn't been here, and she's not here now."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Oh, crap." Jessica gnawed on her lower lip. "I already told her dad that she was with me on prom night. I didn't want to rat her out or anything... so she's actually _missing?_"

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Looks that way," I said reluctantly, wishing not for the first time - nor, I imagined, the last - that I was leading a different, less complicated life.

The girl looked genuinely worried now. "Well, in _that_ case, I better call the police station and tell them the truth. There's kind of a fine line between estrogen solidarity and obstruction of justice... can I borrow a phone? Cell reception is crap out here, I don't know how you all _survive._"

"No," I interposed, fast. "Listen, I'll handle it. There's no need for you to get involved. It's not going to make any difference anyway."

She drew back, suspicion making her nose scrunch up and forehead wrinkle. "Right. It's totally _no big deal _that she disappeared right after she spent the night with your brother. Look, just because Bella and I haven't always been BFFs doesn't mean I'm not gonna _care_ that she's been kidnapped or black bagged or whatever-"

"_What?_"

Shit.

We hadn't closed the door, but really, it wouldn't have made any difference. Jacob and Embry were already nearly on the steps. _"Whoa,"_I heard Jessica whisper, and she flashed an appreciative smile at Embry - which he definitely noticed.

That didn't matter. My attention was on the powder keg about to explode in the front yard. "Jacob," I tried to order, "_**calm down and come inside**_."

It was no use. I could feel Jacob's mind as clearly as if it was my own, reaching down the imprint tether to tug on his awareness of Bella, then the shockwave of realization that the silence he'd been hearing wasn't because she was _okay_, it was because she wasn't _there_-

-and he phased, right in front of _everyone_. Scraps of his clothes raining down all around us as Jessica screamed, Sue and Billy shouted, and Embry swore loudly.

Then Jacob was sprinting flat-out in the direction of Forks. I just had the presence of mind to remove my shoes and shorts while I yelled, "Embry, handle the girl!" before leaping off the porch. I transformed as I hit the ground running.

Chaos instantly surrounded me.

_(BELLA!BELLA!BELLA!)_

_(kimkimkim) Jacob, what happened? (kimkimBELLABELLABELLA)_

_(BELLA!BELLA!BELLA!)_

_(claireclaireclaire gotta see her something's wrong BELLABELLABELLA)_

_(BELLA!BELLA!BELLA!)_

_Christ, what did the stupid little (BELLABELLABELLA) What in-_

_(BELLA!BELLA!BELLA!)_

_Do something, Sam, before I (BELLABELLABELLA)-_

Everyone was reeling, unable to think anything else but Jacob's thoughts. His voice was always the loudest, and he was beyond reason. _**Everyone else phase out**__, _I ordered, _**now!**_

The other panicked voices dropped out of my head. With a massive effort, I managed to focus through Jacob's eyes, avoiding trees around me through pure instinct, and saw with a chill that he was way too close to the boundary line.

_(BELLA!BELLA!BELLA!)_

_Jacob, _I called, _you have to stop, you're too close, you're-_

_-emilyemilyBELLABELLA-_

Goddammit. I pulled on every bit of willpower I had. _**Stay inside the boundary line, Jacob! **_

The rebound headache hit me like a railroad spike between the eyes, and I heard a keening animal noise in my throat as I stumbled over my own paws.

It worked, though; I felt him pull up short just before leaving our lands. It wasn't technically an order to stay away from his imprint, and he couldn't concentrate enough to fight me. I continued to head in his direction, trying to think around the pain in my skull.

Positives: There was no further need to hide Bella's disappearance from him. He might fight all the harder if he thought it would help get her back.

Negatives: Too many to list.

Finally, I caught up to him. He was pacing along the exact edge of the boundary line, whining and pawing at the dirt. _Sam, I can't feel her. I can't find her! (BELLA!BELLA!BELLA!)_

I had to be impressed with the little self-control Jacob was holding on to. Trotting up next to him, I bumped him with my muzzle. For once, he crouched down, ears flattened; my brother was lost, and he needed reassurance from someone older and in charge. And I would give it to him. That was my job. _Listen, Jake, it's okay. Bella's fine. You'd know if she wasn't._

_But what happened to her? Jessica said- Bells wouldn't- Charlie is- _The wolf's sides were heaving for breath. _She wouldn't just leave!_

_Jacob, listen to me-_

_You heard Jessica, same as I did! (BELLA!BELLA!BELLA!) Kidnapped or black bagged or whatever-_

_Jacob, __**stop**_**. **I tried to hide my relief; Jacob still didn't realize anyone else had known about Bella. He thought Jessica had told me. Thank God, because him realizing the truth was the last thing I needed._ Listen. We're going to figure this out. I promise we're going to figure this out. But you've got to __**stay inside the boundary line and hold yourself together**_, _or all hell will break loose. Think of the Pack, Jake. They need you. And... _I tried to think up something else, something comforting... _And after all, you never felt her get upset, right? Maybe she just decided to go off on her own for some weird reason. _

It could've happened. The little psychic could've convinced her to hide out till the whole Volturi thing blew over.

And then Bella just decided to leave a backpack full of condoms in her front yard as a joke.

Sure.

_(BELLA!BELLABELLAbella) Okay. Okay. _The red wolf continued to pace, staring out into the woods fretfully, but at least he seemed to be breathing again. _You're right. She's okay. (bellabellabella) She has to be okay, I would- I'd know if- (bellabellabella) and it's- you and me, we're going to get her back, right?_

_That's right._

I was going to just keep on making this up until it got easier.

* * *

**_Coming Soon_**_: Be Yourself_

_**Sanity Update, Mera Edition: **Hi. *awkward wave* Audrey said I have to do these, so I'd like to take this opportunity to state that her Sam is about ten times more depressing than my Sam, which prior to writing this I wouldn't have thought possible, and that after writing this chapter I OD'd on Nikita episodes on Instant Viewing so I wouldn't have to keep thinking about him. That is all._

_All the hugs to HoochieMomma for beta'ing this and keeping me from throwing myself off the nearest cliff._


	16. Be Yourself

_become the bruise and the blow / we will become, become  
Iron & Wine, "Your Fake Name Is Good Enough For Me"_

**12. Be Yourself**

* * *

_(claireclaireclaire)_

_(bellabellabella)_

_(claireclaireclaire)_

_(bellabellabella)_

I couldn't remember the last time I'd slept.

I'd ordered Quil and Jacob not to phase for the time being. They had been driving the remainder of the Pack crazy. Not as in, _You're so annoying please shut up _crazy, but rather _I literally can't hear anything except your obsession _crazy. Jared in particular had been so scrambled by the empathetic imprint pulls that now couldn't stand to be away from Kim for longer than three hours at a stretch. But at least Quil and Jacob's calls were muted while they were human, which gave everyone else a break from the madness.

_I _couldn't escape the voices that easily. They were _always there_, pulling at my mind and screaming in my head.

_(claireclaireclaire)_

_(bellabellabella)_

_(claireclaireclaire)_

_(bellabellabella)_

I didn't even have to reach out to know exactly where they were. Quil was at home moving the furniture in his living room for the hundredth time, positive there was something wrong with Claire and unable to fix it.

Jacob was pacing the boundary line. The same way he'd been pacing the boundary line for more than twenty-four hours.

_(bellabellabella) Bella! (bellabellabella) Bella!_

He wasn't going to be _any _use to us during the coming battle. Between him, Quil, and the fact that I wanted to keep Seth off the front lines, our numbers weren't in good shape.

And on the periphery of all these other problems was a niggling, relatively minor worry that _should _have been major: Bella's friend Jessica knew our secret. Embry had managed to talk her down - from his memories I'd gleaned that him being shirtless had helped with the distraction process - but she was an outsider and obviously a bigmouth. We couldn't count on her to keep her silence for long.

I stared out the window at the early morning light and thought about what it would be like to be anywhere but here.

But anywhere but here would mean away from Emily, who still slept beside me, and that was unthinkable.

Even if she was about to be very unhappy with me.

_(claireclaireclaire)_

_(bellabellabella)_

_(claireclaireclaire)_

_(bellabellabella)_

Rolling over, I braced myself and gently shook her shoulder. Her eyes opened almost immediately. "Hi," she whispered, half a smile pulling up the corner of her mouth. All her smiles looked sad now.

At least she still _could _smile. And now I had to take it away. Pain clawed at me at the thought, but there was no help for it. "I need to ask you for a favor, sweetheart."

Her wariness lodged in my throat as her face went blank. "What's that?"

I swallowed. "I need you to take Quil to see Claire." Her expression morphed into outrage, and I cut off the protest I felt on the tip of her tongue. "Just tell Matthew and Abbie that you want to finish up your visit or something. Tell them I was busy so Quil volunteered to drive you."

"Sam, I'm _not_-"

"Please, Emily. Please do this. It isn't..."

_(claireclaireclaire)_

_(bellabellabella)_

To my horror, I felt tears threatening. When I spoke again my voice shook with the effort of keeping them behind my eyes but even shame couldn't make me stop begging. I couldn't do it, I couldn't handle _both _Quil and Jacob anymore. "_Please, _sweetheart. For me."

When she lifted her hand to cradle my cheek, I tilted my head into her touch. "All right," she said finally. Her thumb rubbed my lower lip for a second. As she rose, she added, "I really, really don't like it, though. She's a _baby_, Sam. It's wrong."

Torn between relief and nauseated agreement, I flopped onto my back as she got out of bed. "I don't _get _it, Emily," I said, staring at the ceiling. "Why is this happening? Imprinting is supposed to be a _good _thing. All the stories say it makes the wolves stronger. How can it be such a liability?"

I could hear her opening and closing dresser drawers. "I've got a theory about that." A few seconds' pause while she pulled on a skirt - her pants didn't fit anymore - then, "Think about it. Imprinting is ancient, Sam. It's probably been going on as long as there's been wolves. The last time it happened was almost a hundred years ago."

"And?"

"And no one _traveled _in those days. No one _went _anywhere, and they certainly couldn't go anywhere _fast_. The imprints were always close by. And the tribe believed the legends, so they wouldn't have questioned a two-year-old... Imprinting's just not designed for the twenty-first century."

It made sense, but it didn't make me feel much better. I was an anachronism on top of everything else. Speaking of traveling, "I've been meaning to ask you something."

"What?"

"Would you..." I raised myself onto my elbow. Emily was highlighted by the early sun coming through the skylights and she was so damn _beautiful_. "What would you think about going out of town? Just for a little while? Just so I know you're safe when this whole thing with the Italian leeches happens?"

She exhaled slowly and then sat next to my side. "You want me out of the way so you know I'm safe? After all the lectures you've been giving Jacob and Quil?" I didn't want to admit it, but I nodded. Emily leaned to kiss my cheek and whispered tenderly, "You are _such _a hypocrite, Sam Uley. Good thing I love you."

"Yeah, it is," I whispered back. It was pretty much the only good thing.

"You're too tired." She rose to her feet and gave me a stern look. "Stay in bed and get some more rest."

I had to obey her. Part of me was relieved, just like always, to hand over control. The rest of me felt guilty. Everybody else was out there and here I was in bed. Being pulled in two directions wasn't enough to keep me awake, though.

When my eyes opened again the first thing I heard was Leah saying awkwardly, "Uh... so... this muffin. It's good."

Emily's voice was neutral. "It was Grandmother's recipe."

"Oh." A few seconds of silence. "She never taught it to me."

"You never had the patience to learn."

"Or she just liked you more." Bitterness laced through the words. Just like everything else about Leah now.

"That's not true," Emily protested. "You know that Grandmother-"

"Whatever. Anyway, it's, well, y'know. Good."

"...thanks."

I got up and headed downstairs to join them. As soon as I walked through the door, Leah's face hardened. "So, Fearless Leader, where've you been? The last shift's exhausted but we haven't heard a word from you about who's supposed to take over."

"It's my fault," Emily cut in before I could speak. "I told him to stay in bed."

"That's nice. _So_ glad you made sure the Grand Poobah picked up a little beauty sleep. Can those of us who the spirits haven't blessed get some shut-eye now?"

She had a point. "I'm taking over now," I said as I gave Emily a quick kiss, which made Leah snort.

Walking out the door, I blinked against the heavy downpour of rain as I phased. Rain was part of the psychic leech's vision. Time had to be running short; the Italian bloodsuckers were coming any hour. I just hoped Quil's visit to Claire would make him functional enough to participate in the battle - because no matter what the doctor thought about Jasper's fancy emotional manipulation keeping things from turning into a bloodbath, I had every intention of wiping out as many of the vampires as we could. Between the treaty and the 'vegetarian' lifestyle of the Cullen clan, I could justify not ripping _their _heads off - for now. But there were no mitigating circumstances with these others. When the friendly little get-together degenerated, I and my brothers would destroy the Volturi.

Killing vampires was the entire reason we existed, after all.

_Wait, Quil's visiting Claire? (imprinting always imprinting)_

Damn. The thought had leaked out without my paying attention. _Neither of them are going to be all right till he sees her, Leah._

_Are you kidding? (sorry leah i know you don't understand) In what universe does them having some happy little playdate count as 'all right'?_

The others who were phased remained as silent aside from a couple of _Eek_s, but the overwhelming tenor of their thoughts was a desire to _not_ be in the middle of this conversation.

_Phase to human, guys, _I told them, knowing Leah wouldn't listen. _Five minutes._

The other voices dropped away, and she tore into me. _What the hell are you thinking? This isn't a mopey teenager, this is a little girl's life we're talking about! My cousin's life! You have to keep him away from her! She's a baby! It's wrong!_

Exactly what Emily had said. The repetition didn't help my mood.

_Look, Sam, you can screw me over all you want, leave me high and dry for no good reason [a sharp slap and a stinging palm] (sorry leah i know you don't understand) but this has gone too damn far! Stop acting like other people can't fight it just because you didn't!_

_It can't be fought. You know it can't be fought._

_Bullshit!_

I was too tired for this. _What else do you want me to say?_

The rawness that followed tore through me, like when the redhead had ripped open my side. _I want you to say (i love you i'm still the same boy) you didn't want this! [nails digging into skin] (we'll be each others' first then don't be nervous) I want you to say you would help it if you could! (say it would be me you'd imprint on me if you could please please i love you)_

For a second, I couldn't breathe. _I can't say that, Leah._ If I even _thought _about saying it, my heart felt like it was going to rip out of my chest. I loved Emily. I couldn't imagine my life without her.

Leah's roiling emotions disappeared under her usual acidity so fast that I almost thought I'd imagined them. _So, what, everything we had was just some cosmic set-up for you to meet your wolf-blooded soulmate? (not good enough even the universe thinks so)_

_Did it ever occur to you that maybe I was the one that wasn't good enough for you? That the cosmos or whatever thought you'd be better off without me?_

_[no] (no) Uh-huh. Sure. Right._

_I loved you, Leah._

_Yeah. Past tense._

I still loved her. But not the way she wanted me to. It was easier to just let her feel my unvoiced concurrence with her statement.

Leah's tail drooped, and her miserable acknowledgment sank into my bones.

A moment passed, then Leah was trotting towards the trees briskly. _All right. You know what? I'm done. Quil and Jacob are doing enough wallowing for everyone (imprinting always imprinting). I can see the bigger picture. And this shit? Isn't worth my time anymore._

I knew she meant it as a slight, but I couldn't help the surge of relieved agreement. Finally someone understood that there were more important things going on here than imprinting. _Thank you, Leah._

A wave of baffled fury, and then she phased back to human. Paul phased back in as soon as she did. I'd put him in place as acting Beta since Jacob wasn't capable of doing... well, anything. And someone had to take over when I was off shift.

_How'd it go, Paul? _I asked.

_Fine. (where the hell is she fucking leeches) [cool hands]_

_Did everyone listen to you okay?_

_Yeah, it actually went really well. _He showed me a collage of images and impressions. The others had liked having him in charge, it looked like. He was worried about Bella Swan, but it wasn't keeping him from doing his job. He wasn't freaking out.

I tried not to think about how that was heavy evidence in favor of Emily's theory: imprinting might not be the best thing for the twenty-first century. That task was made more difficult by being phased, which meant I could hear Jacob's thoughts more easily even though he was still human. He was barely functional. On the other hand Quil would be in better shape in a few hours, so there was that.

_(claireclaireclaire)_

_(bellabellabella)_

_-emilyemilyemily-_

* * *

I did my best to deal with the Pack's jittery nerves for the rest of the day, but it was pretty rough considering I had almost nothing to give them. Paul came back after just four hours of sleep and took over the job of reassurance, telling everybody they would be fine, things were going to be great, they were just a bunch of leeches, nothing we weren't born to handle. When Leah showed up a couple of hours after that she joined him, although her technique mostly consisted of jeering the guys into bravado. Between the two of them it was messily effective. Just for a minute, I felt a fraction of the weight on my shoulders lift.

And that was the point when I suddenly got hit by a garbled trainwreck of emotion and thought pushing through me from Jacob - fury, desperation, sick hope - then... it was all _muffled, _like he was shouting at me through a brick wall.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

_Whoa._

_Weird... (are they here already?)_

_What the hell was that? (kimkimkim)_

_Just what we need (where the hell is she), more drama._

_**Everyone run the boundary line. Check for intruders. **_For once, nobody gave me any grief, just set out with singular focus to obey. I ran toward where I felt Jacob waiting.

When I got there, Jacob was still human and standing on our land - which was a little tricky in that Jasper was standing just _off _the land. His face showed that disinterested calm that made me want to bite it off.

After I phased to human, I demanded, "What the hell is going on? What're you doing here, leech?"

A smothering blanket of relaxation settled over my nerves, forcing me into placidity. That just pissed me off - or it would have, if I _could _have gotten pissed off, which I couldn't, and Jasper was going to pay for that.

Note to self: take this one out directly after the doctor.

"Sam," Jacob said. His head shook back and forth unsteadily, but he spoke with the same unnatural serenity that was affecting me. "Help."

Damn right I would help. "Your power's crossing the boundary," I told the vampire. "That's a technical violation, and I'm all about the letter of the law right now." He was messing with my _brother._My fury felt like it was being held underwater, but I growled at him anyway. "Knock it off or I'll rip you apart, Volturi or no Volturi."

Jasper seemed vaguely amused by the threat. "I'd rethink that course of action, Alpha, considering what I can do for you."

"What?"

The desperation and hope _(bellabellabella) _escaped from Jacob, overwhelming Jasper's powers. "He says he knows where Bella is, Sam."

Shit. "You're full of it," I said to the leech. "I don't believe you."

Jasper looked exasperated but didn't bother to fake a sigh, which I was grudgingly appreciative for. "I really miss the days when a gentleman's word was all that needed," he muttered. "I'm telling the truth. I know how to find the lady, and I'm willing to take the boy here to collect her."

Jacob let out a miserable noise.

No. That was way too easy. This had to be a trap.

"Why're you so eager to help us?" I demanded.

"Because my goals, for the moment, align with yours." He smiled thinly at me. "And I pity your brother here."

"Please."

"It's true," said Jasper. "I can feel him from _miles_ away. And he _echoes_. It's getting under my skin something fierce."

The fact that I knew what he was talking about made me even more unsettled - but not as unsettled as the look on Jacob's face. "Jake, listen," I said as urgently as I was capable of. "Listen to _me_, not _him. _ He's just screwing with your head. They're _leeches_. You can't trust them."

"You don't have to trust me to believe me." The vampire turned to Jacob. "Bella is with Alice. I am retrieving Alice one way or another, but there are a number of reasons it would be helpful to have you along when I do. Travel with me and behave yourself, and in return, you can take her home. That is my offer."

Right. I _definitely_ believed he was telling us the whole story. "Call me crazy, but I'm having a hard time trusting someone who won't even let me feel my own emotions. And this whole travel thing reeks. How long exactly do you expect to be gone? Through the battle with the Volturi? Are we just supposed to do without the two of you?"

The doctor seemed to consider this leech the key player in the _maybe we won't all get slaughtered _scenario. Regardless of how I wanted the battle to go, it was a bad idea to just throw away our options like that.

Jasper shrugged, drawling, "We'd return in time, Alpha. Most likely." He looked back to Jacob. "There's a plane leaving from Houston in ten hours that I am gonna be on. The ticket takers will all find themselves totally uninterested in checking to see whether you have a passport. Easy enough."

Jacob's mistrust and doubt came through loud and clear, but still the only thought in his head was _(bellabellabella). _There was no way he could make a level-headed decision right now. "Wait, Jacob. Just wait." When he turned his face to me, I continued, "We need you if we're going to survive this coming battle. You need to think about your dad. Think about your tribe. Think about your _responsibilities._" I took a deep breath and went for the low blow, his most vulnerable point. "We'll get her back, but if you run off now, you're letting the imprint control your life."

Jacob paced restlessly, his bare feet crunching against the leaves as I held my breath. I could sense his reluctance, the increase in the volume of the _(bellabellabella)_... but after a long moment, he said, "You're right." The words were slow and didn't come easily, but at least he said them. "Okay. You're right. I know you're right."

Then Jasper crossed his arms. "In the army," he said, "the generals didn't always feel the need to tell us lower officers exactly what was happening on the other fronts... but they still never stopped our mail from home. It would lower morale."

I rolled my eyes. "What the hell is that-"

"You should have told the boy that Bella was gone as soon as you found out, instead of hiding it."

Jacob froze.

So did I.

And the son of a bitch leech took that moment to lift his blanket. My brother's feelings crashed into me like a tidal wave - disbelief, fury, the endless driving _(bellabellabella) _- and I didn't have a chance to hide my own emotions.

The primary of which was guilt.

"It's true, isn't it?" Jacob whispered.

I swallowed. "Jacob-"

"You knew!"

"-there was nothing any of us could do-"

"You _knew!_"

"-and we need you more than she does right now-"

"_I trusted you!_"

I gritted my teeth and prepared for the pain I knew was about to explode through my head. "_**Jacob, calm down.**_"

But nothing happened. I felt a hard mental push _away_, and for the first time I felt my strands of Alpha control unravel.

I couldn't let him do it. It was everything I'd wanted since the first time he phased, but this was wrong. It should be a voluntary handover, not a breaking from a mind half-crazed with rage and fear. It was too dangerous. "Stop it," I growled. "Jake, _**stop it**__!_" I grappled with the force of his will against my own, trying to keep him still, keep him connected. He was slippery as an eel and, I realized with a sinking heart, stronger than me. Way stronger.

Jacob realized the same thing at the exact same moment. His eyes shone with a strange new light. "_**Ephraim Black's son**_," he told me, "_**was not born to follow Levi Uley's.**_"

Then he stopped trying to tear free. Instead he shoved through the Alpha barriers that had kept my mind alone private from the others, and everything I'd been hiding, all this time, came pouring out in a flood of impressions. Even what I'd been hiding from myself.

_(don't want to be alpha have to have to birthright responsibility don't want to be a wolf) [ground underpaw] (love the speed) _

_(don't want a baby what if it's a girl hold her up to embry paul seth)_

_(dad don't go) [screaming ducking] (he left because of you! mom i'm sorry) _

_(love them jared paul embry jacob quil leah seth love them all go away will you) _

_(want my mom wish she'd just disappear trip and fall or crash her car) _

_(proud heritage protect the rez love the rez hate it here so goddamn much never want to see la push again never) _

_(love jacob train him show him the way nobody showed me hate jacob always fighting always pushing always bella fucking swan)_

_(leah) [nails digging into skin] (emilyemilyemily) [no screams just gurgles and crunching bone] _

_(alpha first phase right to lead leave me alone love them but leave me aloneleavemealoneleavemealone-)_

Jacob stumbled backward; horror was written all over his face. "Sam- Sam, I didn't mean-"

He cut off at the look I gave him.

"We're running on a clock here," the vampire pointed out, watching the scene in front of him without a shred of evident interest.

Jacob hesitated, eyes darting between the leech and me, and I decided to take care of the choice for him. Just for old time's sake. "Get out," I said. "Get out and don't come back."

They left.

I walked back toward the other Pack in human form.

Negatives: Two of our strongest and most gifted fighters were out of the picture. Jacob's absence would upset the others. The doctor might be off his game because of the unforeseen absence of his 'son.'

Positives: Maybe, just maybe, I would never have to deal with Jacob Black and Bella fucking Swan _ever again._

_-emilyemilyemily-_

Finally, I phased.

_(kimkimkim) Sam? What the hell was that?_

_Did I see the empath tick? Where's Jacob? How come I can't feel him?_

_So, Grand Poobah, what's the story?_

They all tumbled back into my head, taking up the space Jacob had left behind, filling it as if he'd never been there at all. None of them could touch deeper than the surface of my thoughts. _Jacob's gone. We need to focus on protecting the rez now._

There was a silent moment of shock, then-

_Are you kidding?_

_Gone? Oh let me guess, he's gone after (imprinting always imprinting) Bella Swan, hasn't he?_

_He can't be gone, we need him!_

_**Shut up and get to work.**_

They obeyed, but I could tell they weren't particularly reassured.

Too bad.

* * *

The hours wore on and I could feel my mind starting to wander under the strain. The others bickered amongst themselves and I was nauseous from the useless effort of trying to hold onto Jacob, I hadn't slept in forever, I felt dead and I wanted to go _home_...

Suddenly, I felt twin spikes of anxiety, flaring high from the direction of Forks. Something off, someone scared - Quil. Quil was scared. Why was Quil scared?

Wait. No. Not just Quil. Quil and-

_-emilyemilyemily-_

I took off like a shot and left the others behind without a backward glance.

_Hey! Wait!_

_What's going on?_

_Sam, come back!_

I ran, ignoring their calls.

This was so hypocritical. I knew it, but my body didn't belong to me anymore. It belonged to Emily and she needed it, needed _me, _and I had to go to her. The imprint wouldn't allow any other response. I barely remembered to phase and put my shorts on when I got to the boundary line before I took off, bolting down La Push Road as fast as my human feet could carry me. Which was fast.

_-emilyemilyemily-_

The pinpoint of Emily and Quil's distress became clearer as I got closer to Forks. They were at the police station.

Charlie Swan had pulled them in for questioning.

I sensed Quil desperately trying to hold onto his temper firmly enough to keep from phasing in the holding cell. I felt Emily's nervousness as she stepped into a room with halogen lights and felt her flinch as Charlie Swan pushed her down into a chair, felt her hands ghost over her stomach-

The growl that had been building in my chest for the past fifteen minutes burst into a full-fledged roar as I ran into the parking lot.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY IMPRINT! GIVE ME MY BABY! GIVE ME MY BROTHER! _NOW!_"

Chief Swan burst out of the police station. He was a wreck, hair standing on end, deep circles under his eyes, skin gray with exhaustion. He looked worse than I did. "Shut the hell up, Uley! It's time for you to listen to _me_, you son of a bitch!"

"GIVE ME MY IMPRINT!"

"_Give me my girl!" _He pulled the gun from its holster and pointed it at me. "I know she's not with the Cullens, so you tell me where she is!"

My whole body started to shake. Let him shoot-

"Don't think I don't know what you've been doing!"

-let him shoot as much as he wanted-

"Running a gang! Getting Jacob Black hooked on drugs!"

-I'd take it _all_-

"Raping my daughter!"

_-I'd show them what the son of Levi Uley could do-_

Charlie Swan continued to shout, but I couldn't hear him over the snarl that turned into another roar and that turned into the wolf's howl tearing out of my throat as I phased.

Right there in the Forks Police Station parking lot.

_end of book two_

* * *

_**Coming Soon**: Book Three_

_**Sanity Update, Audrey Edition**: This afternoon I pulled up my list of WIPs, tapped my finger against my lower lip, and said, "Which adolescent boy shall I torture today?" That really says it all, doesn't it._


	17. Book Three: Preface

******Book Three: Bella and Sam**

_"You have plenty of courage, I am sure," answered Oz. "All you need is confidence in yourself. There is no living thing that is not afraid when it faces danger. The true courage is in facing danger when you are afraid, and that kind of courage you have in plenty."_  
L. Frank Baum, "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz"

* * *

**Preface**

**_Jacob. Jacob. Jacob._**

_**Emily. Emily. Emily.**_

* * *

**_Coming Soon_**_: Isle Esme_

_**Sanity Report, Audrey Edition**: So, here's where things go a little off the rails, canon-structure-wise. While I was creating the plot it became clear that it made no narrative sense for Bella to be present for every part of the end of this story. I also didn't want the final parts to be told through exposition at Bella's bedside - again - because it would wreck the climactic build. So, after much agonizing... I decided the only real choice was, when the time came, to do mid-chapter POV swaps. I feel dirty about it, but there's no other way. Now I'm going to go weep in the corner with a bottle of beer and my bruised ego._


	18. Isle Esme

_brown eyes i'll hold you near / you're the only sound i want to hear / a melody softly soaring through this atmosphere  
Catie Curtis, "Soul Meets Body"_

* * *

**13. Isle Esme**

* * *

**(Bella)  
**

_Jacob. Jacob. Jacob._

I closed my eyes against the sunlight streaming through the open windows and burrowed beneath the down comforter. Despite the tropical breeze wafting through the bedroom, I needed the warmth.

I had thought I learned cold during the weeks Jacob refused to touch me.

I was wrong.

_Jacob. Jacob. Jacob._

I knew he couldn't hear me, couldn't feel me, had no way of knowing that I shivered with the freeze of his absence. It didn't stop me from silently begging. Some people prayed when they reached the ragged cliff's edge of hope. I chanted Jacob's name as an incantation against further erosion.

_Jacob. Jacob. Jacob._

At last I reluctantly surrendered to the truth: I was awake. I might as well give in.

My head spun as I sat up in bed; I pulled my yoga pants on, though I wasn't sure why I bothered. After all, there was only Alice and me on this… was it an island? I looked out the window, trying to focus, and I saw blue ocean licking at pure white sand. I was pretty sure it was an island. I hadn't walked its circumference, though, so I had no way of knowing for sure.

Or had I? I'd been here for... a while... maybe I had gone walking with Alice one day...

Frowning, I tried to dredge up a memory, or any sense at all of how long I had been held prisoner in this paradise of a house. It was no use. The drugs Alice injected me with regularly had wiped away my sense of time.

_Jacob. Jacob. Jacob._

There was my parka, which Alice had seen I would need, although she hadn't known why. I pulled it on and zipped it up. The large digital clock on the dresser displayed the temperature: ninety-two degrees Fahrenheit. I smiled without any humor and turned to drift down the stairs. My bones felt like Jell-O, but my muscles were stiff with cold.

In the kitchen, I found Alice, dressed only in a royal-blue bikini and wielding a spatula over a family-sized griddle. "Good morning!" she chirped. "I saw that you were going to be _starving_ so I made you a salmon omelet!"

Peering into the griddle, I saw enough food to feed a family of ten. I forced my thickened tongue to move and protested, "Alice, there's got to be at least a dozen eggs in there."

"Two, actually!" She pulled out a china platter and began heaping the eggs onto it.

"I'm not hungry." Her eyes fastened on me, wide and uncomprehending, and guilt crept through my foggy brain. Poor Alice. She was doing her best; the very least I could do was be grateful. "I'm sorry."

"That's all right!" She set the platter before me with a thud. "Just eat as much as you can."

I picked up my fork and began poking the food with it. This much I remembered from the previous days of our impromptu vacation: Alice didn't know enough about eating to realize I wasn't actually transferring the food to my mouth and then swallowing. I wasn't being deliberately rebellious, but I possessed little to no appetite anymore.

"I have _so many _plans for us today, Bella. It's going to be wonderful. First we're going to go online and look at the latest summer styles—I'll order whatever catches your eye, of course—and then we'll go—oh would you look at that, the way the sun's shining through that cloud looks just like this picture in a children's book I once—oh, speaking of books, if you'd like any be sure to let me know because they can be delivered, it's no trouble, and I know how much you enjoy the classics—I swear it's just ridiculous how the sand piles up in here, like the beach is trying to take the house back for itself—and then we can try on _bikinis_, I saw that you wouldn't like most of them but there were a few that you seemed undecided about so I'll show you what I found—"

Watching her blearily, I stirred the eggs. She flitted from corner to corner, wringing her hands and never really meeting my eyes as she babbled. "We should definitely go swimming, the water will be perfect today—"

Once again, I found it in me to interrupt. "I can't swim, Alice. The cast. Remember?"

"The cast of what show, Bella? Do you want me to get some movies for you?"

I held up the hand that didn't grasp my fork. "The cast on my hand, Alice. I can't swim with it on." The itching was terrible, and my fingers were beginning to throb in an entirely new way. My appointment to have the plaster removed had been for the day after prom; I knew I had missed it.

Prom.

_Jacob. Jacob. Jacob._

I suspected that if my mind wasn't full of cotton, I would be screaming his name.

"Oh, I see." Alice smiled, and patted my cheek fondly; her already-rapid blinking increased its pace. I knew, because Edward had told me once, that vampires had to remember to do things like blink so they could fit in among humans. Alice seemed to be remembering… too much.

She felt wrong. _I _felt wrong. I felt my skin crawl where she had touched me, where only one hand was supposed to…

"I wanna go home," I heard myself begging before I knew I was going to say the words. "Please, Alice, I wanna go home—"

"Oh, Bella." Alice came to an unnaturally total stop and stared at me in reproach. "We've been over this before."

I felt bad for not having more fun when she'd gone to all this trouble, but then the _Jacob _call grew stronger and pushed Alice's dazzling effect aside. The more I thought about him, the stranger she looked to my eyes. "Just let me call someone," I said thickly, "and let them know I'm okay."

"Even satellite phones can be traced, Bella." For an instant, the odd, disorganized behavior she'd been displaying faded into a more normal interaction. "I'm so sorry, but it's just too dangerous. We're doing this for _you._"

"Why?" I wanted to be more forceful, but the words left my throat in a slightly whiny drawl. I couldn't _think_… "What are you protecting me from?"

"Something too terrible for Edward to survive. He told you what would happen if anything ever hurt you, Bella. You wouldn't want to be responsible for his death just because you wouldn't cooperate with a little protection, would you?"

"Of course not," I replied automatically, but the part of me that pleaded for my best friend growled_. That _part, suffocated though it was, thought it would be a very good idea if Edward died because it would be one less thing that stood between me and my _real _mate.

"Good." Alice's expression cleared again. "Now, why don't you just relax and enjoy our little girls' getaway? This is _fun!_"

I wanted to be afraid—I wanted to be _panicking_—but the injections wouldn't allow it.

All I could do was shiver.

* * *

We did go swimming near dusk. Well, Alice swam and I sat on the beach with a wire hanger unwound so I could scratch underneath my cast. It itched so badly I wanted to rip it off with my teeth. My bones had to be healed by now; maybe I could ask Alice to tear it open?

It was warm enough where I could finally take off my parka. I surveyed the ripped sleeve with a rueful smile. Probably I'd destroyed a three thousand dollar article of clothing to accommodate a cast I didn't even need anymore, and Alice hadn't batted an eyelash.

Past the drop-off, Alice's glittering form twisted in and out of the water. One moment she leapt yards above their crests, the next I spied the rainbows that indicated her undulating deep below the surface. She was nude. When I'd asked her about the bikinis she'd mentioned, she muttered something about not wanting to get it messy. I supposed salt water _was _damaging to fabric, even designer fabric—

And then she shot out of the water in a predatory crouch, landing with a surprisingly big splash given her miniscule figure. The splash was followed by waves, and pink foam, and a high-pitched sound and something desperately thrashing—

A dart of horror cut through my drugged apathy, and I rose to my feet. "Alice!" I shouted, or at least tried to.

What had happened to her?

The next few seconds seemed to tick by like hours as I tried to breathe and watched for the vision of glittering diamonds that would tell me Alice was okay, that I wasn't left alone on this island where no one knew my location and without a way to escape. But after another minute, Alice walked up onto the beach, looking completely unconcerned, as though she'd simply been playing a game.

She shot me a cheerful grin. Thick, clotted blood oozed from between her teeth.

I wasn't capable of moving as quickly as I wanted, but I managed to achieve a brisk walk as I stumbled back across the sand to the house.

_Jacob. Jacob. Jacob._

Alice beat me there, of course. She even put on a robe before I crossed the threshold, though I never saw her pass me. I came to a wavering halt at the sight of her standing in the middle of the living room, delicate brows furrowed in confusion. "Bella, what's wrong?" Her chin was still dripping crimson.

My entire body shook with cold and shock. My sense of smell was in no way suppressed by the drugs, and my stomach roiled as the scent of salted iron filled my nose and mouth. I felt like _I'd_been the one drinking blood. I couldn't imagine anything more terrible.

"What do you see now," I asked, my teeth chattering, "with my future? I-I know you used to s-see… You said... you said once that you saw me as one of you. Is that still possible? Do you still see it?"

Did she see a future with blood between my teeth, gore running down my face?

The thought made me want to vomit.

Alice's eyes glazed over in that way that meant she was flipping through alternate futures, searching for pictures of what may be. After a long pause, during which my heart pounded in my throat, she said in mournful tones, "No. No, I don't, Bella. I'm so sorry."

All the breath left my lungs in a _whoosh _of relief. "Thank goodness."

"But it could still change!" she hastened to remind me, as if I had been upset. "If you change your mind, the future can still be altered. Nothing's set in stone, Bella, nothing at all."

Everything inside me shouted _No!_ at that thought, and I replied automatically, "I could never do that." I felt the truth of the words I spoke them. "I couldn't, Alice. " For a moment I was subsumed by a memory of Jacob, and the way he always kissed my pulse; I was so _cold_ without him.

If I changed, I would be cold forever.

Not to mention poor Charlie, so hurt by my keeping secrets from him—how would my keeping him in the dark about _that _affect him? And Renee, who expected me to come visit her in the summer, and Angela, who'd made sure I had a backpack full of condoms before my first time, and Jessica, who'd loaned me a shirt, and…

No. Never. I could never do that to my family and friends. I could never repay their love with that sort of abandonment. "Not ever." I couldn't break Jacob's heart like that. "I thought it was what I wanted, but... I like being _warm_, Alice." I looked at her chin again and felt the bile rise in my throat. "And I _hate _blood."

Alice's eyes, if possible, grew even wider. Her slender mouth curved downward with grief. "But, Bella, I _know _you could still love Edward. You just have to want to. And with that, anything is possible, I promise. You could still be with us forever. You could be my sister. We would all be so happy." Suddenly, the frown turned into a broad smile, and she hopped up and down, clasping her hands in evident delight. "I know! Why don't I just change you right now? It's _perfect_, Bella! We're away from everything and everyone here on Isle Esme. There's no danger. It'd be over in a few days, Edward would be upset but then he'd be _so_ happy, and those scars all over your hand would go away and…oh, Bella, it would be _wonderful_."

My heart started thrumming with new fear. "I…" I tried to speak, but my mouth had gone too dry to form words; instead I tried to edge back as subtly as possible. "I, um, thank you for the offer, but…" My heel hit a wall, and I jumped involuntarily with shock. "I really don't want that, Alice."

Her eyes narrowed.

I hastily added, "I mean, I don't want that _yet. _Just, uh, give me time. I need more time."

What if she changed me _without my asking?_

Her shoulders slumped. "Fine. But don't think I—" She dropped off mid-sentence and stared, slightly slack-jawed, into the middle distance. She was having a vision.

Whatever it was didn't take long. When, a few seconds later, she focused on me, I asked, "What's going on?"

With a wave of her hand, she dismissed the question. "Oh, nothing. I just thought I saw Jazz for a moment there, but sometimes that happens. No big deal."

Seizing the opportunity to distract her from the extremely scary notion of turning me without having technically gained my permission, I asked, "Don't you miss Jasper?"

Her expression warmed into something very human: love. "Of course I do. I was so alone before he found me. James killed the one who changed me, you know, so I had to find my own way. I didn't have anyone until he finally walked through the door of the diner where I'd been looking for him." She smiled softly, remembering it. "I said, 'You kept me waiting long enough.' And, like a good Southern gentleman, he answered, 'I'm sorry, ma'am.'"

"When was that?" I prompted. I wanted her to continue in this nice, safe line of conversation for as long as possible.

"Oh, in the 1950s. I don't remember what year exactly."

I frowned at that. Didn't all vampires have perfect recall? "So… you were by yourself for decades before he found you?"

Nodding, Alice looked at her bare feet. "Yes. Seeing the visions of the Cullens gave me hope, and I taught myself how to avoid feeding on humans. But it was just me."

I thought of Emily, all by herself in that cabin, waiting at the table for Sam to return. I thought of how excited she had been when I started coming by, and how she had made me sandwiches with the crusts cut off. I thought of Alice and the plate of two dozen scrambled eggs.

It couldn't be good, to be so alone.

Alice perked up, then. "But, having Jazz and the rest of the family has made me forget about how awful that time was. I really hardly think about it at all. Sometimes it's like it never happened."

In that moment, I saw a chance to persuade her. Perhaps I could _make_ her understand. "Alice, the way you feel about them? That's the way _I _feel about Jacob." Sort of. Actually there were a lot of differences, but I was looking for common ground here. "Can't you see? The way you're tied to Jasper—that's the way I'm tied to Jacob. Only even _more _so because of the imprint stuff." My cheeks felt wet. For a terrifying moment I thought I might be covered in blood, that I might _already_ be a vampire, but then I realized it was just tears. "Please, please, _please, _Alice, just let me go home to him. I'm begging you."

Slowly, she shook her head. "I'm sorry, Bella. It's simply too dangerous."

My head had been slowly clearing during the course of the day, and now my thoughts raced with speculation. "If it's too dangerous for me, does that mean it's too dangerous for my friends? For my family?"

"Oh, there's no reason to concern yourself with that. The important thing is that _you're_safe."

Panic began to close in, like my ribs were being crushed in a vice. Oh God, what was happening to them all? And what were Jacob and Charlie thinking of me being gone? Did they think I was _dead_? If I couldn't feel Jacob, that meant he couldn't feel me, so he'd have no reassurance that I hadn't been killed. If he thought I was dead, he'd— "Alice, please, I'm begging you, take me back to Forks, I need Jacob, Jacob needs _me_, I want to go _home_—"

A sudden sting made me smack my palm to the side of my neck. Turning, I saw Alice pulling back a syringe, tortured guilt playing across the porcelain features. "I'm sorry, Bella, but it's not healthy for you to be so upset. Come now. Let's go to bed."

I tried to take a step, but my knees gave out. Before I collapsed, Alice caught me and raced up the stairs to my bedroom, laying me on the mattress with tender care. "Goodnight, Bella." She turned off the light on her way out the door.

My parka was still out on the beach, so I fumbled at the edges of the comforter until I could pull it around my shoulders; it did nothing to protect me from the cold that my own body created. Under the stupor of whatever was in those damned shots, my thoughts pulsed in a sluggish fashion. I couldn't be upset. I couldn't think.

I turned to my side and looked out the open window, past the fluttering curtains. On the beach, pushed ashore by the crashing sapphire waves, the bloodless corpse of a dolphin rocked slowly back and forth against the sand.

Would this have been my life, if Edward had given in to my pleas the previous fall? Spending weeks on Isle Esme? Shopping online with Alice and getting a closetful of bikinis I didn't want? Fighting dolphins in the seas until my hunger was slated and I licked that iron saltiness from my lips?

Having no friends, no father or mother, only the Cullens and memories of what it had been like to be alive?

_Jacob. Jacob. Jacob._

I sobbed his name until I fell asleep with it still on my lips.

* * *

_**Coming Soon**: Used_

_**Sanity Update, Mera Edition**: After over a year of writing in mostly Bella FPOV, I no longer know what is Bellavoice and what is myvoice. I definitely don't want to know what that says about me. (**Audrey**: I've developed whole new subsections of my consciousness to keep myself from asking that very question.)_


	19. Used

_they shut her up in a tomb below this kingdom by the sea / but no maiden's grave could sever my soul from the love she bore for me  
Sarah Jarosz, "Annabelle Lee"_

* * *

**14. Used**

* * *

**(Bella)**

When I woke up again, the sun was pouring through the windows once more. I staggered to the attached bathroom and tried to throw up, but I ended up dry-heaving. It had been too long since I last ate to have anything left. My skin looked wrinkled, so I figured it had been a while since I had drunk anything either—I had no way of telling what the date was, although the time on the dresser clock when I went back out said it was ten in the morning. The last thing I remembered was the blood on Alice's face.

My shiver of revulsion cleared my head. I felt dizzy and weak, but not fogged, the way I had grown accustomed to; it had to have been awhile since my last injection.

The thought of Alice's eager face as she offered to change me into a vampire made my stomach churn all over again. What if she just went ahead and _did _it? It wasn't as if my personal autonomy had been something she had concerned herself with lately. Or… I had to suppress a moan as another thought occurred to me. What if the vampire sedative effect kicked in again? It hadn't seemed very potent since my arrival, for whatever reason, but it still worked. What if I _did _ask her while I was under its influence?

I had to grip the edge of the dresser to keep from passing out.

There was no way I was leaving the bedroom again. My hands shook as I threw the lock on the brass door handle, and over the course of the next half-hour, I shoved every bit of furniture I could in front of the door as a barricade. Logically, I knew it would be completely ineffective against Alice's strength. Psychologically, it made me feel the slightest bit better. And then, just for the smallest bit of extra protection, I yanked the blanket off the mattress and dragged it into the bathroom.

_Jacob. Jacob. Jacob._

Beyond the shadow of a doubt, I knew Jacob was absolutely frantic now. I couldn't feel it, but I knew. The cold had gotten worse. I got into the dry bathtub and wrapped myself in the down comforter, but it didn't help at all.

I didn't know how many hours passed; I didn't dare leave the bathroom to check the clock. But after I'd counted each of the one thousand, two hundred and forty-seven shell pink tiles on the wall—as opposed to the one thousand, one hundred and nine _coral_ pink tiles—I heard a tinkling voice calling, clear even though two doors and a mound of furniture. "Bella? Would you like me to get you some food?"

The words sparked fury long held at bay by the drugs, but I was too physically weak to do anything more than shout hoarsely, "I don't want anything from you!"

"Listen, I had another vision, do you want to hear about it?"

"No!"

"You'll like it _so_ much though, it's beautiful, we're all together and you're one of us, there's this baby that looks _just_like you and everyone is—"

"_Stop it!_" I shrieked, clapping my hands over my ears childishly before I could hear any more terrifying nightmares about a future I didn't want. "Just stop it! Just let me _go home!"_

A long pause, then, "Bella… I wish you wouldn't be afraid of me. There's no need to be. It's all going to be okay. We're not going to keep you here forever, I promise."

I gulped, forcing air into my lungs in an effort to calm down. "Unless you decide it's always too _dangerous _for me to go home," I whispered.

"The danger will pass. Everything's going to be fine; I've seen it. Just be patient."

Patient.

I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped the comforter tighter.

* * *

Over the course of the passing hours, I started to become restless. My skin felt too tight on my body. My legs wouldn't hold still; they progressed from jiggling on their own to forcing me out of the bathtub so that I could walk the marble floor. It occurred to me to wonder if this was a withdrawal symptom for whatever Alice had given me, but what could I do? I checked in the enormous mirror for bloodshot eyes or other physical signs, but there was nothing—nothing except my own, gaunt face. I'd lost weight.

I could feel my pulse in every extremity, as thought my heart were pumping my blood two, three times as hard as usual. And the thrumming in my head grew louder and louder until I literally couldn't think anything else.

_Jacob. Jacob. Jacob._

Everything was gone except his name.

Minutes, or days, or _years_ later, by the time my legs were weary from pacing—not that that had diminished my manic energy in the slightest—I felt something _shift_. I tripped over my own feet and fell into the bathtub, my fall cushioned by the blankets. It was exactly as though the world had tilted beneath me.

Just a little earthquake.

_Jacob! Jacob!** Jacob!**_

Downstairs, I heard shouting. Alice's voice and a man's voice and another voice that set the voice in _my_head to screaming.

"JACOB!"

His name came out of my mouth in a high-pitched wail.

There was a moment of total, complete silence—then the sound of something crashing came from outside the bathroom. I fought to get up, to meet him halfway, but he was so much faster than I was. I'd barely made it to my feet when the door splintered and then he was _there_, all around me, and I sobbed his name as his heat soaked into my skin, giving me the warmth I'd been craving with every particle of my being.

"_Bella._" He'd lifted me off the ground, and I felt a dull, exquisite pain as his hands tangled roughly into my hair. "_Bella, Bella, Bella..._My nails dug into the back of his neck as I clung tighter, and I nuzzled my face into the side of his throat. The loud, thrumming thing inside my head filled my entire body, racing through every nerve ending as until it felt as though I was vibrating from the inside out. Then suddenly his palms were dragging over my thighs, my hips, my waist, I could feel bruises flowering on my skin beneath his incautious fingers and I liked it loved it that was the way it should be done _everyone should know—_

Then he froze. My name cut off in a growl, and Jacob's hands closed around my ribs and jerked me from his body. I made a mewling animal noise of protest, but the look in his eyes silenced me.

"_Off,_" he managed to say. He grabbed the collar of my thick sweater and yanked at it with too much of his strength; I felt the fabric tear along my shoulder. "It smells like them, it smells like _them_, _you_ smell like them, you're _mine_, _get it off_—"

"Oh God," I gasped, and my fingers joined his in pulling my layers free as fast as possible. Now that he was here, now that I could feel what _he_ felt my senses told me he was right, I was _covered_ in it— "Help, help me, Jake _help!_"

He reached over and wrenched the faucet handle so hard that the metal snapped in his fist; freezing water shot out of the showerhead, soaking him, me, and the comforter still balled up in the tub. I sputtered, but it didn't slow Jacob down at all; in the space of a few seconds I was completely naked and he was rubbing his hands, his face, his tongue over every inch of me. "Get it off," he mumbled against my navel, and I thought he might be crying. "Have to get it off, Bells, I'm sorry, don't get cold..."

As though I could get cold when my wolf was touching me like that. "I'm fine," I murmured, blinking against the droplets. And I was.

Jacob clearly didn't believe me. He _wasn't _fine, that much was both obvious and unsurprising. He looked awful. I would have been worried, but it was too hard to think between the purring in my bones and the water running down my skin and the fiery heat laying claim to my body.

"You feel strange," he said thickly, his mouth brushing the side of my right knee. "Why are you so foggy?"

"Foggy?" I repeated.

"Your... _Bellaness_. It's all foggy, why?"

For a long moment, I couldn't figure out what on earth he meant. Then realization penetrated the very fog he was feeling. "It's the drugs," I explained.

"What? What drugs?"

"Sedatives, I think." They must not have been out of my system yet. "Alice kept giving me these injections—"

And Jake was gone.

I jumped out of the tub, grabbed a terrycloth robe from a hook, and pelted after him, nearly tripping over the toppled furniture as I escaped the bedroom. Snarls and crashes sounded from the lower level. When I ran into the living room, I saw Jacob fighting with Jasper, his body wavering and heaving in a way that meant he was desperately trying not to phase. After a second, I realized that in fact Jacob was trying to go _past _Jasper and get to Alice.

Somehow, though, I couldn't panic. _Huh. Look at that. Jacob wants to kill Alice._

It was Jasper's influence, of course, but apparently there was only so much he could do against a werewolf infuriated on behalf of his imprint. Emotionally, anyway. Physically, he seemed more than capable of holding Jacob off all day without a shred of visible effort.

"I _do_ understand," he said, _whoosh_ing to block Jacob's approach once more, "and I would do the same. But that's still just too bad."

The lack of fear allowed me to think clearly. After a moment, I ordered, "Jacob, stop trying to kill Alice."

Of course, he had to, then. He gave me a look of utter betrayal. Jasper chose that second to lift his effect, and sharp grief and regret stabbed through me, but I couldn't take the directive back. I needed Jacob. I needed Jacob_ alive._

Alice paid no attention to the drama surrounding her. Complete confusion showed on her face and in her voice as she asked, "Jazz, why are you here? _How _are you here? Why didn't I see you coming?"

Unperturbed, Jasper released Jacob and replied, "You didn't see me, ma'am, because I didn't make any final decisions until I met up with the boy."

"But you're supposed to be in Forks, helping Carlisle with the Volturi! You're supposed to keep everyone calm!"

"I'm changing my mind."

There was a beat. Alice's face went blank, then horrified, and then— "You _can't_!" she screamed, turning on him. "Jasper, you can't do this, they're our family, and the others are just _kids—_"

Jasper, completely unfazed, raised his hand and gently stroked her on the head. I felt the barest wash of calm flow over my skin: his powers, directed toward her and bleeding ever so slightly into me. "There, there, my dear. Calm down."

She did. She had no choice, after all.

When she had been restored to serenity, Jasper suggested, "Why don't you go ahead and relax out in the fresh air for a moment?"

Alice made a vague noise of assent and obeyed; once she was outside, Jacob demanded, "What the hell do you mean, you're changing your mind?"

At the same time I asked him, "What the hell do the Volturi have to do with anything?"

Jasper ignored our questions. Instead, he turned to Jacob and said, "This is where we part ways. Alice and I have no further business in Forks. Thank you for all of your help."

I felt as though the drugs were still at high ebb in my veins; I seemed to be two steps behind the conversation, and I couldn't catch up. Jacob appeared nearly as confused as I was. "Help?" he echoed.

"Yes. Your kind are very difficult for _my_ kind to see around. Because you came with me, Edward did not realize I was leaving, and Alice did not foresee my arrival. I would have left anyway, of course, but it would have been much more complicated." A smile played at the corners of Jasper's mouth. "You have my gratitude."

Jacob's body started to shake. I suddenly realized how much danger we would all be in if he phased in this small space, and grabbed for his hand; his tension coursed through me, but at my touch it seemed to lessen. A little. "You tricked me."

"I did nothing of the kind. I made you an offer, which you accepted." Jasper nodded in my direction. It was a very formal movement. "You came with me and behaved yourself, and there is your reward," he told Jacob. "Take her and go."

Jacob's eyes lit on me. In the early sunlight streaming through the windows, I could read his expression like an open book. His chance had come; he could get his imprint away from the vampires who had threatened her. He wanted to kill Alice and Jasper, but he wanted me safe more.

But I wasn't ready to leave yet. I pulled my hand free from Jacob's and crossed my arms. "I'm not stepping a foot outside this room," I said, "until someone tells me _what is going on_."

Jacob made a protesting noise, and Jasper glanced out to where Alice still stared at the ocean. "None of us have much time," he cautioned. "You need to return to your friends, and Alice needs tending to."

That seemed to be true. "She's been behaving oddly," I admitted. "Like there's something... off."

Jasper scowled at that. "Edward had no business conspiring to take her from my side," he said, his voice cold and dark. "She can't control herself without my help."

Jacob looked out at Alice as well, and made a move to step in front of me, as though she could leap through the glass pane at any moment. I was grateful for the protection, because Jasper's words had filled me with horror. "She would have attacked me?" I squeaked. Alice had always seemed so gentle; she had never shown any weakness for human blood, and even with the events of the last week I had never feared _that_ from her—

"I meant that she can't control her mind." Jasper paused for a long moment, then gave me a level, still look. "You remember," he said, "that she was in an asylum before she was turned."

I blinked, and thought. It was so long ago, but yes, I remembered how James had told me as I lay terrified on the floor of the ballet studio that Alice had been held in an asylum... I remembered my recent conversations, how she flit from subject to subject with no connection... I thought of her visions, and how so many never came true...

The pieces clicked together. "She's not psychic," I breathed. "She's insane."

"You got _that_ right," Jacob muttered.

Jasper gave Jacob a warning glare. "It isn't her fault," he said to me. "She can hardly help it. And she _is_ psychic; much of what she sees is true. It's just difficult to distinguish what's real from what's invented in her mind." He shook his head, and for a moment he looked hundreds of years old instead of the young man he had been frozen into. "I brought her to the Cullens years ago, hoping they would be able to cure her. That was my mistake. I am correcting it now."

I tried to fit this new information in with what I'd known previously—or had _thought_ I'd known. "_You_ brought _Alice _to the Cullens?"

Jasper nodded. "I'd heard of the 'vegetarian' vampires, one of whom was a mind-reader. I thought Edward would be able to do what I could not: help Alice sort reality from fantasy. Suppressing our real natures for Carlisle Cullen's... _customs_ didn't seem to be too much of a hardship in return."

"You mean drinking human blood?" Unable to stop myself, I cringed backwards. Jasper hadn't considered giving up human blood a moral battle at all; he'd considered it a quaint lifestyle choice, a necessary evil. At best, I was his wife's pet. "But that was just you, right? Alice didn't—"

"She likes to think that, and there's no harm in it." Jasper _did_ smile now, though it was humorless. "I don't much care for the way Carlisle runs his coven, but the structure was good for Alice, so I endured it. But in time it became clear to me that Edward wasn't helping her; they were just feeding each others' delusions."

My mouth dropped open. "Edward is insane _too_?" My mind reeled. How could I have so completely misjudged everyone I had cared for, who I thought had cared for me?

Jacob grumbled something extremely vulgar.

"Not the way Alice is," Jasper assured me. "For a vampire of his age, he's even relatively stable. But in spite of what Carlisle has told himself, our kind do not stay... _human_... for long. Edward has been listening to a million minds for a hundred years. He simply doesn't care much about them anymore." He looked out at Alice again. "I envy him. He only has to hear you; I have to _feel _you. I don't have the luxury of not caring."

"So why didn't you leave years ago?" I asked, curious in spite of myself. "If Edward wasn't helping Alice, I mean?"

"Alice did not want to go," he said, "and Edward would have objected. He's become quite reliant on her. So I had to wait for an opening, and here it is." He gave me an almost fond look. "I had a feeling you would be the one who provided my cover. I almost managed it last spring, but James caught up too quickly. I suppose that was lucky for you, because you would probably have been our first meal."

I gasped as Jacob roared with fury and pulled free from my grip. "_You bloodsucking son of a—"_

"Well, she and I hardly knew each other then," Jasper said to Jacob. He sounded genuinely insulted. "And I certainly won't now, it would be terrible manners. Besides, a bargain is a bargain. She's yours."

"_You're damn right she's mine!_"

"Then get her home. Protect your tribe. They'll need you for the fight against the Volturi, now that I won't be there to help."

I still didn't understand what the Volturi had to do with anything, but Jacob shouted, "You're just going to let us die! You bastard, you could _prevent _this and you're going to _leave_?"

The horror, already strong, spiked high in my chest. Something terrible was about to happen.

Jasper lifted his chin in disdain. "The Volturi are revolting," he said, "even by the standards of our kind. Someone should have wiped them out years ago. It's a cause well worth the sacrifice of a few lives, and I doubt _all_ of you will perish. After all, this is what you were designed to do."

"But—"

"But nothing. People _die _in war, boy."

Jacob flushed so dark at that last that I honestly feared for his health, but Jasper stymied any response he might have made by pulling two airplane tickets from the inside of his jacket. "Your flight leaves in three hours. You can stay here and do your best to fight me, or you can return to aid your friends and family. Personally, I believe their chances of success largely depend upon Jacob's presence."

"So what, _you _can read the damn future now?" Jacob growled. His hands quivered. I eyed them warily.

"No, but I saw you fight, and I know what an asset you'll be in the field. I did not become the youngest major in the Confederate Army without understanding the tactics of battle."

Jacob shook even harder at this, but I crossed the room to take the tickets. With Jacob this close, Jasper's vampire aura didn't affect me at all. Again turning to the window, I watched as Alice stared vacantly at the waves. "She'll hate you, won't she?"

When I glanced up at him for confirmation, he smiled slightly, eyes fixed on his wife. "Not if I don't let her."

I shivered once, convulsively, and sensed Jacob do the same. We looked at each other, and I saw the same sentiment on his face that overwhelmed me: _Let's get the hell out of here._

* * *

Once we were on the plane, both of us fidgeted uncontrollably, readjusting clothes, bouncing knees, fiddling with the air valves, talking in short, disconnected spurts. Even though logically I knew we were hurtling at an incredible pace toward home, it felt like I should be running. I knew now what was coming, and we needed to be back in Forks _now_.

"At least we can fly straight through," Jacob said to me, keeping his voice down. "I had to take red-eyes here so the bloodsucker wouldn't get caught in the light. Spent all day in a hotel room in Costa Rica and thought I was going to tear the place apart."

"Please don't do that now," I said, picturing it. "It wouldn't be good for the cabin pressure."

I'd hoped my words would make Jacob smile. They didn't. "It was close," he said quietly. "The last flight. I started to feel you, and... it was _really _close."

I looked at our interlaced fingers, resting on his thigh.

"I couldn't think while you were gone, Bells. Literally. It was dangerous to _everyone_." He swallowed. "I can't... the imprint. It's not good, Bella. I mean, I never thought it was, but..."

The iron taste of blood filled my mouth as I bit my lip too hard, and the sensation made me shudder. "There's nothing we can do about it," I whispered.

"Not now, there's not. But on the way here, I was thinking—well, as much as I _could_ think, and this was thinking about _you _so it kind of worked—I think I have an idea."

"What idea?"

He started to speak—then glanced around the cabin, at the other passengers. "I'll tell you later," he said, "when we're not surrounded by Muggles."

In spite of everything, I found myself giggling. "You read Harry Potter?

"_Everyone_ reads Harry Potter, Bells." He smiled too... and then sighed. "I keep thinking about that tiny little leech, and how he _makes _her love him... I don't want us to be like that. I don't want to be like him." Speaking over my immediate protest, he continued, "I want... I want..." With tangible effort, he managed to finish. "I want you to be _able _to leave me."

On the one hand, finding a way out of the imprint seemed like a very good idea. I never wanted to go through another week like the one I'd just completed, and my reaction to being away from Jacob had a lot to do with that. And I felt terrible about how I had issued the order earlier—something I'd promised so many times not to do. On the other hand... "But what if you don't love me anymore?"

I heard his slow intake of breath. "Bells, honey." One big hand cradled my cheek, lifting my face to his. After he kissed me, he whispered, "I never needed an imprint to love you."

With a deep sigh, I leaned against his hand and then, removing my seat belt, crawled into his lap. It wasn't something I would normally have done with so many strangers around, but I couldn't stop myself. His arms closed around me as he leaned against the bulkhead. It wasn't long before his breathing grew deep and even. Thank God. He needed to rest.

I couldn't sleep. Instead, I watched him, and willed the plane to move faster.

* * *

_**Coming Soon**: The Volturi_

**Sanity Update, Audrey Edition**: I gave Mera the framework for this chapter. She wrote it beautifully, and exactly to specification. Then when editing I told her, "Uh, so, I don't like my outline, so you know all this awesome work you did? I'm gonna scrap a ton of it." And she **didn't get mad**. This, ladies and gentlemen, is how awesome Mera is. Or I've just broken her brain. Time will tell.

**Edited to add**: Made a few morning after changes for clarity and smoothness. I really shouldn't do late night posts, but oh well.


	20. The Volturi

_i can't find my way without following you  
Joseph Arthur, "Nation of Slaves"_

* * *

**15. The Volturi**

* * *

**(Sam)**

"So you're telling me," said Charlie Swan, "that my girl hurt one hand burning a vampire and the other one punching a werewolf."

Neither Billy nor I pointed out the fact that this was the fourth time he'd spoken those exact same words. It _was _a lot to take in. Maybe not as much as, _You stole my mate and our baby and one of my brothers and if Leah and Jared hadn't been chasing after me I would have ripped your head off, _but a lot.

"Yeah," Billy replied, again. "If it helps, we weren't the ones who broke her leg last spring."

Chief Swan gulped, rubbed the back of his neck, and then shook his head some more. That had pretty much been his reaction since he'd seen me phase and we'd gotten him back to Billy's house. I was starting to see where Bella got her stoicism from. After a minute, the head-shaking turned into a firm nod. "Fine. All right, I'll think about that later. For now, Bella's still the priority, and if she can take out one of those bastards then I can too. What do we need? Stakes? Crosses? I can run down to St. Ann's and beg some holy water off of 'em-"

Despite everything, I almost smiled. But not quite. At the moment I couldn't imagine _ever_ smiling again. It'd all been over fast enough that no one but Charlie had seen, but who cared? I'd abandoned my Pack, I'd nearly killed a man, and I'd violated the treaty so thoroughly that I'd practically made it my bitch.

_-emilyemilyemily-_

"Nah, none of that stuff works, Charlie," Billy interrupted. After about ten minutes of overall speechlessness, he and Charlie had started talking as though there had never been anything wrong between them. Thirty years of friendship, I supposed. "If you're lucky, one of the wolves can rip off a limb, and then you can throw a lit match on the remains. That's how it's worked so far."

The chief seemed to think about that. "So I need a flamethrower. Maybe some grenades."

That didn't sound so bad to me, but Billy looked worried. "Why don't you hold off on that stuff until we see if Jacob comes back with her or not? All things considered, I think..." He looked like he was sucking on a lemon, but he continued after a moment, "I think he'll stand a better chance of succeeding than you, even if you _are _the Chief of Police."

His level tone didn't fool me. Billy was _pissed _about Jacob taking off without letting him know first. I wasn't sure how you could ground a werewolf, but I was pretty positive Billy would try as soon as Jacob made it back.

_If_ Jacob made it back.

I really didn't want to notice the tears welling up in Chief Swan's eyes. They just rubbed in the fact that he was a desperate father doing whatever he could to get his daughter back, and I'd almost murdered him for it. He got it under control, though, and said gruffly, "Well. I s'pose I owe you an apology, Sam. At least about... that stuff I said back at the station."

"Yeah." I shifted a little in my seat and stared at the coffee table. "Uh... sorry. Too. About... back there." A dead silence fell, so I tried to break it with, "Listen, believe me when I say that Jake will tear the world apart to get at his imprint. If there's anyone that can find her, he can. She'll be all right." Probably.

His eyebrows furrowed. "Now, what's an imprint, again?"

Oh, God.

Billy saw the look on my face and stepped in. "Go home, Sam," he said quickly. "I'll field this one."

I obeyed before I could think it through too much. I did _not _want to be there when Charlie found out about that part of the whole mess.

The instant I phased, my head was filled with angry voices.

_So Sam, you want to tell me why I can't let my family in (we're very concerned son) on the whole phasing thing? _For once, Jared wasn't going to be the sole member of the Pack not giving me a hard time.

_Oh, didn't you know, Jared? She's (where the hell is she) Jacob's imprint (fucking imprinting), so of course the rules are different. _Paul wasn't actually as mad about this as the others, but it made a good cover for the real issue.

_First some random white chick (pretty cute though), now Charlie. C'mon, why don't we just tell everyone? Do you have any idea [shouting tears overwhelming guilt] how much easier my life would be if my mom knew where I was going all the time? _Even Embry wasn't going to let this go.

_I didn't phase in front of the Forks Chief of Police on purpose, all right? _I told them wearily. _These were security slip-ups, not decisions to reveal tribal secrets._

Leah and Seth were silent. The only person they cared about knowing was Sue, and she was already in the loop. Quil didn't have anything to say either. His thoughts were a blissful _(claireclaireclaire) [so adorable twirling skirt not sick anymore] _and his mom trusted Old Quil with absolute blind faith. Which no one in the Pack would be affording me any time soon.

Positives of telling all the family members about werewolves: Less whining.

Negatives of telling all the family members about werewolves: Mass panic.

Yeah. No. _It's not happening, guys._

_This isn't fair-_

_I don't see why-_

_Whatever you say-_

The 'less whining' thing was quickly jumping in my esteem. _Look, I promise I'll think about changing things after the Volturi... thing... if you'll all just shut up and stop bugging me for now._

If _everyone _would just shut up and stop bugging me, _everything _would probably be okay. If I could just get five minutes of quiet, maybe I could think of what to do. Maybe.

_But-_

_Sam-_

_Can't we-_

_**No.**_

They subsided with a lot of grumbling.

* * *

Three days later, an early morning glow peeked in through the loft's skylight and woke me up after a couple-hour nap. Looking down at Emily's face, I tried to remember the last time we'd spoken beyond "hey," and "I'm going to bed." I couldn't. Every time we saw each other we grabbed the opportunity to sleep. Even then, I didn't find it very restful. My stomach was in a constant knot because of waiting for the Volturi, and my heart was a rock in my chest every time I remembered that no one had heard from Jacob - or according to Carlisle, Jasper.

At least I wasn't the only one unhappy about that. I hated having anything in common with the leech doctor, but the worry and frustration in his email had looked eerily familiar. If I was reading his stupid prissy words right, he was as pissed about the whole thing as I was. Except - for once - what had happened wasn't his fault. This one was all on me.

Jacob could be dead. If I'd handled the Bella kidnapping differently, or if I'd managed to be strong enough to keep him from leaving, or if I'd just figured out a way to help them with the imprint the way I should have in the first place, or if I'd _forced _him to take over the Alpha position, or if I'd... There were so many ways I had gotten it wrong. So many ways I had messed up other people's lives.

_(ten weeks) [no screams just gurgles and crunching bone] (there hasn't been a good time to tell you) _

I moved my hand down to splay over Emily's belly. Her skin was warm, and maybe I was imagining it, but I thought I could feel a little flutter against my palm. A heartbeat.

Ever since I'd dashed down to the police station, I'd been reevaluating the pregnancy. My wolf had wanted its child back as much as it had wanted Emily.

_(will I have to move away from la push to keep her safe from all this)_

When this was all over - and I had no idea how I was going to do it - I would tell Emily I wanted her to move up to the Makah reservation. She had extended family there, cousins and stuff. It wasn't far. I could come visit.

_-emilyemilyemily-_

The wolf inside me howled in protest. I crushed it back as best I could. I couldn't fight the imprint, so I'd have to... _reason_ with it, somehow. My family needed to be safe, and _that_ was something I might be able to make the imprint understand. I'd almost killed Emily once. Now I'd almost killed Charlie Swan.

I was too dangerous to be around my baby.

The phone started to ring, which made me jump and made Emily yawn. I leaned over her body to grab the receiver from the nightstand. "Hello?"

I heard long fingernails grating across a chalkboard. At sonic boom levels.

Instinctively, I threw the phone away from me as fast as I could.

Emily gave me a Look and rolled out of bed to retrieve it. "Hello?" A pause, during which the nails-screeching sound was muted, but I could still hear it coming through the handset. I covered my ears with my hands. It didn't help. Emily glanced at me, shifting her weight restlessly, and said, "Yes, Carlisle." Another pause.

I struggled with the wolf, which wanted me to rip the phone away from Emily and then hunt the doctor down for daring to speak to her. The idea of her having _anything_ to do with a bloodsucker, even as much as one of them knowing her _name_, was enough to cover my vision with a red haze.

This was what Jacob had dealt with every day. I _should _have found a better way to manage the situation.

"He did? Is he sure?" A shorter pause. "All right. Thank you. I'll let Sam know." With a deep breath, she hit the button to hang up. "You heard him, right?" she said, not looking at me.

Even if I hadn't, the fear pouring out of her would have let me know. I answered anyway. "Yeah. Thanks. Sorry about the phone."

"Don't worry about it." She tried to set it down on the dresser, but misjudged by a fraction of an inch. It fell to the floor, and this time the back panel fell off, followed by the battery. She left it where it was.

"Hey." I got up and pulled her into my arms. "It's gonna be fine. _I'll _be fine. But..." I had to try again, even though I knew she'd say no. "Would you maybe think about going someplace away from the rez? Somewhere safe? Just for the day." I saw the stubborn set of her jaw and went for the low blow. "Think about the baby."

Emily exhaled. "I love this baby, Sam, and I love you, but hell no." She leaned back to meet my gaze. "Last time you fought a vampire the only reason you made it was because I was here to help. Paul will be fighting and Bella's gone, so who'll clean you up this time?"

She was trying to lighten the mood, but I didn't feel like joking. "I'm serious, sweetheart."

"So am I." She pushed out of my arms and started down the staircase. "Come down here and eat before you go. Facing vampires on an empty stomach is a bad idea."

This time she won; I managed half a laugh as I followed her, and held her with my free arm as I ate the muffin she pushed into my hand. When that was done, I kissed her - then, on impulse, leaned down and kissed her stomach. I thought maybe I felt that little flutter again as I did. "Be back soon," I told her, or maybe them both.

"I'll be waiting. Just..." She bit her lip, her teeth cutting into the torn corner of her mouth. "I still haven't replaced the old towels, so promise me you'll be in one piece when you come back, okay?"

I couldn't. The imprint wouldn't let me make promises I couldn't keep. Instead, I kissed the top of her head and walked out to the backyard to phase in the pouring rain. The scar in my side burned as I did, and my fur soaked to the bone instantly.

Then I sent out the call to all the wolves, phased and unphased, to meet in the clearing by the treaty line.

* * *

**(Bella)**

I was going to die before we ever made it back to Forks. "Jacob, for the love of God, you're going a hundred miles an hour!"

He wrenched the wheel of Jasper's Mercedes to the left. "Didn't you tell me that Edward used to drive this fast all the time?" he said tersely.

"He's got ninety years of experience!" I protested. He darted between two semis and continued into the next lane without pause, cutting off a Beetle. "Holy crow, Jake, you're going to kill us!"

He didn't spare me a glance. "I know how to drive, Bella!"

I decided just to lie back and close my eyes. He'd managed to fill me in - speaking in code so the people around us didn't think we were completely nuts - about the Volturi, and now neither of us could wait to be home.

"I can't feel them," Jake said, teeth clenched in frustration. "I'm still too far out. I can't tell if they've fought already, or if everyone's okay, or... I can't feel them."

"Stop trying to _feel them_ and focus on the road!"

"I _am_ focusing on the road! Quit backseat driving!"

"I'm not _in_ the backseat!"

"You know what I mean!"

I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths, willing myself not to _order_ Jacob to slow down. We needed to get back to Forks and La Push, and I needed to trust him not to squash us flat against concrete barrier. "I should've called Charlie from the airport," I fretted. "I should have let him know I'm okay."

"You'll tell him in person, Bells."

We hurtled down the highway in silence for another half hour, and then Jacob inhaled sharply. When I glanced over, he had sat up straight and his entire body was _leaning _forward. "Sam's calling us - them."

I knew, because he'd told me that too, that he didn't have to obey the order. That didn't stop him from shoving down on the gas even harder. "I feel awful about the way I left things. If everything turns out okay, I'm gonna have to figure out some way to make it up to him." He looked at me for a second; I resisted the urge to scream at him to turn back to the road. "He was kind of right."

"Yeah." I picked at a loose thread on my jeans. "I have no idea what I'm going to say to my dad."

"Tell him the truth."

"What, that I was kidnapped by vampires and saved by my werewolf boyfriend?" I snorted. "I don't think that's going to go over well."

"He'll manage. We've got bigger things to worry about than keeping secrets. The council can deal with it all later, you know, after we're done saving their asses."

To my amazement, we made it to Forks without skidding off the road and dying. The cruiser and Jessica's car sat outside the house. I jumped out before the Mercedes had fully finished moving and stumbled through the front door, nearly tripping over my own feet, and flung myself at my father before he fully rose from his chair in the living room. "Dad!"

"Bella- Bells- kiddo-" he stammered, hugging me so tightly I couldn't breathe. "Oh my God, Bella, are you all right? How did you get here? Where have you been? Are you okay?"

At the same time I sobbed, "I'm okay Dad, I'm okay, I'm so sorry, I never wanted to go and I promise I won't do it again, I'm so sorry-" I pulled back to look at his face and saw tears running down his cheeks. My own cheeks felt wet too. It felt like my heart was going to crack into pieces. I couldn't think of a single lie to tell him, and I didn't want to. I didn't want to hide anything anymore. "I was in Brazil with Alice," I blurted out, "and she's a vampire."

"Yeah," Charlie said, "I know."

I blinked. "You _what?_"

Behind me, Jacob said an awkward, "Hey."

Turning, I saw Jessica give a little half-wave. "Hi."

"Uh, sorry about scaring you before."

"It's okay. No biggie."

My head was spinning. "Aren't you missing school?" I asked Jessica, incredulous. Somehow it was the only thing my brain could latch onto. "You never miss school!"

She shrugged. "Please. I could skip all my finals and still have the valedictorian thing clinched. Embry asked me to keep Charlie from tilting at windmills till you got here - somebody had to babysit and I guess they're all busy with some big fight or whatnot."

Charlie looked over my shoulder and growled, "Jacob." His arms tightened around me, and I gasped for air.

Jacob nodded, face expressionless, but I could feel his uncertainty. "Charlie."

"He brought me back," I said quickly. The old fear leapt up in my throat as I pictured Charlie double pumping his shotgun. "I wouldn't have made it back if it weren't for him, Dad."

Charlie didn't look appeased, but he said, "Thanks for that."

Jacob started to respond, but then he blinked and shook his head. "It's getting stronger," he said blankly, focusing on some point over my shoulder. "Sam's call, I mean."

"Don't you need to be there?"

"Yes. No. I don't..." He looked at me, helplessness written all over his face. He'd been wanting to get back to the wolves since the minute we'd stepped foot on the first plane, but now that the time had come the war inside him was clear. "I can't leave you, Bells. I can't. Not after I just got you back."

That got a reaction out of Charlie. "_You _just got her back! At least you-"

"Dad," I interrupted, "I'm so sorry, but can we just wait for a second to do this?" At his reluctant nod, I pulled away and walked to Jacob. Everything in me screamed not to let him go, to keep him by my side, to never allow him to risk himself again, but imprinting's inherent selfishness had no place in this situation. Thinking _I'll be okay I'll be okay I'll be okay _as hard as I could, I gave him the order. "Go fight with the others now, Jake." I couldn't stop myself from adding, "Just promise me you'll be okay."

I could see it, the automatic desire to reassure me, but the imprint wouldn't even allow us that much comfort. With a sad smile, he replied, "I can't."

With an effort I firmed my chin. "Go anyway."

He pulled me to him and kissed me so hard I lost my breath.

After the door closed behind him, Jessica broke the silence. "Bella," she said, "I will _never _accuse you of leading a boring life again."

* * *

**(Sam)**

Oddly, the end of the anticipation felt good enough to outweigh the fear. I wasn't made to sit and wait.

The entire Pack had assembled in the clearing by this point. I could sense my return to level-headedness reassuring the rest of them. They were nervous, but it was more from energy and excitement than anything else. Their paws shifted restlessly in the dead leaves, making tiny crunching noises, and they all kept shooting dark looks at the Cullens. If the Volturi didn't show soon, the adrenaline might make them kill the wrong bloodsuckers.

Positives... wait, no. Not the time for that.

I sent my thoughts specifically in Seth's direction. _Seth, if at any point I order you to run, you had damn well better do it._

_C'mon, Sam, why would I have phased if I wasn't ready to fight? (hope i'm ready)_

_No arguments. Just do it._

_(thank you)_

Leah's relief eased something in my chest. At least, on this one thing, she didn't hate me.

The Pack kept milling around and returning to attention, but the vampires beside us showed their nervousness in a different way: they stood still as lawn statuary, staring into the distance, unseeing. Not a twitch, not a blink, not even an unnecessary inhale. It was the freakiest thing I'd ever seen, but I had a feeling it wouldn't keep that title for long.

The only exception to the immobility was the big one, Emmett, who was openly excited and nearly as twitchy as the Pack. Finally, after bouncing all the balls of his feet for a good two minutes, he spoke. "We are _so_ gonna kick their asses."

I felt a wave of sarcastic but semi-genuine approval from my brothers.

"I hope you're wrong," the doctor's wife replied in a fretful tone. She looked like the unhappiest one present, if I was any good at reading leech expressions, which I probably wasn't. "The most important thing is that everyone is all right."

"One way or another, we will be," Rosalie reassured her, a grim smile playing around her lips. She wasn't showing her enthusiasm the same way as her mate, but if anything she was looking forward to this even more.

Note to self: When the time came to fight the Cullens, consider letting Rosalie and Emmett leave alive.

"We might yet arrive at a peaceful solution." Carlisle clearly was talking out of his stuck-up ass. If he had a new plan for that 'peaceful solution' that didn't involve Jasper smothering everyone in feel-good vibes, he hadn't shared it.

"I need to focus," Edward ground out, staring off into the distance. "So if everyone could please be quiet and not think too much, that would be helpful."

_I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, there they are all standing in a row! Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head-_

_**Paul, shut up.**_

The rain fell in fat drops as we waited.

The doctor broke the tense silence once more, this time speaking to me. "I don't suppose you know where Jasper and Jacob are."

I just glared at him.

Edward's face grew even more sullen, if that were possible; probably he had a pretty good idea where both of them were. Then he said flatly, "They're here."

For a confused second, I thought he meant Jacob and Jasper - my ears even pricked up as I tried to listen for Jacob's approach. But an instant later, the smell hit us. My fur stood on end, and I barely kept myself from growling. The rest of the Pack wasn't so controlled; their snarls quickly filled the clearing. _**Not yet**_, I told them. _**Not yet.**_

And the bloodsuckers approached.

These leeches were _so much worse. _Their movements were creepily smooth yet jerky at the same time, they didn't bother to regulate their breathing, and the stink was so awful I could barely stand to inhale. It felt like the ground should be turning brown and brittle under their footsteps. Everything about them screamed _death_.

For the first time, I understood how much work the doctor's coven put into their charade. The Cullens seemed almost normal, now. They were talented actors.

The Volturi weren't acting.

There were six of them. Two were very young and looked alike; they had to be the twins Carlisle had described. There was a tall thin one staring at his own feet, a long-haired one with an unmoving expression, and a female who stood just behind a... _thing_ with long black hair and cloudy, milky-red eyes. His face lit up with what I guessed was delighted surprise when he caught sight of the doctor. "Carlisle Cullen! How wonderful!"

"It's good to see you again, Aro," Carlisle said politely.

"I didn't expect you to come _greet_ us, what an extraordinary surprise. How long _has _it been? A hundred years? A hundred and fifty?" Aro laughed and chills ran up my spine. "I do lose track of time these days."

_God (kimkimkim) these things are creepy._ For the first time I felt a ripple of fear from the kids under the wolves. It wouldn't matter. The kids might be scared, but the wolves wanted to go for the kill. I could feel it.

"You must know why we've come, my dear fellow," Aro said to Carlisle. "I know bloodshed has never been your pleasure, but if you wish to participate your assistance would of course be _more_ than welcome."

This was the moment I'd never been sure of - whether it was all a trap, whether the doctor would turn around and betray us - but Carlisle shook his head. "I _do_ know why you are here, Aro," he said, "and I cannot permit it. I will not allow you to harm anyone."

Aro seemed genuinely flummoxed. "I beg your pardon? Carlisle, this is a very strange little joke you're playing."

"It isn't a joke. There is a standing treaty between my family and the wolves. If each of our parties stay within certain agreed-upon boundaries, then we have sworn to leave each other in peace."

"A _treaty_. With these... _creatures_. _Scugnato, _you've always been adorably eccentric, but this is odd even for you. And I must say, I'm a bit put out with all of you for not tidying up this situation yourselves and saving us a trip. I _detest _leaving Volterra."

There was no small undercurrent danger to Aro's tone. Even the other Cullens shifted nervously. But still - and in spite of everything, I had to respect it - the doctor stood unwavering. "It is our proximity to this land that triggers the initial transformation. Once my family depart, there will be no further phasings." His tone softened. "They're just boys, Aro. They're no danger to you or anyone else. Leave them be."

Instantly, the Pack burst into snarls and growls of indignation.

_-no danger, I'll show him no danger-_

_-I'm not even a boy you fucking leech-_

_-come over here and say that-_

_**Would you idiots all shut up and try to look harmless? **_Even though it grated, what the doctor was doing was useful. He was keeping the Volturi's attention off of us, setting us up as less of a threat. Our power would be a surprise.

Except maybe not, because Aro looked completely unconvinced. "And would you care to explain how safe your pets are to Irina Denali, who told us how they nearly tore her apart? What about the nomads, Laurent and Victoria? I don't suppose they'd agree with your assessment."

"Those are isolated incidents, and in all those cases they had trespassed upon the wolves' land-" Carlisle tried to explain.

Aro snorted derisively. Behind him, the Volturi guard tittered, shooting covert, amused glances at each other. "The wolves' land? Heavens, my dear, as well say, 'the humans' land'! There is no place off-limits to our kind, no stretch of earth upon which we need fear to tread."

"I beg you to consider-"

"No, no, none of that. It's the principle of the thing, Carlisle. Surely you must understand. You always were one for _principle._" He clapped his hands like a game-show host about to announce the next level. "Now. Step aside, please. These people cannot be allowed to flourish."

Carlisle squared his shoulders. The others - even Edward - stood unmoving as well. "No, Aro, I'm afraid I won't."

It took me a moment, but I finally was able to interpret the downward pull of Aro's used-to-be muscles as grief. "_Must _it come to this? You've always been one of my favorites."

_(KIM!KIM!KIM!) _A sudden wave of terrified anxiety spiked through Jared and hit my mind like a bullet train.

_Jared?_

_Dude, calm down!_

_(KIM!KIM!KIM!)_

_What the hell is-_

_**Be quiet!**_

Shaking my head, I tried to sort through the jumble of images and feelings. Something about Kim and...

Fire?

I looked up.

Clouds of smoke billowed into the air above the trees, strong and pungent even through the rain.

Edward was staring at us, eyes flickering from me to Jared to Paul, obviously trying to figure out what was wrong. He spun on his heel to confront Aro. "What are you doing?" he demanded, and then froze at whatever he read in the other bloodsucker's mind.

"I'm surprised you have to ask," Aro cooed. "It seems these animals have been recreating themselves for generations. We could kill every mutt standing here, but still more would be made. Did you really think we would permit the bloodline to continue?" He directed a look of satisfaction to the west. "Caius will remedy the situation."

I looked again at the smoke rising from the reservation... and understood what was happening.

The bloodline.

The entire bloodline.

"You're going to let him burn those people _alive_?" Edward choked out.

My control slipped for an instant. The entire Pack burst into furious howling. Over the noise, Aro replied, "Not so much _let _as _encourage, _my boy."

_-emilyemilyemily-_

_**Seth, run!**_ I ordered.

As soon as he was out of sight, we attacked as one.

* * *

_**Coming Soon**: Conflagration_

_**Sanity Update, Mera Edition**: I wrote most of this chapter while watching a troublesome preschooler run laps as penance for violent behavior. I'm sorry if it reflects my general frustration with life at the time._


	21. Conflagration

_all i got today is some sweet nothing / nothing to take away  
Mark Lanegan Band, "Can't Come Down"_

* * *

**16. Conflagration**

* * *

**(Bella)**

"Bella, I don't mean to be rude, but your pacing is enough to drive me to drink." With a hasty glance at Charlie, Jessica amended, "I mean, if I was _twenty-one_, which I'm totally not."

"Oh. Sorry." I sat down in the recliner and tried to settle for just jiggling one leg. The anxiety was making it next to impossible for me to remain still; I couldn't tell how much of it was natural, and how much of it was imprint-related. Was I anxious because Jacob _could be_ in danger, or because he _was_ in danger? What was I doing in my _house_, where it was perfectly safe, when I ought to be in La Push helping him?

I stared out the window and drummed my fingers again the side table.

"That doesn't help." Jessica sounded exasperated.

"She's got a point, Bells," Charlie said, sinking onto the couch. "Stop tapping and... continue the story." His words were said in the same tone one might use to tell a surgeon to continue to hack off a gangrenous limb. I still couldn't believe they both knew about the Pack. My only refuges of normalcy were now gone.

_This is going to be my whole life,_ Jacob had said about being a werewolf. _There won't be anything left._

He'd been right.

The story. "Okay. Right." I pulled back my hand and tucked it under my opposite arm, holding it in place with my cast. "So, after Laurent—"

"One of the vampires."

"Yes."

"Who used to be with the _other _vampire who tried to kill you."

"Well, not exactly. I mean, he used to _travel_ with James and Victoria, but he wasn't _with _them with them."

"Wait, so which one of those was it that tried to kill you?"

I sighed. "They both did."

There were not really words to describe the look on Charlie's face. Jessica just whistled. "Do you, like, have a sign on your back? 'Hey, mythical creatures! I'm super-tasty!'"

That surprised a laugh out of me. "I told you, everyone says I smell good."

"Ap_par_ently."

"Right, so, when he was destroyed by the Pack—"

"James?" Charlie interrupted.

"No, Laurent—"

Charlie rubbed his eyes.

"—Jake... uh, imprinted on me." I glanced at Charlie and quickly added, "He didn't do it on purpose."

"_Right._"

"It's true! He hated it, he _still_ hates it, he's made himself _sick _fighting—"

"Hold up, question from the class." Jessica raised her hand sarcastically. "Can you explain the imprint part again?"

"Later," I said as Charlie's expression darkened even further. "The _point_ is that that's when the Pack started trying to keep Victoria from getting to me—"

"And Victoria was Laurent's BFF?"

"Kind of, but she was mostly upset about James, ever since the Cullens burned him in Phoenix—"

"I can't believe this," Charlie muttered, cutting me off. "I cannot believe this—my own daughter—vampire boyfriend—almost murdered—_visits in the middle of the night!_—a gang of giant wolves trying to—broken bones, burned hands, kidnapped to _Brazil_— I can't even call myself a cop anymore, let alone a father!"

"Dad, don't be so hard on yourself," I hastened to reassure him, getting out of the chair. I crossed the room and put my hand on his trembling shoulder. "I mean, your instincts were correct. You knew something was wrong. You couldn't have guessed it was _vampires and werewolves._"

"That's true, I guess, but..." He watched me as I started making the circuit around the living room again. "Bells, could you quit that?"

I shook my head. Being on my feet had started to pump the restless energy through my body again—if I didn't move I would fall to pieces. The feeling of dread and terror kept climbing, crowding out the feel of my own heartbeat; air wouldn't come into my lungs.

"Bella, _sit down._"

"I _can't!_" Jacob's fear was making me crazy, which I knew must in turn be feeding _his _worry, which made me _more _worried, and I wasn't supposed to be _here_, I was supposed to be to the west by the ocean— "You don't get it—I can't _stand _knowing something's wrong and not being able to _do _anything about it!"

"You'd be surprised, kiddo."

The phone rang before I could acknowledge the irony in his voice. Keeping a wary eye on me, Charlie went to answer it. "Hello? Oh hey, Debbie." After a long pause, during which his face grew more and more grim, he asked, "Have they evacuated?"

Jessica glanced at me in alarm. _What's going on?_she mouthed as I tried—and failed—not to hyperventilate.

"How long until—" Another pause, and Charlie blanched white. "All right," he said, "headed over now."

"Jacob?" I gasped as the phone clicked back into the receiver. "Is it Jacob?"

Charlie was already brushing past Jessica and I to grab his coat off the hook by the door. "Fires at La Push," he said, his voice clipped and business-like. "The reservation police called the station, looking for support. They don't have the resources to deal with this and the Forest Service is a long way out."

Jessica made a noise of horror, and I swore I could feel the lighter flicking on in my left hand, the flames crawling across my fingers. "How bad is it?"

"Bad." His gun belt was strapped on, and he didn't spare me a look as he opened the door and strode out into the torrential rain. "Stay here until I get back," he called over his shoulder.

"But I—"

"No. I swear to God, Isabella, if you step one foot outside this house I'll ground you till you're fifty."

I ignored his warning to dash after him onto the lawn, getting instantly soaked to the bone in the downpour. A terrible thought had occurred to me, something that— "Dad! Billy won't be able to get out without Jake!"

Charlie froze, his hand on the cruiser door. Then he shook himself. "Right," he said, his tone still curt. "I'll take care of it, Bells." And a moment later he was driving away, his tires squealing as the siren cut through the wet air. I followed the flashing lights with my eyes, then looked up, blinking through the rain.

Even from here, from _miles _away, I could see twists of black smoke pressing against the steel gray of the stratus clouds.

A fire this big, in a rain this strong, in a forest this wet...

It couldn't be natural.

_The Volturi._

As I turned back to the house, Jessica crossed her arms in the doorway, looking dry and disapproving. "Are you really going to stay here?" she demanded, regarding me with naked suspicion.

I laughed hopelessly. "Of course not." I had to get to La Push; every cell of my body was calling me in that direction. "Can I borrow your car?"

"_No!_" She sounded appalled. "No _way_ am I letting you borrow my baby, are you _nuts?_"

"Okay, I'll walk."

"_Walk?_"

"I _have to go_." I stepped back into the house and grabbed my raincoat. Fifteen miles in Wellingtons would be miserable, though it was more like six as the crow flew, if I beat a path I could—

Jessica sighed and kicked the boots away as I reached for them. "Yeesh, Embry was right, you imprint people are _weird_." She took a step backwards, turned on her heel away from me, and tossed her keys over her shoulder. They landed on the tile floor with a clatter. "I have full coverage in the event of theft," she said to the opposite wall. "Not that _anyone_ would _ever_ steal my baby to go joyriding into a _forest fire_. Because that's just _stupid._"

"Definitely stupid," I agreed, grabbing the key ring off the floor. "Thanks, Jessica."

"Don't mention it, or I might come to my senses. And I'm taking the rest of the Godiva out of your fridge."

I threw on my coat, stepped into my sneakers, and ran for the car.

* * *

**(Sam)**

The Volturi were everything Carlisle had promised and more, but _now_ I understood why wolves imprinted.

My brothers were ripping their teeth and claws into every inch of stinking bloodsucker skin they could find. The thought of La Push had maddened them and they wanted to save their families, their friends, _everyone_, and the Pack consciousness was a maelstrom of different drives and desires—

—except Quil. His mind had exactly _one_ thought: _[twirling girl won't live in a world with these monsters]_. No complexity, just a single goal. Make the world safe for Claire.

Quil was fighting better than anyone else.

_Sam, the thin one, what do we—_

_**Embry, Jared, right and left!**_

I ducked as the female took a swing at my head, and as I snapped for her she shot back out of the way. I saw Rosalie and Emmett chase her, all of them racing high into the trees so fast the branches snapped under their feet.

_(KIM!KIM!KIM!)_

_**Focus**, Jared!_

Kim had to be near the fire, I could feel it through Jared's senses, and he was doing as badly as Quil was doing well. The vamps were getting in some pretty hard blows on him— I felt pain in my side, a phantom of his broken ribs. He couldn't think.

Luckily, he didn't need to think to kill vampires. It was all instinct.

I reached out through the eyes of the other Pack members, knocking aside the long-haired leech as it ran through the clearing towards the doctor's wife. _**Leah, Paul, go after**—_

But Leah and Paul's minds were quiet. I blinked, and looked over with my _own_ eyes—they were there, they were fine, why weren't they...

My vision started to blur. Through a darkening tunnel I saw the boy twin, younger than Seth, giving me an eerie stare.

Sensory deprivation.

_We have to take him out first, _I directed, seeing through Jared's eyes instead of my own—ow, his rib was definitely broken—and turning the Pack's attention to the boy. But before we could get there, a stab of blinding agony shot through Leah and Paul, who both yelped and started writhing on the ground. There was a shout from fifteen feet away—it sounded like Edward was getting hit, too. The girl twin's pain magic could apparently focus on more than one person at a time.

_**Quil, circle around and catch him from behind! **_We couldn't take out the girl twin if we couldn't _see_, and we couldn't see if we couldn't take out the boy twin first—

—but Quil left off fighting the thin leech and crashed into the boy from behind, knocking him flat to the ground. A moment later Quil was flying through the air as the vamp threw him off, but it worked. The haze lifted from my vision and I could see again. Leah and Paul were screaming in my head, and I ran for the little girl—she jumped just out of the path of my jaws to land twenty feet on the other side of the clearing, but it distracted her. Emmett dropped out of the trees to land on the thin leech and Leah and Paul whined for breath as Edward shook himself and ran back into the fray and everything was getting so _messy_—

Focus. Keep track. Give directives.

Female: Overhead. Leave to Rosalie for now.

Thin leech: Fighting Emmett. _**Embry. Paul. Backup.**_

Long-haired leech: Other side of clearing. Leave to Esme for now.

Girl twin: Other side of clearing. Leave to Edward for now.

Boy twin: Getting back on his feet. _**Quil. Leah. Jared. Take him out.**_

Everyone obeyed without question. That left...

I turned my head to see Aro and Carlisle whirling around in hand-to-hand combat so fast that even with the eyes of the wolf it was hard to follow. The doctor was really putting his all into it, and I ran to help him—

—but before I could get there, Aro embraced Carlisle from behind, wrapped an arm around his neck, and ripped the doctor's head from his shoulders. His corpse hit the forest floor like a boulder falling from a cliff.

Holy shit.

"_No!_" his wife shrieked from across the clearing, breaking off from her battle with the long-haired leech. She vaulted over Paul's back and screamed like a banshee as she dashed towards Aro, for once the pissed-off girlfriend factor was working in our _favor_—

—but then Esme ran right past Aro without stopping, her expression turning from furious to confused in the blink of an eye.

There was a series of cracks as Rosalie dropped from however high up, her body breaking every branch on the way down. She was shouting, though, so she was still alive—but now the female, Aro's mate, landed gracefully on the ground as well. Right, she was the shield, the one who distracted Aro's opponents so they couldn't remember who they were going for. And she was focused on the doctor's wife.

_**Leah,**_ I ordered, _**look at the female without attacking.**_

Leah saw what I had in mind and turned her face towards the bloodsucker, backing away from where Quil and Jared were trying to get a chunk out of the boy. I focused on the Packmind and put myself into Leah's point of view—and saw myself through her eyes, standing a few feet away from Aro.

Four steps and a jump.

The female saw me as I was coming. She tried to use her abilities to distract me, but I wasn't using _my_ brain, I was using _Leah's_, and I bit her head off before she could figure out what to do.

Spitting it out—along with the venom, the scar in my side ached, I would _never_ forget that taste as long as I lived—I skidded to a stop and turned to get Aro, _he _was the one I wanted, I'd take him apart and then go for the one setting the fires—

—but out of nowhere the long-haired leech's arm wrapped around my front leg and yanked me to the ground. The air left my body in a huff, and the thing leaned down, gave me a _smile_, and patted my muzzle.

My head spun—_(emilyemilyemily)(leah)_—and the leech jerked back before I could snap off his hand. But the smile stayed on his face as he looked across the clearing—at Leah. "What an _interesting_ life you lead, dog," he said, smirking.

This was the one who felt relationships.

I went cold.

The bloodsucker streaked toward Leah as I twisted to catch him, and broke her leg at the knee before I could blink—and as she went down, the boy twin took the opportunity to swing his feeble little child arm into Jared's side. The sound of Jared's already-broken ribs snapping in a line was audible even over the howls and snarls, and the _(kimkimkim)_s in my mind faded to a whisper.

An instant later, as I jumped for the long-haired leech's neck, Leah wrenched forward and caught his ankle between her teeth. We yanked in opposite directions. The leech split in two and didn't move again.

Leah tried to get back to her feet, but her leg gave beneath her. Jared was barely breathing. I batted the boy twin fifteen feet through the air with my claw and Quil chased to where he landed, I felt outwards, Embry and Paul were doing okay with Emmett, someone needed to get after the girl twin, and Aro, and the bloodsucker lighting the fire—

A new voice, separate from the Pack's and louder. _Sam? Sam!_

No way.

_Sam, where are you? Sam!_

_Jacob?_ I called.

_Sam, I'm coming, I'll be right—_

_No, don't!_ There was no time for greetings, or questions, or worries—I just poured out a complicated thought-stream of feelings and pictures and memories, all overlaid with the sight of the smoke rising from the reservation. _Find the leech and kill it!_

I felt Jacob change course instantly and head straight for La Push. I had just enough headspace to be extremely, extremely grateful that he hadn't been with us. Otherwise, there would be no one to stop the firesetter.

Then I threw myself back into the battle.

* * *

**(Bella)**

As I careened up La Push Road toward the reservation, I realized I had no idea what to do.

I was driving into a _forest fire_, one very likely perpetrated and supernaturally propelled by vampires. Sense, even the smallest amount of it, dictated that I take a U-turn and head in the exact _opposite_ direction—but even considering such a thing made me tighten my hand on the steering wheel and floor the gas pedal. _The land is safe_, the thrumming thing inside me said. _The land is defended._

The thrumming thing was wrong, though. La Push wasn't safe. Somehow the wolves had been flanked, that much was obvious. But still, I was drawn there like a magnet, to the place the imprint told me I had to be, so that Jacob could protect me from harm. I _couldn't _disobey.

I wondered if this was what an order felt like.

The car slipped and slid on the twisting road, and maybe it was my imagination, but I thought I could see a faint light through the trees.

It would be okay, though. I'd just have to make the best of it and find a way to be useful when I got there. Doing _something _always calmed me down—that was a lesson I'd learned from the Victoria debacle. Not to mention, if I was focused on acting, that meant I'd be less anxious, which meant Jacob would be less anxious, and then he would be safer. Which, in turn, made me less anxious—

—I almost hit the sandy-colored wolf that ran out into my path.

With a shriek, I jammed on the brakes, spinning a little on the wet pavement. The wolf stared at me for a quarter of a second, and then in a blink of an eye it was no longer a wolf, but a naked boy instead. "Bella!" he shouted.

I gaped. "_Seth?_"

Seth jumped into the car next to me before I even had a chance to process what was happening. "Quick, floor it!"

Obediently, I flattened my foot on the accelerator as much as I dared; the tires gripped the road and we were off again. "What the hell is going _on_, Seth?" I demanded.

"The leeches are here, and Sam Alpha-ordered me to run from the fighting. There's a bloodsucker burning down the reservation but I can't go _do_ anything about it!" Seth's voice shook with a very familiar frustration. "Jacob's fighting him and Sam's fighting the others and I can't go _help!_"

_Jacob._"Is Jake all right?" I asked urgently.

"He's doing okay last I saw, but it's hard to tell, everything's just this big jumble. The bloodsucker has some kind of superpower that lets him feed the fires and keep them burning—they're trying to kill _everyone_ so there won't be any more wolves, and Jared's getting all ripped to pieces because Kim's in danger, I think she's gotta be injured or something, he keeps shouting for her in his head and I _hate_ it when that happens—"

Wolves couldn't think when their imprints were threatened.

A plan came together in my mind. "Then let's go get Kim."

"What?"

The trees were passing by in a dark blur, and now I could definitely see the orange glow to the west—hopefully the fire hadn't yet cut off our road. "We'll get Kim out of danger," I explained, "and then Jared will be able to focus, and that's how we'll help. It's not actually a fight, so you're not disobeying an order."

Seth frowned, and he stared into middle space for a brief moment before shaking his head. "No, that's not disobeying," he pronounced authoritatively. "I can do that."

"Good." Another thought had occurred to me. "What about Sam? Is he okay?"

"He's been fine—" Seth's eyes widened. "Right. Emily. Yeah, the fire might not be to her yet but she doesn't have a car, and Sam will _freak _if something happens."

"Okay," I said, nodding. "First Kim, then Emily, then... we'll just figure the rest of it out after that."

"Right. Unless you have another plan? What were you going to do before you ran into me?"

"Show up and try not to catch on fire."

"Wow, that's dumb." Seth gave me a quick, worried look. "But you're going to have to stay pretty safe," he said, "or Jake will lose it too."

"It'll be okay," I said, inhaling deeply. Now that I was _acting_, not just sitting still, I could breathe. "He'll be fine as long as I'm not afraid, so... I won't be."

Seth groaned.

_Jacob. Jacob. Jacob._

* * *

**(Sam)**

The black-haired leech and the female were both dead. That left the thin leech, the twins, and Aro. And the firesetter.

Edward, Emmett, and Rosalie had ganged together to take on the thin one—who could fight like a demon even though he was skinny—and were slowly beating him back. I didn't think vampires could really get tired, but I wasn't sure they could keep it up for much longer.

Jared was down and wasn't getting back up any time soon. Paul and Embry were on the boy twin, swapping perspective whenever one of them lost sight or hearing; the boy couldn't seem to get a leg up on it. Quil was all over the girl twin now, who apparently couldn't pull her pain voodoo trick if she was too busy fighting, and Leah was backing him up as best she could without use of one of her legs.

Aro was the big problem, but Esme was after him in a way that shocked the hell out of both him and me. He absolutely could not get a grip on her. Unfortunately she was fighting so furiously that _I_ couldn't get in either. I didn't dare give him an inch of opening, so I snapped at whatever part of the bastard I could reach and kept track of Jacob at the same time.

I felt it the moment Jacob hit the fires. They'd almost entirely surrounded La Push.

_—emilyemilyemily—_

Ten seconds later I saw a white-haired leech through Jacob's eyes—then they crashed into each other, and I couldn't tell who was winning.

That was when Paul and Embry made their moves. They went low and high at the same moment—the boy swung upward and broke Embry's jaw with a crunch, but it was too late. The leech was in pieces before Embry even landed from his jump.

The girl screeched with fury as her twin fell, reached out lightning-fast, and grabbed Quil by the neck. I heard the snap from across the clearing.

Just like that, Quil vanished from my mind.

Even though I knew the truth, I couldn't stop myself from asking, _Quil? _as Leah lunged forward and bit through the girl's marble skin. There was no answer.

Aro finally shook Esme off, her flying body taking out a couple of trees before it landed, and turned to face me with a smile.

I leapt for the leech king's throat.

* * *

_**Coming Soon**: Ashes_

_**Sanity Update, Audrey Edition**: The delay on this chapter was due to technical difficulties, namely this fic being on one side of a door and myself being on the other side. (This is not a metaphor. I locked myself out of the house for fifteen hours.) Rescheduling means the next update will be moved to Friday unless something else intervenes, like a plague of frogs._

_As a side note for anyone who cares - I am now on Tumblr, talking about fandom and whatnot. Because I obviously have too much time on my hands. audreyii-fic (dot) tumblr (dot) com._


	22. Ashes

_and you don't need the light on / to guide you through the southern lands  
Tori Amos, "Siren"_

* * *

**17. Ashes**

* * *

**(Bella)**

It didn't seem to matter that the rain was still hitting the windshield faster than Jessica's wipers could clear it off; smoke poured through the car's vents in hazy plumes nonetheless. I rolled down the windows—at least that way the air blew _through _instead of just sitting by our heads. We also got very wet. "Can you still see?" I coughed, my eyes watering as I tried not to drive off the pavement.

"Yeah," said Seth, "kind of."

"Am I going to hit anything?"

"Not yet."

That was not reassuring. Also not reassuring was the fact that I had yet to see any vehicles passing us on the opposite side of the yellow divider. No one seemed to be leaving the reservation to get to Forks... and this highway was the only connection between the two.

If the road had been cut off by the fire, I didn't know what we would do. I _had_ to get to La Push. The pull of the imprint demanded it. I'd walk over the coals if necessary—and I knew as well as anyone how painful that would be.

Seth seemed to notice my distress, because he reached over and clumsily patted me on the shoulder. "If we get stuck," he said, "we'll find a way through the woods. You can ride me, I don't mind."

I held up my cast wordlessly. "I can't hold on."

"Oh. Uh... well, we'll think of something."

"Yeah." I nodded, making an effort to push aside my increasing anxiety and show some confidence. It wasn't right for a fourteen year old kid to be comforting _me _in this situation. "I'm sure we will. Don't worry."

"I'm not worried." Seth was an even worse liar than I was.

_Jacob. Jacob. Jacob. _I didn't know what was happening, but his fear was my fear.

Within a mile the orange light that had been steadily growing on the horizon was no longer a glow; without transition, without warning, it coalesced into a towering inferno. The flames were climbing up into the trees, consuming branches twenty, thirty feet up, in an almost perfect line north to south. The rain did absolutely nothing to impede it. The fire wasn't being fueled by the wood. It was being fueled by the powers of a vampire we couldn't see, the one that was fighting Jacob at some unknown distance.

It felt as though we were driving into hell.

But no branches had yet fallen on the road. The pavement was starting to crack—the heat was incredible, like crawling into an oven—but it was still clear.

Seth grabbed hold of the dashboard and swore as I gunned the engine and resisted the urge to close my eyes.

The tires made a terrible noise as we lurched over the asphalt at ninety miles an hour, and the smell of melting rubber filled the car—

—but then we were past the wall of fire.

A few moments later, Seth said weakly, "Let's never do that again."

"Yeah, no." There were still flames on all sides of us, but they weren't as large or as all-consuming. Their creator had obviously focused on fencing off the reservation as quickly as possible, so as to trap the residents, and now was working his way inward.

By the time we came back, the highway would probably be impassable. It didn't matter. I couldn't stop now.

_Jacob. Jacob. Jacob._

A minute later, the buildings of the town became visible through the smoke and rain—and Seth caught his breath. "Look."

I spared a glance to my right—then could barely keep from staring. Where we were, the homes and stores were still standing—though the smoke was everywhere—but only a half mile to the north, rooftops were covered in bright, licking orange flames.

"Kim lives that way," Seth said hollowly.

Of course she did. That made sense. No wonder Jared was in a panic.

Still, even as I turned the car towards the highest danger, I felt slightly reassured. I was where I was supposed to be, now; my body told me I was in the most defensible location. On this land, Jacob could protect me. He would keep me safe, shelter me from all the bad things, make sure no harm ever touched me—

It clicked in my mind. This was supposed to help Jacob fight. It was supposed to give him a place to guard and a purpose behind it... except the stupid imprint couldn't understand that the Quileute land was currently the most threatening place in the world.

And none of those thoughts were _me_. I forced myself to focus on my self-appointed tasks: save Kim, save Emily, keep Jared and Sam in the fight. _That_ was what would help Jacob. "My phone's in the cupholder." I tried to keep my voice even but it trembled. "Emily's number is in there; try to call her." Hard enough to drive with one hand and a couple of fingers without dialing behind the wheel.

Seth obeyed, but reported, "No bars."

"Are you kidding?"

"Reception sucks around here."

I squelched the desire to laugh. I suspected that if I started, I wouldn't be able to stop.

After a few blocks—in which I ignored all traffic signals, figuring that if a STOP sign was blocked by smoke then I was under no obligation to obey it—I had to slow the car to a crawl. People were everywhere, now, stumbling and running down the street. Some carried a few items, but most were just fleeing.

"They're headed to the beach," Seth said. "They're going to burn or drown."

"At least it'll buy time," I said. Not much... but some.

_Jacob. Jacob. Jacob._

I willed him to hurry.

There were fewer people in the last block, and Seth and I both stared in horror. There were only two fire trucks at work—one from La Push, one from Forks—and though their hoses were aimed at the burning buildings, the fires didn't waver for an instant. Nothing would put them out as long as the person behind them kept them going.

Three houses had already collapsed, and my heart leapt into my throat as Seth pointed in that direction... but the home he indicated was still standing, though its roof had caved in and smoke was billowing from the open windows. "That's Kim's," he said. His voice was horrified.

I swallowed hard. "Would you know if she was dead?" I asked, unbuckling my seatbelt. Surely the feeling of Jared losing his imprint would resonate so strongly that Seth would feel it, phased or not.

"I don't know." Seth took a deep breath as we both got out of the car, and immediately started coughing violently. "I'm gonna phase and get her out of there," he managed to say. "Dead or not."

"You can't!" I protested. "Think about it—you're huge and your fur's flammable. Human form's not much better but at least you'll heal fast." My burned hand spasmed in phantom pain, reminding me of the probable consequences of going into the house. Too bad I couldn't pay attention right now.

Seth nodded. "This is really going to hurt," he muttered—and for the first time, I realized that he was nude.

I looked down at the melted skin of my left hand, and swallowed against sudden nausea. I had more important things to worry about. "Let's go," I said. Seth started to protest, but I cut him off. "Don't even think about trying to get me to stay back. I'll keep behind you but you need another set of eyes."

There was no time to argue, and together, we ran to the door. Seth winced when he grabbed the knob and jerked back—glancing down, I saw a rapidly diminishing burn on his palm. Then he mumbled something under his breath and just kicked the door in instead. The wood splintered and fell to the side, barely hanging on by a hinge, and we jumped over it.

_Don't think. Don't think. Don't think. _

"Kim!" Seth called. "_Kim!_"

Clouds of smoke surrounded us in a lethal fog. I knew I was supposed to get low, but it seemed like the time that it would cost us would end up undoing whatever advantage it would provide. I ran into furniture, walked into a wall, felt around with outstretched hands for open doors. I didn't see any fire, which was probably a good thing, but flickering red light came through a sliding glass door that led into the backyard. The trees were burning.

_Jacob. I want you to protect me. I want you to keep me safe. _

No, no, no. _I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine,_ I corrected mentally. _Just helping Kim out; I'm fine._

"Do you see her?" Seth said from somewhere to my left.

"No!" I blinked over and over, trying to clear my eyes; they burned as though I'd splashed my face with acid. "Check the second floor!"

Seth could still see better than me, apparently; a moment later there were thundering footfalls on the stairs, and I heard him shouting Kim's name between curses of pain. If he got stuck up there... I felt my way along a wall, trying to find a kitchen, where hopefully there would be a fire extinguisher. These weren't natural flames but maybe it would clear just enough of a path to—

"Got her!" A bare half-second later I felt a strong arm wrap around my waist, and we were outside the house in less time than it took to blink; Seth dropped both Kim and I onto the lawn with heavy thuds, and my face hit cool, wet grass. For a moment, I gaped; I'd forgotten that even Seth's slender form possessed werewolf strength and speed. Then I crawled towards the girl lying next to me as Seth coughed raggedly and rubbed his eyes.

Kim didn't seem to be conscious, but she was alive, and unburned; her clothes were already soaked through with rainwater. Her breathing was shallow and labored. Smoke inhalation, then. "Kim?" I said urgently, shaking her.

There was no response, but her lips were moving faintly.

Seth scooped Kim up and deposited her in the backseat. "Come on, Bella," he said—or rather, shouted over the cracking of the house behind us. At any moment the frame was going to collapse. "We've gotta go get Emily."

I nodded and scrambled into the car. My skin wasn't on fire, but it felt as though my throat and lungs were. Finally, though, I got to drive _away _from the flames. I pulled into reverse—the car made more horrible noises, I hoped Jessica hadn't been lying about having full coverage—but it still moved. And this time there were no people in our way. Everyone had fled.

"She keeps saying Jared's name," Seth reported from the back, where he cradled Kim in his arms.

That wasn't a good sign. "I keep thinking about wanting Jacob to protect me," I tried to comfort him. "Probably it's just an imprint thing."

"Yeah, maybe." He didn't sound convinced. I really, really needed to learn how to lie better, assuming I lived till tomorrow. "She needs a hospital, I think."

"I'll get us there next," I promised... a promise that required the road to Forks still be passable.

_Jacob. Jacob. Jacob._ Was he lying on the forest floor, mumbling _my _name? Would I know if he was?

As we headed toward Emily's the air turned slightly cooler, but not by much. And the glow to the east grew steadily brighter. The wall of fire was getting close, now. I trusted Jacob, but— "Seth? Is there _any_ way you can get around the order and go help Jake? Just circle around him, make it _look _like you can attack?" If the vampire wasn't stopped soon, there would be nothing that could save La Push. We would all die. "Seth?"

There was no answer... but the car began to rattle. I looked in the rearview mirror and saw Seth shaking, every muscle tensed. "_Seth!_"

"Something's wrong," he muttered. I watched in alarm as his arms tightened unconsciously around Kim's frame. "Something's different."

"Different? How different?"

"I don't know, I can't— Paul wants me to come back, I'm supposed to go back, I have to—"

I knew what the shaking meant. "You're about to phase! I'll get Emily, get out of the car! Go!"

Seth opened the door without waiting for me to brake, barely making it to the tree line before I saw him explode into the wolf and disappear into the forest. A moment later I registered what he had said.

_Paul _had called for Seth.

My heart sank.

I couldn't think about that right now. Kim was moaning incoherently in the back seat, and I had to get to Emily. It was the one thing I could do to help. I floored the gas again, skidding through the wet streets on half-melted tires.

_Jacob. Jacob. Jac—_

Then I felt it. A sudden shot of fear and panic and _rage_ that seemed to boil through my blood, as strong a physical reaction as if I were exploding from the inside out—

—and then, the glow to the east dimmed. Hardly daring to believe, I risked another quick glance in the rearview mirror. The buildings behind me were still on fire... but the lights were dying back. Even as I watched, the torrential rain started suffocating some of the smaller flames. Rooftops that had previously been burning brightly were only glowing with embers in less than a minute.

The sudden _need _to be in La Push—the iron bind—vanished.

_Jacob? Jacob? Jacob?_

I didn't feel anything, not fear, not fury, not— _anything_.

"Jared," Kim mumbled. "Jared..."

I drove the rest of the way to Emily's in a daze, and when I pulled up in front of the neat little house, I heard the screaming the moment I stopped the car.

Sudden dread startled me out of my stupor; it settled into the pit of my stomach with an anvil's weight. I ran to the front door and swung it open, calling her name.

What greeted me wasn't a surprise. Emily sat on the couch, rocking back and forth, hands over her ears and eyes squeezed shut. Wordless keening tore from her mouth. It was like when Victoria had injured Sam... but ten times worse.

Sitting down next to her, I pulled her into an embrace. "Hey, Emily, it's okay," I murmured in her ear, which was the only chance I stood of being heard. "The fires are going down. Everything's going to be all right."

She just kept screaming.

Okay, this wasn't going to work. Releasing her from my grip, I instead stood and tugged at her elbow. "Come on, Emily. Let's go. Let's go to the hospital."

She wasn't fighting me, at least. She allowed me to pull her up and guide her into the front passenger seat of the car. She even let me buckle her seatbelt. Still, she never stopped making that horrible, broken noise.

_Jacob? Jacob? Jacob?_

* * *

On the way back to Forks I had to drive Jessica's poor car over buckled, scorched pavement, going half the normal speed. This time emergency vehicles started passing us towards the reservation, marked with the names of other towns and the Park Service. Help had arrived, but I didn't know if it had arrived too late. Soon, too, dozens of cars and trucks started coming up behind us—then passing in the opposite lane as it became clear our poor little sedan wasn't capable of traveling more than thirty miles an hour.

Kim had at least started to groan in the back seat, which was promising... I hoped.

Emily didn't quiet down. Not for a single second.

At last, we got to Forks Hospital, where I barely could find a space; every vehicle that had passed us seemed to be parked out front. Finally I just left the car on the grass and hauled in the two women as best I could, far less elegantly than one of the wolves could have managed, but we staggered inside nonetheless.

A hundred shouting, crying, shell-shocked people were crowed in the emergency room, but the nurses took one look at Kim and pulled her into the back. Emily's non-stop screaming got an equally fast response.

As I was giving them what information I could in the din and trying to explain that there hadn't been time to look for insurance cards, the admitting nurse said, "Honey, you need oxygen."

"I'm fine," I said—or rather, croaked. That was when I realized I sounded like a chain smoker.

There was clearly no space in back, which was filled with people suffering more serious injuries; the oxygen tank was brought to me in the waiting room. The nurse hurriedly explained how to hold in the mask in place before returning to the chaos. The plastic seats were all taken by people who clearly needed them more than I did; I instead retreated to the floor in the hallway, edging up against the wall to keep out of the way of the arrivals. I held the mask against my face with my left hand, and grimaced at the sight of blood smearing over the clear plastic. The delicate, still healing skin of my fingers had split open again. I would need to ask for bandages and antiseptic... at some point. I really couldn't focus enough to think.

_Jacob? Jacob? Jacob?_

Every minute felt like an hour. Soon, it seemed that every single person in Forks and La Push joined me in the room, all either injured or checking on those who had been hurt. I saw their mouths moving and heard loud noises, but I couldn't make sense of any of it.

Maybe oxygen did that to a person.

At one point, I saw Sue Clearwater, pulling on her scrubs even as she rushed through the sliding doors. She paused when I called her name.

"What's going on?" I pleaded.

"I'm here with Jared," she replied, crouching down to join me. She glanced around before saying quietly, "At least this way I can hide some of his abnormal healing from the others. He's in bad shape, but it looks like he'll live."

Hearing it put so starkly made me feel sick all over again. "What about the rest of them?"

She rose to her feet, professional demeanor in place like a shield. "Seth and Leah are alive, and I only know that because Paul brought Jared to me. I need to go see who else I can help."

I watched her go, feeling more helpless than ever, then—

_Jacob? Jacob? Jac— Jacob. Jacob. Jacob._

Something simple and deep rose up inside me, like a warm blanket settling around my shoulders... and finally I was able to take a deep breath through the oxygen mask.

I waited.

It only took five minutes.

"_Bella!_ What the hell— what is— are you hurt? Why is that on your face?" The hot hands running over my body were shaking.

"It's just for the smoke, Jake." I leaned forward, soaking up his embrace, concentrating on thinking _I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine_ and saying, "I'm okay. Promise." I noted with an exhausted, dull surprise that he was dressed—but the dullness sharpened into alarm when I saw the blood soaked through the back of his wet shirt. "Jake! Your—"

"Don't worry," he said quickly. "It knocked me out for a little while, but it's healing up."

I exhaled in relief as the last vestiges of my confusion faded. "I couldn't feel you. It seemed like... maybe..."

But I'd only been disoriented, severed. I hadn't been screaming.

The dread I'd been carrying with me transmuted into anticipatory grief. "There's something wrong with Emily," I said, staring at a spot over Jacob's shoulder.

Jacob took a deep breath, then two... and he pulled me tighter against him. I pushed the oxygen tank aside as he started to sob into my shoulder. It took him a while to speak, but at last he mumbled against my skin: "Sam's dead."

I'd thought I was prepared, but shock poured through me like an ice floe. "Oh my God."

"We beat them, at least." Jacob sat up to meet my gaze. My heart clenched at the sight of his bloodshot eyes. "All the Volturi are dead. I got the one setting the fires, and Sam got the leader, but..." His face twisted with fresh grief. "Sam's dead, and so's Quil and so's the doctor. Carlisle." I could only stare, stunned into unresponsiveness with the magnitude of their losses. "The Cullens went home. Paul was Beta while I was gone, so he's default Alpha now and I don't know what's supposed to happen with that."

My voice came out sounding thin and faraway. "Don't worry about it now. There's too many other things—"

The sound of a siren out front cut me off. Another ambulance. Jacob looked up, frowning... then turned a sickly shade of yellow as the doctors pulled a gurney out of the back. "Dad?" he croaked, jumping to his feet.

I was too low on the floor to get a look as Billy was rolled by, but the expression on Jacob's face told me everything I needed to know. "Go," I said quickly, and Jacob ran after the gurney without a word.

One of the doctors paused as he passed, looking down at me. "You're Charlie Swan's daughter, right?" I nodded...

...and the way he bit his lip brought my heart to a stop. Somehow I kept inhaling anyway, pressing the oxygen mask tighter to my face.

"Charlie's behind us. They're bringing... we didn't leave him there."

One breath. Two. Three.

"His friend is in for a long recovery, but it looks like he'll make it. He'd be dead without your father."

Four breaths. Five. Six.

"Dragged him out of the house by himself. They collapsed on the lawn. One of the fire trucks spotted them."

The blood from my scarred hand dripped off of my wrist, and I remembered the lighter, the sensation as the venom covering my skin had burst into flame. I pulled the mask away long enough to ask, "Did he burn?"

The doctor shook his head. "No, no burns. Smoke inhalation." He paused, then said, "I'm so sorry."

I nodded again, too numb to cry.

* * *

_**Coming Soon**: Dust_

_**Sanity Update, Mera Edition**: *sniffle* Don't look at me. The outline made me do it. (**Audrey**: Next update should be Monday. I'm guessing you don't want it on Christmas Day.)_

_**Side note**: The Movement of the Earth is now available in canon-compliant .pdf format. My anal-retentiveness has truly reached new heights. Link is: audreyii-fic (dot) livejournal (dot) com (slash) 33811 (dot) html_


	23. Dust

_for the life of me / i cannot remember / what made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise  
Lux Land, "The Freshmen"_

* * *

**18. Dust**

* * *

**(Bella)**

I had missed my final exams. Thankfully, none of the teachers held it against me—every single one of them said that I could turn in the end of class paperwork whenever I was ready, that there was no rush. Their sympathetic looks were more difficult to deal with than I'd expected. If I never saw another pitying face, it would be too soon. And Forks was full of them.

So I went to La Push, to Jacob's house, to Jacob's arms, where everything still made sense in a world that I couldn't even comprehend.

And I didn't leave.

* * *

The Blacks' kitchen was windowless, needing illumination from the fluorescent light overhead even though it was eight-thirty in the morning. "Please pass the milk," Rebecca said shortly, refusing to make eye contact.

I took a bite of Cheerios and set the gallon jug down with more force than strictly necessary. The Formica table rattled. "Here."

A muscle in Rebecca's jaw twitched as she added the milk to her cereal, and I resisted the urge to slap it. Rachel and Jake were at the hospital, taking their turns by Billy's bedside, and no good would come of my getting into a cat fight with the only Black sibling left in the house. Especially considering she was easily four inches taller.

All of my anger at Jacob's sisters had been simmering not far below the surface for the last two days, and I was having a more and more difficult time tamping it down. Neither of them liked coming home to find their sixteen-year-old brother living with his girlfriend, but their righteous indignation had _nothing_ on mine. They'd abandoned Jacob for _years_, left him alone to deal with all the problems in the world, and now they were breezing in to help for, what, a week? Two? Then they'd both be on their ways, leaving him alone _again_, and the thought made me want to—

"How are the funeral plans coming?" This time Rebecca's tone was softer.

I swallowed, my furiously protective thoughts derailed. "Well, you know," I said vaguely. Angela had been my saving grace; as I'd stood in the funeral home, surrounded by brochures and at a complete overwhelmed loss, I'd remembered that Angela was a preacher's daughter. She was at my side less then ten minutes after my phone call, handling everything in only a few hours, asking me for no more than my nominal approval as she made the arrangements. I'd nodded dully each time. I knew Charlie wouldn't have cared about any of those things.

"Oh. Well... if you..." Rebecca sighed then, and set down her spoon to rub her eyes. "Charlie looked after us when Mom died," she said suddenly. "Dad got sicker and Charlie brought groceries for us, drove Rach to basketball practice... we loved him." She looked exhausted. "If there's anything we can do to help with the arrangements, we'll do it."

I knew her words were heartfelt, but I felt the imprint-linked temper rise up in me again. "So my dad took care of everyone," I said acidly. "Then _Jacob_ took care of everyone. Thanks for the offer, but if I need assistance, I'll ask someone with more experience _helping_."

There was a beat—then Rebecca stood up so fast her chair fell to the ground. "You think you have a right— you—" She shoved the cereal box into the cabinet above the sink; I heard a crunch. "You've lived here since, what, winter before last? What do you know about _anything?_ We saw Charlie three times a week for our whole lives. Rachel and I were better daughters to him than you _ever _were."

It felt like there wasn't enough oxygen in the room. All I could do was stare at the plastic salt and pepper shakers sitting in the middle of the table. But finally, when I found my voice again, I said: "Just because I was wrong doesn't mean you were right."

There was a long silence to my right. "Yeah," she said after a minute. "Yeah. I'm sorry. It's been a rough few days. On everyone, I guess."

I nodded.

"Look. You can stay until Dad gets out of the hospital—but you need to go before he comes home. He won't like it if you're here and I don't want to stress him out. There's not enough room, anyway."

I knew she was right, but I couldn't resist saying, "There'll be plenty of room once you and Rachel leave again."

"I'm gonna stick around for awhile."

_That_ made me look up in surprise. "You are?"

Rebecca nodded and took a sip of orange juice. "The doctors say Dad's going to need a lot of help with recovery. Harder for his lungs to heal with the diabetes and stuff. Rach has got to go back to school—and so does _Jake_." She gave me an evil look at she said the words, and I suddenly realized she thought _I_ was the reason Jacob had dropped out. "I'll stay until things are under control."

"Won't your husband mind?" I asked curiously.

"If Sol doesn't like it, tough."

That didn't sound very promising for her marriage, but I knew Jacob would be hugely relieved not to have sole responsibility for his dad's care. I had been planning to handle as much of it as I could, to ease the burden... but Rebecca was right, as much as I hated to admit it. Billy wouldn't like that. I couldn't stay here forever.

I just didn't know where to go.

* * *

Afterwards, I couldn't remember much of Charlie's funeral.

I remembered the rest home being so full that there was no place to sit; people lined up against the back wall, crammed in tighter than sardines, almost certainly violating the fire code. It seemed like every resident of both Forks and La Push was there.

I remembered that Renée sobbed louder than anyone else in the room.

I remembered Jacob's hand squeezing mine so tightly I wondered if my bones could take it, and how Billy—released from the hospital only for a few hours—had dislodged his nasal oxygen tube as he wiped his eyes over and over.

I remembered standing over the casket, looking down at my father's face. He was gone, and I knew this was supposed to bring me closure, but all I felt was a sort of disinterested exhaustion, like it was late at night and I was watching a movie about myself. I didn't have any tears to shed.

But when it was over, I realized that those moments were _all_ I remembered. I didn't even know who had given the eulogy.

I distracted myself from the revelation by catching Jessica on the front steps and trying to thank her for everything she'd done—except she interrupted me before I got very far. "Bella... please don't take this the wrong way, but... I really don't want to talk about that. Ever again." She smiled awkwardly. "It's just, uh—"

"A lot," I supplied.

"Exactly. More than I want, you know?"

"I know." I'd made a conscious decision to join the supernatural world, and given what had happened since... I couldn't blame Jessica for not choosing the same path. "How's the car?"

She grimaced. "The insurance company is all kinds of _not _happy. I wiped your prints from the steering wheel."

"Thanks."

"No prob." Then she looked down and said, "I'm sorry about your dad. He was really cool."

Somehow, that was the most meaningful condolence I'd received so far. "Yeah, he was."

Jessica glanced towards the parking lot—Mike was waving to her. I'd noticed them sitting together at the funeral, where she'd rested her head on his shoulder; the 'on again' of prom had apparently lasted. "I'll text you later," she said quickly, and as she walked away I felt a twinge of envy for her life, which seemed so simple and quiet in comparison to mine... until I noticed how Embry, who stood near the side of the building with several other La Push residents, was watching her go with a strange expression on his face.

Perhaps Jessica's life wasn't going to be as simple as it currently seemed.

* * *

Since Jacob had to return Billy to the hospital, it was Renée who came with me to Charlie's house. I sat in the recliner and zoned out while she made coffee. It was my first time back since I'd left to drive to La Push during the fire. There were things I was supposed to be doing, six million pieces of paper than had to be signed after a person died. At the moment I couldn't seem to do anything except stare at the television and wonder where my father had left the remote.

It took me a while to tune back in, and when I did, Renée was saying, "Do you want something for lunch, baby? Looks like there's sprouts and some tofu in here—"

I'd made Charlie eat frittatas for nothing. "No, thanks. I'm not hungry."

There was a clanking in the kitchen that indicated Renée had ignored my decline of food. "So," she said, "I was thinking that tonight I can go pick up some boxes from the grocery store. They've always got extras. Once we get all your stuff sorted out we should be able to rent one of the smaller moving trucks to get it to Jacksonville—"

"Mom," I interrupted, "we've been through this before. I live here now."

"But baby, that was _before_—"

"It doesn't matter. I'm staying." I didn't know what I was going to _do_, but I wasn't leaving my home. Not for anything.

With a bewildered look, she drifted into the living room to face me. "Is this about Jacob? Bella, I know he's very mature for his age, but he's only _sixteen_. And after the way you two scared everyone, I'm not sure he's such a good influence."

I shook my head, biting back my automatic desire to defend. After Charlie had learned what was really happening, he'd apparently withdrawn all his kidnapping reports by saying Jake and I had gone on an 'unauthorized road trip'. "It's about a lot more than Jacob, Mom."

"So what's it about, then?"

The screen of the blank television seemed to waver in my vision as I searched for a way to articulate what everyone meant: Embry lifting me onto the counter, Emily loaning me her hoodie, Seth holding onto the dashboard of Jessica's car... and all I could say was, "My family is here. They need me. And I need them."

Too late, I realized how hurtful those words must have been for my mother to hear. She didn't bother trying to hide the pain on her face, but said, "Well, if you change your mind... you're always welcome, Bella. You're my baby."

I nodded, but a knock on the door cut off whatever else I might have said. I let out a slow breath as Renée went to answer it—and then I heard her words turn frosty. "I'm not really sure Bella is up to seeing a visitor right now, Edward."

"Just for a moment," a velvet voice pleaded. "It won't take long."

The television screen didn't give me any answers as my mother called my name. "It's okay," I replied. "Let him in." I knew he would have things he wanted to say... and after what he and Carlisle and the others had done to help the Pack, it seemed only fair to give him the chance to say it.

As they walked into the living room, I noticed Renée _looking_ at Edward—who was the world's most perfect predator, like it or not. "Mom," I said quickly, "could you give us some privacy, please?"

Her hesitation in leaving us was palpable, but she went. Once she was out of earshot, in the kitchen, Edward turned to me. "May I?"

I nodded. As he sat gracefully on the couch, I noticed that I felt almost no effect from any of his abilities; he was still beautiful, of course, but he no longer looked _real_ to my eyes. I felt no more draw towards him than I would have felt towards a marble statue in an art gallery.

Was it a result of the imprint, or my own efforts to overcome the addiction to his presence? After a moment I decided I didn't care. I would never throw myself into his embrace again.

Edward looked at me for a long minute, during which I simply stared back. "I've come to offer my condolences in person, Bella," he said finally, "along with my deepest apologies for all my errors in judgment."

"_Errors in judgment_," I echoed in disbelief. "You mean having Alice kidnap me? Coming back to Forks? _Leaving _Forks? Which parts?"

My tone made him wince. "All of it," he said. "Every decision I've made that has ever caused you even a second of pain. I can offer no defense. All I can say is, the only thing I've ever wanted is for you to be safe."

It was the day of my father's funeral. I didn't have enough emotion to spare to react—let alone shout, or cry, or do anything else. "That's not your place, Edward," was all I said.

He nodded. "Yes. I understand. It's Jacob's place, now."

"No," I corrected, "it's _my _place."

He didn't seem to know how to respond to that; as near as I could tell, my words didn't even sink in. I remembered what Jasper had said: _For a vampire of his age, he's even relatively stable. But our kind do not stay human for long._

It made sense to me, now. It didn't matter that I had killed Victoria or rescued Kim or even walked from one room to another without falling over. Edward didn't comprehend that I could take care of myself, and there was no explanation that he _would _comprehend. He couldn't change the way he thought. He couldn't change, period. He was a vampire.

I tried to steer the conversation a little. "Are you leaving, then?"

"We are. It's what Carlisle wanted." He lowered his golden eyes to the floor between his feet. "From the moment we learned of Victoria's demise, he attempted to convince me that we should go. If I had listened, then perhaps... out of respect for his memory, I'll obey him now."

"Where will you go?"

"Esme is headed for Volterra," said Edward, "to be part of whatever happens next." He looked out the window—the sky was steel gray, as always—and focused on something only he could see. "Our world needs authority, and with the Volturi gone, _someone _will be stepping in to that power vacuum. Esme wants our hunting habits to have influence—not only for the sake of the other vegetarian vampires, but because Carlisle would have wished it. I believe Rosalie and Emmett intend to stay with her, at least for the time being."

"And you?"

His ghostly face turned dark. "I am going to hunt for Jasper." I made a disbelieving noise, and he held up his hand. "If Jasper had been there, none of this carnage would have occurred. He could have easily used his powers to avert the interest of the Volturi, but instead, he left us to our fates without a backward glance." Cold hatred threaded through his words. "He_ will_ pay for Carlisle's death, as well as the deaths of your father and the wolves."

"But the Volturi are gone, now." That was the bright spot that had gotten me through the last few days; it was what Jacob had repeated to himself during our sleepless nights. "If Jasper had been here... maybe they would have gone back to Italy, but who knows how many other people they would have killed over time." I wet my lips. "Sam and Quil and Carlisle knew what they were dying for. Charlie did too, sort of. Maybe... maybe Jasper made the right decision, even if it was for the wrong reasons."

Edward was unmoved by my words; I knew that a thousand unnamed innocents who may have been saved meant nothing to him when compared to the few faces he'd known. "There is no justification that will save Jasper when I find him," he said. "I _will _locate he and Alice, and when I do, there will be a reckoning."

Privately, I felt absolutely certain he would never find Jasper until Jasper was ready to be found. Maybe there would be a reckoning, but it would be on Jasper's terms, not Edward's. "Good luck with that," I said aloud.

He nodded... and stared at me, unblinking, for the space of several of my breaths. It was such a short while ago, really, that he had been my whole world. So much so that his absence had left me catatonic, anchorless, _broken_.

I would not break, this time.

Edward rose to his feet, and I did as well. Giving me a pained look, he said, "May I... I know that I have no right to ask this, Bella, but may I visit you, one day? Ten, twenty, fifty years from now, it makes no difference to me. It never will."

In fifty years I would be nearly seventy, with white hair and wrinkles and a stooped back. Edward Cullen would not fit into that life. I'd always known it. "I don't think so," I said.

His expression was grieved, but unsurprised. "Then this is goodbye," he murmured as I walked him to the door. Those golden topaz eyes that I had loved so much—that had, in so many ways, made me the person I'd become—searched my face. If they could have filled with tears, I knew they would have. "Bella... know that you will possess my heart for all eternity. Please, remember that."

"I won't forget." I would never forget.

The sound of the hinges creaking shut, of the knob clicking into place, filled my senses and seemed to echo through the entire house. Renée called from the kitchen, "Is he gone?"

I touched my palm to the door. "Yes," I said. "He's gone."

* * *

The La Push funeral I _did _remember.

Five people had died: two in their homes, one in the hospital, and of course Sam and Quil, who had officially lost their lives rescuing others from the fire. A tribal elder whom I'd never met led the service; I didn't know the language, so all I could do was lean into Jacob's side and look at the faces around me. Old Quil sat near the front, his head bowed in grief, unable to speak when the elder motioned to him. A woman who could only be Sam's mother—the resemblance was uncanny—looked nearly comatose. Emily was pale and silent; Leah sobbed into Sue's shoulder. Jacob moved his hand to the small of my back, just under my shirt, and I felt him draw the strength he needed from my skin.

But what made the hour so terrible, what burned the memory of the funeral into my brain for what I was sure would be the rest of my life, was the two-year-old girl crying hysterically in the back row. Finally Claire's father carried her out, but I could still hear her in the parking lot, and I felt the cold clawing through me at the sound.

Afterwards, everyone wandered outside and down the short walk to First Beach, not ready to go home yet but also not sure what to say. Jacob and I spent a few minutes talking to people I barely knew—mostly answering questions about how Billy's recovery was coming—when I spotted Emily hovering over by the old bone-white driftwood tree. Even from a distance I could see how her fingers traced absently against twisted tentacled roots. Less than three months ago Jacob had sat on that very tree and answered the exact questions I'd asked him, as his Alpha had ordered him to do.

I pulled away from the others with a murmur and made my way to Emily's side; she didn't look up as I approached. "I'm sorry," I said quietly.

Emily shrugged. "Everyone keeps telling me how sorry they are," she said. Her voice sounded hollow, lifeless. "What am I supposed to do with all their sorrow? I don't even know what to do with my own."

There was nothing for me to say to that; the grief I suffered was of a different kind. My father was gone, but Jacob still stood alive and whole only two hundred feet away. "Is there anything you need?" I asked, knowing there wasn't, at least not anything _I_ could provide.

She started to shake her head—then smiled wryly. "Well," she said, "if you see Sam's mom drinking out of a bottle in her purse, throw her in the ocean."

"You mean the purse?"

"No, I mean _her_."

"I'll do my best," I promised.

"Good. Thank you." Emily's fingers wrapped around one of the roots and tugged lightly. "I still want to smack her, you know," she said. "That... feeling? The one where you want to kill whatever hurts him?" I nodded, and she continued, "It's still there. It's not gone yet. But it wouldn't be very polite to try to drown your almost-mother-in-law on the day of her son's funeral." Emily was silent for a long moment, then she looked up at me for the first time. "How are _you _doing?"

Now it was my turn to shrug. "I don't know. People keep telling me they're sorry, too. And I've got all this stuff I'm supposed to sort through..." The thought of the pile of papers sitting in Billy's kitchen made me shudder. "My dad's will, his pension, the deed to the house, even things like getting his car insurance transferred into my name..."

"I had to do that when Grandmother died," Emily said. "I'd just turned eighteen and she left me her home. It was a mess. I can help you, if you'd like."

"I can't, you've got so much stuff—"

"It's fine. Please." She swallowed. "It'd be nice to focus on something, you know?"

I _did_ know. "Okay. Thank you." I glanced down the beach, at where Jacob was talking to his sisters. "Rachel and Rebecca will be happy to have their kitchen table back," I said bitterly. "They hate me."

"They don't hate you. Jacob's just their little brother." Emily raised an eyebrow. "It could be worse—imagine Leah's reaction if you'd moved in with Seth."

That didn't even bear _thinking_ about. "I'm going to have to go back to Forks soon, so they'll relax then," I said.

"You don't _have_ to." I frowned in confusion, and Emily looked down. "I know things are different now," she said awkwardly, "but... if you'd like it, you could still come live with me, the way we were planning."

I blinked. "Really? You don't mind?"

"No. I was really looking forward to it, actually... but, just so you know, _you_ might mind." At my questioning look, she gave me a humorless smile. "I'm pregnant."

My eyes widened, and my mouth moved soundlessly for a moment before I managed to say, "Um, congratulations." I hoped that was what she wanted to hear. A _baby_... babies were wonderful things, but there was so much going on right now, so many life changes to deal with...

Emily seemed to follow my line of thought. "Don't tell anyone yet," she cautioned. "I'll let people know in a few weeks, once things have calmed down a little. But even if you only want to stay for a little while, until you figure out what you want to do next, you wouldn't have to worry about three AM screaming until December."

"Right." Now that I knew to look, I could see the early curves of Emily's belly. I wondered if she'd told Sam—then decided not to ask. At least not now. "I'd really like to live with you," I said honestly, "for a few months, anyway. We can figure things out after that."

Her smile was the first genuine one I'd seen that day, which wasn't all that surprising. "Okay, then."

"Okay." I caught a movement out of the corner of my eye—Jacob was motioning to me. "I'm going back," I said. "Do you want to come too?"

Emily glanced over at the crowd of people still standing on the beach. "No," she whispered. "Later, maybe." As I walked away, I realized for the first time that she'd been keeping the scarred side of her face turned away. Sam wasn't there to protect her, anymore; Emily was going to have to interact with the world again.

But maybe she would learn. As my feet shifted in the rocky sand, I noticed that Kim was kneeling near the waves, pointing at something in a tide pool. Claire sat next to her, wet to her waist but no longer crying. In fact, every time Kim patted her on the back and said something in her ear, the little girl's face seemed to lighten fractionally.

If Claire could recover, then so could the rest of us.

* * *

That night, Rachel and Rebecca took their turn at the hospital on what I knew had to be Jake's suggestion. I drew a long, hot bath, my stupid cast still hanging over the side of the tub—I had to wait three more days for the new appointment to have it removed—then dried off, tied up my hair, and padded my way to Jacob's room.

He sat on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands.

I took off my towel without a word.

Later, once it felt like maybe we were both still alive, I asked Jacob tonelessly, "Did I kill Charlie?"

His hand stopped stroking my sweaty back. "What?"

"Did I kill Charlie?" I repeated. The sheets under my cheek were threadbare; I could smell the fabric softener between the fibers. "I was the one who brought everything down on him. If not for me he would never have had anything to do with vampires or werewolves, he'd still be—"

"Aw, honey." Jake hugged me tight, and his warmth soaked into my chest. "Don't, okay? It wasn't your fault."

I laughed hollowly. "Jake, you _have _to say things like that—"

"No, it's true. Look." He pulled me up closer—he was _so_ much bigger than I was—until I could rest my chin against his shoulder and his lips brushed my ear. "Sam phased before you ever came to Forks," he murmured. "And vampires were already passing through. The Italian bloodsuckers found out about us because we killed the black-haired leech. They would have come no matter what, and your dad would have run down here to help. Nothing would have stopped him, you know that."

"But Laurent came back because Victoria asked him to. Because of me." If I'd never gone to play baseball with the Cullens in the first place, if I'd never met James—

"You didn't ask for any of that, Bells. You _didn't_. None of this happened because you fought all the time, or didn't listen to what people were trying to tell you—" his voice grew thick "—or tried to dodge your responsibilities and thought you knew better..."

Sometimes I wondered if we had enough comfort to give one another. If there was even enough comfort in the world. "If you hadn't left," I whispered, wrapping my arms around his neck and tangling my legs in his, "then you would have been at the battle and La Push would have burned down. Do you think Sam would have wanted that?"

"No."

"Well, then." We were as close as two people could get, but still I wanted to be closer, to give more, to take more. _Mine._"I love you, Jacob."

"I love you too," he mumbled. My neck was wet where his face was pressed against it. "I wish I'd never dragged you into this."

"That wasn't your fault, either." Jacob couldn't help the imprint any more than Sam could, or Quil, or Jared—

—and there was something that might make him feel better. "Hey, wait," I said, squirming away a little so that I could look him in the face and smile. "So, tell me: What's your big plan to beat the imprint? No Muggles around now."

My joke fell flat; Jacob rolled away, staring up at the ceiling with a grim expression. "Don't worry about it," he muttered. "I should never have said anything in the first place."

"What? Why not?"

"It doesn't matter anymore."

"_What_ doesn't matter?"

"Seriously, Bells. Not important."

Irritation flowered bright and hot in my chest. "_Tell me_," I snapped.

An instant later, I didn't know what felt worse: the fact that I had given the order, or the fact that Jacob didn't seem surprised to receive it. I'd watched Emily give Sam orders lots of times... and neither of them had ever even paused. Apparently, Jake and I were sliding down that same slope.

"I was going to stop phasing," Jacob said quietly.

I shelved my dismay for the time being and raised myself onto my elbows. Jake's face was lit by the sliver of moonlight coming in from above the curtains. "You can do that?"

"In theory," he said. "The legends say so, anyway. I was stuck on those planes with Jasper _forever _and all I could think about was you, and how I could make this better... and I thought, maybe if I stopped, and I wasn't so much of a wolf anymore... even if the imprint didn't go away, maybe it would be weaker. Be less of who we are."

My mind tried to turn through this new concept, even as the imprint pull inside me started to shudder in protest—_no no mine his no!_"But what about the rest of the Pack?" I said.

Jake glanced over and smiled sadly. "Sam told me not to come back," he said. "If I stopped phasing he wouldn't have to deal with me anymore, so... I figured he'd be the idea's biggest fan."

"But he's gone," I said slowly, understanding now why Jacob had said it didn't matter anymore. "And you have to be Alpha."

"Yep." Empty, defeated resignation rolled off of Jacob in waves. "Paul's been handling stuff while I've been distracted with Dad," _and you, _he didn't say, because he didn't have to, "but that's gotta stop. I've put this off for way too long. I hate the imprint, and I love you—"

"—but you have responsibilities," I completed.

_You're going to have to learn to share,_Sam had said.

When I nuzzled back into Jacob's embrace, the thrumming thing inside—the part that wasn't human, the part that wasn't _me_—purred with satisfaction. "It'll be okay," I whispered. "We'll be okay."

Jake's chest rose and fell as he took a shuddering breath, and his fingers came up to touch my face—across my forehead, down my nose, brushing my cheeks in a pattern I now recognized. Then he moved over me, followed the same pattern with his lips, and held my body against his for the rest of the night.

* * *

The next morning, Rachel and Rebecca called with the good news: Billy was being released from the hospital in only a few hours. Jacob drove off to Forks to help, leaving me to wonder where my place in the world was now, and if I would ever get my feet underneath me again.

I decided to go rummage in the kitchen and see what diabetic-friendly but filling stuff I could find to make supper for everyone. I hadn't looked at much before the screen door slammed; I came out into the living room to see Paul standing awkwardly in the doorway, looking like he wanted to walk right back out. "Hi," I said, startled. "Are you looking for Jake?"

"Yeah, but he's not here, is he." He wasn't asking, but I shook my head no anyway. Paul grimaced. "I'm still getting used to this finding people thing. I thought he was around—but I should've known it felt different. I guess it was because _you're_ here being all imprint-y or whatever."

His harsh tone made me fidget nervously. "Do you want to sit down?" I gestured at the couch. "I was just going to make some lunch—"

"No," he said shortly.

So much for that. I kept hoping that sooner or later Paul would like me, or at least not _dis_like me quite so much, but that didn't seem to be happening. Even if he didn't want to be friends, though... "Listen, I want to thank you."

Paul gave me a wary look. "For what?" he said suspiciously.

"For being acting Alpha," I explained. "This last week... it's been really rough on everyone. It has to have been rough on you, too." Sam and Quil has been _his_ brothers, same as Jacob's. "So I just... thank you. For giving Jake a chance to breathe before taking over. He needed it." I swallowed and looked down at the floor. "_I _needed it."

"Whatever." Paul's bare feet shifted, like he couldn't wait to get away as fast as he could. "It's no big deal."

"It _is_ a big deal," I insisted. Maybe I couldn't make Paul like me, but I had to at least make him understand how grateful I was. "You know how much Jake and I hate this—"

"_Everyone_ knows how much you and Jake hate this."

"—and having these few days to just... learn to accept things..." My words were failing me. "We got this time where it was still a _little_ bit about being Jacob and Bella instead of being the Alpha and an imprint, and no phasing or wolf stuff and that means so... please, Paul, it _is_ a big deal. _Thank you._"

When I glanced back up, Paul was staring at me with an expression I didn't understand. I wondered if I had just made things worse, somehow—though how this could have been worse than seeing him throw up in Emily's bushes, I wasn't sure—when he looked back out onto the porch sharply. A moment later I heard the sound of the Rabbit's tires crunching against gravel.

"There he is," I said, smiling.

"Yeah," said Paul. "There he is."

We both went out into the yard; Jacob was alone, pulling a duffel bag out of the trunk of the car. "Billy's stuff," he said unnecessarily, tossing the bag onto the porch. "Rach and Beck are getting him discharged, they'll be on their way soon."

He cut off as Paul walked down the steps with a nod. "Jake," Paul said.

"Hey." I felt Jacob's unhappiness like a physical reaction; it was _my_ heart that slowed, _my_ shoulders than slumped. But I also felt his determination in my spine as Paul came up to him. "Okay," he said, "I don't know how this works. Are we supposed to shake on it, or something?" He put out his hand—

—and Paul slapped it aside. "Fuck you," he spat.

I gasped.

"What's your problem?" Jacob demanded, looking floored.

"_You're_ my problem." This time he shoved Jake backwards; Jake was too stunned to dodge, and he slipped unevenly in the mud. "You think you get to lead because of, what, some damn bloodline? _Destiny?_ Sam might've believed that, but _I don't_."

"What the hell are you talking—"

"Do I need to spell it out for you, Jake? _I'm_ Alpha now, and I'm _not_ stepping aside."

My mouth worked soundlessly in disbelief. Jacob's face reflected the same shocked incredulity, along with growing anger. "Paul, what do you think you're doing?"

Paul shoved him again. This time Jake's feet were planted and he didn't move an inch; a snarl emerged from his throat, and I found myself grabbing the duffel bag, ready to throw it at Paul's head. Paul ignored us both. "It's for the good of the Pack, dumbass. Maybe _you_ haven't been paying attention, but _I_ have. Imprints are a liability. I'm sure as hell not going to watch the Pack be led by _another _wolf whose brain turns to mush whenever a girl stubs her toe."

Jacob's face turned red. "Don't talk about Sam like that," he snapped. "He was a good Alpha—"

"Like you ever noticed," Paul retorted. "You and Sam and Quil and Jared, scrambling everyone's minds every six seconds—no. The hell with that. Maybe there was a time that imprints were good for us, but they're not anymore." He paused. "In fact, I think you should quit phasing _period_. I'm gonna tell Jared the same thing. Maybe I'll even _order_ him."

"Are you _crazy?_" shouted Jacob. He was starting to shake. "Just because I thinking— there's not enough _people_, Paul—"

"Collin and Brady are going to phase any day." Paul tapped his temple. "I can feel it, up here. Between them, me, Leah, Seth, and Embry, that's more than enough. We killed the leech in the meadow with just five. And you really think another band of bloodsuckers is gonna come sweeping back through here, when they hear about how we wiped out their kings and queens? No, Jake, I think we'll manage _just fine_ without you."

I watched as Jacob's fists clenched and unclenched, as a whole war was fought beneath his skin. "It's _my _responsibility," he said finally, the words coming through gritted teeth. "I'm not just gonna force it onto you or someone else. I did that to Sam. I won't do it again."

Paul leaned in close to Jacob, and his entire shape ripped—but he kept control. "I'm not asking your permission," he growled. "If you want to be Alpha, you can fight me for it—but I'll win. You don't want this. _I do._"

Jacob hesitated, and for a moment, the outline of his body blurred into the misty air... but then he pressed his fists to his temples as I'd seen him do so many times before. His frame returned to its stable, human form. "Okay," he said, the word seeming to stick in his throat. "Okay."

"Smart choice." Paul backed up and glanced at the tree line. "I've got stuff to handle," he said, "but I'll see you around, and if I catch you phasing I'll kick your ass."

"Okay," Jacob muttered. He seemed disoriented, like a box of shaken puzzle pieces. "I... thanks."

Paul snorted. "I'm not doing it for _you_."

Once he was gone, Jacob and I just looked at each other, completely at a loss.

* * *

A few days later I watched as the doctor cut through my cast. "There we go," he said, pulling away the end of the plaster and giving me a quick smile. "Wiggle around and see how it feels, Bella."

I stretched my fingers, and then curled them. They were fine. Completely healed.

I'd broken them on Sam's face.

On my wrist, pale even against my pale skin, was the shiny half-moon where James had bitten me and Edward had sucked the venom from my blood.

And the burns from Victoria mottling my left palm.

Charlie had sat by my bedside after each injury.

"You have quite a few scars, don't you?" said the doctor pleasantly, looking at my hands.

"Yeah," I said...

...and I burst into tears.

* * *

**_Coming Soon_**_: Life_

_**Sanity Update, Audrey Edition**: This is late because I had three Christmas dinners with family and getting into fights about Maggie Thatcher is not good for the creative writing process, unless you are writing 'Billy Eliot', which I was not._

_Because I suspect people will wonder and I don't want to leave it open-ended: No. Paul does not imprint on Rachel. This is not because he never sees Rachel, nor is it because his affection for Bella stops it from happening. The imprint does not occur because - for once - I am flatly rejecting canon. It is not for the convenience of the story. It is because the imprinting was **incredibly stupid**. There was absolutely **no** point to it in canon - nothing was accomplished, nothing was gained, no plot points were moved forward, no characters were developed. It. Was. Dumb. Also, in my slowly-developed head canon, Rachel is gay (I do not know why) which would add a whole extra level of squick to the process. Anyway, the point is, there is no sneaky story-deviation plot reason for the change. It is simply me giving my middle finger to Stephenie Meyer._

_Only the epilogue left, guys._


	24. Epilogue: Life

_it's ashes to ashes, but always the ocean / but the ocean can't come to this town / this town is a song about you  
Dar Williams, "The Ocean"_

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**Epilogue - Life**

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**(Bella)**

Waves crashing into the shore sounded different in Florida than it did in Washington. Maybe it was the sand being fine instead of rocky; maybe it was the temperature difference of the water. All things considered, the reason didn't matter all that much—even after five days, I had yet to adjust to the alteration. And the noise of the ocean wasn't the only distinction between the two locales; I leaned back and tilted my face upward to catch as much of the Jacksonville sunshine as I could. Here, on my mother's deck, late November rivaled Forks in high summer.

I reveled in the warmth.

My cell phone rang a cheery tune; I dug into my sarong's pocket, which hung over the back of my lawn chair, then angled the screen into shadow so I could read the display. _Emily Young._"Hello?"

"I can't reach the back burner of the stove," Emily said peevishly. "Help."

I limited myself to a smile; a snicker would lead to unpleasant consequences when I returned. "I'll be back soon," I reminded her.

"I'm going to the hospital and demanding a c-section."

"You only have two weeks left. You can make it."

"No, I can't."

"Yes, you can."

"Bah." And she hung up on me with a click.

I set the phone down on the glass side table, unoffended by her rudeness. My roommate was enormous these days and had every right to be in a bad mood. In spite of the ultrasounds clearly showing only one healthy little boy, the Pack still had a pool running on whether it would turn out to be twins; at first Emily had found it amusing, but now anyone who made even the _slightest _joke about pregnancy was whacked mercilessly with a wooden spoon.

At least, in spite of her complaining, I didn't have to worry about Emily being all right. She'd gotten better at leaving the house. The more the community saw her, the more used to her face the people became, so they didn't stare as much, which in turn led to her not being as self-conscious about going out. And the combined impact of Sam's death, plus Leah's reconciling with her, had almost erased Emily's pariah status.

The thing that had driven Leah and Emily apart brought them back together; their love of Sam, and their grief over his loss. There were many times I'd come home from my classes at Peninsula to find them together in the kitchen, eating muffins and crying—though Emily insisted it was hormones and Leah claimed allergies.

Then Leah would glare in my direction and leave. She still referred to me as the 'leech-lover', though she seemed to have mellowed out overall now that she was Beta of the Pack—and, it was suspected though not confirmed, in some sort of bickering-yet-mutually beneficial relationship with Paul, who still avoided me but was by all reports doing an excellent job as Alpha. Nor did Rebecca care for my presence in La Push, in that nothing would convince her that I hadn't seduced her baby brother and led him down a path of educational neglect and general debauchery. Old Quil, in addition, was still known to grumble under his breath about bloodlines whenever we passed each other in the street.

I was simply not destined to be friends with everyone.

But Emily and I got along well—_so_ well, in fact, that I'd decided keep staying with her for the time being. She still needed a lot of support, both emotionally _and_ financially. My rent was helping to pay the bills. She'd tried to refuse the money, but I had insisted; I could afford it, after selling Charlie's house. The couple who had bought it had paid easily ten thousand under value, but I didn't care. I could never live there again. And while it wasn't a fortune, my savings account would give me enough independence to finish college free and clear, and even start my life with a small cushion if I was careful.

And there were other reasons to stay with Emily. I was looking forward to meeting the baby. I hoped he would look like Sam.

There was a light scraping noise as the glass doors slid open behind me. A moment later Renée asked, "Bella? Do you want mesclun, or should I steam some spinach?"

I did my best to keep from grimacing—health food was all well and good, but Renée was out of control even by _my_ standards. "Either one's fine, Mom."

"All right. I'm thinking spinach, it'll go best with the yams." She hesitated, then added tentatively, "I heard your phone. Was it Jacob?"

"No," I answered.

"Ah. Well... that's fine then." The worry in my mother's voice was clear and obvious. "Just so you know—if you want to talk, baby, I'm here."

"Sure, sure." The doors scraped shut again; I leaned back again and closed my eyes with a sigh. Renée wouldn't understand. Phil called her to let her know when he was on his way home from the grocery store. I didn't think I'd seen more than three hours pass without them contacting each other.

I couldn't explain to her that I wasn't having a fight with my boyfriend; rather, I was conducting an experiment.

There was a rattling buzz as my cell vibrated against the table. I picked it up; Jessica's message read: _OMG TEXTS. So much DRAMA._

It seemed less than prudent to mention that Jessica was the _queen_ of texts, so I just replied: _Problems?_

_E&M again. NO TIME FOR THIS BS. I have PAPERS._

_They should wait until after finals to profess their love._

_IKR?_

I set the phone aside again, and smiled. It was wrong, but I couldn't help it; I kind of enjoyed the fact that someone _else's_ love life was the difficult one.

Things had indeed turned out complicated for Jessica. She and Mike, of course, had their on-again, off-again history—but apparently sometime during my kidnapping, Embry had entered the equation. Nothing had come of it aside from friendship, however, until Billy's revelation that he was Embry's father.

Personally, I was still undecided as to whether or not Billy had made the right choice; Emily's words from very long ago still echoed in my head: _Sometimes, when you love someone, you don't tell them everything._ But Embry had been in pieces following the deaths of Quil and Sam, not knowing whether or not he had just lost a _literal_ brother in addition to metaphorical ones, and after several weeks Billy had finally told him the truth—to the shock of Embry, the dismay of Ms. Call, and the pained fury of the Black children.

Bridges were mended as the months went by—recent events had made everyone disinclined to give up their families over mistakes of the past—but Jessica, having never had contact with her _own_ father, emerged as Embry's primary support. As she had chattered to me during our girls' nights, I'd wondered whether everyone had seen the same thing between Jacob and I back when we'd been doing nothing more than repairing motorcycles. But Jessica's attraction to Embry didn't seem to lessen her one to Mike—who had, after all, shoved Tyler Crowley into a punch bowl.

And now—thanks to the miracle of Skype—it didn't matter that Jessica lived in New York; the love triangle was not at all weakened by distance. No one seemed to be in a state of emotional collapse, though, so I could watch in voyeuristic fascination without feeling guilty about it.

"Dinner's ready, baby," Renée announced, walking out to the deck again. I opened my eyes and glanced over at her; she was looking down at the phone eagerly. "Was _that_ Jacob?"

"No."

Her face fell. "Oh. Well... are you ready to eat? If you're not, I can just keep the tofurky warm in the oven—"

"That's all right," I said. "I'll just be another minute." To be honest, vegan food was not my idea of a Thanksgiving meal. When I was younger, Renée had roasted real turkeys. Things had been different, back then...

...and things were different today, too.

Renée sat down on the deck chair next to me and sighed heavily. "Are you missing Charlie?"

I swallowed against the lump that had suddenly developed in my throat. "I keep trying to remember last Thanksgiving," I admitted, "but I can't." The previous holiday had been during the time I'd been lost in a fog after Edward's departure; four whole months with my father of which I had no recollection.

The thought made me want to cry all over again.

After several moments of silence, Renée reached over and took my hand, squeezing my fingers gently. "You know," she said, "that first Thanksgiving after you were born, he tried to feed you pumpkin pie. You were only ten weeks old, but you gummed the whole slice down anyway. He was so proud."

The ocean swam in my vision as I blinked back my tears. "And that was the only one he got with us as a family," I mumbled.

Renée sighed. "Bella—"

"Mom,_ why_ did you leave him?" I burst out. The question had been growing in my mind for the entire visit, turning my pain into resentment—then a pang of worry struck me, and I checked over my shoulder, just in case my step-father had made a sudden appearance in the yard. He hadn't. "I mean, I like Phil and everything," I added, "but he's not _Dad_."

Charlie was gone, and even six months later, I couldn't imagine _anyone _willingly giving him up.

My mother still smiled, but it had gone a little twisted at the edges. Then she blew out a breath and looked away from me for a long minute; I'd never seen her take so much time to consider her words. "Your father was the best person I ever knew, Bella," she finally said. "The thing is, baby... sometimes the perfect man isn't the _right _man."

After a long moment of silence, I admitted, "I understand that now."

* * *

Two days later I was back in Sea-Tac, headed through the labyrinth of terminals towards the security checkout. I'd spent a whole week away from La Push, and hadn't heard from Jacob Black even once.

I suspected he was in the building, though. A tiny vibration in my bones gave away his presence.

He'd promised he would wait at home for me to arrive.

He had broken that promise.

And as I saw his tall frame standing next to the baggage claim, his hands in his jeans pockets, watching as suitcase after suitcase slid slowly down the metal chute, I couldn't think of anything better in the world than broken promises.

I wasn't any closer than fifty feet away when he perked up and turned around; he didn't even have to scan the crowd to find me. A moment later I was swept off the floor into a crushing hug, my ribs nearly cracking under the strength of his embrace, and felt his kisses against my hair. I heard passersby muttering to themselves about public displays of affection; I ignored their comments, and merely hugged Jacob back as hard as I possibly could, completely unchagrined.

When I had enough room to breathe—though no will to step away—I murmured against the fabric of his shirt, "Were you okay?"

"Yeah," he whispered back, nuzzling his face against the top of my head. "Were you cold?"

"No." Not that that meant his heat wasn't the best thing I had felt in seven days. "But I missed you."

"Missed you too," Jacob said as his relieved pleasure soaked into my skin. "You smell good." I laughed, and then he confessed to me, "You might still be my soul mate, though. You think?"

I did. If the imprint had done any good, had proven anything to me, it was that. "It's great that being separated worked," I said, "but... let's not do it again, all right?"

"Definitely not," he agreed.

And we didn't.

_the end._

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_**Final Sanity Update (Mera Edition)**: Hooray for happy endings!_

_**Side Note**: I'll be posting the link to the Breaking Dawn format-compliant .pdf in a few days for anyone who wants it._

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**A/N**: There's really no need for an epically long Author's Note because most of my thoughts are in The Movement of the Earth (and also, I am tired). That being said, several years ago I read the book Prime Candidate by Gordon Cotler; it's not actually very good, but I've always liked this one quote:

_Poppy Hancock came out of the campaign with her reputation pretty much intact. While she had failed to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear, she had, as one pundit observed, at least managed to fashion Herb Turnbull into a pretty fair plastic pocketbook._

If these stories made the plot of the Twilight Saga into a plastic pocketbook, then that's about all I can ask for.

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**Thanks**: The first thanks, of course, has to go to **Mera Naam Joker**, who ghost-wrote the second half of the story. It would _not_ have gotten finished without her, and in spite of the fact that towards the end I was getting more and more tweak-tastic with my original outline and started dismantling all her hard work, she _never got mad_. I owe her my sanity, except I can't imagine that she'd want to touch it with a ten foot pole, so I'll have to make fudge or something. You're not allergic to nuts, right, sweetheart?

Second thanks goes to **gypseian**, who podficced along the way and put up with my absurd scheduling. As soon as I get Leah-voice back, that's totally going to be wrapped up and available for download. I owe her some awesome mixing software, if I knew what kind to get or could afford it.

Obviously, though, biggest thanks goes to the folks reading this. You stuck with both The Movement of the Earth and The Fire of the Sun through Meyer-voice, through refusal to write a sequel, through wishy-washy flip-flopping, through a six month hiatus, through an author switch, through character death and a lack of explicit sex, through frustrating flow due to book structure rather than fic structure, and most importantly, through the most _melodramatic, childish, egotistical, green-sliming temper tantrums in the history of Twi-fic._ I have not been pleasant company throughout this series, and you're all candidates for sainthood for hanging in there until the end. So whether you were reading for the story, the experiment, or both, I give you all mass snorgles.

With regards to Stephenie Meyer... I'll make a deal with her. She can have my thanks just as soon as my fourteen-year-old cousin stops explaining how romantic she (my cousin) finds the canon events of Volterra. I think that's fair.

'Til next time, y'all.

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_**Final Side Note**: It's been exactly one year since story karma cut off part of my finger, and **it still fucking hurts.**_


	25. PDF: aka Dammit, where is that wingding?

For anyone who is interested, a canon-format-compliant version of The Fire of the Sun is now available for download in .pdf format.

http (colon-slash-slash) audreyii-fic (dot) livejournal (dot) com (slash) 35318 (dot) html

I don't even know what to say about my anal-retentive tendencies on this one, aside from offering a general apology and offer of cake to my poor, down-trodden spouse, who would really like the computer to be used for good instead of OCD Twi-evil.


End file.
